Title: Turn My Sorrow into Treasure Gold

Author: Ashley

Disclaimer: Glee…I wish I owned the characters but I don't sadly

Rating: M

Summary: A confrontation between Jesse/Rachel after the New York Nationals.

Timeline: Post-Nationals

Chapter 2

One Week.

It's been one week since winning Nationals.

It's been one week since her and Finn had professed their love to one another and had gotten back together.

And it's been one week since Jesse had confessed that he was still in love with her.

Jesse.

Rachel didn't know why, but ever since the confrontation that they had, she has been unable to get him out of her mind. Her thoughts ran wild wondering where he was and what he was doing. She assumed he went back to Los Angeles, but to what, she didn't know. He had told her that he had been kicked of UCLA, so she wondered what he did with his time.

It was ridiculous, she knew.

She was happy. She could honestly say that. No, she didn't have a National title, but she felt like the loss that her and her friends experienced had only brought them closer together and just made them that much more determined to work harder than they ever have before, to ensure a first place win at Nationals next year.

Then there was Finn.

Finn has been truly amazing. Since getting back together, she could truthfully say that she felt a shift in him. He was more attentive with her to the point that he seemed to be taking interests in areas of her life that he didn't before. He sat with her when she watched Funny Girl, her all time favorite film, and even though he wasn't able to repeat back the lines like she could, she found that he generally enjoyed the film, and made an effort to learn about her loves and try to share the same passion that she did.

So for the life of her, she couldn't understand why she couldn't get Jesse out of her mind.

That day, after he had left, after he had sung softly those six words to her as he turned to leave, she had felt like a piece of her was walking away with him. She was dramatic. She knew that she was, but it literally felt like there was a hole in her stomach. She literally had to grab onto it as she tried desperately not to cry and allow Jesse to bring her any more anguish then he already had.

However, the truth was, she couldn't blame Jesse solely on how things ended. She was the one to ignore his texts when she went to New York. It was her who completely disregarded him when he came to see her and the Glee club perform, and it was her who said those hateful comments to him.

Did she regret what she said? No. She could honestly say she didn't. While she didn't regret them, she did regret in the manner in which she had said them.

It was true that he had broken her heart, and it was true that she was now with Finn and that she was happy. She hadn't lied. She had just finally brought to light exactly how she felt about Jesse working his way into her life, making her fall in…

She paused, catching herself. She wouldn't admit that she loved him. She couldn't. However, if she was being honest with herself, if she made herself believe that what she had with Jesse was nothing more than an afterthought, then she would be able to give herself fully to Finn without feeling as if she was betraying him, and she could fully let go and let her mind focus on moving forward with a life without Jesse St. James, a life she was destined to have.

"Have I mentioned lately how much I love you?" Finn asked suddenly as he looked down at his girlfriend, his weight stopping Rachel in the middle of the side walk as they walked hand in hand to the local Lima music store to find songs that they could use for a brand new set list for Nationals.

Finn groaned slightly when she mentioned it, informing her that Nationals wasn't for another year and they would have to get through Sectionals and Regionals again to get to there, but to that, Rachel simply stated that it was never too early to start getting ideas and to start fine tuning their performances.

Finn simply smiled at her as he gave in, letting her know that her quirks and her outlook on life was one of the things that made him love her so much. When Finn said things like that, when she saw that he was truly accepting her for who she was, it was moments like that that allowed her to feel at ease that she had made the right decision.

Rachel blushed slightly, bringing her head down as a smile spread across her face. "Not today." She whispered shyly as Finn leaned down and kissed her.

Rachel wasn't a big fan of PDA, but the things that Finn was able to make Rachel feel with just one kiss was powerful enough to make her forget where they were. As Finn pulled away, Rachel bit her lip to keep herself for giggling like a school girl. She was so happy she could hardly contain it.

Seeing the music store in sight, Finn intertwined their fingers together as they walked. He was currently going on about football next year and how they were going to crush the competition next season, so she wasn't surprised when he wasn't paying attention to the scenery around them.

And at that moment, she desperately wished she wasn't either.

Her heart stopped beating.

She was sure of it.

There, coming out of Lima's local liquor store was Jesse St. James, two large paper brown bags clasped to his chest as he held them with his arms for support. She at that moment wished she had more than Finn's hand for support as she felt her knees start to buckle. All of the sudden, she started to panic knowing what would happen if Finn saw Jesse. Even though she was with him, she knew it wouldn't stop Finn from becoming jealous even at the mere thought of Jesse still being in the same town as them.

