Disclaimer: Nakamura S.

What am I doing? I toss around and look at the man sleeping beside me. I've been letting Takano-san drag me along his pace. I turned and stared at the ceiling for a while. I should know better that if I keep giving bits of pieces of myself, I'll slowly forget why I even put up a barrier in the first place. I know that if I give myself to him entirely, he'll be able to manipulate my very being. My world would start to revolve around him again. I heaved a long sigh in an attempt to release the weight I seem to have inside my chest. For Takano-san to say he loves me so easily there's no guarantee he'd still love me tomorrow, the day after that, or days from now.

Who's to say he won't wake up one morning and realize he no longer feels the same?

AHHHHHHHHH! I scream to myself while banging my head against the pillow. The more I think about it the more depressed I get. I'm a grown adult for goodness sakes. But we all know it's inevitable for change to not happen. And once it does I'll definitely be the one left behind.

I chuckled at the irony. Why is it that when it comes to work as long as I do my best I can step forward. But it's not as easy when it comes to matters in my personal life. It's scarier.

I planned on going back to sleep but felt the body beside me shift. "Takano-san..." I said as soon as I realized he was awake.

He looked at me and to my utmost surprise, smiled. "Morning," he said.

"U..um," Shit. Did my heart just 'skip a beat?' Ugh! Get a grip Ritsu! I then made an effort to clear my voice. "Morning..." I didn't dare to smile back. That would be so embarrassing. Really, what's this guy up to now? I thought irritably.

He inched closer and cupped my face with his hand. "I want to wake up beside you just like this everday".

"Ehhh?" AHHHHHH! How cheesy! I'm mentally banging my head against a wall. "What are you saying so suddenly..."

"Onodera, I want you to live with me."

I remained silently for a brief moment for it took me a minute to digest it in. "Ha?"

"You'll still live in the same place. There's really no difference." He said matter-of-factly.

"Haaa? Of course there will be! Why should I have to l-live with you?"

At this being said, I saw him rise himself up positioning himself above me. "I don't see why not. You're my lover and as my lover you should live with me."

Woah. Hold up! "L-L-Lover?" I stuttered. He's not making any sense at all. "Who's your lover?"

He gave me an aghast look as if I had said something he couldn't understand. Both his brows were furrowed but immediately reverted back to his usual stoic face. He leaned closer, "Didn't we already clear things between us? And you even let me do whatever I wanted last night. Shouldn't I take that as a sign that you finally accepted that you're in love with me too?"

"Wh-what-" I attempted.

But he just went on. "And when two people are in love with each other, doesn't that make them lovers?"

"In love..." with him? No, I didn't admit that yet. And as long as I haven't admitted anything, nothing counts. "I already told you. I'll never fall in love with you again."

"How stubborn." His tone changed. Before I had the chance to see his expression, my lips were suddenly pressed against his.

I tried to push him away, "Takano-san, stop..."

He ignored my protest as usual and started to kiss me even deeper. I felt his tongue roam inside my mouth. He paused, gasped for air and kissed me a second time. Like every of his other kisses, I felt like my lips were being sucked away, making it hard for me to breath. I felt myself being swayed again, losing my senses with the warmth of his lips. "Ah," I tried to gasp for air. "Ha, ha" both of us slowly breathing. He kissed me again. This time-

-Knock knock-

He stopped and I flinched for I suddenly heard a knock on the door. We both stared at the door for a while until we heard another knock. I managed to push Takano-san away and put a yukata on. I opened the door, "who is it?" I saw a woman wearing a yukata. I recognize her as one of the inn-keepers.

"Ah, ohayou." I bowed.

"Ohayou gozaimasu," she bowed back. "Sorry for the interruption but I'm here to inform you that you're check-out is in an hour."

"Eh, is that so? Thank you for informing us," I said politely and closed the door.

On the way home I kept thinking what I was supposed to do from now on. Did Takano-san expect a relationship from me after last night? That's right, given the situation it's normal to jump to such conclusions. And maybe I should just readily accept him and try dating.

Pffft! I laughed inwardly. I replayed my thoughts and wounded up laughing even more.

"What are you laughing at?" he said.

Laughing harder each time, squeezing my chest in the process the more I laughed at myself. I ignored and kept laughing so much that I didn't even notice my eyes water. I continued to laugh, which by now sounded fake even to my ears. I turned my face to the window in order to cover up such a mess. There's no way I'm letting this man see as much as a tear in my face.

"Onodera..." he started for who wouldn't notice such a fit when the person's right beside you.

"Stop the car," I said with a tone bitter enough to hide the crack in my voice. He slowed the car down and parked just after a corner in the street. I eagerly opened the door and lashed out from the car. My eyes immediately spotted a convenience store and summoned whatever strength I had left to walk inside. I heard Takano-san follow behind me.

"Onodera, what are you doing?"

