SIX

"I'll have the steak with a side of profanity"

"This is bullshit." Malik muttered to Ryou, who he was swooshed up against. "Why couldn't they get two fuckin' cars?" "I don't know. At least you have a window seat!" He whispered back. He was swished between Malik and Bakura. "Get your hand out of my ass!" Bakura exclaimed, scaring both Malik and Ryou. "That's not my hand! It's the millennium rod!" "Right." "You want to get into it right now?" "Yeah, let's get it on!" Realising what he said, Bakura quickly said, "No! You know what? Fuck this. We're here." Malik looked at Ryou and saw his own look of terror reflected on Ryou's face.

The two yamis pushed and shoved to get out of the car first. The fight ended in Bakura getting a bloody nose and Marik getting his hair caught in the car door. Still fuming, the pair followed their hikaris into the restaurant. "This place looks lovely!" Ryou exclaimed, looking around. "Yeah." Malik commented. "It wasn't the dump that I was expecting. There are no peanut shells on the floor nor does the place reek of urine." Bakura wiped the blood from his face on his sleeve. "Well, it's the least we could do." Ryou turned. "What the hell does that mean? Should I be afraid?" Bakura rolled his eyes. "No. I just wanted to do something to make you happy for once. After all, you didn't like my birth control candies." Marik smirked and let the way over to the hostess. "Yo." He said, ringing the bell an annoying number of times.

"Can I help you?" A stern-faced woman asked, taking the bell away from him. "Yeah. I'd like a table for four." She looked over at the group behind Marik and raised an eyebrow. "If you and your um, girlfriends, would like to follow me." "They're not my girlfriends! That's my hikari and our two buddies." The woman shrugged. "Whatever you want to call her." Bakura chuckled and followed Marik. "Why do we always get mistaken for women?" Malik asked Ryou. "You really don't want me to answer that." Ryou remarked. "Yeah, I do!" "Well, you do look a bit girly, I mean you dress kind of like Brittany Spears." "WHAT?" Malik asked, angry, horrified and amused all at the same time. "You're always showing your bloody midriff." "Yeah? You're just fuckin' jealous!" "And what would I be jealous of? Your navel? Get real!" "You wanna go there? Alright! Let's go there! You and your fuckin' Lindsay Lohan hair!" Ryou gasped and pushed a few locks away from his face. "Don't even! I happen to love her! And how does my hair look anything like Lindsay Lohan's?" Malik fell silent. "It's long like her's! There!" "Piss off." Ryou muttered, starting to walk off. Before he could get past the hostess's booth, Malik jumped on top of him and the two fell to the floor with a loud crash.

"Get off me you Middle Eastern fruitcake!" Ryou yelled, trying to wiggle out from underneath Malik. "And the British love fruitcake, so what you're really trying to say is that you want to eat me!" "NEVER!" Ryou hit Malik in the face and he fell backward. As Ryou stood up, Malik grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him back down. "My ankle!" Ryou cried as he fell over. "Suck it!" Malik said rubbing his nose. "I will never do that to you!" "Break it up!" The hostess screeched, running over to the fighting teens. The two yamis hovered behind her, laughing at the whole scene. She smacked both of the boys with the stack of menus she was holding. "Enough!" Ryou and Malik looked up at the angry women. "Oh hi." Ryou smiled. "OUT! I never want to see you ragamuffins in this restaurant again!"

Before wither of them could get off the floor, two large guys stepped out from behind the bar. One guy took hold of Malik, the other took hold of Ryou and together they tossed the hikaris out into the street. Malik landed on his face and Ryou landed on the ankle that Malik had cracked earlier. "My face!" Malik exclaimed. He pulled out a small mirror from his pocket. "By Ra! I'm not gorgeous anymore!" Ryou looked over at him. "Oh relax, will you? It's only a few scratches!" "That's easy for you to say! You're still pretty!" Obnoxious laughter saved Ryou from having to answer. "I can honestly say that I have never been prouder." Marik extended his hand out to Malik. He ignored his yami and stood up on his own. "Ryou? What's your problem?" Bakura asked leaning over him. "I think I broke my ankle." He was a pale shade of green.

