A/N: I'm not sure what really possessed me to make this story. I did want to write one more Suzuka/Alisa fic, a more serious and dark one, but in the end I couldn't do anything like that. Originally, this story was about Suzuka doing a lot of terrible things (sexually) to herself to get Alisa's attention. But somehow, it turned into a bit of an alternate ending to Lyrical / After chapter 1. A few people made the comment, wondering if Alisa in the end had feelings for Suzuka in the "Lyrical Girls" series. This story is meant to explore that what if scenario. And I'm not sure, but maybe I'll write more what if stories like this, but for now I'm satisfied.

That said, I still don't know what I want to do with fanfiction, but at the very least I've started on my novel, and the prologue is done, so anyone who wants to see that can ask, though its quite short. But until we meet again . . .

- Kode-Dekka

I'm a prisoner of love
Prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love
I'm just a prisoner of love
A prisoner of love

Utada Hikaru "Prisoner of Love"

Moving Forward

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

Kode-Dekka

Everything is black and cold, as the sky has become dark with clouds, and the ground soaked from rain. Its not just the outside world, but my heart is also this way, wet and frozen over. The thing in my chest hummed painfully, pulsed quickly, releasing the agony all throughout my body as a result. I had no control over it, no way to stop it; because this pain is what I deserved, this pain is what I wanted.

I acknowledge this as I grip the fabric of my shirt tightly, and look outside my bedroom window. Suzuka is on the ground, standing out in the rain; she isn't alone. She's being embraced by a boy named Renji, and at this time, he is kissing her passionately, and Suzuka responds with just as much passion to match his advance. It tears me in two to see this act, but I can't look away, because the one I love is down there, with someone else; Suzuka was down there, and it hurt me to see that.

From the beginning, this was a love that couldn't – mustn't bare fruit. Regardless of my feelings for her, we could not be together, such a thing could not be allowed. Both our families were rich, and as such, we were expected to marry other rich families – rich men, and have children with those men to further the desires of both our parents, and our clan. Regardless of our – my feelings, this was a destiny that couldn't change, no matter what, so there was nothing left but to accept it. Still, having to see the person I love down there with the man she would eventually marry; it was nothing short of torture.

It would only be a year until they married, and then she would be taken away from me forever, and would embark on her own path. I would be left behind, all alone. Natsume and Hayate were getting along well; Fate and Nanoha would probably never be apart from one another until the end of time. It was just me, I alone would suffer by myself.

The two of them walk away, holding hands, smiling happily into each other. I continue to watch, unable to do anything, unable to change anything. As my face pressed against the glass, a stream of tears ran down my cheeks.

When did I start to fall in love with Suzuka? For the longest time, I had a nonsensical crush on Nanoha; so when did my feelings change to Suzuka? And when did they become so illogical, so real, so painful?

When I think about it, it may have been because of Renji. Its only when he appeared that I realized that my carefree life with Suzuka wouldn't be able to last forever. At some point, she would be taken away by a man, and everything would change. That was probably it; when he entered the picture, the realization of the future allowed me to see the true shape of my heart. Because of his interference, I finally understood the painful reason why I never wanted to leave Suzuka's side.

And yet, even after knowing, there was nothing I could do, nothing that I could say to her, to make things any less painful. I couldn't confess, I couldn't act on my feelings at all. Compared to Natsume, who risked everything to show me how she felt, I was nothing but a weak coward. Only now did I understand Natsume's heart. I didn't want things to change, I didn't want to become hated, I just wanted to be with the person I loved, even if it meant shouldering these painful feelings.

"Oh Suzuka, I . . . ."

The entire world came crashing down in a single instant. It happened so suddenly that I couldn't stop it; and afterward, it felt like the world was going to end.

Suzuka came over again, which was not unusual. However, today she seemed to be a sulky mood, so I did my best to comfort her. Apparently she learned that after the marriage, it was decided that she would leave the city and join her husband's family in Tokyo. Naturally she was upset, and so here she was, looking to me for pretty words and loving support.

I took her to my room, and the two of us were side by side, though I laid down on my back and stared at the ceiling rather than look at her.

Suddenly her face was pressed against my chest. "Alisa-chan, what should I do? Do you think I'm being unreasonable?"

"Of course not, its a big decision, and they should at least hear your opinion on it." She peeked up, and smiled at me, causing my heart to beat rapidly.

"You know, the reason I don't want to go, is because . . . then you'll be so faraway, and I don't think I could stand it, even though I love him. Because, you're just as important to me."

If only she hadn't said that, then things could have stayed the same as they were now. But it was too late, and I reached out my hand to pat her head. She looked into my eyes, and I stared back into the abyss.

"I don't want you to go, I love you, Suzuka." Naturally, this lead me into her, and though she was quite surprised, she accepted my kiss with little resistance. But it was over in a second, and the two of us reeled backward.

"Oh God! I, I . . . ." It was all over now, because everything had changed in that moment.

"I see, so even you're like this." Suzuka said sadly, and her eyes became liquid from the tears.

"Suzuka, I'm sorry!" She shook her head, wiping the tears away.

