The Coalition Against Scorpius and Rose

Dear Rose,

I miss you. I miss the way you hit my arm and tell me I'm an idiot. I miss the way your hair shines in the moonlight. I miss the way you hate me.

Yes, I'm a sap.

Anyway, Weasley. Miss you.

And by the way, I snogged a Muggle girl yesterday. Jealous yet?

Love,

Scorpius

P. S. And tell your idiot cousin James to stop owling me.

Malfoy,

If you don't stay away from Rose, you'll wake up tomorrow- well, you won't wake up tomorrow, because you'll be dead! See what I did there? Anyway, my father isn't happy with you, and neither is her father, so I could tell him your address and you could be getting Howlers! How's that for blackmail, Malfoy?

And yeah, what you wrote on my yearbook last year- not cool, dude! Hogwarts got yearbooks for the first time ever and all you write in mine is that I'm an ugly kid who will never get a girlfriend?

At least I'm sexier than you!

Hate,

James

James,

Rose says to stop owling Scorpius. She said she would tell you herself but she's writing to him right now and apparently she can't write two letters at the same time.

Personally, I encourage you to continue writing him. Rose's reactions are hilarious. And she denies that she's in love with him! Hah, yeah right.

Anyway, you're epic, big guy!

Admiration,

HUGO

Rosie,

I will not very well stop owling your boyfriend. Tell your brother to stop doing your dirty work for you.

Albus says to tell you hi.

The most epic cousin that you'll ever have,

James

PS. AND BY THE WAY, YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH MALFOY? WHAT'S WITH THE LONG LETTERS THAT YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY WRITING?

Scorpius,

I don't hate you. That's about the most I can give you. Loathe you, perhaps. But hating is a little too far out of my league, since I've been raised against the dangers of prejudice and how we are not supposed to hate others.

I wish I could say the same, that I miss you lots or whatever. Sure, I might just miss your idiocy- wait, what? Never mind.

(I might just miss you a little bit, but never mind that)

Ignore anything that James says, by the way. He's a complete and total idiot.

(Want to meet sometime at Diagon Alley to get supplies? Albus says he'd join us.)

From (love),

Rose

James,

You're an idiot, did you know?

I'd like to see you try to murder me. I'll have you know that the security at Malfoy Manor is top-notch, only the best, right? Anyway, you wouldn't have the guts in the first place, brave little Gryffindor.

And that's nothing compared to what you wrote in my yearbook. Do I even need to bring up the tacos and the Death Eaters? Yeah, idiot. You started it all.

Ah. I believe you mean I'm sexier than you, because I'm obviously the sexiest one in the school.

Off to go letter-flirt with your lovely cousin,

Scorpius

Most Beautiful Rose,

I'm glad. I'm so glad that you don't hate me that you don't even know. Why? Because I love you, but well, you already know that. Now just accept and be my girlfriend and everything will just be fine. Come on, you know you want to? I'm entirely too sexy for anyone to resist.

Ahem.

And of course you miss me and my warm arms and hot body. So you'd best hurry up and stake your claim on me before some other lucky cat sinks her claws into me.

Anyway, I definitely agree that James is an idiot. And sure, let's go to Diagon Alley.

(but does Albus have to come?)

Love,

Scorpius

Malfoy,

Look, I know that we don't get on too well. Wait, who am I kidding? Your sister is sexy, and until Albus mans up and realises that they're perfect together it's perfectly fine for us to be snogbuddies.

Anyway. James showed me your letter about you being the sexiest guy and I beg to differ.

I believe you're mistaken, both of you. I'm obviously the sexiest guy to the moon and back. Yes, remember the name- Louis Weasley. Tremble in fear.

Have a nice time with Rose. Just wanted to say that.

The Sexiest,

Louis

James,

You're a complete, prejudiced, pigheaded, idiotic jerk! Would you stop owling Scorpius? And I only got Hugo to do my 'dirty work' for me because I was busy at that moment, but I'll be sure to write you this Howler now, I hope that you're satisfied!

I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH SCORPIUS, SO THERE. WE'RE ONLY FRIENDS, IF THAT. You wouldn't know how long our letters are because Scorpius hates you and wouldn't show you our letters in a million years, and I'm sure not showing you.