"Relax. We'll get you fixed up." Bakura said, lifted Ryou over his shoulder. "I think I saw a emergency medical centre on our way here. It was just a few blocks back, I think." "Lead the way, Malik!" Bakura commanded. They headed down the road, Ryou occasionally crying, due to the pain. Marik looked over at Ryou. "What are you blubbering about?" Bakura shot him the direst look imaginable. "Shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you." He growled, through his clenched teeth. "Touchy." Marik remarked. He moved up closer to Malik.

They arrived at the medical centre and Marik decided he was going to linger in the waiting room to annoy those sitting there. "Hey." He said sliding over to an elderly women. "Yes, young man?" She asked, adjusting her glasses. "I think you're hot." "Oh, well, I can assure you sonny, I don't have a fever." Marik's face drops. "I'll see ya later." He moves down a few seats next to a middle aged man. "I hear they give really good anal exams here." "I don't know about that." The man replied. "Well, I hope they do." Marik continued on. "I've had a gerbil tuck up there for quite some time. I do hope he's alright, he's been scratching quite a bit." The man scooted away. "Marik!" Malik said walking over to him. "What are you doing?" "Just making friendly conversation." "Hmm." Malik pursed his lips. He helped himself to a magazine and sat back next to his yami. "Where's Bakura?" He was hoping to cause some trouble while Ryou was being examined.

"He's in with Ryou." Malik said, flipping through the magazine. "Well, this sucks." He grumped, leaning over to see what Malik was reading. "Why the hell are you reading an article on genealogical health?" Malik shrugs. "It's either this or some article on moss on the scrotum during the summer months." Marik gags. "You're right." He continues reading over Malik's shoulder until the door to the waiting room slams open and Bakura came out, more pissed off then ever. "What?" Malik panicked as Bakura pulled him up by his shirt collar. "YOU BROKE HIS ANKLE NOW I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR FUCKING COLLAR BONE!" He screamed into Malik's face. "Aren't you going to help me?" He whimpered to Marik, who picked up the magazine that Malik had dropped. "Nope. If the situation were reversed and I was in Bakura's place, I would be doing the exact same thing." Bakura wrapped his hands around Malik's neck and was about to being squeezing when the nurse came out. "Sir? You can see him now." Bakura dropped Malik. "I'll be back for you later." Malik saw the shine of murder in Bakura's eyes before he turned to follow the nurse.

"Thanks for fucking helping me!" Malik gasped, rubbing his neck. "He could have killed me right there, while you sat reading about the latest pap smear procedure!" Marik rolled his eyes. "Relax! He wasn't about to kill you in full view! He'll most likely take you out to some back alley and finish you off." Malik gulped. "I guess my only hope is that he's going to forget." Marik flipped a page. "I doubt that he's going to forget. Remember, he remembered things from 3,000 years ago. You think that he's gonna forget in a few hour's time? I don't think so." Before Malik could reply, the door swung open and Ryou hobbled out on crutches, Bakura behind him. "Gotta stop at the pharmacy and pick up his prescription." 'He's rather calm.' Malik thought to himself, panic surging through him. He waited until Bakura had gone out the door and Marik had shoved him out of the way to be behind Bakura. He slumped along, Ryou leading the way on his crutches. "We're going to get two taxis." Bakura turned and smiled at Malik. "You're going to ride with me." Malik gulped. 'I never thought I was going to be murdered like this. Please Ra, don't let him ruin my face.'

