AN: So sorry for the delay folks but I do have a reason. Let's just say that breaking one's dominant thumb is not conducive to being able to write or type very well. Anyhow, I do hope that you're still interested in my little fic and that you will continue to drop some feedback so I can make it better. Without any further ado, on with it.

Don't own 'em.

Chapter 9: Falling

"Rick, can I have word?" Jim Beckett asked, following the younger man out of his daughter's hospital room. She was being given a final exam before being released from the hospital.

"Absolutely. Is everything thing ok with Kate?" Castle responded.

Castle followed the older man to a set of chairs in a deserted waiting area. Jim motioned for him to sit and they faced one another.

"How are you doing, Rick?" Jim asked.

Castle was taken aback. He expected a "what are you intentions toward my daughter" speech or maybe even a "trying anything funny while she's staying with you and I'll break your kneecaps" talk. The last thing he expected was for Jim to ask about his well-being.

"I'm fine, sir." Castle replied.

"Are you, Rick?" Jim questioned again. "I see what this is doing to you, son, and Katie sees it, too. You aren't sleeping or eating as you should. Katie is worried about you, you know. She told me herself."

"Pardon me for saying so, but that's nonsense, Jim." Castle smiled. "I feel great. I could not be happier that Kate is getting out of here and the last thing she needs to worry about is me. She needs to focus on herself right now."

Jim Beckett sighed and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

"She's going to be fine, Rick. You do know that, right?" Jim asked, staring into the younger man's eyes.

The question struck Castle as odd. Of course he knew Kate was going to be fine. He listened to the doctor's words and diagnosis. His brow furrowed and he frowned at him.

"I know, Jim. What is this all about?"

Jim sighed, "When Jo died, I buried myself in taking care of Katie. Well, at first I did. I ignored all the fear and pain that I was feeling by busying myself elsewhere. But at night, when Katie went to sleep, I couldn't close my eyes without seeing the love of my life… the way that they found her. That's when I started drinking."

Jim took a deep a breath and shook his head, "I couldn't sleep without drinking, Rick, and when Kate went back to school, back to her apartment, I couldn't be awake without it either."

"Jim…" Castle began.

"No, just hear me out." Jim held up a hand to stop him, "Someday, soon, Katie will be able to take complete care of herself again and she will become her annoyingly-independent self. When that day comes, I'm afraid that all that pain that you're suppressing is going to come reeling in you."

"Mr. Beckett?" A nurse asked to the waiting room.

Both men were shaking from their conversation and looked up at her.

"Here." Jim replied, standing.

"We're almost ready to release her." She smiled, "I'm afraid we need to get her blood pressure steady first. It's a bit higher than we would like."

"Is that bad?" Castle asked.

"Not necessarily." She smiled, "It could be medication related or stress related. We'll have it sorted out in no time. You can sit with her if you'd like."

The men smiled and returned to Kate's soon-to-be former-hospital room, Castle having more than a little to think about.

It was early evening by the time the hospital staff liked her vital signs enough to let her go.

"Maybe if they stopped poking me with needles my blood pressure would be better." Kate mumbled for the hundredth time that day.

Castle and Jim loaded her gingerly into her dad's four-door sedan. The transfer from the wheelchair to the backseat had been a breeze compared to the challenge of getting her to sit in the wheelchair in the first place. In the end, Beckett had relented to hospital policy even though she deemed it "unnecessary" and "ridiculous."

Castle played along with her as she argued. He made no comment on either side of the issue. He didn't need Kate to be mad at him even though they both knew she didn't have the strength nor the stamina to walk herself all the way to the car. He simply sat back and chose his battle wisely as she reluctantly sat in the chair while the orderly pushed her along. As it was, she was exhausted anyway. She even fell asleep on his shoulder as her father drove them to his building.

When they reached the loft, they were greeted by Alexis, Martha, Lanie and The Boys in the parking garage. Alexis and Martha were standing in front of an open foldable wheelchair that he had once purchased for a wheelchair basketball game and dug out just for this occasion.

"Kate," He whispered, "We're here."

