Title: Turn My Sorrow into Treasure Gold

Author: Ashley

Disclaimer: Glee…I wish I owned the characters but I don't sadly

Rating: M

Summary: A confrontation between Jesse/Rachel after the New York Nationals.

Timeline: Post-Nationals

Turn My Sorrow into Treasure Gold

Rachel Berry sighed deeply as she walked down the empty halls of McKinley High, colors of green and red surrounding her like a colorful breeze, her body still humming from all the excitement that Nationals had brought to her and her fellow Glee club members.

Nationals, although not placing in the top ten, brought her and Finn finally together. Ever since he had broken up with her, admittedly by her own selfish hand, she felt like a piece of her had been dying inside, seeing him with Quinn and knowing that she screwed up so royally that she was convinced she would never be in his arms again and know what it feels like to be loved.

Luckily, Finn had forgiven her for the heartbreak that girls like her held for the rest of their lives, and for that, she was grateful.

Arriving at her destination, Rachel, with her hands wringed together in front of her, took a moment to let her eyes sweep over the choir room, her deep brown chocolate orbs gazing upon the empty seats that held the hopes and dreams of her fellow Glee members. This room, although cement and tiles to any normal non-musical person, is a room that has shielded and encompassed the thirteen students from the hypocrites and bullies that have made it their lives mission to bring her and her friends misery, using words to punish instead of celebrate who they were inside.

Glee, although having the occasional fight with her choir members, has become an escape and a salvation for her friends, herself included. They have come together as people and using their strengths and talents, made their way up the ladder and still not fully comprehending it, they had made it to Nationals, under the guidance of Mr. Schuester.

Breaking herself out of her heavy, yet somewhat pleasant thoughts, she slowly made her way to the middle seat in the front row, smiling as she crossed her legs, her plaid red and grey skirt shifting like waves as she sat down.

Rachel didn't know what possessed her to come here long after school had let out, but as everyone went out to Breadsticks, courtesy of Mr. Schue, and celebrated their twelfth place win, Rachel felt as if she wanted time to herself and reflect back on Nationals. Although it did not bring her victory as she dreamt of it bringing, it had brought her a victory in another way.

Closing her eyes, she let the silence engulf her, the memories of Nationals and the feeling of being on stage washing over her. It was the most exhilarating feeling that she has ever felt, being on the New York stage, breathing in the energy from the audience, truly feeling that she was home.

Just as her imagination started to really overtake her, a noise by the door startled her, her eyes flying open at the sound.

Her body stiffened, her breathing becoming labored as she met the gaze of ocean blue orbs. Judging by his stance, his eyes opened wide and his lips slightly parted in surprise, he was just as shocked to see her as she was of him.

She quickly looked down, breaking the connection, only letting her eyes drift upwards to casually glance at him.

Finally, when at least a minute went by, she could hear his throat clear, his shock and surprise seemingly disappearing as he casually entered the room.

"What are you doing here, Rachel? I would have thought you would have gone out with the rest of the choir to celebrate your twelfth place loss." His voice sounded light, enough where he could be asking about the weather; however, she could hear the slight bitterness that could easily have been missed by a person who didn't know him as well as her. His body was stiff and no matter how much Jesse may think of himself as a great actor, she knew him better than that, even if he didn't like to admit it.

Swallowing hard, she took a deep breath, telling herself there was no need to act nervous around him, even after the way things had ended with him in, New York. "We did," She began slowly. "I did" She quickly added. "I just wanted to come back here alone, reflect on the past year, where I've been, what I've accomplished…" she trailed off, watching Jesse's body language turn into indifference.

"What you've accomplished? He laughed softly. "Rachel, I would hardly call not even placing at Nationals an accomplishment. You, as well as Finn were ill prepared and foolish to kiss on stage, and any accomplishment you could have had was thrown off the Broadway stage when you decided to kiss that big oaf in the first place."

Her fingers curled subconsciously into her palm, little crescent marks being formed as she watched him walk towards the grand piano and grab an empty brown box, placing objects and books inside that she recognized as his personal belongings.

