Disclaimer: I don't own anything familiar but I do own four pairs of raggedy old converse.
Rated: M for future Fem-Slash loving.
Title: Can't Go Back
BPOV
I sat on my bed with the curtains closed and lights off cutting myself away from the world so I could drown in my conflicting thoughts.
Can I still be mad at Edward?
Yes, he left me alone and said he didn't love me. He had no right to try to kill himself if he didn't care.
But he did care.
If he cared he wouldn't of left.
But he left for my safety.
No, Victoria was still out there. How was that safe?
He didn't know. No, He didn't care enough to think.
A light knock on the door inturrupted my troubled thoughts.
"Bella can I come in?"
The light concerned voice let me know it was Alice, the only Cullen I have let see me since they've all come back.
"Sure."
She walked in and sat next to me with a determined expression.
"Bella you need to talk to Edward."
I grimaced at her
"I don't need to do anything. What makes you think you have any right to suggest anything to me? You're not so innocent yourself."
She winced at the venom in my words.
"Bella, Edward made me. I wanted to stay but him and Jasper-"
"You didn't even say goodbye!"
I didn't want to hear her excuses. When she didn't respond for a few seconds I looked in her eyes and saw she was as close to crying as possible. Seeing her like this made me feel impossibly worse.
"Alice-"
She shook her head and put her finger to my lips.
"No Bella you're right. I should have never listened to him."
I shook my head adamantly.
"Jasper left too, it was selfish of me to even hope you wouldn't go."
I sighed.
"Edward leaving was like having my heart tore out and his words were like him spitting and stomping all over it. I was so empty. I wanted to end it far before me jumping off the cliff."
Alice's eyes widened and I realized I just admitted my attempt of suicide.
"Bella how could you?"
I was immeadiately livid and stood up so fast I was almost dizzy.
"HOW COULD I? How could you? How could you have left me without a single word? How could you just let him say those things to me? You only came back when I jumped for the sake of your guilt. How could you act like you care about my well being when you clearly don't? If you did you wouldn't have left or atleast would've said goodbye?"
I glowered at her even though I could tell my words were tearing her apart.
I hated hurting her but she didn't realize how much she hurt me. There was no way she could understand.
"I'm not that surprised Edward did this. He controlled me and tricked me into believing things were my idea. But you . . . you always let me have a choice. You always stopped Edward from being too controlling even if it resulted in a big fight between you two . . . and you couldn't fight hard enough just to say goodbye."
Warm tears were streaming down my face and it was hard to breathe.
"Bella . . ."
I couldn't let her apologize. I knew I'd forgive her right away but I knew I'd needed more time.
"Alice . . . just go."
She was about to protest but I cut her off.
"I don't want to talk to or see you anymore . . . tell Edward he can come over."
Her gold eyes were shining because of tears that would never fall, she was convulsing and clutching at her hair.
"Bella please."
Her voice was a pained raspy whisper.
I looked away from her and after a few seconds I knew she left the room.
Why did they have to come back? Why did I somehow manage to drift back to the beach and regain my breath. I was too much of a coward to try jumping again.
Why did I have to push Alice away? I focused on breathing to stop from thinking about how unkempt and pained Alice looked.
My thoughts were interrupted when I detected HIS scent in my room. He didn't even bother to knock.
"Bella?"
I hated his smooth deep voice with a passion. It whispered words of love then hate and lies.
I glowered at him.
Seeing the cocky look in his eyes made me nauseated. I knew he assumed he was gonna get me back.
"Bella everything I said in the forest was a lie. I love you. You're my everything. I was so stupid not to have thought about Victoria. Please forgive me."
He strolled over and pulled me in his arms. I hugged him back hesitantly.
Maybe things will go back to how they were. Maybe he will be less controlling.
He kissed me and I tried my hardest to return the feeling but there was nothing there but annoyance.
I moved out of his arms and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for anger. Waiting to yell at him like I did to Alice but I felt no reason to be angry. Well except him taking Alice away.
"Why didn't you let Alice say bye?"
He knit his eyebrows together and had an annoyed expression.
"I thought it would be easier for you to let go if we just left."
I scowled at him and he looked caught off guard.
"You have no right to make any choices for me anymore . . . it's over Edward. I want to be your friend but I can't be yours with all of this pain."
He nodded with a slight smirk and left.
I really expected more of a fight. The smirk he had and the determined look in his eyes scared me because I knew he would stop at nothing to get me back. If I rejected him would he make them leave again?
After crying out my rage and confusion I went to sleep hoping no nightmares would come.
ooooooooooooo
A/N: Writing new things helps me get out of writers block so here's a new story. Was it realistic? Do you think it's good or should I just scrap it? Review.