Swallowing hard and allowing her confused thoughts be pushed aside as to why Jesse was still in Lima, and why, and how, he was able to get alcohol at the age of nineteen, she started walking faster, cutting Finn off as she quickly turned and shoved his body towards the music store.

Glancing discreetly across the street, she watched as Jesse got into his car that no kid at the age of nineteen should have, and grab one of the bags, taking a good long sip from it before closing his eyes, resting his head against the head rest behind him before starting the car and pulling out.

She released a breath she didn't know she was holding as Finn stopped her movements.

"Whoa, Rachel," he laughed. "What's the hurry? And when did you get so strong?" He asked with humor laced in his voice as he encompassed his arms around his petite girlfriend."Maybe you should try out for the football team."

"I, um…" She stammered, her brain working a mile a minute for how to answer. Taking a chance, she simply brought her arms to his chest and smiled. "I'm just anxious to get this done because the sooner we are, the sooner we can go back to my house. My dad's are out of town for a week for a medical convention, so I thought we could bring the songs we have chosen back to my place, rehearse them and then…" She shrugged as she smiled wickedly up at him, "Who knows?"

Rachel laughed watching Finn's eyes widened, a bright smile forming on his face at her implications.

She couldn't help the giggle that she has been trying to hold in as he grabbed her hand and practically lifted her off the ground as they bought raced inside.

Her thoughts of Jesse gone, but not forgotten.

The next day, Rachel had made it her mission to find out exactly what was going on with Jesse.

It was never her intention too. However, it appeared that her brain wouldn't shut off long enough to allow her any real sleep. All these thoughts were going on in her head.

What was Jesse still doing here?

How long was he staying here for?

Although, the biggest question and concern for her was, what was Jesse doing at a liquor store, and even worse, why did he take a drink before starting the car and heading home.

She knew Jesse.

She knew that he would never allow anything to stand in his way of getting on Broadway and becoming a big star. He would never do anything that would intentionally harm him. He was to smart and determined to allow alcohol to impair his driving.

If she had one flaw, it was that she was too curious for her own good. She was never going to be able to sleep or move on with her life until she found out what was going on with him. So, giving one of her best performances of her life, she told Finn that she was wasn't feeling well and that she was going to have to break their date for that night. That being a girl, there are certain times of the month that she needed to deal with privately, times of the month that, by being a boy, he wouldn't understand.

She gave herself a gold star when Finn gave little fight after that.

She felt bad about lying to Finn, lying to her boyfriend, but she felt like even though things were resolved with Jesse, at least, as resolved as they were going to be, she needed to find out what was happening with him in order to move on. And to be honest, even though her heart did belong with Finn, she once cared very deeply for Jesse. Yes, she realizes that she told Jesse that it was always about Finn, however, deep down, she knew that wasn't true.

He just didn't need to know that.

Rachel knew his address in Akron because even though the majority of the time she spent with Jesse was at his uncle's in Lima, Jesse did mention where his parents house was located. She didn't know if that was where he was staying, but she was taking a chance that it was. He was nineteen, and jobless, so she assumed that was where he was.

Making her to Akron, she thought about what she was going to say to him, what possible legitimate reason she had to show up on his doorstep. She kept thinking he might slam the door in her face, if he'd laugh at her, or yell, or something just as dramatic.

She wasn't known as a drama queen for nothing.

She felt herself breathe out a sigh of relief seeing no gate that lead up the driveway. She had seen it in movies that the rich always had a gate that blocked out intruders from entering, so letting her imagination run away with her; she pictured Jesse having one as well, so she was grateful that he didn't. She didn't know how she was going to get past it if he did.

Pulling up to his house, Rachel could feel her breathing become shallow. This was not a house.

This was a mansion.

She knew that Jesse was rich, at least his parents were, but she had never fully comprehended it till now, looking upon it with her own eyes.

The mansion was made out of gray brick, the roof a grayish blue that complimented the house nicely. Some parts of the house, the roof had a triangle tip whereas some were flattened on top. The windows had white shutters surrounding it, a nice accent and compliment to the rest of the house. Taking a closer look, she could see there were other, smaller looking buildings that extended throughout the property and guessed those must be guesthouses for when people stayed over. The house, she thought, could fit her home at least three times over.

Pulling up, she saw that Jesse's car was parked in the driveway. She saw other cars as well parked next to his, and she hoped that no one else was home. She didn't think this plan through, she knew, she didn't count on other people being here when she confronted him on what she saw, but she went with her impulse and just hoped that it didn't backfire on her.