"I got hungry, hungry," I said calmly, after having been able to compose myself. "I don't think I have food left at home so I'm buying some now."

"And you decide to buy food at a convenience store?" I sensed the mockery and was about to argue back but he went on after a brief pause, "I told you... You should just li-"

"There's no way!" my tone started to rise. "There's no way that's happening."

I thought he would drop it at that for he didn't say anything. But I felt his hand grab my arm and the next thing I knew, I was being dragged outside. He dragged me to a corner just around the street near where the car was parked.

"I'm not about to force you to live with me if you really don't want to," he started, "but the least you could do after blatantly rejecting my offer is to give me a reason."

Reason? He wants a reason? Isn't making such an idiot out of me reason enough? Living with him would be accepting this relationship. There's no way... there's no way I can take such a step. I know I'll just end up regretting this like before. The love I feel for Takano-san now is different. It's not the same naive love that came from an innocent boy. It's the kind of love that's covered with fear and anxiety. It's the kind of love that would destroy me the more it would grow.

"I can't," I finally managed to say, "I can't".

"That's not a reason."

"I don't have a reason! I just don't want to live with you!"

"That's why I need to know why!" this time it was his voice that was rising, "You love me don't you? Isn't it normal to want to spend every moment with the person you love?" He said it with such an exclaim that I was taken aback.

"I d-don't," I tried to say, "I never said that I love you."

"I don't understand why you won't just accept it. I could say to take your time until you're ready and I'll wait. But with each passing day, I grow scared. What if you find someone? Someone who you'll love more than me? What if-"

"Takano-san," I said directly looking at his face. "Don't you think that I feel the same way? I'm scared that you only convinced yourself that you love me. But what if all you wanted was to resolve what ended so suddenly ten years ago? What if you just want to repair such a terrible break up by dating now then break up properly later?"

"What?"

"There are so many things that I don't want to think about! But being with you like this forces me to! I'm so sick of it, I'm so sick of feeling this way. My brains feel like they're about to crumble with trying to find out what I'm supposed to do or-"

"Onodera!" he shouted.

I snapped out from such a rumble of thoughts that I was able to notice how badly I was shaking. I could already feel the blood rush in my head. I was just furious, furious at the situation, furious at myself. I shouldn't have to worry about this. I was suppose to only live for work.

"Onodera..."

"Takano-san, I want to go home. Please, let's just go home." I started to walk away but he grabbed me back like I expected.

"I understand," he said, "you're just as insecure as I am. No, perhaps, less that you have the strength to reject me. But I'm so insecure that I have to have you near me every second." He started to cup my face with both of his hands, "I get it. If you don't want to admit it I'll wait, no matter how long it takes you."

I averted my eyes but he turned them back to face him. "I love you," he said softly, "for now, I'll say it enough for the both of us. So don't push me away. Let me convince you that not only have I loved you all this time but has fallen in love with you the second time I met you."

I couldn't think of anything to say to deny it anymore. I just stood there and let him kiss me. He started with my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, it seemed as if he wanted to kiss every part of me. When he kissed my mouth, instead of feeling the usual nervousness, I felt calm. This kiss, it felt to me, was like a way to confirm that his words were true.

We drove back home silently. I was engrossed in the thought that this man possesses courage that I lack. I shouldn't think so much if his feelings were real or not. If it turns out that they weren't, I want to believe that he meant it when he said it. After all, there's no forever. Regardless, we still say that we'll love a person forever because at that very moment that we say it, we feel like we could really love one for eternity. I find myself such a cynic for believing this yet spouting how much I hate to be in love. But I'm already old and I know as much as this, a person would always think otherwise of what he claims to. You can believe in all the sides of a box. Some will deny it; some have the peace with themselves by just admitting it. Perhaps, I'm wrong and I just believe in everything I read in books, but right now I feel myself being that person. I say I hate having Takano-san in my life, but at the same time, I remember how much I love him that living without him becomes impossible. Truthfully, I don't know myself anymore. What I want, or what I ought to do with this relationship, perhaps, I should just let time decide.

I quickly rummage through my keys at the elevator in order to avoid being dragged into Takano-san's house. Or so, how I make it seem. I opened my door and to my surprise saw boots, leather shoes and a pair of heels. I'm thinking the boots were Ryouchi's.

"Ryouchi!" I called out, "did you bring your frien-" I was stopped at what I saw for they weren't the people I'd ever expect to see in my house.

"Ritsu, I can't believe you're living like this! This place is a mess!" exclaimed the woman with a solicitous tone.

"Okaasan..." was all I could utter.

A/N: Ahhhh I can't anymooowwwww *le cries*. What did Ryouchi do? Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it though it's very short xD I hope I can update faster this time. Work has been depressing me for days and the newest chapter of Sekai just, well, *shakes head*. I really couldn't bring myself to write anything about Takano that didn't involve anger and a lot of those. But I'm just going to make things go my way through here. ^^