Disclaimer: i do not own Doctor Who nor Russian Roulette both are the property of their rightful owners

My first Song fic, please consider that when re-viewing XD

Dedication: to all the River Song fans, because she's amazing and judging by other ppls fanfics its rubbing off on all her fans! XD

P.s: I went for a more darker kind of Doctor as seen in the Impossible Astronaut when quizzing River on who she is.

Russian Roulette

Take a breath, take it deep

She gives a deep shuddering breath, the thoughts running through her head are many and there is precious little space between each.

What am I doing here? Why me? Out of everyone?

She knows the answer to that, though it is not an adequate response, "because the universe is big and vast and works in mysterious ways"

Calm yourself, he says to me

How can he smile at a time like this? She thinks with a twinge of annoyance, a mocking, slightly sinister smile that attracts and repulses all in one. She takes another shuddering breath, the smile on his lips becomes more pronounced.

If you play, you play for keeps

"Winner takes all Doctor Song" That's how he'd introduced this sick game, just over an hour ago when he arrived at her house, grinning as he watched her call the cat in for dinner. She'd never thought that it would lead to this; she still didn't quite understand how it had come to this.

Next thing she knew she was seated at this table in a strange place where the rain hammered down on the windows non-stop, she'd heard someone remark upon her arrival that it "always" rained here.

Take the gun, and count to three

The gun is lying on the table in front of her there are two bullets in there, one to kill him, one to make sure he's dead, Timelords after all, like to cheat death.

She sits opposite from him, feeling his eyes on her, he's coaxing her to pick up the gun, as if she were a child and he were helping her overcome a fear.

Her hand stubbornly remains at the edge of the table, gripping the edges so tightly that her knuckles are turning white.

He begins to lose patience "Pick it up!" he roars suddenly. She jumps, and automatically reaches for the gun, holding it level with his forehead.

Their reactions are in total contrast, he smirks and settles back in his chair, she gasps and stares from her own hand to his face, not believing what has just taken place.

And you can see my heart, beating you can see it through my chest,

She gulps, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

Her Doctor, this was her Doctor, and yet it wasn't. She wasn't sure of anything any more, not when the man who despite everything had remained so familiar to her, had now become so distant.

If he could change then anyone could...even her.

Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving

He sits across from her, calculating, contemplating above all, cold. He can see the fear in her eyes, and for him, that's more thrilling then hunting down cybermen or weeping angels.

He wants her to be afraid of him, River Song, for all her backchat and her "I'm better than you" attitude, it's satisfying to watch her now.

There is no doubt who's in control here, and the fact that he's the one pulling the strings, manipulating and manoeuvring her like a chess piece, well, that is how it should be!

I know that I must pass this test

He laughs at how easy this was, to lure her here, of course she'd go anywhere with her "sweetie." He's always hated the way she calls him that, like he was inferior to her.

His lip curls as he thinks about that, she senses this and tenses, her eyes, pleading with him one moment, then to the bare, white-washed walls and finally, to the exit .

He slams a fist down on the table, how dare she even believe for one moment, that she can escape him? He, the oncoming storm, the destroyer of worlds!

Her attention immediately returns to him and he relaxes, good, she knows what she has to do.

"So just pull the trigger"

He whispers to her, in a tone that is both sinister and suggestive. He can almost hear her mind, wanting him and afraid of him all the same, he likes confusing her, that way she remains dependent, vulnerable.

But he's underestimated River Song's nerve, she isn't ready to crack.

Instead of obeying him, she drops the gun onto the table, pushes herself out of the chair, running for the exit without even a glance back.

The Doctor is on his feet in an instant, already closing the distance between them, the gun she's abandoned in his hand.

He catches her before her hand even reaches the doorknob; spinning her round to face him he slams her against the wall so that she can see the malice in his eyes.

This is it; she thinks as she stares into his eyes, his gaze is so hypnotic, so fierce and so terrifyingly beautiful that she remains still, paralysed.

She's in his power, she was the moment she stepped into this room and only now does she realise this.

But he doesn't kill her, no, not when he knows what would hurt her more, watching him die, and being the one who pulls the trigger.

Say a prayer, to yourself

He reaches down and prizes open her fist, dumping the gun back into her palm before closing her fingers around it.

She takes that moment to utter a silent word to the numerous gods of the ancient civilisations she's found, and just to be sure, their devils as well.

He says close your eyes,

She winces, he smirksand she can't bear to see him like this. She tries to turn away from him, he reaches up and turns her face back so that their eyes meet. She closes her eyes instead and he replies to this in the most surprising way possible, he kisses her.

