Title: The Kingdom of the CBI
Author: iloveplotbunnies
Rating: T
Summary: Lisbon's sick, Rigsby's been hypnotized and Jane's a dragon? Crack!fic prompted by watchyouwalk.
Disclaimer: I don't own this. If I did, I'd be rich! :)

I handwrote this piece for watchyouwalk, because she requested it on my Tumblr (and she's just plain AWESOME). It's also an extremely short prompt, because it was supposed to be at least two hundred words.

Lisbon sniffled, a tissue held to her nose as she glanced through her paperwork. The first day back from break and she had managed to contract a sinus infection. (She honestly blamed it on Jane, and speaking of which…where was the consultant? He hadn't been in to annoy her yet!)

Something cried outside her office, and she sighed. Getting up from her desk, and going into the bullpen, she noticed that Jane had taken temporary residency under his desk, while Rigsby walked around the bullpen for something.

"What the hell is going on out here?" Lisbon screamed. "Jane, what did you do?"

Jane's eyes peered out at her, and Van Pelt cut it.

"Uh…Jane thought we were bored, so he hypnotized Rigsby into believing this was the kingdom of the CBI."

Lisbon blinked. "Why is he under the desk then?"

Cho glanced at Lisbon. "Jane's the dragon."

"Rigsby is…" Van Pelt paused, with a slight chuckle. "Sir Rigsby is trying to slay the dragon named Jane, for angering the princess."

"Do I want to know who the princess is?" Rigsby, as if he heard Lisbon, randomly spoke.

"My dear maiden, Princess Grace; I will slay the fire breathing beast for you!"

"Of course," Lisbon muttered, before she turned to Cho. "Who are we in this misguided adventure?"

"The King and Queen."

The room grew silent except for Rigsby, who was still searching for Dragon!Jane.

Lisbon coughed.

"I tried for Cho to be the dragon, Lisbon." Jane interjected. "However, Rigsby thought I was the dragon!"

"Un-hypnotize him. Now. Jane."

"And risk being injured? No thank you! I'm quite fine here, keeping the dust bunnies company."

"Jane!" Lisbon spat. "I am sick. I'm a bit irritated, and you are going to un-hypnotize him now, or your slaying will be the least of your worries!"

Jane made a noise, and Rigsby spun toward the desk.

"Come out dragon! Face me like a man!"

"That's impossible." Jane answered. "I'm a dragon."

"Jane!" Lisbon roared, and Jane shot from underneath the desk. Rigsby stared at him, and slowly pulled out his gun.

"Uh…Lisbon?" Jane asked. "Rigsby's going to shoot me…" Lisbon opened her mouth, when Rigsby shoved the barrel of his gun into Jane's abdomen. "OUCH!" Rigsby did it again. "Lisbon! Help!" Van Pelt was on the verge of hysterics, as Rigsby shoved the barrel into Jane's abdomen for the third time. "I'm going to have a huge bruise, Lisbon!"

"Well," Cho stated, dryly. "You're a dragon. Dragon's don't bruise."

"Just die already!" Lisbon ordered, and Jane stared at her. "Play dead. Faint!"

Jane did so, and Rigsby went to stand on the 'dragon' with one foot.

"I slayed thy dragon for my princess!" Rigsby shoved the gun into Jane again. "Yes, he is dead! I shall go back to my princess now!" Rigsby turned, as Jane sprung up and proceeded to un-hypnotize Rigsby.

"Boss?" Rigsby asked, after a few minutes. Jane lifted his own three-piece suit vest and shirt up to see his abdomen colored with the dark rainbow of bruises. Rigsby turned to glance at Jane, and his injury. "Jane…you might need to get that checked out."

Jane narrowed his eyes, and Lisbon sneezed.

She couldn't handle them anymore, especially when being sick for the time being and without saying anything else, she went back to her office and locked the door behind her.