"Man, you're so right, she's just a slut."

"I know, right? That's like what I've been telling you for like... months." the raccoon took another sip of his glass and added "Like dude, remember that double date thing?"

"Er... with Eileen, right?"

"Yeah, what kind of slut- I mean, what kind of girl breaks off a date because she's going to a double date, which isn't even a date? That's like double cock block, dude!"

"Hm, don't say that dude."

"Why?"

"It's not like I just want to, you know... just bang her."

"Well, you'd have more chances if that was the case, dude."

"Waddya mean?"

"Well, she probably doesn't want you 'cause she knows you don't only want to bang her." replied the raccoon as he took another sip of his drink. "

"Like she doesn't want someone who actually loves her, but just someone who fucks her?"

"Basically."

"What kind of girl wants that?"

"A slut."

Mordecai let out a soft chuckle as he took his half-emptied glass in his hand and looked at it. Earlier that day, he had thought he finally had gathered enough confidence to ask the cute waitress from the coffee shop out on a date, only to find out she had yet another new boyfriend. It wasn't much of a surprise, since Margaret had always been known for her short-lived relationships, but the bird still felt deeply upset about it.

"Dude, just finish this one, I'm gonna get another round!" shouted Rigby as he tried to catch the waiter's attention.

He had originally invited Mordecai to go out for drinks just so that he could cheer him up - the perspective of having to put up with the bird's bad mood for the next week wasn't the most appealing - but after a few drinks, discussing the red robin's private life became much more enjoyable than he thought it would have been.

When the raccoon had gotten two new drinks, he gave his feathered friend one and drank along with him.

"Beside," started Rigby, who clearly had been drinking a bit too much "it's not like she has ever had a boyfriend for more than 2 weeks."

"I dunno dude, I think she was with that Angel guy for like 2 month."

"You know her boyfriends' names and how long she was with them? Dude, she probably doesn't remember herself, you need to stop obsessing over her."

"I'm not obsessed with her." replied Mordecai

"Yes you are, or you wouldn't be getting wasted right now."

"Point." said the bird as he gulped some of the whiskey in his glass. "But seriously dude, you're probably right, maybe I shouldn't waste my time with her."

"Exactly dude, she's like a total whore, you deserve totally better."

"Dude, why do you need to be drunk to actually make sense?"

"I'm NOT drunk!" protested the raccoon

"Yes you are dude, we've had the same drinks and I'm dizzy already!"

"Well, you're drunk then, not me."

"Dude, you're like half my weight, you can only be more drunk than me."

"No I'm not, and don't you try to change the subject" He emptied what was left of alcohol in his glass and said "You just need to like, get over her, seriously."

"I know dude, it's just..."

"What?"

"Well, I'm kinda fed up with being single, you know? Like even Muscleman has a girlfriend, what the hell?"

"Ew, I'd much rather be single than date that!" replied the raccoon "You made a cute couple, though."

"Shut up" answered the blue jay as he attempted to punch his friend, only to miss his shoulder by a few inches. He acted like nothing happened, not wanting the raccoon to question his sobriety. "Seriously dude, this is getting kinda depressing, you know..."

"What do you mean?" asked Rigby, his smile from his previous statement fading out a little

"I mean, that the only girls who'd go out with me are like Starla."

"How's that depressing?"

"Well, I dunno, I just feel like I'm some kind of ugly loser or something..."

"Aw, don't worry dude, you're cuuute!" teasingly said Rigby, pinching Mordecai's cheek, before the bird snapped his hand away. "Girls just suck at choosing dudes."

"Yeah... maybe you're right."

"Of course I am, have you seen the douchebags Margaret has dated so far?"

"True, they were all freaking losers."

"Yeah dude! Cool guys like us don't get the recognition they deserve."

"Agreed, dude" said Mordecai as he raised his hand to high five his little friend. "That's what we get for being awesome."

"Exactly."

"Seriously, it must be so much easier to be a chick, know what I'm saying? You just have to choose between all of the dudes who want you."

"Well, if you don't look like Starla."

"Yeah, of course. But like you know, at least guys wouldn't play with your feelings."

"Eh, they would, don't worry about that. I know what I'm saying." stated Rigby before ordering a new round again.

Mordecai looked at his friend as he tried to catch the barman's attention. The fact that his raccoon friend tended to swing both ways wasn't really much of a secret to him - they had grown up together, after all - but that wasn't something he liked to talk about, and he usually made sure not to bring it up. Over the years, the bird had learned to take these kind of remarks as a sign that his brown friend took the conversation rather seriously. Or had taken a few drinks too much.

He decided not to make any comment on this, and to go on about the conversation they were having.

"Maybe you're right and people just suck, then."

"My point exactly, dude. That's why I don't trust anybody, and never will."

"Wait, you don't trust me?"

"Well, that's different, you're not a people, dude. You're my bro!"

Mordecai laughed happily - and drunkely - and waved his arm at the barman, who instantly walked toward him.

"Just for that, I'm totally paying the next rounds, dude" he said "We're gonna have best bro night ever!"

"Yeah-yuh"

Well, this is the first time I ever manage to write a fanfiction I think is worth posting, so I hope you guys will enjoy it!

This chapter is so far the shortest, so expect the next ones to be relatively longer. Also, the rating will probably be raised in the upcoming chapters! (I'm not entirely sure yet, but do expect it to happen in the future).

See you next time!