Okay guys, here's the next update for today, I'm FINALLY finishing this, and I feel like a BOSS, so there you go. Ugh, let's DO THIS!

Hehehe. This will SO make all of those out there like me laugh: "He was as tall as a 6'3" tree" "The little boat floated across the water in the exact same way a bowling ball wouldn't" "He weighed as much as a 250 lb. barbell"

Carlos wasn't exactly sure how it happened. He didn't remember going back to sleep after finding Logan in such a mess in the bathroom last night. He couldn't even begin to recall how he got himself from their bedroom to the dining room table. He didn't know how he had gotten into the clothes he was wearing instead of his pajamas, but it was okay. All his mornings had been big blurs since he had found out. All the normal stuff he did seemed to edit themselves out of his life and be replaced with other things. Horrible things. Things like body checks and digging through Logan stuff. Things like following his friend everywhere to make sure he didn't hurt himself and always checking to see if the bathroom door was open. Things like taping up bleeding arms and washing blood out of the sink.

Carlos smiled weakly up at Mrs. Knight when she plopped a plate of pancakes down in front of him, but he didn't pick up his fork. Eating had somehow wormed its way out of his vocabulary since this whole thing had started, and he was pretty sure Logan was the only one to notice his thinning arms and seemingly growing clothes as the weeks went on. Pretty sure became absolutely certain when Logan squeaked out from across the table, "Eat breakfast this time, buddy."

Carlos looked to his toes, embarrassed that Logan would worry about him, but took a massive bite anyway. He then pushed Logan's pancakes closer to him. "You should, too," he said quietly, sounding a little desperate. Carlos knew he wasn't the only one who had been swimming in his clothes recently. Logan looked like he was about to refuse, but eyeing the Latino's thin wrists seemed to change his mind. He realized that if he didn't eat, Carlos probably wouldn't either, and he couldn't let his friend do that. He grabbed a fork in one feeble hand and followed his friend's lead. They shared a bittersweet moment finally having breakfast together, but it wasn't long before a very worried James and Kendall joined them at the table.

The blonde's hand leached onto Logan's, taking a possessive hold of him and rubbing the edge of one of the bandages around his forearm, bright white and visible as he was wearing short sleeves. James looked miserable, and Kendall wasn't far from it. Logan, meanwhile, had a determined look on his face, one that didn't dull for days. And days. And days.

That same expression carried with him through the next weeks and showed itself still through the next months. Bandages disappeared, the rooting through Logan's stuff slowed to a stop, and after what felt like years, the bathroom door was allowed to close and lock. To the boys, for the first time in a full year, everything felt normal. What they didn't know, was that it was the first time in six years that everything really was normal with Logan. It showed on the healed over, faint scars on his wrists.

But things like these don't just burry themselves. That's why, when everything was starting to look up, when they could all finally hold their heads up again, when the mess that was made was finally untangled, Logan couldn't help but find his way back to that broken part inside of him. Sometimes when you start clinging to something that hard, it's impossible to let go.

Sobbing reverberated through the bedroom, pulsing through the bathroom door in loud, desperate cries. James stood timidly outside, a hand reaching nervously to the top of the frame for the key. He didn't want to have to do this, he didn't want to see what he thought was behind them on the other side, he didn't want to be sad and scared again, but he knew there wasn't any way he could stop it at this point. The mere prick of a key, so small it was almost lost between James's fingers, practically found it's own way into the knob, unlocking it seemingly by itself. James was too numb to have done it himself. The door creaked open, and James first caught a glimpse of short, raven black hair and pale skin. Logan. Then a flash of reflected light caught his attention. He gagged.

"KENDALL!" James shouted, and the blonde seemed to instantaneously appear at his side. His breath hitched when he saw the same scene James did. There was Logan, lying on the cold bathroom tile and razor blade wavering about the scarred skin of his wrist. He wasn't bleeding, but it didn't matter. Here was the threat of everything they had worked so hard to drag themselves out of starting over again, and that was horrifying and depressing enough. A repeat of the last year was the farthest from anything they needed.