She grunted, shifted, and hissed at the pull of her stitches before opening her eyes and acknowledging him. With help from Lanie, they managed to get her into the chair and up to the loft with minimal pain.

Alexis and, to some extent, Martha had prepared a meal that they all enjoyed but Castle was fixated on Beckett at all times. He couldn't help but watch her eat, talk, and most importantly, breathe. He noticed every single smile, frown and uncomfortable shift and now he was noticing how she was fading fast. He knew that he wasn't the only one when Jim, Lanie, Ryan, and Esposito all got to their feet and said goodnight. They knew that she needed her rest and that she wouldn't go if they were still there.

Castle looked around the loft for the disposed –of wheelchair but couldn't locate it for the life of him.

"Don't kill me for this." He stated, looking down at her on the couch.

"For what?"

Before she could fully ask the question he bent down and scooped her up into his arms with great care and gentleness. He was acutely aware that one wrong move could cause her pain and that was the last thing he wanted. Though she glared at him as she placed her stronger arm around his neck, he liked to think that she was grateful that she didn't have to walk through her exhaustion.

He reached the master suite off of his office and swung open the door with his hip. He walked to the end of the bed and placed her gently on the pillow-top bed. She looked around for a second before glaring at him again.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this your room?"

"Well, technically you're both right and wrong." He smiled. "While you're here, it's your room but when you're not here it's my room."

Kate glared again and shook her head at him, "Castle, I'm not taking your room."

"Sorry, Detective. All of my things are moved into the guest room and all of yours are in here." He gestured around the room. "Plus, there are no stairs that to and from this room that you could potentially injure yourself on and there's a connected bathroom with a HUGE tub."

"Castle…"

"Kate, don't argue about this. You won't win." Castle placed on a face that few had seen but his Daughter and Mother and Beckett backed down.

"As soon as I'm cleared, you get your room back, you hear me?"

"Loud and clear. Now, it's time for bed." He smiled, moving to pull a flannel pajama set from one of the drawers. "I'm told this is your favorite when you're sick."

"How?"

"Lanie and I went to your place to get some stuff." He explained. "Truthfully, she picked out the stuff and I waited on the couch. She said that she would be in big trouble if she let me into your drawers… umm.. so to speak."

Kate let out a small chuckle at his Freudian-slip and immediately regretted the action and hissed in pain. "She would be right and you can't make me laugh yet, ok? It doesn't feel great."

"You got it." He smiled solemnly. "I'm going to miss that laugh though."

"Castle,"

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll just let you get dressed."

Before she could speak anymore he fled from the room and into the hallway. She really wanted to talk to him about the things he'd said, but he kept running away every time she tried. It didn't make any sense.

She struggled to shrug into her night-shirt and pants but was glad when she finally did it successfully. It made her angry that the simplest tasks like dressing herself had become a burden. She moved to the bathroom and found all of her toiletries laid out on the counter. She felt a rush of warmth at the thoughtfulness of her friends; especially Lanie and Castle.

Kate Beckett was exhausted. Her feet refused to move fluently; instead she could only unsteadily shuffle. Her head was pounding, her chest and wound were burning with exertion and pain; all she wanted to do was sleep. When she opened the bathroom door she was met with the sight of Rick Castle sitting on the bed staring at the door and she paused.

He smiled sheepishly at her, "I was going to wait about thirty more seconds before pounding on that door or sending in the cavalry to make sure you were ok."

He offered a smile in return but moved closer and sat next to him. "Don't worry, Castle. If there's anything wrong, you'll be the first to know but right now, I'm just dead tired."

"Don't." He growled, staring her down.

"What?"

"Don't make jokes like that."

She didn't understand what he was upset about until she replayed her own words in her head. She sighed and looked at him.

"Castle, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just exhausted."

"I know." He sighed, calming down. "I guess I'm just a little sensitive on that subject right now."

"Understandable."

And awkward silence hung between them as they sat shoulder to shoulder. Beckett yawned and hissed in pain as the abundant air stretched her repairing lung.

"Ok, time to sleep." Castle said standing. He grabbed the blankets and pulled them back and lifted Kate's legs from the floor and turned her sideways into the mattress.