Stepping out of her car, she made her way up the stone walkway, the doors black with tinted windows. She was about to ring the doorbell when she saw that the right side of the double door was slightly ajar. Biting her lower lip, she hesitantly pushed the door open, the hinges creaking at the force, thinking this way he had no chance to slam the door in her face if she didn't announce her presence, and made her way inside.

"Jesse." She called out as quietly, stopping in what she thought was the foyer.

Looking around her, the sheer size of the house was breathtaking. Looking up, the centerpiece was a magnificent chandelier that shined a rainbow of colors as the sun kissed the diamond looking glass. She noted that there was a grand, black and white staircase that led up to the second floor and realized that is how he must stay so fit, just walking up and down those stairs everyday is worth the amount of time she spends on her elliptical, but the art is what truly caught her attention. Her eyes took in everything from Van Gogh to Picasso, to Monet. Gazing upon a particular Monet painting, the water lilies capturing her attention, she suddenly heard a loud crash from somewhere in the house, the sound loud as it bounced off the walls, making her whip her head to the left. With bated breath she slowly followed the sound.

"Jesse." She called again, her voice rising as it echoed, her eyes searching for any sign of him. Looking to her right, she could tell there was another long hallway and made her down it. All the lights were off except for one room that had a dim, golden light, illuminating from underneath.

Thinking that was the best place to start looking, she hesitantly again, opened the door and gasped at the sight before her.

Her eyes settling on the ground first, she brought her hand up to her mouth seeing broken glass everywhere. Accompanying that were books that were teared to shreds as well as cds and papers that were littered across his floor.

Looking up, she could see posters that were hanging on by masking tape and some parts that weren't so lucky that lay shredded on the floor. If she had to guess, this was Jesse's room. The posters, from what she could make out, were Broadway plays, everywhere from Wicked to West Side Story.

Her eyes then settled on a king-sized bed that was tucked in the corner of the room with a window that was half way opened next to it.

Finally, her eyes settled on the one thing that has kept her awake the past night.

There, in all his glory, was Jesse St. James, his right cheek lying against the golden colored pillow that gave him a soft glow, his arm settled against the bed towards the floor, a bottle of vodka that laid directly under his hand on the floor.

Now that she thought about it, most of the glass on the floor was bottles of alcohol that she assumed he had consumed himself.

Rachel shook her head as if trying to clear it, not understanding what she was seeing in front of her.

Since when did Jesse drink?

She thought about leaving, not feeling as confident as she had when she first decided to confront him, but she knew her curiosity wasn't going to go away, and this, seeing this sight in front of her, it just added to her curiosity instead of quenching it.

Lifting her head up in determination, she carefully made her way across the room, avoiding the glass as much as possible and felt her heart stop as she took a good long look at him.

He looked a little pale, a sharp contrast to the liveliness of color that was usually on his cheeks. His eyes were closed, but she could see that sleep had eluded him like it did her by the tint of blue and purple that lay under his eyes.

Bringing her right hand down slowly, she reached for his curls that fell against his forehead. She felt her fingers tingle and retract, pausing, but finally allowed herself to touch him as she brushed his loose curls away from his face.

Gazing upon him with a tilt of her head, she felt her stomach tighten and her breathing become shallow at the feel of his soft skin underneath her fingertips and was slightly startled by her reaction to his nearness that she was not willing to address anytime soon.

Before she could do anything else, she gasped as she felt Jesse's arm come up as he grabbed her around her wrist. She tried to retract, but his grip remained firm.

Through half-lidded eyes, Jesse looked up and took her in and she felt like she was burning up from the inside.

"Rachel?" Jesse's voice was hoarse and quiet as he spoke, his grip loosening. "How did you… when did you…?"

"I… I um…" She mumbled as she watched him sit up, blushing slightly at his bare chest. "Your door was opened."

Crinkling his forehead, he took a moment to let her words sink in. "I still don't understand," He asked slowly. "What are you doing here?"

"I," she began slowly, "I wanted to talk to you." She paused. She watched as he grabbed for his head, most likely feeling heavy from the hangover he undoubtedly had. "However, clearly seeing that you are currently indisposed at the moment, I feel a later date in time will be more suitable for this conversation." With that, she turned to leave.

"Wait a minute." He quickly called out running after her, his hand slamming the door shut before she is able to leave. "You can't just show up here out of the blue and not even give me an explanation."

Swallowing hard, she looked at him. "Jesse, I would feel more comfortable saying what I came here to say at a later date."

"No, you came here for a reason. You came into my home without permission and then proceeded to watch me sleep."

"I wasn't watching you sleep…" She mumbled under her breath as she lowered her eyes, tucking hair nervously behind her ear.

