Ugh. Not having internet is a terrible ordeal. Almost as bad-no-just as bad as not having any air conditioning.

Belphegor: Ushishishi. If you would just give in and come to base, you'd have enough A/C to reverse global warming.

Anyway, as it turns out, I've written a lot of installments of this. And as such, I'll be posting them soon. Since I have a Broadband card, it's easier for me to update! I wanted to make a series, too, where the Varia get dogs. It wouldn't be your usual pet story...but I'll probably put up a test chapter. Anyway, I'd like to be seen off with a disclaimer. Squalo...

Squalo: Voooooooi! You made me look bad in this; FUCK YOU!

...I don't own KHR! or any products or merchandise related to it. If I did, Squalo wouldn't look bad...I'm sorry, Squalo...

Squalo: Sorry doesn't fucking cut it! (Secretly goes to his room and cries) That's it; fuck the fourth wall; I'm killing you!

T-T-T-Torataro, I hope you like this-sorry for the wait-AAAH! SCARY SHINY SWORD! (Flees from Squalo)

"Thumbs up—let's do this—LEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOY JEEEEENKINS!"

Squalo was up at half-past two in the morning. Why, you may ask? The responsible answer would be "getting ready for the mission that's going down in about three hours". However, you can't hide the fact that Squalo was being purely irresponsible and just watching Youtube videos before he had to go place his life on the line for a bunch of disrespectful fuckheads that didn't give a shit about him. To get over this lack of respect and TLC, he went on Youtube to find a pep talk that he would never get from Xanxus (but he'll never tell anyone that. He was just looking for...strategies. Off of...WoW). Strangely enough, when he searched for 'pep talks', he got 'Leroy Jenkins'. Squalo clicked on it, got the college student screaming his own character's name, and then felt...inspired.

Yes, with this treasure, Squalo Superbi could take on the world! He would just...modify it to his specifications. Yes, of course. Because it would be weird if he yelled someone else's name on the battlefield.

Fran, Bel, Xanxus, and the other Varia scum woke up, already dressed and hungry. Lussuria said he'd make breakfast, and Levi went to brew coffee for his beloved boss. Squalo shut down the computer, seeing as how the fight between the small upstart Famiglia the Roids was going to start in less than a few hours. Squalo walked into the kitchen, slammed his fist down on the island where everyone was currently seated, and then he let his forehead hit the hard marble. Bel's laugh reached his ears, and he swore that he would kill him. This morning was not the morning!

"Ushishishi. I heard Squalo on the computer all night yesterday. Didn't we hear him, Fran?" Bel asked, stroking his right fist with his left palm. Ugh, it was such a contrived Gendo pose*. Squalo had no idea why Bel started doing that. Obviously too much time on TV Tropes**.

"I heard him, sempai." Fran said in that usual voice of his. "He was loud."

"Voooooi, why do you brats have to fuckin' listen to everything I do?"

"Shut up, scum." Xanxus mumbled over his mug of morning coffee—I know; I thought he was on an all-liquor diet, too. "You shut up." Geez, testy.

"So, should we make a plan now or when we actually get on the battlefield?" Lussuria asked, putting some hot bacon on a platter.

"Ushishi. The prince loves bacon. Fran, get me that platter."

"Bel-sempai, it's right in front of you." Fran drawled, downing his orange juice. Bel shoved Fran towards the platter, causing the green haired boy's mouth to be chock full of skillet fresh piggy goodness.

"I said get it for me, not eat it, fat ass Frog!"

"You pushed me, Bel-sempai." Fran once again complained.

"Ugh...Lussuria! Make me some fucking toast!" Squalo yelled. He would have yelled "voi", but it was breakfast and he was tired. His really rambunctious "voi" cries required energy.

"Coming right up, Squ-chan!"

"Vooooi, I told you to stop calling me that!"

Lussuria popped some pieces of bread on top of the stove—without a pan; Lussuria can make toast without pans! And plus, the bread would get cool swirly marks—and then drank the rest of his sugared down coffee. Levi kept refilling Xanxus' coffee mug. Bel and Fran started to argue over the remaining bacon strips. Squalo finally got his toast. Squalo let his head hit the table as he devoured the toast with black swirly designs on the back. It was dees-gust-ing, but it would fill Squalo's stomach and thus his temper that would further fuel his "VOI!" When breakfast was done, the Varia geared up to get going. Lussuria had to grab his laptop and Fran—well...Fran just had to get his brand spanking new tablet with 3G software to use while he was outside creating illusions. I mean, what if they needed the power of the almighty Cloud? It was simply a requirement. After (irately) checking that everyone was ready, Xanxus led the Varia out of the base and into the gritty forests that surrounded their base and ultimately, their battlefield.

"For glory's sake, we maaaaarch."*** Fran was reciting lines from 300, being one of the unlucky four that carried Xanxus' throne to the battle grounds. Fran was way to physically weak for this sort of thing. His brain was bigger by a long shot.

"Shut up, Frog. Carrying this thing is stressful enough as is. Ugh, at time like these, I wish Gola Mosca was still around." Bel bemoaned. Royalty didn't carry thrones; they sat on them! This was a travesty and he would complain about it to Xanxus when the man was too drunk to aim correctly.

