Scars

An Outsiders Fanfic by: Alexisle97

Betaed by: TaylorPaige24

Dedicated to: Readers and writers everywhere we rock! Especially Sammy4eva,TaylorPaige24,Independence Undervalued, I luv Johnny Cade

Disclaimers: I do not own any characters from the Outsiders, S.E. Hinton does. I also do not own the song Scars by Papa Roach. I used the song because it goes well with Johnny.

A/N: This is pre-book. It means it takes place a few months before the book. Enjoy!

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I woke up to the sunlight shining through my windows which, unfortunately, didn't have any curtains making the glare a lot brighter and unbearable. I looked around the empty room. It was unusually quiet. It might have had to do something with the fact that my parents were sleeping off a hangover. All they ever did was get drunk and scream. The beatings they gave me were in a whole different category.

I got up slowly from my bed, my body still sore from last nights affairs. Today was Sunday so I don't have to worry about the soc-infested hell hole called school. The teachers aren't much for greasers like me and most just think I'm hopeless. I really do try. Sometimes I wished I was Ponyboy. He's real smart in school, and whether he wants to believe it or not, he looks just like Sodapop. Good looks and all.

After I got ready I went downstairs. I tried to be quiet because I didn't want to wake my parents. They often lash out the beatings in the morning when they are pissed and think I deserve it. My body was still slowly healing from the last thrashing my dad that I needed.

I walked to the thick wooden door. As I passed the living room, I noticed that there were empty beer bottles everywhere.

Figures.

That's all my parents ever spent their money on. I get fed by the Curtis's most of the time, even though they barley have enough money to feed themselves. I try to turn it away but the roar of my stomach makes it hard to even consider. The gang cares about me, but shoot, one day my parents will too.

XXXXXXXXXX

As I walked the blocks that separated my house from the Curtis', I saw Dally, who was supposed to be in jail with Tim, on the other side of the street and apparently he saw me too.

"Hey Dal."

He nodded. He's like my hero or somethin'. He's just so real and tough. Sometimes I wish I could be that way. To just stand up to my parents, just once. Dally wouldn't let his old man do that to him.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the cooler for about another month?" I curiously asked him.

"Yea man. Got out early for good behavior." He smirked his famous smirk and ran a hand through his greasy hair.

I nodded. I knew Dally doesn't like jail. He told me once the reason he only likes it because it makes his rep look tuff or something like that.

We then picked up our feet and dragged ourselves to the Curtis' house.

After a while he asked, "Ya wanna smoke Johnnycake?"

"Nah Dal, I'm good."

He took out one of his smokes and started smoking slowly blowing the smoke out through his dry rough lips.

XXXXXXXXXX

When we got there the rest of the gang were eating breakfast. Their mouths were all stuffed of food making my mouth water for just a taste of something.

"Dally you know what I said about smoking in the house." Darry reminded sternly.

Dally sent him a short glare before putting out his cigerate. He knew better than to talk back to Darry for reasons that explain themselves.

I got a plate and pulled up a chair to join them.

"Hey Johnnycake." Pony popped up cheerfully.

I nodded. The gang knew well that I wasn't much of a speaker. I often just sat and observed the hectic.

After breakfast Steve and Soda carpooled with Darry to work. The rest of us sat in the living room and watched Two-Bit, watch Mickey Mouse.

I could tell we were all bored out of our minds. Except Two-Bit, of course. Dally was in the kitchen sharpening his blade making a loud screeching noise that sent chills down my spine. I'd heard the sound of a blade sharpening too many times.

"Hey Johnnycake, you wanna catch a movie at the Nightly Double?" Pony chimed in.

I hate that nickname that the gang occasionally calls me, Johnnycake. I mean what kind of a nickname is that? It's a combination of my first and last name, kinda, but it makes me sound soft and weak.

"Yea. I heard you talking about that movie that just came out. Um, what's its name? Oh, Gone With the Wind."

"Yea. I wanted to see that." I knew that. He's always talking about it when he's with me.

"Well kiddos hate to ruin your date, but Darry said you can't walk alone." Two-Bit piped up.

Dally smirked at us. Golly, I knew that smirk. It meant he was up to no good.

"Aaww come on Dal, don't do nothin' illegal man, we're just going to see a nice movie." I reminded him.

Pony and Soda can't get into trouble, especially with the cops. They could be taken away and then Darry'd have all our heads.

"Well come on kiddies." Two-Bit jumped up saying he was going to take us to the Nightly Double.

Great. Last time he took us, we got jailed. Two-Bit couldn't shut up, even just for that one minute we were getting our food. He was screaming profanities at the socs and a fight broke out. Soda and Pony and I ran home and Dal, Steve, and Two-Bit got jailed for the night.

