EPILOGUE-"The Last Word"

I felt neither alive nor dead, not that I know what the latter is. I could not sense my body, my breath or any other physical element of life. On the other hand, my mind was racing-it seemed that every memory, every thought I ever had was fighting its way to the surface of my consciousness, each like a drowning person struggling to stay afloat to avoid being lost in the murky depths of oblivion below. There was no pain only a feeling of madness as a thousand different voices seemed to compete for attention in my head. In the din I could hear Lily, Potter, Dumbledore, Voldermort….and myself .

"Stop,", I roared and tried to focus on shutting out the noise. I might as well have been telling Hagrid not to breed violently dangerous illegal creatures at Hogwarts. "Concentrate Severus, concentrate!" I heard my own voice above the rest. I focussed on that sound , on that sneering voice, and slowly the cacophony of the other sounds began to subside. It was my voice! "How do you feel Severus?" my own voice seemed to ask. The question hung in the air as I was rendered speechless with the bizarre experience of being asked questions by myself. "Nothing to say for a change, eh. Well, a pity-these would have been your last words before you die. Still I guess a life with nothing to show for it has no need for words to remember it by."

Nobody had the right to say that to me. "Stop it," I hissed. "That is not true. I have played my part-you know nothing! I have been the real hero of this story while all the glory has gone to that insufferable Potter." "Touchy, very touchy..but at least we are talking now, " he smirked. "The great thing about being you is that I know how to get you to talk."

"Who are you?" I asked. Again in that insufferable tone he replied, "Why , Severus. I am hurt. I thought you would know me. I am your legacy, your lasting memory as the world will remember you by." I roared back, "The only thing I hear is a sarcastic, arrogant fool that understands absolutely nothing!" I could almost see the smirk and the corners of his mouth twitch as he replied, "Well Severus. I hate to say this but you are right. That is how the world does remember and thus I am what you made me. Be honest-who would remember you differently…." His words echoed in my mind for what seemed like an eternity and I searched desperately for the answer to his question. Names, images flashed changed but the answer remained. Something gave away inside me and I broke. The words came out of my mouth choked, wet with tears of rage and frustration , "Its not fair. I have given my life for others, done the dirty work, never had praise, recognition…nothing…it is'nt fair-I deserve better!"

There was a silence and then he spoke. He sounded different; I could sense a hint of sympathy mingled with the usual sneering tone. "Well, well, well. Who would have thought it-the great Professor Snape getting emotional. Interesting. Well Severus, I have good news for you. I meant what I said-I am your legacy, your memory to the world. You have a chance-you can tell me your real story or wallow in your self pity as you are now and drift into oblivion. I cannot make you a hero but the world will know your life as it really was"

Grasping at the lifeline I stuttered, "How much time do I have?" Again that infuriating sneer, "As much time as you need". I took a deep breath or at least as much as you can take one without a physical body and began to speak. The words flowed from me without thought as I began to replay the drama of the life of me, Severus Snape, in my head." I don't want you to like me but just to understand…please just listen..."