"Yo America! What the FUCK are you doing? We're being raided, and you're just lying in bed? What the hell, man!"

In an attempt to ignore the screaming man, Matthew Williams pulls the bed covers above his head and assumes fetal position, hoping the fuming Italian won't realize he's there. If you can't see them, they can't see you, right? Unfortunately Lovino Vargas has never heard of this logic, and the representation of the Italian States rips the blanket away from Matthew.

"You gonna help me blow some heads off or what?"

"Or what. Leave me alone, let me sleep."

Lovino grabs Matthew by the shoulders and throws him on to the wooden floor boards. Matthew had forgotten how much stronger the Italian States is than South Italy. But that's okay; he'll have a concussion to remember it by.

"Damn it, Federal States of America, you better get up on your ass, grab a gun, and come with me to shoot some Prussian fuckers or I'll be shooting YOU in the balls."

Uh oh, Lovino was using Matthew's full name. Knowing the Italian, he probably wouldshoot Matthew in the balls. That was never pleasant.

"Okay, Stati Uniti d'italiana, I'm getting up so don't piss your pants over some dead Prussians."

"Bastard! That was only once!"

"Whatever."

Matthew flips himself off the floor and slips his feet into the boots at his bed. He's already dressed in uniform and all he needs to do is grab a gun and he's ready to shoot a bitch. As Matthew and Lovino rush out of the tent into the dark night, the latter decides this is an opportune moment for conversation.

"You know, while you've been off pretending to be Canadia-"

"It's Canada, damn it!"

"-while you've been off pretending to be some bull shit non-existent nation, the world over here has been ending."

Matthew pulls Lovino out of the way just in time to avoid a grenade. He grits his teeth as he sees three silhouettes illuminated by the fire up ahead of them. He takes aim at the one in the middle, and shoots. The head is blown off, but it's still walking. Fucking reanimated corpses.

"I'm not pretending to be Canada, I amCanada. It exists. I exist!"

"So which one are you; The Federal States of America, or Canada?"

"Both!" Matthew can feel the pain when either nation is attacked, when each nation goes to war. It's basically how he found out that the FSA was nuked.

Finally, after shooting off their arms and legs, the three enemy soldiers are down and dead. Well, dead-er. The two nations turn the heads towards the fire and flames, towards their encampment. They've managed to run quite a distance, but they can still hear the screams in both French and Italian, they can feel as each and every soldier dies.

"God bless their soul," Matthew mumbles, as he watches more Prussian soldiers flank their campgrounds.

"What the fuck? Did you just talk in English? That language died four hundred years ago."

Matthew cringes. He remembers that in this world, English died when Britain burned to the ground, when Scotland and Ireland and all of those places were taken over by French, when all the English settlements in America were ransacked.

"Yes, I was. Now let's get the hell out of here; even though we can't die, I don't feel up in the mood for it."

"What kind of dumbass feels in the mood for dying?"

"I don't know. A dumb one?"

After what was possibly thirty minutes, the two sit themselves down and watch the carnage. The screams are no longer audible, and every time a soldier dies it just leaves a faint tingling sensation in their hearts. Matthew takes his canteen out, gulps down a bit of water, and hands it to Lovino. Without even thanking him, the Italian snatches it a way and greedily downs the rest.

"So what's it like, being Canada?"

Matthew leans back on his hands and stares at the black billowing smoke that was once their camp.

"You believe me?"

Lovino scoffs. "Fuck no. Well maybe. No not really, but – okay fuck you."

Matthew laughs, and Lovino punches him on the shoulder. Matthew punches him back, and soon they're rolling in dirt trying to kick each other's balls. Matthew gets the upper hand, and he pins Lovino down to the ground.

"Get the fuck off me!"

"Shut up, I'm going to tell you what it's like to be Canada."

Lovino is about to protest, but Matthew positions his knee threateningly above the Italians crotch. Matthew pretends to contemplate.

"Canada – I'm really quiet when I'm Canada. No one really notices me. I've got this transparent thing going on because I don't really belong in their world. I'm usually overshadowed by either the United States – the parallel version of me- or England, who is still alive. And…" Matthew lowers his body and leans his head down right beside Lovino's. Then in a soft and absolutely seductive voice, he whispers, "And I talk really softly, like this."

Their bodies are lightly touching, and Lovino blushes but retains a hardened expression. "Do you… are you close w-with the parallel me?"

Matthew pulls back, his face stoic. Lovino can practically feel the temperature drop.

"No. We're close but not that close. You and your brother are… my 11th largest export? We're also in the UN, G8, and NATO. Oh, you probably don't even know what those are."

Lovino is staring at Matthew mouth hanging, eyes wide and threatening to tear. Matthew can tell that he has said something wrong.

"Feliciano is alive?" Lovino asks in disbelief. Oh shit, Matthew forgot all about that.

Just then, an arm emerges out of the ground and wraps itself around Lovino's neck. In one brisk movement Matthew takes the night hanging off Lovino's belt and slices the arm. Then Matthew and Lovino realize that they better get the fuck out of there right now because more arms are popping out of the ground, and those arms belong to bodies, and those bodies have guns.

"Like fucking flowers!" Lovino shouts, as Matthew pulls him to his feet. The two are off again, only bullets follow them closely. There's a sudden pang in his legs, and Matthew trips and falls. His legs still haven't fully recovered from that nuclear attack, and judging by the pain in his thighs, the smoke was coming upwards. Lovino curses and hauls Matthew over his shoulder, fireman style.

"You're lucky I'm a super power, you son of a bitch."

"I'm a hyper power."

"Fuck you."

Matthew laughs, giddy from pain, and goes limp in Lovino's arms.

kinda filler-ish but hey, y'all are probably like, "where the hell is Canada?"
South Italy/Lovino is The United States of Italy.
It's not a zombie apocalypse either.
This story is going on HIATUS.