The Varia was trudging to the battlegrounds collectively known as Badger Hill. It was littered with badger holes and to be quite frank, smelled like a petting zoo. It was "icky", in Lussuria's words. Nobody really understood why the Roids wanted the fight on fucking Badger Hill. Were they mentally—stupid? At any rate, the Varia hid in the underbrush, watching the large, overdeveloped Roids family start coming up over the hill. Xanxus face-palmed, if only for the fact that they were disgusting to look at.

"Okay, so~ what's the plan?" Lussuria asked anxiously.

"Alright, scum, I'm only repeating this once." And at that, Squalo felt his heart spike, and his blood starting pumping. "Lussuria, you're handling healing and shit." Squalo's blood started to race. "Frog scum, you handle the fucking illusions." Squalo felt his blood start to race! "Leviathan, Belphegor, Squalo, you're handling attacking. Leviathan, if I want sirloin or tequila, you stop fighting and get it for me, damn it."

"Their women are terrible looking." Bel observed with a grimace. "There's around a good thirty of them."

Disregarding everything he had just heard, a very out-of-character smirk/smile crept onto Squalo's face. He lifted both of his thumbs, and then took out his blade. This was what he'd been waiting for. This battle, this moment to use the tips that the pep talk gave him! He would do it...he would seriously do it!

"Thumbs up—let's do this—SQUAAALOOOOOOOOOO SUPEEEERBIIIIIIIII!"

And then he jumped into the fray, screaming out his own name to the top of his lungs. It took the Varia a minute to recover. It was Xanxus, surprisingly, that recovered first and knew exactly what Squalo had done.

"Did he just rip off fucking Leroy Jenkins? DAMN IT, TRASH!"

Xanxus jumped out into battle, shooting and eradicating every deformed Roids head he would find. "Could" find would be an insult; Xanxus would find them, and kill them, because now he was just too pissed for regular words. If the rest of the Varia didn't head out and dispatch the Roids soon, they would be met with a platter of angrish accompanied by a tall glass of Flames of Wrath. So, the Varia went in to "take care of" the Roids family.

And take care of they did! They were completely successful in defeating the over drugged mafia family. They came away with a few scratches and all but hey. Ninety percent was a long way from one-hundred, wasn't it? While the Varia sat in the warming light of Lussuria's Sun peacock, Xanxus took this moment to glare at Squalo, who had gotten the worst beating out of everyone.

"So...what made you think that yelling your FUCKING name would help us win, scum?"

"Vooooi! You fuckers around here don't respect me, so I just took matters into my own hands!" Squalo retorted. Bel and Fran watched with amused and indifferent expressions, respectively.

"By screaming and then rushing in without paying attention to Boss' plan?" Levi yelled, getting in Squalo's face.

"Vooooooooi, we beat them, didn't we?" Squalo yelled in his defense.

"That's not the point; you acted like a fucking moron!" Xanxus yelled.

"A moron without a cause." Bel said, his signature laugh coming right afterwards.

"Voooooi! Shut the fuck up, brat! And maybe if I started getting some fucking respect from Viva la Douche—" Squalo motioned to Xanxus while yelling in Bel's face. Needless to say, Xanxus looked very unhappy. No amount of Happy Meals could quell his anger. "—I wouldn't be screaming my own name as a fucking battle cry!"

"—hit, piece of shit—fucking—fuck—YOU TRASH! YOU PIECE OF TRASH; I'LL KILL YOU!"(*x4)

Squalo ducked, and barely missed a shot from Xanxus' right gun. Xanxus kept shooting at Squalo, intent on making a direct hit. Bel and Fran both watched with either extreme amusement or minimal amusement (respectively!) as their commander was ruthlessly shot at. Squalo screamed his name again, this time carrying on louder and longer than before.

"Hmph. This is a bad way to get over your loss of internet slash writer's block!" Bel yelled up to the sky. And then suddenly—oh, look!—a fire started on his hair! "...I hate you."

And it is with this scene that we're left—Squalo screaming his full name in a manner strikingly similar to Leroy Jenkins in a popular MMORPG, Xanxus shooting at the unfortunate commander, Levi trying to stop the chaos, Lussuria still handling the healing, Belphegor ramming his head against a tree to stop the fire, and Fran staring on at everything with that same bland look on his face.

It's weird how one Youtube video can snowball into such a frenzy.

It's footnote time! OH DESIRE~!

*- The Gendo pose is amazing. It's for a lot of evil villans. It includes the "finger pyramid of evil contemplation" and "Scary shiny Glasses". Obviously, Bel has no idea how to do it because he rubbed his fist, not intertwined his fingers.

**- TV Tropes is also amazing; along with Know Your Meme. TV Tropes will keep you ensnared for hours. It's the bear trap you never want to get out of.

***- Coincidentally or not, this is the Detective's favorite line from that movie.

(*x4)- That's the definition of angrish; a whole lot of cursing and sputtering before just...letting loose.

Anyway, I know this chapter was amazingly short and sucked on top of it. I'll try harder in the future!

Levi: You'll still fail, woman!

'Fuck up, Levi!