Disclaimer: I do not own the Gossip Girl franchise or any of its characters. I do, however, own a couple of characters in this story. The title belongs to the overwhelmingly brilliant Belle & Sebastian.

Paralyse me with your kiss -
Wipe those dirty hands on me -
Maybe we're looking for the same thing,
Maybe you're the one who'll complete me.

~ Halo, Bloc Party

|| Chapter One ||

There was only so much Dan could do at The Hamptons. Beaches and state parks bored him to tears, while aquariums weren't exactly his style of approach. He had checked out some golf course to sign up for – Eric had chuckled and shaken his head when he had told him that – but then quickly realised he didn't have the required forte (the realisation involved some not-so-funny mishaps with his leg, alright…). The only decent place he ended up going to was a historical farm museum that he later decided was more of a family spot.

And as far as Eric was concerned, as much as Dan knew him to be a complying companion, Dan also knew that Eric scarcely had a taste for subtitled movies and modernist poetry. And since the moment Dan witnessed Eric meeting their gay Spanish neighbour, Felipe, he knew that the major part of his companionship won't be spared to him.

He could only draw the conclusion that his pseudonym was doing him justice. He felt lonely.

On one such lonesome night Dan was going through the movies he had brought from the loft. He had very specifically picked which movies to bring, in case his Netflix queue got exhausted…

But that didn't seem too probable.

No, he hadn't heard from her. It had been almost a week since she had left. And yes, he did e-mail her a couple of days back to casually ask her how she was putting up in Monaco, but apparently she was too dazzled by all the splendour to reply back to him.

No, Dan wasn't bitter about it. He could perfectly understand how she was caught up in her whirlwind romance.

And he certainly did not miss watching movies with her.

Au contraire, he was glad that he didn't have to hear someone quibbling over his choice of apparels.

He really was.

So, on that lonely night, while he was vaguely wondering whether he should consider another viewing of The Apartment or not, you could excuse Dan for almost skipping a heartbeat in anticipation when he heard his cell phone ring.

After all, it could very well be Serena calling him up to update him on her vacation in California. (yeah, definitely.)

Or it could be Nate, calling him up to inform him that he after all realized why Chuck belonged in rehab.

Except it wasn't.

The display clearly flashed 'Blair'.

Dan picked up the call.

"Humphrey?"

Yes, it was her. No other girl he knew Humphrey-d him.

"Waldorf," he said in a bland voice.

Waldorf sighed. "Humphrey, I'm sorry I couldn't reply to your mail, you know once arriving in Monaco I couldn't even keep track of time! I think I spent two days only touring The Prince's Palace of Monaco and Louis was so generous and patient, explaining the fine art collection, Dan…it was mesmerising! I couldn't-"

"Blair? It's okay." Dan didn't always find hearing about Louis and his family too fascinating. "But the palace must be striking if it has caught Blair Waldorf in awe."

"It is! I was captivated. Do you know they have on of Titian's own masterpieces in Louis's room? The loose brushwork had me absolutely enthralled -"

He didn't want to hear about Louis's room.

"Alright, Waldorf," Dan said, cutting her off. "You can send me the pictures by e-mail, you know. I'd rather judge then."

He could imagine her narrowing her eyes.

"Are you questioning my impeccable taste, Humphrey?"

"No, Blair, I'm just jealous that I'll never have my own Royal Wedding."

"Oh, I think Serena will have some say in that."

Dan sighed mentally.

"Anyway," Blair continued. "Tomorrow is Monday."

"Oh," Dan remembered.

"So…tomorrow we start with our e-mail correspondence with The Landlord. I had checked up on your queue and I think the next one should be Rhythm on the River."

Dan smiled. "Why, is the princess feeling lonely in the big castle already?"

"Shut up, Daniel. Louis has his errands to run and he is not always present here. And as for spending time with his mother…let's not go there."

"Yes, but I'm sure Monaco has many rare sightings."

"There are few I haven't seen already."

Dan grinned. "But you'd rather watch movies with me than saunter around alone in your kingdom?"

Silence.

Dan waited until Blair finally said, "Don't flatter yourself, Humphrey. Louis is here to accompany me. Although he is busy with the Council since yesterday, I'm positive he would make some time. Besides, I'm sure you're just as lonely in The Hamptons. Somehow I have trouble picturing you and Eric watching An Affair To Remember together."

Dan laughed. "Uh, yeah. Eric has found a new love interest so obviously I'm not being pampered and attended to by him as I expected. Even Nate betrayed me on his world expedition."

He heard Blair's light giggle through the phone. "All is not lost. You can still cut your days improving on your writing."

"Uh…" Dan replied, remembering Vanessa and how she had stolen his manuscript from his own loft. "Somehow I don't feel like doing that."

"Okay," Blair answered, sounding puzzled. "Just make sure you include the movies in your non-existent time-table, Humphrey. I'll be checking up!"

Dan chuckled. "Fine, Waldorf. I'll see if I can fit them in my tight schedule. I'm sure you won't have that problem though. You sound like you have all the time in your hands."

Blair huffed. "If you continue with this Humphrey, I'm not calling you up tomorrow."

Dan grinned, leaning against his desk. "Oh so you plan on calling me up and e-mailing me too? I had no idea the prince was so busy he's let his princess's attention wander to the pauper."

Blair made a high-pitched sound of disbelief and the next thing he knew, Dan Humphrey was being hanged up on.

Dan asked himself when he had learned how to flirt. He wondered if maybe that was a consequence of kissing a friend twice, both times not quite intentionally.