"I don't expect you to understand the love that Finn and I share, and I will not sit here and let you speak like that of Finn and least of all me. You have no right, Jesse St. James."

"Ah, I love it when you use my full name when upset. You're cheeks turns this delicious pink that has always driven me crazy." He teased, pausing his movements to stare at her, his voice breathy and husky as he smirked.

Rachel gasped as she shifted in her seat, appalled at her assessment of a rather crude comment considering her relationship status. "Jesse, please refrain from making statements like that towards me. I am not a free woman and making those comments are inappropriate."

"Oh, I am well aware of your relationship status." He agreed quickly as he allowed his weight to lean against the piano, his arms crossed in front of him as he faced her. "Everyone in the audience at Nationals knows the status of your relationship and it cost you any placing that you would have had."

"Finn and I kissing did not lose us Nationals." She stated firmly, her jaw clenching at the insinuation that her feelings for Finn had clouded her judgment long enough to lose her and her teammates the first place win.

"You're right. That alone did not cost you Nationals. You were also ill prepared and did not take any of my advice as Teaching Assistant seriously, advice that I know for a fact would have least placed you." He paused, watching as Rachel's eyes shifted, her plump bottom lip slightly being pulled in between her teeth. "If you didn't notice, Vocal Adrenaline placed in second, with the loss of me as their leader it was to be expected, and it was foolish not listening to me in the first place when clearly I knew what I was talking about, seeing as I lead Vocal Adrenaline to victory four years straight.

Rachel cleared her throat. "While I have valued your opinion in the past and I do agree that your knowledge of winning is expansive, I have to say that I agree with Mr. Schuester. Your ways of winning, Jesse, singling people out, the Glee club fighting for solos, it was tearing us apart instead of bringing us closer together. Surely, you know that."

"Again," he firmly started, his jaw clenching, "Let the twelfth place loss speak for itself on who was right in this situation. Now, if you will excuse me…." He trailed off, his body turning as he grabbed the last of his belongings and began to leave.

Rachel sighed, his words bouncing around in her head as she watched him. Was he right? Did she let her emotions; her feelings for her first love cloud her judgment? Is she to blame for losing her team Nationals?

She closed her eyes, shaking her head.

No.

She will not let Jesse St. James mess with her head.

Not again.

Seeing movement out of her peripheral, she broke out of her heavy thoughts, confusion washing over her as she watched Jesse, a box filled with his things in his arms, move towards the exit, his eyes looking everywhere but her.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

Jesse sighed, his back to her front, a perfect angle for allowing his eyes to close briefly, cursing that she couldn't just let him go in peace. Putting on his show face, a face that was drilled into him from four grueling years of being the star of Vocal Adrenaline, he turned around slowly, his eyes meeting hers instantly, not allowing Rachel to see what effect this was having on him.

He cleared his throat, "If you must know, I'm leaving." He paused, watching Rachel's reaction as he let the words sink in. "For good this time."

Rachel's opened her mouth, her lips parting to take in breath, shock washing over her as she closed her mouth, then opened and then let it close once more. She shook her head as she spoke, "I-I don't understand." She breathed out as she stood. "What do you mean you're leaving for good?"

Jesse sighed dramatically. "Come on, Rachel, we both know you are smarter than this."

He was being a jerk.

He knew he was being a jerk, but the hurt that he was feeling, the hurt that even he didn't want to admit to himself was there and by acting nonchalant, it allowed him to become someone else, to be a person that Rachel Berry could not touch.

He watched her take a small step forward and it took everything in him not to take a step back from her, to create the space and distant that he so desperately craved.

"I still don't understand." She whispered. "I mean, Mr. Schuester hired you. You are the official TA for New Directions. Why would you take the job if you had every intention of leaving?"

"I didn't at first. However, I know where I'm not wanted. From the moment I came back, the Glee club has been less then welcoming and…"

"Wait." Rachel interrupted as she began to laugh softly, "Can you honestly blame everyone, especially on the terms that we parted on?"

"Honestly, no. I don't blame everyone. However, what I dislike is unprofessionalism. Letting personal vendettas and emotions get in the way of what I had to say, valuable advice coming from a four time National champion that is what I don't like. You ignored me. You ignored what I had to say and it just goes to show that you simply weren't ready to be a star."