Bakura hails two taxis. "Get in and wait for me." He tells Malik, as he helps Ryou into the other cab. "Take good care of him Marik and don't hesitate to send anyone who's out of line to the shadow realm." "Got it." He replied with a smirk. Bakura slammed the door and headed back to his cab where Malik was waiting. Bakura slid into the cab and closed the door. "Hello." He said, a wicked grin on his face. "Um, Hello?" Malik said, scared to say the wrong thing. "I know you think that I'm going to kill you." He started. He glanced over at Malik, who was hanging on Bakura's every word. "But I'm not going to kill you. Marik is a dear friend and you are his hikari." Malik breathed a sigh of relief. "But that doesn't mean that I don't want some kind of payback." He continued. Malik felt his stomach drop. "What does that mean?" He gulped. "Cash. I want half of your pay check every week until Ryou's all better." "That's bullshit!" Malik exclaimed. He caught sight of the red gleam in Bakura's eyes. "That's bullshit that you should take so little. How about 60% of my pay since I feel bad." Bakura sat back in his seat. "Now that's what I call a deal. Okay." 'What the fuck did I just do?' Malik mentally kicked himself. 'Now I'll have to get a second job.'

Meanwhile in the second cab Ryou was having fun with Marik. "No way!" "Yes way!" Marik said, while sucking on a lollipop. "He totally is afraid of the dark." "Wow. I have an abnormal fear of yellow foods." Marik roared with laughter. "Really?" "Yeah. Bakura gave me a summer squash for my birthday just to watch me freak out. I nearly had a heart attack." "Do you want a pop?" Marik asked, holding one out to Ryou. "Thank you! You know, you're not as bad as everybody makes you out to be." Marik sits back. "I know! All I wanted to do is destroy the pharaoh a little bit and rule the world! Talk about overreacting. It's not like I killed anyone! Bakura's worse, but everybody thinks he's so cute with those bat wings in his hair." Ryou sucked on his pop. "Yeah, I know. That guy from Libya is worse than both of you guys and people still like him." "Totally. Well, it looks like we're here. I'll help you out." The taxi pulled up in front of the pharmacy and Marik got out. He was helping Ryou out of the taxi as the one Bakura and Malik were in pulled up. Malik's eyes nearly fell out of his head as he took in the scene of his yami helping someone.

"What's your problem?" Bakura asked, noticing the look on Malik's face. "I-I just can't believe what I'm seeing!" Bakura glanced out the window. "Stranger things have happened." Bakura said, opening his door. He headed over to Ryou's side, while Malik, with legs like Jello, followed behind him. Marik leaned over and draped his arm over Malik's shoulder. "What's up? Is he going to kill you." "Strangely no." Malik said, regaining himself. Marik shrugs. "Oh well, that's generous of him." They followed Bakura and Ryou into the drug store. "I'll catch you later, I've gotta snag me some body wax." "Whatever." Bakura headed off with Ryou. Malik started at his yami. "What the hell do you need with body wax?" "I've gotta look good if I'm going to the fuckin' beach!" "Are you sure about this? Remember what happened the last time you attempted this? You had the nastiest crotch burn I've ever seen." Marik waved it off. "Relax. Bakura is going to help me." Malik had to hang onto the shelf for support. "I suppose he's a cosmetologist now." He laughed. Marik reached down and grabbed a product. "Actually, yeah. We did night school together. He studied cosmetology and I studied how to make bird houses." "I can't believe what I'm hearing." "You don't have to." He said, standing up with three bottles of wax. "This outta do the trick." "All that?" "I did say it was a full body wax. I've got a real Attila the hun situation going on down south." Malik put his hands over his ears. "I don't need to hear this!" "Then don't ask."

