This had to be a dream. This had to be a dream because this was just too weird, even for the Winchesters. Balthazar had appeared in their current motel room not three minutes ago, and was saying the strangest things that Dean had ever heard in his life- things that were impossible- but the most abnormal part of this picture was the screaming infant in Balthazar's arms.

They were quite an odd group, an angel, a hunter, a soulless shell of a hunter, and the wriggling mass of person in the angel's arms. The child was unleashing a wail that would put a banshee to shame as Balthazar awkwardly held it a foot away from his body, as if it was infected with the Black Plague or something equally unpleasant.

"Dude, I can't hear you!" Dean was shouting over the baby, "I can't hear a damn thing you're saying over your new friend, here." Dean's eyes found the baby for maybe the twelfth time in the last minute. He cocked an eyebrow at the angel. "You've been a bad angel, Balthy."

Balthazar gave him a look that said that all he wanted to do was hurl the little pest at the hunter and effectively kill two annoyances with one stone, but something clearly held him back. That something must have been very important, because the times that the angel ignored his insane impulses were few and far between.

"Just give it to Dean. He's good with kids, believe it or not." Sam sounded annoyed, as if the baby was intentionally screaming just to bother him personally. Balthazar sighed with a relief that told the brothers that this was the best idea he had heard in a millennia.

Before he could protest, Dean had an armful of squirming infant. At his touch, the child quieted, and stilled. "Well that's one thing that hasn't changed," Balthazar remarked, his voice filled with mock surprise.

"What in the world are you talking about? Who is this?" Dean glared at Balthazar as though he wouldn't put it past the angel to kidnap a child.

Balthazar rolled his eyes. "I'm referring to the fact that he still likes you for some unfathomable reason."

"Who still likes me ?"

"Didn't I mention? That's your little stalker."

Sam's jaw hit the floor. "You mean to tell us that that...thing, is Castiel?" Dean's head snapped up to glare at Sam, clearly offended at the thought that a human child was a thing to his not-brother.

"That is exactly what I just said." Balthazar was clinging to his devil-may-care act by a thread, the cracks in his mask telling the brothers that the angel was on the verge of a full blown tantrum.

Dean looked down at the child. He was gazing around the room, wide-eyed and awestruck and so Cas that Dean was surprised he hadn't seen it before. The kid had thick, straight black hair that had a mind of its own, and if that wasn't enough to convince Dean of the truth in Balthazar's words, there were the eyes, piercing and blue and twice as big as they should be. Castiel's eyes locked with Dean's for a moment, confused and intense and- God this was just too much for his brain. Dean's eyes grew wide, and he broke Castiel's gaze and glare accusingly at Balthazar, "What did you do to Cas?"

"Nothing, actually," At Dean's skeptical face, the angel quickly continued with, "I wasn't there for the...transformation. I was sort of, given him."

"By who," Sam cut in.

"By Raphael." he put up his hands in surrender at the sudden anger and betrayal. "I know, shocking, right?" A demand for a further explanation was in both brother's eyes.

Balthazar sighed. "Look, I was just going about my business, following orders and all that, when he appeared. Raphael had Castiel in this form and told me to take him some place that he'd be safe. I asked what happened, and he said that he-" Balthazar made a face. "Changed Castiel into this to end the war." Balthazar grinned devilishly. "He looked so smug, too."

Dean looked at Balthazar blankly. "How does making Cas a baby end heaven's civil war?"

"Well, genius, Castiel was Team Free Will's leader, our sole general. I suppose Raphael thought his army would crumble without his excellent leadership skills." Dean tried to ignore the obvious sarcasm in the remark, allowing Balthazar to continue. "Luckily, he didn't realize that a clear chain of command was established, otherwise, well, I would be dead."

"Why didn't he kill Cas?"

"Because he loves Castiel," Balthazar said simply. "As irritating as the little bugger is, he is relatively popular. 'The Little Angel That Could', and all that. Plenty of our brothers like him, even if half of them are doing their absolute best to off him. Raphael's not like Uriel- he'd would never kill his brother unless he believed there was no other option. And he clearly thought transforming him into a useless child was a good alternative."

Dean still looked confused, "So Cas...fell?" The very idea of his angel losing his grace permanently made Dean shudder and hold the now sleeping bundle just a little bit tighter. The very last thing Dean wanted for his friend was to end up like Anna did, tortured and hunted.

"Well not exactly, so you can relax."

"But... I thought that-"

"Castiel is still an angel. His grace is still there. He just can't use it right now." Balthazar surveyed the pair. "Which is probably a good thing right now, seeing as he's got the brain of an infant."

"Then what exactly did Raphael do?"

Balthazar gave him a look that told Dean that the angel thought this was glaringly obvious, even to a stupid hunter like himself, "He quite literally transformed him into an infant, in every sense."

"So Cas is...a newborn angel?" Dean asked, disbelief coloring his tone. Something like this shouldn't be possible, even in their world. Dean couldn't wrap his head around the idea that Castiel was, in the truest sense of the word... a baby, both as an angel and as a human, was beyond Dean.

"Yes. So," Balthazar clapped his hands together. "Now that we have that out of the way, will you take him?"

"Of course," Dean said. "Absolutely not," Sam said at the same time.

Both the boys glared at each other, as Balthazar rubbed his temples.

Dean would not be taking this bullshit from Not-Sam. They owed Cas, and if they couldn't help him when he needed it most, then Dean didn't deserve to have him as a friend, "Sam, we are keeping him. Do you understand me?"

"Dean, this is stupid, even for us! He's not a pet! He'd need constant care, and even if I wanted to take care of him, we just couldn't."

"And why not, Sam? It's not like he'll be interfering with your beauty sleep."

Sam made a face. "It is not safe for an kid to be around us, Dean. Have you forgotten that we hunt monsters for a living? Or that our grandfather wants to kill us? Or maybe that I still don't have my soul back?"

"It's not like they have an angelic day-care for us to dump him in!" Dean glared at the taller man over the bundle of angel baby and blankets in his arms. "And heaven is clearly out to get him, so until the war is over, Cas is staying right here, with me!" Dean was pissed. All he wanted to do was protect the angel in his arms, keep him safe from all the terrible things that he was sure was about to happen. He wanted it so much it scared him.

He took a steadying breath, "Can we please just put this off until later, please? 'Cause whether you like it or not, Cas needs us." Dean turned to Balthazar, "What do we feed him?"

Balthazar, who had remained silent during the entire exchange, seemed surprised at the question. "I believe that human food will work."

Dean nodded once. "Good. Sam, can you please go to the store and get some formula, bottles, wipes, and diapers. Clothes are probably a good idea, too."

Sam huffed but got up and snatched the keys, "This isn't over, Dean."

"The last time I heard that, I got laid," Dean told his brother. At Sam's look, he made a face. "I get it, okay? Just shut up for a minute and help me." Sam sighed in irritation and left. Balthazar flashed Dean a grateful smile.

"I'll be back to check on him soon," Balthazar turned away from Dean, then stopped, and glance over his shoulder, "Thank you." Then with a flutter of wings, he was gone.