Tell Albus I said hi back. He's the only decent boy in your family.

Bugger off,

Rose

Scorpius,

If you weren't so cocky, I might've accepted by now, but because you remind me of James and Louis, no for now.

I'm not staking my claim over you. Go ahead, snog whatever random girl you want. I wouldn't know anything about your hot body, would I? Maybe you're getting me confused with Dominique once again or something.

Ignore any letters that you get from James and Louis. Now they're both being idiots.

How does Monday sound to you?

The one without any thorns,

Rose

Rose,

That's fine with me.

Scorpius.

Scorpius,

Great, see you there!

Rose

Dear Rose,

I had a great time. And, I just wanted to ask you something. I know you've denied me so many times that I've stopped counting now, but um, would you consider now, well, going out with me?

It's okay if you say no; it'll just be one more notch to add to the list.

Yours,

Scorpius

Scorpius,

Yes. As in, I'll go out with you. Yes, I think I might be insane too.

I don't know what to sign here anymore,

Rose

Dear James,

Guess who? Your cousin's boyfriend- as in, Rose finally said yes. To me. And yes, now we're going out, and we're perfectly happy together, thank you very much. Just thought I should be the one to let you know so that I can rub it in. Have a nice single life, Potter.

Your future cousin in law,

Scorpius

Dear Members of the Weasley Family (I'm too lazy to name you all- okay, fine.) a.k.a. Louis, Molly, Lucy, Dominique, Victoire, Lily, Fred, Roxy, Hugo, and Albus,

THE WORLD HAS GONE INSANE. SCORPIUS IS GOING OUT WITH ROSE. AS IN ROSE SAID YES TO SCORPIUS.

I say we start a coalition against Scorpius and Rose. We could call it the Coalition Against Scorpius and Rose. You know, we could get identical badges and everything! And then Rose would see what an idiotic git he is and dump him!

Yeah. PLEASE DON'T IGNORE ME AGAIN.

Love from,

James

Dear James,

Or you could just leave Rose alone and let her be happy with Scorpius.

That's always an option, do you realise?

Love,

Molly

Dear Scorpius,

So, my family's decided it's their new mission to break us up. Well, not my family as much as James. He's a complete prat and he doesn't even realise. But I don't really care, anymore.

Because being with you, it's like rebellion, you know? And I've always had a bit of a rebel streak.

This only makes us more fun for me.

Love,

Rose

P.S. And yes, I just did write the word love. What of it?

Dear Scorpius,

Congratulations. Looks like someone's finally decided to see past your ugly looks to the… lovely person hidden underneath.

Fine, you're not ugly. You're just not quite as sexy as me, but since Rose is related to me, I'll let it go this time.

Congratulations, anyway. Hope you guys are happy together. Ignore James.

The beautiful boy,

Louis

Dear Rose,

Well, Louis approves, at least. He owled me again saying congrats, that I'm not ugly, but I'm not as sexy as him.

It makes this- you and me- more fun for me anyway. I've never liked your cousin, no offense- he's a bit of an idiot, and he thinks he's sexier than me when really, everyone knows that blondes have all the fun. So it's quite fun to see his reactions to this. Yeah. Anyway.

I like rebellion. I also like rebels.

Love,

Scorpius

PS. I know, I noticed. It's just… wow.
PPS I love you too, by the way.

Dear Rose,

I WAS READING THROUGH YOUR OWLS (no, I'm not a stalker, please don't kill me?) AND I TOLD YOU SO. YOU ARE SO IN LOVE WITH MALFOY AND HE LOVES YOU TOO.

And why am I owling you if we're in the same house, anyway?

Your little brother,

Hugo

….

Dear everyone again,

Why did no one except Molly owl me back? WHAT HAPPENED TO WEASLEY FAMILY UNITY?

Confused,

James

Dear James,

Technically, you're not a Weasley. Your last name is Potter. Therefore, you're not included in aforementioned 'Weasley family unity'.

Have a nice time with your plot, all alone.

Sincerely,

Lucy

A/N: I don't know, but this was fun to write xD

ScorpiusRose is always hilarious. And I love Louis & Scorpius, and I love James vs. Scorpius, and gah, yeah.

Read and review, please? No faves without reviewing?