They headed over to the prescription counter to find Bakura and Ryou waiting. "They haven't filled it yet?" Malik asked flopping down to Ryou. "No." Ryou muttered, turning away from Malik. "What the hell do you have?" Bakura asked, eyeing Marik's armful. "Body wax and lotion. You and I are going to have a spa date." "You know what? You may need a couple extra bottle of that wax…I've got my own garden of Eden to weed whack." Ryou looked at Bakura in horror. "I can't believe you just said that." "What? It wasn't descriptive enough?" "No. I'm surprised you know what the garden of Eden is." "Oh that." Bakura said, fluffing it off. "Well, I wanted to know more about this Jesus fellow you keep mentioning so I decided to read a few things. I didn't care for it all that much. Personally, I don't think the beard did him justice." Ryou hung his head. "You're unbelievable." "That's what they tell me." "Ryou Bakura?" The woman from behind the counter called. "Here!" Ryou said, struggling to get up on his crutches. "I'll go pay for all this and meet you out front. Come on, Malik." Marik headed off with Malik lingering behind him. The woman at the counter raised an eyebrow but said nothing as she rang out the order. "Cash or check?" "What the fuck is a check?" Marik whispered to Malik. "I'll explain later." He took out his wallet. "I'll pay cash. How much?" The woman looked at the register. "Uh, 34.00." He handed the woman the money and Marik snatched up the bag. "This is gonna be great! I can't wait to go to the beach!" Marik sighed, tucking his wallet away. "I can." "Why? All the girls think you're so sexy! It's your chance to score some major action!" "What if I don't want some major action?" Marik nearly dropped the bag. "What are you trying to say to me?" "Nothing! I'm just not in the mood. I have a lot of homework that I need to take care of! I'm only here because I need Ryou's help." Marik snorted. "It doesn't mean that you can't have a good time."

Before Malik could reply, Bakura lead Ryou out the door. "I hate these things! They make my arms hurt." Ryou said, leaning on Bakura for support. "How about I give you your pill and we'll see what's what?" "Okay." Bakura popped the top off of a pill bottle and produced a bottle of juice. "How'd you do that?" "Magic, dear hikari." He said handing him the pill. Ryou sat on the bench while he took his pill. "Better?" Bakura asked, taking the bottle back. "Yeah." "Well, now that this is all sorted out, how about we get something to eat?" "Good idea, Bakura! I know just the place." Marik exclaimed. "By any chance does it serve pancakes?" "You read my mind, Bakura." "Are we gonna walk there?" "Yeah, it's only about a mile down the road." Ryou's face dropped. "Don't worry! I'll give you a piggy back." Bakura said. He boosted Ryou onto his back and trucked the crutches up under his arm. "Sorted. Lead the way Marik." The group headed down the street, getting odd glances from people passing by. Both Marik and Bakura made faces and obscene gestures as they went along. When they got to the restaurant Malik opened the door and allowed the posse to enter the building. "How many in your party?" A preppy blond girl asked. Marik looked at her outfit and nearly gagged. She was wearing a waffle print t-shirt. Bakura on the other hand liked it. "I gotta get me one of them." He whispered to Ryou who giggled. "Now that would be a sight to see."

"Uh, four." Marik said, trying not to look at the girl. "This way." She led them to a table in the corner, tossed down some menus and announced that she would return. "I should stick my crutch up your ass." Ryou muttered under his breath. Malik glared at him from across the table. The two yamis said nothing, but they did exchange eyebrow glances throughout their lights exchange. "What did you say?" "I should stick this crutch up your ass. Or maybe I shouldn't since you'd probably like it." Ryou said, flipping through a menu. Malik didn't know how to reply to that so he just flipping through his menu. 'I've never been prouder of you.' Bakura said to Ryou, through their mind link. Marik on the other hand, was pissed off that his hikari had pussies out. 'What the fuck was that?" He hissed at Malik through their link. 'I don't know. What the hell was I supposed to say to that?' He asked. 'ANYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THAT!' Marik's voiced echoed through Malik's skull and his winced. 'No need to shout.' He rubbed his head. "So what does anybody want?" Ryou asked, his tone brighter than before. "Waffles!" Bakura yelled, scaring the elderly couple in a booth across from them. "Ok..Anyone else?" "I'll have the fruit salad." "Of course." Marik snorted. "I want steak and eggs." Upon hearing this Bakura changed his mind. "I want that too." "What about your waffles?" "I'll eat her later-I mean, I can always have them later." Ryou shrugged, but said nothing. The waitress returned. "Ready?" "Coffee and some Excederin for me. And the scrambled egg meal, with sausage." "I want the steak extra rare." Bakura butted in. "And the eggs and hash browns." "You sir?" She asked Marik, who was doodling on the table. "Oh, uh, what he said." He pointed to Bakura. "And you?" "The fruit salad." "That's just what you are." Ryou muttered as he collected the menus. Bakura and Marik perked up upon hearing this comment. 'I hope there is going to be another fight.' Marik through to himself.