Jesse breathed out, exasperated. "What are you doing here, Rachel? I would have thought your worn out monologue that Finn was your one and only would have ended any further conversation with you." He said matter-of-factly.

"Jesse," She began slowly."I know that I misled you where my true feelings lie and for that I am sorry, truly I am, and believe me when I say that I wish that I handled things differently."

Jesse sighed, taking a step back as he rubbed his hands against his face. "Rachel, while this impromptu visit has been stimulating, it is sufficed to say that a text message would have done well to what you needed to speak to me about. Although, I can't think of anything else that is left to be said."

"Jesse…"

"Do you love him as much as you loved me?" He asked out of blue, her head spinning slightly at his randomness, his voice laced with conviction, his eyes fixed on hers, making her feel like he was looking straight down into her soul.

"What?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows, her head shaking slightly.

He took another step forward causing her arms to fall down to her sides. He was so close to her that you couldn't put another hand between them.

"You heard me," he whispered. "Do you love him as much as you loved me?"

He was testing her.

She could tell.

She felt, more then saw, his arm raise, his right hand cupping her left cheek as he looked at her. "More so," She informed him, her stance straightening, not letting him gain the upper hand. "Now, as I have previously stated, the reason for me coming here can be dealt with at a later date," She paused. "In fact, I think it is best if we just part here. Sorry for disturbing you. Goodbye, Jesse." She turned to leave.

"Don't run away from me." He grabbed her arms, turning her to face him, her body panting. "Now, I asked you a question. Do you love Finn as much you loved me?"

She looked at him. "Jesse please," She whispered. "Please don't do this."

"Why can't you just answer a simple question?"

"This was a mistake," she muttered. "I should never have come here."

"Then why did you?" He demanded, looking into her eyes.

She hesitated…

She knew why she came here. However, she felt as if scolding him or making him talk about his life would only anger him further. She shouldn't even be here in the first place. Everything that needed to be said was said. She just couldn't let things go.

"I asked you a question, Rachel."

"Jesse…" Rachel tried pulling herself from him, but he just held on tighter.

He was close.

He was too close.

Too many emotions were going through her. This was too much for her. She loved Finn. She knew she did. And by her curiosity getting the better of her, it had led her to this moment, with Jesse right in front of her, holding on as tight as he could, making her admit something she didn't want to admit.

This was a mistake.

Jesse raised his hand and brought it up to her cheek making her gasp at contact, swallowing a lump that formed in her throat. Why was this affecting her so much? She felt him bring his left hand to her the narrow of her waist, holding her still.

Her head was telling her to run, but realized as the scent of his cologne and the scent that solely belonged to Jesse wafted into her nostrils, that her heart was telling her to stay. She stayed still, her body so close to his that she was afraid that any movement that she made would cause the friction that she was so desperately trying to escape. She didn't want to do anything that would encourage him.

But she did.

She wanted so badly to move her hips forward a few inches, to lift her head just a little bit higher so their lips would align, to bring her arms up and encompass him around her body.

This was wrong.

This was so wrong.

She had once lost Finn when she kissed Noah. She had hurt him so deeply and she didn't want to do that again. And at this present time, she couldn't understand why she thought of the time where she almost gave into Noah when she was with Jesse. Noah was there, right there, kissing him would have boosted her popularity at school, popularity that she so desperately craved, but she couldn't.

She couldn't understand how she allowed herself to kiss Noah when with Finn, and not when she was with Jesse. She couldn't understand why her body craved Jesse's touch so much, when once again she was with Finn, the boy that she was dying inside for when she wasn't with him.

Suddenly, she felt Jesse grab her arm and brought it up between them, his fingers slowly climbing up her arm. Glancing at him in confusion, she could see the intense concentration that he had as he touched her. He brought his hand back down again painfully slow and started drawing lazy circles in the palm of her hand, holding her gently as she felt herself swallow hard at the contact.

It felt as if there are sparks of electricity between her skin and his fingertips. He lowered himself closer towards her, her lips mirroring the electricity that she felt flowing between them.

"Jesse," She whispered, her hot breath surrounding them.

"Just…" he huskily began, "Just let me."

She gasped when the friction she wanted to avoid was suddenly made as he gently flushed his body up against hers. His head leaned slightly forward and concentrating solely on his lips with a little crinkle in her forehead, she felt her body melt and tighten all at once as his mouth finally descended upon hers.

They both let out a sigh of relief at contact, their breathing becoming heavier as they greedily took from one another, both of them craving the taste of the other. His lips were soft, yet forceful, plundering her own quickly, his hand moving to tangle into her soft deep brown locks.

