Author's Note: I know this is one of the inevitable hundreds of post season fics that will pile up in the next few days. But I had to do this. I started it the second the episode ended (well, to be fair, about a half hour later, after I was done freaking out), and I don't know if I'll continue or this is it. I just know that I had a picture in my head and it refused to go away.

Comments are appreciated. And as always, Castle isn't mine. I just take the characters out to play.

If there was one thing Castle hated it was the smell of hospitals.

They smelled liked death. And lemon cleaner. There was a time when he would've made a joke about not knowing which was worse but he knows now is not the time.

He's counted the ceiling tiles and paced the floor more times than he would care to admit. He's on his fourth cup of crappy hospital coffee and knows that if he scowls or barks orders at another nurse that he'll be kicked out.

Her dad stopped in for a bit earlier but had to leave. Whether there was a legitimate reason or he couldn't stand seeing his daughter in the state she was Castle isn't sure but if there's something he knows it's that he has to keep his promise.

In a really screwed up and twisted way considering she's already been shot, he thinks, but he told him she'd be safe and she has to be.

He stares at her sleeping form, almost as if the simple act of doing so will force her eyes open. The steady beeping of machines attached to her along with the rise and fall of her chest are proof that she's alive and breathing but it could never be enough.

The door opens and he looks up to see Lanie. Her face is instantly drawn to the sleeping woman in the bed and he's preparing his answer before she even asks the question. "How's she doing?"

"As good as can be expected," Castle replies. There is nothing good about how she's doing and every second that she's not awake is a second that he slides closer to insane but somehow saying the words make the possibility more real. "I told her."

Lanie frowns, confusion clouding her brow as she lifts her gaze from Beckett's sleeping form to his face. "Told her what?"

"That I love her. Maybe it was stupid, maybe I could have picked a better time but-"

"You're damn right you could have picked a better time." Lanie replies, realizing only a second later that it maybe wasn't the way she should have responded. "Sorry. You can't blame me really; I've only been waiting for this moment for the past three years."

Castle smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "You aren't the only one."

The room settles into a dull silence, the two of them standing like soldiers on opposite sides of Beckett's bed, both searching for the slightest sign of movement. "She'll wake up, you know. She's a fighter." Lanie says before picking up her hand and giving it a squeeze. "Come on, girl. Wake up."

Castle nods because he knows she's saying it to comfort him. To make him feel better about whatever it is that's happening. He's supposed to be the one who knows what to do, who has a way with words and yet now he has no clue what to say.

And then he sees it. The slightest hint of movement on her face. The trembling of her fingers.

"Beckett?" he cries before grasping her hand. "Kate? Kate, can you hear me?"

Light. Voices. One voice, she realizes, and there's only one person it could possibly belong to. Her limbs feel heavy, like they're weighted down. Her mouth feels dry as she opens her lips. "Ouch."

Lanie smiles sadly, stubborn tears refusing to fall. "I'll get her doctor."

Castle hears her but it doesn't register. All that matters is that Beckett is awake and her eyes are opening and even though the room will in all likelihood become a flurry of activity within minutes he needs to hold on to this moment.

"Castle…"

He silences her by pressing a finger to her lips. "Don't talk yet, okay? Lanie went to get the doctor. You're going to be fine," he says, though he's not sure if he's saying it more for her or himself. He kisses her forehead before pulling back, nodding quietly. "You're going to be fine."

What happens next is a blur to him really but before he knows it he's back in the hallway with Jim Beckett on one side and his mother on the other. He can see Lanie standing further down the hall, talking in hushed whispers with Ryan and Esposito. What they're talking about he's not sure and at the moment it doesn't really matter. He hears the sound of Jim clearing his throat and he tries his best to steel himself for what he knows is coming.

Martha seems to sense the mood shifting and so she moves abruptly, mumbling something about fetching a cup of tea before heading down the hospital corridor.

"Thank you."

The words from the older man come as somewhat of a shock. "What? I didn't keep my promise. You asked me to keep her safe and I failed."

Jim Beckett shakes his head because he recognizes the look written all over Castle's face. "The doctor said if the bullet had been a few inches to the side it would have punctured some of her vital organs. But you saw something, Mr. Castle. You saw something and because of that you saved Katie's life."

There is a lump in Castle's throat and no matter what he tries to do it refuses to go away. "If I…if I would have been a few seconds quicker Kate wouldn't have been shot in the first place."

"You're right, she wouldn't have. But you would and the fact you were willing to take a bullet for my daughter says a lot about you."

Castle's opens his mouth to respond but before he can say anything the door to Beckett's room opens.

"Ms. Beckett is awake and alert," the doctor begins, holding up a cautionary hand as the five people before him quickly begin to inch closer. "I'll be honest with you, though; she's weak. She needs her rest and because of that I have to ask that she only has one visitor at a time. And whatever you say, make it quick. Ms. Beckett needs all the sleep she can get to help her get through this."