Rachel scoffed bitterly. "Weren't you the one that told me that being a star was inevitability and now you're telling me that I won't be?"

"Don't twist my words around, Rachel." He responded, his voice hardening. "I said that you simply are not ready. Allowing your emotions to get the better of you on stage is part of the reason why you lost. You couldn't keep your personal life and your professional life separate and that is what is going to inhibit you from being the star that you are destined to be."

"My emotions," Rachel forcefully began, "Is what has separated me, as well as the Glee group from becoming, what do you and your friends call yourselves, soulless automatons? It what has separated us from you and allowed us to sing with truth and meaning and not like robots that simply sings and moves well."

"And yet, the top spot has eluded you once again."

"Well, if what you are saying is that, emotions get in the way then that just proves that you never truly cared about me in the first place. You never truly loved me." She stated as she crossed her arms in front of her. "And to think I was actually feeling bad about allowing Finn and I to express our feelings for one another before I resolved things with you."

"If you thought of me at all." Jesse countered. "I was beginning to think you had forgotten the kiss we shared not a couple of days before."

She tilted chin upward, her body language turning defensive. "Although, I must admit, that I didn't stop you when you kissed me, it was a mistake. I was overly excited when I found out that I supposedly got a solo for Nationals and you took advantage of my fragile state of being alone."

He scoffed. "If that is what you tell yourself while you're with that big oaf, then so be it."

"I don't have to tell myself anything, Jesse. I know that Finn truly cares about me, I know that with him it's real and that he wouldn't, as you so nicely put it, trade love for a fourth time National Championship, unlike you who claimed to love me one minute and then smashed an egg on my head the next."

He let his head fall back as he brought his hands up to roughly rub against his face. "I am not going there with you again, I already apologized for that and for you to keep bringing this up is not fair!" he snapped, his voice rising as he looked at her once again, his stare trained on her eyes, blue on brown.

"Not fair?" She whispered her head tilting slightly to the right as disbelief laced in her voice. "Not fair?" She asked again as her voice rose. "Let me tell you what's not fair. What's not fair is that you thought you had the right to come into my life and made me believe that you actually cared about me when really it was just a ploy to get me closer to a mother who didn't want me."

Jesse shook his head. "Why do you even care anymore, Rachel? If you are so happy with Finn, how is this discussion even relevant?"

"It's relevant because it happened! Because you made me believe in you, I trusted you and you betrayed me and this team!"

"Rachel…"

"You are the one that came into my life, and made me believe that you cared about me." She continued as if he never spoke. "From the moment I met you, the moment we sang together that day at the music store, I thought I had found my match. That I found someone that was finally worthy of my talent and love, and you used that to get inside my head, inside of my heart! You played me, right from the start and I was stupid enough to believe that you wanted to be with me without some ulterior motive. You even transferred here, working your way into Glee club, into my daily life and my daily routine and I allowed you to become a part of me, I allowed myself to fall in…."

"Fall in what, Rachel?" He whispered quietly. "Fall in love with me? Just like I fell in love with…."

"Stop it." She snapped, interrupting him, causing him to snap his mouth shut. "You don't get to say those words. While I must admit that after you returned I allowed you back into my life and allowed you to escort me to prom, it was all because I was angry and hurt knowing that the boy I love was with Quinn. However, as you know, Finn has finally come to realization that he was simply lying to himself when being with Quinn when he truly was in love with me. Finn and I are happy; Finn loves me, Jesse, no ulterior motives, no secret agenda's."

He laughed bitterly. "Then what does this say about you, Rachel? If Finn was truly the one guy you have ever loved, then what were you doing with me? I admit that at first my actions were dishonorable, but you were none the wiser. The way you acted, the relationship we had was on you, I never forced you and now you are standing here telling me that Finn is the only man that you've ever loved? Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"I never-"

"I'm not finished!"

Rachel's eyes widened, her instinct to jump as his voice boomed, but she stayed strong, using her skills as a performer to keep on a straight face, masking the feelings that brewed beneath the surface.