"Your pills and a glass of water are next to the bed if you're in pain." He told her, switching off the lamp by her head. "If you need anything, I'm going to be in my study for a while, there's a connected door, so just yell."

"Thanks, Castle." She mumbled, eyes closed and already slipping into slumber.

As soon as Castle meandered into his study and sat down he found himself feeling lost. He grabbed a novel and read about fifty pages before realizing that he hadn't absorbed a single word. He put the book down and walked over to his windows. As he looked down on the city that have given him so much, but was so cruel at times, he marveled at the mystery of it all. He glanced at the door to the adjacent bedroom and sighed again. Beyond that door was the woman that he have devoted the last three years to. Through that time, he could have never imagined that she could fall so hard.

The paramedics told Lanie that she had lost vitals on the way to the hospital and Lanie let it slip while gathering the essentials at Beckett's apartment. Looking out at the darkened city, Castle took a second to actually consider what that meant. Even though, he knew he should have put it far out of his mind, he couldn't help but dwell on the fact that she had actually died. Kate Beckett died. For however long, she stopped living, stopped existing in the present tense.

He gasped and darted toward the door and skidded to a halt at the frame. There she was- sleeping. He nearly wept. Maybe Jim was right, maybe he hadn't really dealt with this yet.

Castle took slow and quiet steps to the chair in the corner of the room and sat down. Maybe if he just watched her for a bit, he would feel better—more normal.

Instead, as the minutes ticked on, he felt the panic in his chest rise as he watched her chest rise and fall. He remembered when he saw the natural motion stop under Lanie's careful hands and the feeling of total despair returns to his memory quickly and he feels it start to swallow him.

Beckett's face is relaxed as she sleeps, lying on her back, but she still had the pallor of someone ill and it scared the life out of him. Being with her at the hospital, he now realized, had been easier on him. There were doctors and nurses and orderlies looking over her there; here, though, it's just him, and he suddenly doesn't feel all that confident. He tried to shake it out of his head and tell himself he was being ridiculous but his own brain doesn't believe him.

Beckett lets out a contented sigh as she sleeps and he thinks that the action alone should be enough to soothe him in the darkness of 3 AM but it does the exact opposite.

For the last three years he had been following and observing her without any real repercussions. A tiny part of him just assumed he was invincible, and she was too. The past three weeks had shaken him to his very core in showing that the opposite was true. In fact, he could be alone right now. He could have lost her in the blink of an eye—or more accurately, a squeeze of a trigger.

He had a fleeting thought that he would have never gotten the chance to tell her that he loved her; to tell her that, though they were never really together, that he had loved her for almost three years. He would have never been able to kiss her without ruse, or make love to her, or spend the rest of his days by her side.

Something fiercer than panic swept through him and he physically recoiled. He felt his gut clench, he suddenly broke out in a sweat, and breathing became difficult. He knew this feeling. Richard Castle was going to throw up.

He tried to breathe deeply and close his eyes but he couldn't regain control over his emotions nor his body. He leapt from his arm-chair and bolted into the adjoin bathroom, just in time to empty the limited contents of his stomach and create two nice bruises on his kneecaps from the marble floor.

Castle had only been able to close the door most of the way and hadn't even bothered to flick on the lights in his haste. When the heaving finally relented, he rolled back on his heels, closed the lid, and flushed the toilet.

His body sagged with the release of a ragged sigh. He found himself feeling every bit of the exhaustion and fear he had been fighting and he collapsed against the cool tile of the bathroom wall behind him. Castle tried to breathe through whatever he was feeling but his effort was in vain. Before he could even acknowledge the emotion, he was sobbing into his knees.

He cried for Kate; for the pain she was going through. He cried for Alexis; his poor daughter that had to witness something so senseless and vicious. She had to watch as one of her idols lay dying in her father's arms. He cried for Jim Beckett; having almost lost the biggest part of what was left of his wife as he looked on. He cried for Lanie and the boys; for Montgomery, but mostly he cried for himself. For every time he closed his eyes or blinked, he saw his life without her and it was breaking him.

The sound of the door opening didn't even reach Castle's ears through the sound of his cries. The presence in the room didn't even register until the light turning on sent his body going rigid.

