Disclaimer: I do not own or lay claim to anything even tenuously associated with NCIS; it belongs to various individuals and corporations who are considerably more talented and well-off than myself. I am only playing with the aforesaid characters, situations, settings, etc. for my own amusement and am making no profit whatsoever from this (other than the bettering of my writing skills and my own amusement). No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A/N: Tony looked confused briefly when McGee first mentioned Ethel in the closing scene of Cracked. That got me thinking. Well, that and Tony's expression when he said that he'd give Ethel everything but his heart.

"I'm gonna give Special Ethel what she thinks she wants," Tony says, still in character as another Tony altogether. "But this?"

He taps his heart, becoming himself again.

"This'll always belong to me."

And with that, he swaggers over to his desk, painfully aware that he:

A. Looks like an idiot in this get-up

and

B. Has just lied through his teeth.

Because while he wants what he just said to be the truth – God, he wants it to be true – it isn't. His heart?

It hasn't been his own for years.

(No, it belongs to someone else, a certain someone who's sitting at her desk sniggering at his misfortune.)

Why the hell else would he be wearing this suit? No sex – no matter how good – is worth this. Nah, he's wearing this… this monstrosity because he knew it would make her laugh.

(True, it'll get him laid, but that's just a side benefit.)

She needs to laugh more often.

Especially after… well, you know.

And if it's laughter at his expense? That's a price he's willing to pay.

At least his betrayal of the film gods is for a good cause.