"Logan, drop it," Kendall said authoritatively and Logan complied, body trembling as sheets of tears fell down his cheeks. James didn't know what to do, but when Carlos walked in and was practically paralyzed with fear, he got a pretty good idea. He wrapped his arms around the Latino, but not for long. Logan was just un-ignorable at the moment. Surprisingly, Carlos was the first to say anything.

"Wh-why?" he choked out, looking scared. He knew what this meant for him. He knew he was going to be hungry again. He was going to be hungry, and scared, and sad. Carlos also knew he didn't truly have to be, but being nourished and happy and care-free was almost a sickening thought when Logan was so... well, not. The depressed boy couldn't meet any of their eyes. He couldn't answer. He couldn't even think. It was then that Kendall wrapped him in a big hug.

"Tell," he whispered into Logan's ear, and their friend seemed to shudder into action at his request.

"I don't know!" he wailed, taking fistfuls of Kendall's shirt and pulling him close, not missing it when James's arms found their way around his thin waist. "It's just so hard! It's been so hard to have it under there! To have it bubbling and boiling and bouncing around under my skin, making me run, making me go, when I don't want to!" he said, and it didn't take an expert to figure out he was talking about his blood. "It makes me ugly, and it taints me, and it's vile, and sadistic, and I want it OUT!" he shrieked. Carlos flinched, his first move in what felt like ages. Kendall looked him in the eyes, seemingly lost.

"Why don't you say anything?" he asked slowly, and Logan shrugged, much to James's displeasure. He was sick of dealing with this! James was selfish, and he knew it, but he was so done with Logan being unhappy. How hard was it to look in the mirror and like what you see? James always liked what he saw, and it was unfathomable to him that Logan didn't. He felt rage clawing it's way out of him, and he didn't try to stop it.

"No, Logan, don't give me that! Why can't you just get OVER it? You're just so freaking PERFECT, and I'm so SICK of you not seeing it! I just... God, Logan. I'm SO sick of having to tell you what you should KNOW! You're supposed to be SMART, but, what, you don't understand that draining yourself of all the blood in your body is BAD? I don't care if you drink six gallons of orange juice afterwards, you shouldn't do it! How long is it going to take you to figure out that YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO DO THIS TO ME ANYMORE!" he screamed, and for a minute, looking at Logan's terrified face, he didn't care. But guilt worked quickly, and Logan's whimpering brought him around. "Oh, man, Logan, I-"

"I know," he said quietly, jaw shaking, but he didn't stammer. "I know, that's why I didn't." The tears started falling faster than ever, and it alarmed James quite a bit. In fact, it scared all of them. "I wanted to so bad, but i didn't. I wanted to for hours, more like ever since I stopped, but I didn't," his voice was soft and small in the silence of the bathroom, his friends drinking in every word. "I wouldn't," he finished near silently, his volume dropping considerably. James might as well have just been stabbed.

"I-I-I-" he snagged for words but couldn't find any. He could feel himself paling, but before Kendall could pounce and start yelling at him, the reddening of his face proving he wanted to do just that, he started babbling, "Logie, I'm so sorry! I can't... I was just scared because everything was going so great, and I don't want it to be bad again. Please, forgive me, I just want you to be that smiley Logan you used to be!" he yelped, knowing he wasn't exactly helping, but he was about as low as he could be at the moment, anyway. He might as well try. Logan still didn't stop crying. Not even close.

"I-It's m-kay," he hiccuped, his voice not coming to him. Carlos looked at Logan, still focused on the razor that had been in his hand. It was hard to forget about something like that.

"How can we make it better?" he asked, looking for all the world like a scared little boy, which, he sort of was. Logan just shook his head, eyes big and looking completely dazed. He absentmindedly started tracing the scares on his forearm with a finger, one of the habits he had developed over the course of the year. The boys had the same one, always stroking each still-red mark wherever they were, unable to completely forget what had happened, despite their best efforts to leave it in the past.

"Just... be around. I think... I think I'm getting there," he said, scared to be hopeful, but where would they be without hope?

When it's nobody's fault, it's all you have.

Haha, silly end, but I LOVE this fic. LOOK HOW LONG THE CHAPTERS ARE! You can so see I have a patience with this one like I have for no other!