Dang, I remember that night.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

When we got there nobody agreed to pay so we snuck in. It was only 25 cents to get in if you don't have a car, but Dally wanted to do at least one thing illegal so we snuck in. Dally even made a little opening at the bottom of the fence so it was easier to get in. He goes around trying to break laws. I think he gets some kinda of high off it. Never saw the like in it.

We sat around the middle but broke up in groups after the movie was half-way through. Two-Bit and Dally went together. They got bored of the movie. They'd probably try to find a broad to take back with them. Two-Bit would try to find a blond one and Dally…..he would just find one. A broad's a broad to Dally, even though he'd have a better reason for tonight. Dally caught Sylvia two-timin' him while he was in jail, he'd want to show it in her face that he doesn't need her. That just left me and Pony.

I didn't really get the movie. It was all complicated and stuff..

I looked to my right. Glory, Pony sat there staring at the screen. He loves to watch movies because he wants to go in the movies and live with the actors. Most people don't pay attention to the movie they're just there to be there.

Ponyboy seemed very intrigued with it so I didn't say much, I never do

XXXXXXXXXXX

Two-Bit and Dally came around before the movie ended. They mustta gone to Buck's because Two-Bit was ripp-roarin' drunk. He could barely walk.

The movie dragged on for a while. It was like a three hour thing or somethin'.

I took a nap after the first hour. After the movie we went to the Dingo for food.

"Johnny, did you see the part where the cowboys ride the horses? One of those horses look like Mickey Mouse, Soda's old horse." Pony smiled with his mouth full.

I shook my head no.

He understood.

I guess he didn't notice I was asleep. I've always been a quiet sleeper which I guess is about the same as when I'm awake.

"Daddy!"

"What the hell do you want, you little brat?"

He never called me Johnny before. I bet he doesn't even remember my name.

"There's a cat on the lawn!"

I saw my dad went into the house. After a while I saw him went out, holding a .20 in his hand. He aimed at the cat's head and shot.

BANG!

It was heard through the whole west side of Tulsa.

The cat dropped dead slowly revealing a red pool around him.

"It's your fault the cats dead! Now leave me alone!"

He went back in the house and got a beer.

I looked at the creature that was just living and breathing a moment ago now dead because it was my fault. As I sat there and witnessed my first murder, Tears welled up in my eyes and fell like a never ending river. I sat on the curb and cried for what seemed like hours.

A little kid was poking me with his feet.

I looked up to see the two boys.

"Hey what happened?" The really good looking kid asked.

"Oh?" I wondered if I should really tell him what happened." A cat died." I pointed to the cat with the growing puddle of blood.

"Aw, was he like your pet of something?"

I shook my head no. I barely even knew it and for the short moments I did, I killed it.

"Well, my name's Sodapop and that's my little brother," He pointed to the little kid who was now poking the dead cat. It made my heart ache.

"We live a block down if you wanna play." I nodded.

His little brother came stopped poking the cat and looked at me smiling revealing the big gap in this teeth.

"Hi, I'm Ponyboy Curtis."

"Well me and ol' Dal here are goin' back to Buck's." Two-Bit slurred.

"Well, me and Pony are going to stay in the lot for a while." I added. I know Pony wouldn't object to star watching. It's one of his favorite things to do.

We went our different ways. Pony and I were quiet on the way to the lot.

When we got there we layed down to look at the sky. It was about 6 now and Pony would need to be home soon.

"Hey Johnnycake." Again with the nickname.

"Yea?"

"You know what 'gold' is?" He asked while we watched the sunset.

"Nah, you?"

He shook his head no.

It was quiet. Me and Pony just sat smoking and looking at the sky. It was getting darker so we decided to go home.

"You know the door's always unlocked." He reminded me.

I nodded. Boy, oh, boy I'm going home.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I stopped in front of my house. I could hear screaming and things being thrown from the inside. Maybe I should go to the Curtis's.

I took a breath and went inside.

"Johnny, it's you!" My mom whispered as if I was the lord almighty.

I looked at her like she was crazy. I mean I like the attention she's giving me, since she's always ignoring me or yellin' at me, but I was also scared.

"Johnny, baby, we must leave now." She started to grab me but then my dad came busting into the living room with a gun. A .22.

"See! I told you it was our son's idea for me to leave you!" She yelled loud and clear.

What?

My dad didn't seem to believe her. "Is it true?"

I looked over to my mom. She looked at me like the socs always did. Oh how I hated that look.

"Yea." I was scared out of my mind.

I watched in terror as my dad aimed the gun and prepared to shoot.

BAM!

I opened one eye to see...

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