[{}] [{}] [{}]

They continued their discourse over the next week. Eric noticed Dan seeming less lethargic and bored, and assumed what was the reason. They opted for calls when e-mail didn't seem sufficient, and Dan was obliged to sign up for the cheapest international calling card. As for Blair, Louis was hardly around to notice anything at all.

He wondered consistently about Louis's absence. Blair always had a justification lined up for him whenever he ventured to ask her the same, all involving Louis's involvement in the Monaco Parliament. But it couldn't help but nag him that Blair didn't sound too aggravated that her fiancé didn't have time for her on their own vacation.

Dan very much doubted things would end up satisfactorily for Blair with Louis. It had gone a long way; much deeper than he had initially thought – it sort of disturbed him a great deal. He wanted Blair to be happy, but not delusional. He had decided to play along though, before she realised how superficial the whole notion was herself. But this was Blair Waldorf, and Blair Waldorf was the princess of Denialville first than of anywhere else. She always needed a push.

He wondered how long it would take.

He shouldn't have underestimated, even for her standards.

They were well into their fifth subsequent movie when Dan raised up the issue.

"Blair, as much as I enjoy this arrangement …I think you should really spend your weekends going out with Louis. It would be…It would be good for your relationship."

'You know, to actually get to know each other and everything,' Dan added mentally.

Blair sighed. "Louis is…he's out. With his uncle. They have a meeting with the advisory council."

Dan raised his eyebrows. "How long has he been out?"

"Well…two days now."

"And he'll also be out on the weekends."

"It's not his fault, Humphrey! He told me how sorry he was for not being able to spend more time with me…but I guess I should have known how busy royal families can be."

"Ha, they are not training you to be a princess or something?"

"I'm rolling my eyes at that statement, Humphrey. This is not a Disney movie."

'How ironic,' Dan thought.

"I doubt Cinderella was required to be trained."

"Whatever! Princess Sophie does require me to know the basic ceremonies and everything, but-" Blair continued exasperatedly, "They don't take up too much of my time."

Dan sighed. "You're really not having much of a vacation, are you?"

"O-M-G, Humphrey, I shall not be pitied. The true love of my life invited me to spend time with his family. What more do I want?"

"Maybe…actually spending time with him?"

As soon as he said that, he knew he had crossed a line.

There was a long pause in which neither made any sound. Dan didn't want to wonder how she'd react.

"I made the right choice accepting his proposal," Blair replied, so quietly, he had to strain his ears to hear her.

"When did I say you didn't?"

"Louis loves me."

"I'm sure he does, Blair," Dan said softly. "But have you ever considered that maybe you need to know more about him? That maybe he needs to know more about you?"

"Louis loves me, Dan. Without any questions. I'm not asking for anything else. And I'm really not consulting you on my love life, Humphrey," she ended in an annoyed voice.

Dan blinked.

That did hurt.

Sometimes he forgot about the many sides of Blair Waldorf, when he had lately been accustomed to only one. The ambivalence. The dissonance they were beginning to slowly dissolve for each other; and something warmer that was percolating instead.

Yes, sometimes he forgot how many sides Blair Waldorf had.

He straightened. "Fine then, Blair. I just thought I could say something as a friend."

He heard Blair hesitate. "Dan…"

"No, Blair, I understand. I'll talk to you later."

And he hung up on her this time.

[{}] [{}] [{}]

It was the month of June. Dan started to feel like perhaps he had rushed into things bringing Louis up so early. After all it had only been a week into their discourse. But he didn't regret saying it. While knowing that she was spending more time with him rather than with her fiancé when she was on a vacation with said fiancé and about 4000 miles away more than pleased him(although it was hard to admit), he certainly did not want to give Louis any reason to think ill of him.

Or, at the most, he didn't really want to be the cause for the jeopardy of Blair and Louis's engagement.

OR, at the very most, he wanted Blair to understand what she was getting into before she committed herself to it.

Yes, that.

But they hadn't talked in two days. He hadn't talked to her 'later'. He hadn't discussed the two movies he had watched. Eric was out with Felipe over the weekend so Dan was left alone again. Usually that wasn't a problem with him.

But his time something was really irking the back of his mind.

It was a minor tiff. And he had to fix it up soon or they'd continue not watching movies together for the rest of the summer. But for a moment there he felt uncomfortable doing these movie dates (yes, he had started to call them that. He hadn't known what else to call them. After all it was literally true, he had justified to himself), knowing that she had an impending marriage with a royal prince.

He wanted her to open her eyes and see how real life worked. How real relationships worked.

But, no. She was too insecure for her own good.

On Monday again, she called him up.

"Hey, Waldorf," he sighed.

"Dan…I'm sorry," her voice came, very softly.

Dan just shook his head casually.

The many parts of Blair Waldorf.

"I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I deserve you an apology," she continued.

Dan smiled. He had gotten over it. What he had not gotten over though was how she deluded herself into believing some things.

"It's okay, you know. I think I've gotten used to being bitten by Blair Waldorf."

"Don't talk like that. You know I'm really sorry," she sounded almost really miserable.

"I know. It's okay, I tell you. I think we both just need some fresh air. We have been closed up for too long."

"Yeah, the greenery might do you some good. Us both, actually."

He laughed at that.

It was better left unsaid for now, he thought. They had his Netflix queue to exhaust, after all.

A/N: I don't know much about the monarchy in Monaco; only stuff that I vaguely searched on the internet, so forgive me if you spot anything askew.

I thought this chapter was more of a premise; the next would pick up more, I hope. =)

Review, pretty please? I would really appreciate it. :)