And the thing is, it's no ordinary kiss, it's urgent, passionate even, like no kiss she's ever experienced before. He presses himself up against her and she finds herself wanting this.

She begins to respond, slowly at first, and then it's almost as if she's lost control.

All hell breaks loose and she kisses him back fiercely.

Sometimes it helps,

Somewhere in the back of his mind, dimly, he's aware that he's won, it's an effort to bring himself back to reality, to what has to be done but in the end, logic prevails over impulse and he breaks away from her, turning his face away so that she can't see the reluctance in his eyes.

He hears her, gasping for the air that is pouring back into her lungs and can almost envision the look on her face, bewilderment, repulsion, longing, it's all there.

And then I get, a scary thought

She curses herself for her foolishness, get it together! She tells herself.

He wants this, he wants to die, so why shouldn't she help him and in the process rid herself of her one weakness, the doctor.

The only man who has ever made her feel so useless, so vulnerable.

She looks up now, steadily, her breathing returning to normal. His face is turned to the opposite wall, all she can see is the back of him now.

Her eyes widen in realisation and she knows what must be done, she raises the gun, calm despite her earlier mood.

That he's here, means he's never lost

She follows the flash of colour she can barely see and closes her eyes once more.

This is it, the last of the Timelords, the oncoming storm who has destroyed and saved numerous planets, hundreds of homes, thousands of lives, including his own people, his own home.

She utters one last gasp before pulling the trigger.

She expects silence, painful unbearable silence worse then anything those monsters with the same name can inflict upon her.

Instead the creature gives a high-pitched wail and falls onto the floor, off the doctor's back.

The scene is frozen for a few seconds, River in disbelief, staring at the thing on the floor as its legs slowly curl up and it quietens, the Doctor regaining control of his thoughts.

The sound of the gun hitting the tiled floor brings him back to reality and he spins around, taking in the sight as if he's just entered the room.

He frowns at the creature, lightly touching it with his foot, the name of it coming to him almost immediately.

He can hear the sound of anguish, but it's not the thing on the floor.

Slowly he raises his eyes until they are level with River's.

There are tears running down her cheeks, her hand covering her mouth as she tries to stifle her sobs.

Without a word he reaches out and draws her to him. He can't promise that this will never happen again and she knows that it would be ridiculous to lie to her about it.

So he lets her cry, as long as she needs to until she regains control enough to push him away, wipe her tears with the sleeve of her top and pretend nothing has happened.

And apart from her red-rimmed eyes, it almost seems that nothing has. The doctor on the other hand is quiet, too quiet, and for once speaks only when spoken to.

"What was that thing?" River asks, clearing her throat as she bends down to inspect the creature.

The doctor stands where he is as he replies, "One of the Trickster's brigade"

River frowns as she looks up at him, "I've read about them, I thought they were only supposed to change timelines?"

"Mutation" The doctor nods hurriedly, "This one is a mutant, instead of having influence over timelines it can effect a persons personality, make a person do or say anything."

"So that wasn't you" River asks, breathing a sigh of relief, she smiles slightly to herself as she stands up.

Instead of mirroring her expression he adopts one of concern as he reaches forward to put both hands on her shoulders,

"Yes, that was me" He says quietly "you know it was me, you're from my future River and you know what I will become so it's not yourself your lying to, it's me"

His words begin to come out faster, over thinking as he usually does.

He wants to ask her what he'll become, exactly what crimes he might commit as the Valeyard but he can't, and he doesn't know exactly how far into his future their timelines will end up crossing, he's not even sure she is lying and there is know for sure.

Perhaps it hasn't happened from her point of view, maybe she is at the same point as him for once and it hasn't happened for them both yet. That is why he can't promise her that he'll never hurt her.

"I think it's time you went home" He says firmly after a second or two, gesturing to the door.

She doesn't protest for once, claiming that she knows better, instead she moves wordlessly to the door and out into the long corridor.

"By the way Doctor," she says as he follows her out of the room and closes it behind him, revealing the sign that reads 'interrogation' "Where is this place?"

The doctor frowns as he glances from one side of the green-lit corridor to the other, "Stormcage, haven't you been here before?"

River shudders and tries to make herself as small as possible," Stormcage? It's a jail, for murderers!" She emphasises the last word.

"Y-you haven't killed anything, or one yet?" he inquires, faltering a little as he leads her through the corridor,

"Not before today" she whispers softly and he realises just how young she must be.

River song, pre-the-murder-of-a-good-man. Today had been her first kill, but not her last, and he had just set that wheel in motion.

Hope you liked it,

Please please Review as i'm hoping to expand on this idea with more Songfics XD

also, in case it wasn't clear, i was basing this before River killed the best man she ever knew.