"What did you just say?" Malik snapped at Ryou. "Nothing. I was just making a point." "And that point would be?" "You're a fruit." "Yes, yes I am." Bakura dropped his pen knife, which clattered on the table. "What?" Marik roared in the direction of Malik. "I happen to like men, but who's to say that I don't like women either?" Marik relaxed a little. "What the fuck does that mean?" "I'm bisexual, Marik." "I called it." Bakura said, popping his gum. "What?" "I caught him in the basement with the mini pharaoh. They claimed they were paying dominos." He snorted. "With no pants on? Fuckin' please!" Marik turned to face his hikari. "WHAT?" "Uh, well, I plead the fifth." "Don't you pull that shit with us! We want details." Malik gulped. "Well, it wasn't Yugi that I was, um, getting busy with…we really were playing strip dominos. It was..Duke." Ryou's mouth hung open. "The man-whore in our class?" Malik hung his head in shame. "I hope you went to the clinic afterward." "Why? There's no way I could get pregnant." "I'm not too sure about that." Malik commented, pouring himself a cup of tea from the pot the waitress just left. "To get checked for disease!" Ryou said. "You could have caught an STI!" The older couple looked over in shock at the teens. "I went to the doctor the following day. I got a clean bill of health." "Oh thank God!" Ryou made the sign of the cross. The waitress came over with Marik and Bakura's stake and hash browns. "The rest of the order will be out in a few minutes." She dashed back off to the kitchen as Bakura and Marik attacked their plates with such bloodlust. Ryou sipped his coffee. "I'm sorry. I don't know what dot into me." He said to Malik. The two psychos were too engrossed in their bloody meat to listen to the conversation of their hikaris. "I'm sorry too." He hung his head. "Friends? I would extend my hand to shake yours, but I don't want to get caught in the middle of their carnage." Malik laughed. "Me either."

The waitress brought over the rest of their plates. "Some more meat, when you get a chance, love." Bakura said, jaws dripping. "Yes!" Marik said, blood on his shirt. "Uh, okay." The frightened waitress said, hurrying away. The four ate in silence, except for the occasional grunt from Bakura or Marik. "I'll get the tab." Ryou said, pulling out his wallet. "I'll help." Malik said, reaching into his pocket. "Okay, we'll meet you guys later, we've got some things to set up for tonight." They left to leave the hikaris to try and contain the mess on the table. "We'd better leave a big tip for that poor girl." "I hope her health insurance covers mental."

Ryou and Malik caught a cab to the hotel. Malik helped him into the cab and back to their hotel room. Ryou collapsed into his bed. "It's been the most fucked up day I've ever lived through." "I second that." Malik said, falling next to him. "I can only imagine what Bakura and Marik are going to be up to tonight." Ryou sighed. "I hope they don't get arrested, I didn't bring any bail money."

*AUTHOR'S NOTE: I will be taking the fan fiction that you see here and my other stores and combining them in one large book! Of course, it cannot be the yu-gi-oh characters we all love, since they are copyrighted. : ( The events will revolve around a few characters that I've created and I hope you'll love them too! Pre-Orders are available via me, and my web-links that are posted on my profile. If you have any questions, feel free to private message me or look me up on Facebook. William (Wil) Kana.