She refused to allow him to see the effect he was having on her.

She took a moment to study him. His eyes widened, a soft, red tint, forming on his flawless skin as anger coursed through him, his hands resting on either side of his hips. Jesse had never spoken to her like this before. Yes, he has been truthful, almost to a fault, but never has he raised his voice at her before.

"You and I have always done this dance. We use big words and talk in circles, but no more. I am fucking sick of this. You may think you know everything, Rachel, but you obviously know nothing."

He paused, thinking the best way to express himself. This was Rachel after all, what better way? Taking a step closer, he played to the performer in her, singing the words they sung together not a week before.

The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all

Rachel paused, her eyes raising to his, not expecting Jesse, although not surprised, to break into song. She slowly shook her head at him, realizing the song and lyrics he chose to get his point across.

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,
We could have had it all,
Rolling in the deep,
You had my heart inside your hand,

But you played it,
You played it,
You played it,
You played it to the beat.

When he was done, they just stared at one another, not saying a word. Finally, he spoke…

"You made me believe you wanted me. You made me believe that despite what Finn felt for you, that you just wanted me." He paused. "Lies, that's all this relationship was. I may have lied to you about what I was doing with you, but at least my feelings were real. Everything, Rachel, despite what you think, everything was real."

Rachel looked at him, locking her eyes with his, a connection forming that was so deep so felt like he was looking into her soul, his body so close to hers she could feel his hot breath against her cool skin.

"I love you." Jesse spoke as he turned to leave.

Rachel opened her mouth in confusion. "You mean loved me." She answered, swallowing hard.

"What?" Jesse asked as he turned to look at her, is eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

'You said you love me." She whispered. "You mean you loved me," Her voice faltered, a slight quiver forming as she whispered, "Right?"

He laughed bitterly. "Does it matter? You wouldn't believe the truth anyways. I'm Jesse St. James and I can't be trusted. Right, Rachel?"

Before she could answer, she felt herself hold her breath as he walked back towards her, his body once against so close that you couldn't put another hand between them.

Slowly releasing her breath, her eyes closed at the feeling of him bringing his right hand up, her body instinctively leaning against his warm palm as he cupped her cheek and then slowly brought his fingertips to tug her hair behind her ear, a signature move that had become only theirs.

Rachel's body quivered, her stomach flipping at the touch of his skin against hers. Licking her lips she finally opened her eyes and looked at him, his face all of the sudden sad, as if all the fight was drained out of him.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he leaned in, her eyes once again closing as she felt his hot breath against her ear. He allowed his hands to encompass her waist, her body instinctively leaning against his as he sang…..

"We could have had it all"

With that, he took a step back, her body instantly cold from the loss of contact. Watching him grab his things, he turned and left, leaving her, once again, to the silence that for Rachel, was more deafening then comforting as she allowed her body to fall heavily upon her chair, staring blankly at where he stood, his words swirling around in her mind as she tried hard to not let the hot tears that were threatening to fall at her realization of the truth…

They could have had it all.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Note 1: Hey Everyone! To my older readers, yes, you are not seeing things; I have posted a new story! It has been such a long time since I posted anything, but St. Berry has affected me so deeply that I needed to write something about them!

Note 2: I didn't have a beta, so please excuse any mistakes that you found. Grammar is not my strong suit.

Note 3: Is it just me, or am I the only who feels like the finale was inconsistent with Rachel's character. She basically tells Finn that he can never have her back and then in the finale, she completely ignores Jesse and tells Finn that she loves him. I'm baffled beyond belief and this is my therapy, lol. Hopefully they will fix this mess soon!

Note 4: Now, I'm debating whether to leave this story as a one-shot or have two parts. I can change the title into something more final for these two and have a bitter one-shot or I can continue with this. I'd love to make this Rated M and have heavy sexual situations and a lot more angst and whatnot, but I think I could leave it like this. It feels like a complete one-shot, but I can always make it two parts or three parts or even multi-chapter. So, if you guys like what I wrote and would like more, then let me know! I'll make my decision based on the feedback that I get =).

Reviews are better than Jonathan Groff serenading you buck naked ;)