"I'm the one who's sorry, because I didn't realize before it was too late." She moved back into me, wrapping her arms around my waist. "I feel the same as you, I love you too, Alisa-chan." This would have been a great moment for me, the best one of my life, if her arms weren't shaking. "But I also Love Renji-kun, and, my family is depending on me. I'm sorry, but we can't . . . ." I understood that. Even though she was rich, her family was starting to have problems, hence the sudden marriage. Having Suzuka like Renji was just good luck.

I took my arms, and at last embraced her.

"I know, Suzuka. But this is fine, right?"

"Yeah, this is perfect."

And we held each other for a long time, before moving on. That night, we had sex, the first time for both of us. As we moved in ecstasy, we both knew, that this would be the first and last time. It was at this time that I understood; she was going to move away, her affection made me sure of this, she had made her decision in my arms. This night was meant to be a farewell party for just the two of us; both a farewell to our feelings, and a farewell to each other.

After Suzuka and Renji's wedding, I stood outside her house, not going inside, or even making my presence known. I had already said my goodbyes to Suzuka, both on this day, and on that special night a year ago, and now it was time to move on.

"Goodbye, Suzuka."

I started to walk down the street, and as soon as I took my first steps it began to rain. I chuckled under my breath, finding this situation funny.

"Alisa-san?" Of all people, Yuuno, a boy who was at the wedding appeared. He must have split off from Nanoha and the others – who were probably still partying without me - and he too was getting caught in the rain.

He ran up to me, noticing my expression. "Is someone wrong?" Of course, he realized that was probably a silly question and retracted it. "Anyway, we should probably get out of the rain before we catch colds. If you want, you can come over and wait at my house, its pretty close."

"Thanks, but I . . . ." I was intending to just let the rain drown me, and wash away all my sorrows. Yuuno grabbed my arm and started to pull me along.

"Sorry, but Nanoha-san would probably kill me if I just left you here."

" . . . ." I didn't care anymore, and just let him take me.

Yuuno's house was pretty big, even though his family wasn't that wealthy. After pouring some tea, he explained that his parents were researchers, and right now were in America. Normally, I'd probably a little adverse to being alone with a guy, but somehow I couldn't even find the strength to become nervous about it.

Conversion was non-existent. Yuuno tried, but I wasn't very responsive; it wasn't fair to him, but I couldn't help it, I just didn't want to talk to anyone. He even asked if I wanted the others to come over, but I declined. In the end, things became quiet again, and the tension continued.

"I . . . ." I said suddenly. "I was in love with Suzuka." I don't know why I told him that, but it just came out. "I loved her a lot, so, I'm . . . ." He nodded, scratching his cheek, looking a bit embarrassed.

"It surprised me, when I found out that the other girls were going out with each other." I laughed, though it was hollow.

"I guess we all somehow just because drawn to one another. Maybe it was fate." And then I sighed deeply. "Just to let you know, I'm not like them, I think. I had a bit of a crush on Nanoha before, and I really loved Suzuka, but I don't think I'm like them. Actually, I don't think they are like that either, except maybe Natsume. Everyone, they just found that person who understood them, and it didn't matter that they were the same gender, or something like that."

Yuuno smiled at me in response. "Yeah, I think that's a good way of looking at it."

My phone buzzed, and I opened it to find a text from Suzuka.

"I'm going to be really busy for a while, so we might not get a chance to talk for some time. I just wanted to say thank you, for everything, you really made my life worth living. I love you.

Suzuka"

I felt my eyes swimming with tears, and I closed my phone, putting it away. Yuuno caught my expression, and he made a motion toward me.

I put my head against his shoulder, causing him to become embarrassed even more.

"Sorry, I don't want you to see my face right now, is this alright?"

"Yeah." I nodded and put my face deeper into his arm. Even though I didn't know him very well at all, I was at the very least thankful for his kindness.

My body shook a little as I cried into him, though I didn't make many sounds, and he didn't say anything, and just let me cry on his shoulder. And all at once, everything came flooding out of me.

"Sorry about everything, I'm sure it was terrible hanging out with me." I gave Yuuno a wave, my eyes red from crying.

"Its alright. Feel free to come back, I'll lend you my shoulder any time." My face flushed a little, and I punched him in the arm, and he laughed. "See ya."

"Yeah." I walked away from Yuuno's house. The sun was showing through the clouds, the rain had stopped.

I still thought about Suzuka, and my heart ached because of it. But now, somehow, it didn't feel as painful as before. I looked back, and Yuuno gave me one last smile and wave. I kept moving forward, and smiled, thinking for the second time since I met him . . .

"Maybe he's not so bad after all."

And then, it started to rain all over again, and I ran. I ran away from Yuuno, and eventually past Suzuka's house, giving it one last look before going forward even more.

The pain in my heart, though weakened, was still great enough to make my body shake with agony. Still, somehow, despite the rain, and the tears that were forming on my face again, I didn't feel like this was the end of the world anymore. Everything was just getting started. One day, I would see Suzuka again, and show her, that I moved on. And one day, I can show her, that even a crybaby like me can move forward too. And some day, I too, will find that special person. But until then, I would keep running like this, until the day that I can run to her with a smile on my face.