"Detective Beckett," Ryan mutters as the doctor makes his exit. He knows there's no reason and yet saying it conjures up images of the strong-willed, independent woman they all know her to be. It's something they'll need to help carry her through the next few weeks.

Time passes. Minutes really, but to Castle every moment not spent at her side is another moment left to relive the horror of her blood slipping through his fingers and onto the bright green grass at the cemetery. Martha returns with another coffee for him which he lets turn cold on a table next to him. Quietly, people shuffle in and out of her room, first Jim and then the rest of the team.

As much as he doesn't want to he can't help but notice that one person is missing. In all of the chaos surrounding Beckett's shooting and consequential transfer to the hospital one would think her supposed boyfriend would make an appearance and yet Josh is nowhere to be found. He wonders what that means, if anything, because right now he's not sure what he'd do if he happened to finally show his face.

"Castle," Esposito's voice wakes him from his trance. "Beckett's asking for you."

He sees Esposito standing with Lanie just outside Beckett's room. Slowly, he stands up, hoping the composure he's tried so hard to keep will remain intact. "Thank you."

Before he disappears into the room he locks eyes with his mother. "You should go home. I haven't called Alexis since earlier this afternoon. She'd want to know."

"Richard," Martha begins, an argument about waiting so they can ride home together dying on her lips because she knows anything she says will be met with a fight. "tell her."

When he turns around and shuts the door he can feel her eyes on him before he even looks up. She looks smaller somehow, and paler too, but she's Beckett just the same. "Hey."

"Hey," Beckett replies in a raspy whisper. It's obvious that she's tired but trying to hold out, but for what he's not certain. "are you going to come sit down or are you just going to stay there over by the door all night?"

"Right, of course." Castle replies, almost absent mindedly. He clears the room in a few quick steps before sitting in the chair he occupied for hours just a short while ago. He scoots it closer to the bed and yet despite their close proximity he can't bring himself to touch her. Now that she's awake it's like that line is back in place; the line the divides who they are and who they could be right in half. "How are you, Kate?"

"I've felt better." Beckett answers. He's not even looking at her and that's something that's so not like him. "Castle…"

The feel of her slender fingers trying so hard to grasp his makes him jump a little. "What? What do you need? Is everything okay?"

Beckett laughs a little only to wince at the feeling of pain that spreads like wildfire across her abdomen. "Making me laugh probably isn't a good idea, Rick."

He nods in understanding. After waiting few seconds to search her face for any signs of pain—well, any more than can be expected under the circumstances—Castle settles back in his chair. Their hands lay laced together upon the bed and he wouldn't let go even if he wanted to.

Beckett closes her eyes and lets out a sigh. Memories of the last few days are foggy and she's not sure she understands everything yet and yet there's one thing she remembers clearly. Her tongue darts out to moisten parched lips. "So Castle, after everything that's happened, I have a question for you."

There's a hint of something in her eyes that he can't quite place. She's always been the mystery he could never solve and now is no different. "What's that?"

"Do all the songs make sense now?" she asks, the words flowing out like they're the most natural thing in the world and yet she knows they carry more weight. She watches as he furrows his brow, collecting information from some recess in his mind and the moment he looks back at her the breath in her chest catches a little. This is it, she knows, because after everything that's happened there is no way they can go back.

He knows he should answer her. Give her something to hold onto regardless of the outcome and yet the words don't come. He knows as much as Beckett does that they're standing on the edge of a cliff they can't jump back from. Of course he wants this—wants them—but he doesn't want to hash out their entire relationship in a hospital room when she's probably not even aware of half of the things she says.

A nurse opens the door, momentarily breaking the tension. "You're still here? Mr. Castle, you need to go home."

"I can't." Castle replies instantly, his voice leaving little room for budging.

"Rick, you should go home. Alexis needs you." Beckett tells him. She tries squeezing his hand again, this time a little lighter than the last.

Something about it breaks through to him and he nods reluctantly. "Fine. But if anything happens-"

"If anything happens to me, they'll let you know." Beckett replies. She tries to smile but the medication the nurse came to give her is taking over and her eyelids feel heavy. The door shuts quietly as the nurse leaves the room.

Castle scans her face, trying to read something that will help him piece everything back together. Instead he slips his hand free, picks up his jacket from the spot he left it in the corner and heads to the door, stopping only when he hears her voice.

"Castle?"

His body freezes and he counts down a few seconds before turning to face her. Her eyes silently ask him the question she's still too afraid to voice. He knows it's not over. There are still things to talk about. Conversations to be had. But for now all she needs is an answer. "Yes Kate," he answers, a smile finally gracing his face at last. "they do."