Her mind flashed back to the auditorium on stage where he had just so recently kissed her and she felt what she was feeling now. Her stomach tightening, her skin tingling, the air around her so shallow and dense she almost felt like passing out.

She raggedly breathed into his mouth, feeling his tongue playing against her teeth until she fully relaxed into him. She fell limply into his arms, opening her mouth, letting him inside, torturing with a blazing heat she knew she shouldn't want but couldn't seem to resist.

Fireworks…

Earth Shattering…

Volcanic Explosion…

The applause and cheers of a Broadway audience...

Those images came to mind at the taste of him and moaned loudly as he grinded harder against her, gasping as she felt the hard bulge of his obvious erection. The kiss was tender, but had urgency behind it; as if they needed to taste each other or they would die.

"God, I want you fucking so much," he whispered against her lips as he pushed his hands under her top, the heat of his hand making her gasp for breath, her head feeling light as he caressed her stomach, his fingers dancing dangerously underneath and around the outside of her bra. "From the first time I ever saw you, the first time I have ever heard you sing, I wanted to be inside of you." He said as he plundered his tongue once again inside her hot mouth, their tongues dancing with one another, the taste of each other fastly becoming like a drug.

She felt a pulsing at her center that she couldn't describe. She wasn't well-versed in sex, but she wasn't completely oblivious to the feeling, her curiosity having her experiment on herself. Though, the feelings that Jesse was invoking inside of her was a hundred times stronger than anything she has been able to make herself feel in the past. She grabbed for his curls, her nails scratching against his scalp that made him a moan deeply in his throat, the sound shooting down to her core as she pressed her body closer to his. She gasped as he grabbed for her hips, his fingers gripping possesively around her, and grinded, making her throw her head back at the feeling of ecstasy washing over her, his hard cock perfectly align with her pussy and she felt her body shudder realizing if there were no barriers between them, how easily he would be able to slip inside.

The outside world didn't exist as they created a bubble around them, so Rachel crinkled her forehead in confusion when in the furthest part of her mind, she could hear a faint ringing until it felt like it was blaring in her ears as it dawned on her. Her phone was ringing. Without glancing at the name, she knew from the ringtone exactly who was calling.

Finn.

"Oh my god." She gasped as she pulled away.

She could feel Jesse struggle, not wanting to let her go. "Jesse please…" She sternly pleaded his name as she struggled to escape.

Finally, she felt him loosen his grip and her body shook as she moved to her side. She looked desperately at him, her face grief stricken at what she just allowed to happen. "I can't do this. I'm so sorry, Jesse. I should have never have come here. This was a mistake."

Grabbing her bag, she took deep breaths as she tried to calm her body, giving him one more apologetic glance before turning away, not allowing him to get a word in as she literally threw herself out of his house, running to her car and drove away, away from the boy that her body craved, and towards the boy that her heart loved.

Or at least, that is what she kept telling herself, unwillingly letting herself believe that her heart, without her permission, loved Jesse too.

Authors Note: First of all, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed chapter one of this story. You guys convinced me to continue on, so I hope I don't disappoint. I feel like I am going down a road with this story that some people may not like, but, since we know little about Jesse, I am taking the backstory we have gotten on the show and adding on it as well as taking his character and expanding on him in a way that I dont think would be to out of character so, I hope you guys like what I have done so far!

Again, this story is rated M, so please dont be surprised with my descriptions of them together. If sexual situations make you uncomfortable, this is not a story for you. I tend to be detailed and blunt and I dont talk around any sexual content, so please, while reading, keep that in mind. I plan on getting more detailed as this story progresses.

Also, I have a question. Would you guys like to see this story only in Rachel's point of view? Or would you like to read Jesse's as well. I was thinking about just keeping it in Rachel's since this is her journey of accepting herself as well as accepting Jesse, but I was thinking of getting Jesse's point of view in there as well. Maybe I can alternate or just have him once and awhile. I don't know. What do you guy's think?

Once again, I DO NOT have a beta for this story so my grammar is most likely off as well as some of my wording. When writing longer chapter, its easy to miss errors when I reread them over and over again. If anyone would like to volunteer to read over my chapters before I post them, then I would greatly appreciate it. If you have an interest, just pm me and let me know =).

One more thing, my internet may be down for a short while. If that happens, I plan on writing during that time so chapter 3 may take a little bit of time, not to much I hope, but I promise, I have ever intention of writing even if my internet is down so when its back up again, I can just post and hopefully you guy's don't have to wait long!

Again, reviews are better then Jonathan Groff sernadating you buck naked ;)