"Kate?" he cleared his throat and swiped at his haggard face. "You need to be sleeping. You shouldn't be moving around alone like this!" he scolded, placing his palms flat on the marble floor beneath him.

Castle stood on shaky legs and placed his hands on her shoulders, guiding her to sit on the closed lid of the toilet.

"You okay?" he asked, looking at her pale face.

She nodded, but rubbed her chest gently as if to take the ache away. She used her other hand to grab onto his tee shirt as he knelt in front of her.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." He shook his head, "Nothing. Let's get you back to bed. I'm just fine."

He tried to get to his feet but, with a sudden burst of surprising strength, she managed to force him back down.

"What. Happened. Castle?" She asked, sounding more like Beckett than she had in weeks.

"Kate, please." He pleaded, looking down to avoid he steady gaze.

"Don't do this, Rick. She spoke, softly. "Don't shut me out. Don't coddle me." She raised his chin with her fingers to his eyes met hers. "Whatever it is, I can handle it. I'm fine."

"Fine!" he spat. "Fine? You're not fine! I'm not fine!" All the rage he had in him came to the surface and he began to pant with the force of it.

"Castle…" Kate's brow furrowed and her ashen face showed vast confusion.

"No, Beckett! Montgomery's dead! You were shot! You almost died, for God's sake." He nearly shouted. "Hell, you did die. Everything is so wrong, Kate; everything." Years began to cloud his vision as he looked at her. "There is someone out there that wants you dead and I… I can't lose you. I can't."

Castle collapsed down on himself. He fell forward from his crouch to his knees and put his head in hands. He was sure that he looked pathetic. He was sure he was sobbing like a child but all he felt was the warmth of his palm on his back, trying to soothe him.

She let him cry for a moment or two before running her weaker free hand through his hair, massaging his scalp gently. She was murmuring words of comfort to him as well as assuring him that she was right there with him.

"Castle…"

The tone of her voice had snapped him straight up. It was laced with pain and was the kind of breathless that sends a shiver of fear down his spine. He assessed her face and saw that she was paler than she was before and had developed a thin sheen of perspiration across her forehead.

"You okay?" he croaked, swiping at his face.

"I think I need…" she started before a bone-rattling cough ripped through her. "I can't sit like this anymore."

"Right." He said standing. "I'm taking you back to bed."

"Bet you use that line on all the girls." She snarked as he lifted her bridal-style.

He chuckled in response and began to walk out of the bathroom. "Wish I was saying that to you under different circumstances."

"mmmm… me too." She replied and she watched amused as his eyes bulged in response. She laughed at his reaction before cringing at the pain it caused. "I thought I told you not to make me laugh, Castle."

He placed her gently on the soft bed and pulled the covers over her once again. "You did that one all on your own, Kate."

He bent down and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead before taking a step away to leave. Her hand grabbing his wrist shocked him and he was sure it was written all over his face.

"I want you to stay, Castle."

"Okay, I'll just sit…" he gestured to the chair but she interrupted him.

"No. You need to sleep." She reasoned. "This bed is huge. You can sleep right here."

"Kate, I don't want to risk hurting you, the chair is fine."

"You won't hurt me, Castle." She spoke and paused. "I'm worried about you, Rick. You're not sleeping. You're barely eating. I'm alive, Castle, and you're acting like I'm not. You look at me like I'm going to disappear, but I can't, I won't."

He didn't have a reply to that. What she was saying was true and he didn't know how to stop himself.

"I want you to stay, Castle."

"Beckett…"

"Get in the damned bed, Rick."

He smiled. That was his Beckett. He walked around to the other side of the bed and pulled back the covers. He slipped his slippers off and slid in. When he settled and looked over, she was staring at him. She gave him a small smile and grabbed his hand beneath the thick covers. He sighed at the comforting contact and gave her hand a squeeze in appreciation.

"Sleep, Rick." She whispered. "We'll figure everything out in the morning. We'll both be here. I promise. Just sleep right now.

And he did.

There you have it. Clickkk it, please? Look at that little thought-bubble. It looks so inviting. Ok, fine, I'm a review-whore.