Disclaimer: I own a car now. Does that help?

Ch. 40:

Lily opened her eyes and groaned. She was back in the white room from her regeneration.

"If multiple personalities show up again, I'm done." She muttered, climbing to her feet slowly.

"Lily?"

She spun and gaped at the Doctor, who was standing a little bit behind her.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded, surprised. "How are you here?"

"Hello to you, too, Phoenix." He drawled. "Long time no see. I'm terrible. You?"

"Long time?" she repeated, confused. "What are you talking about? I saw you just a moment ago." She sighed. "Did I get shot or something? Tell me I didn't get shot."

"As far as I know, you haven't been shot." He told her seriously. "But I honestly don't know. It's been months since I last saw you, and since it's been more like 500 years for you…"

He trailed off as Lily blinked at him.

"That…that is not possible." She whispered in shock. "We – we're on Demons Run. We're about to go look for Melody."

She reached out to his mind to try to make sense of what he was saying and doubled over in pain, grasping her head.

"I wouldn't." the Doctor said weakly. She looked up and saw him clutching his head as well. "Broken bonds are quite painful, as you can tell."

"Broken bond?" she gasped, still reeling from the pain. "Who broke our bond? How?"

"You did." He informed her. "Right before you disappeared in a flash to hunt for River."

"What the hell does River Song have to do with anything?" she demanded angrily. "What the hell is going on, Theta?!"

Suddenly, the room changed and Lily fell to her knees, gasping. The Doctor caught a glimpse of burning buildings and smoke, but then it was gone.

"Wha-I don't-what's happening to me?" she moaned. "Theta…"

The room flickered again and the Doctor got the impression of screaming and blood, but it was gone again just as quickly.

"Lily." He said, soothingly, kneeling next to her. "You need to focus. What do you remember?"

"I can't." she cried, shaking her head. "Please – I don't –"

The room flickered again, but this time the Doctor saw it in all its horror as it solidified.

She stood in the midst of ruins that a few hours ago had been whole and bright. That was okay with her. They helped to take the child. They deserved what happened.

She walked the paths littered with the bodies of the Silence and the humans that help them and barely paid them any mind. The Silence could no longer hide from her and she took great pleasure in decimating them with prejudice.

She turned a corner and found a young girl cowering behind a crate. She studied her for a moment. Finally, she sighed.

"Come here, child." She ordered. "I will not harm you."

The young girl stepped out and slowly walked to the Dark Phoenix, visibly trembling.

"What is your name, child?" she asked.

The girl tried to talk, but nothing came out. She took a deep breath and swallowed, trying again.

"Samantha, Dark One."

Something stirred in the Dark Phoenix, but she ruthlessly smashed it down.

"Well, Samantha," she said slowly, "I'm sure word has reached others that I have come here and they will be coming to see what is left. To that end, I am giving you a task. Tell them to spread the word. Tell them to tell everyone they meet that Melody Pond, the Child of the TARDIS, is to be returned to her parents, both human and Time Lord. If she is not, I will continue to burn the worlds of those who dare to hide her from me. I will continue until I have her again, and nothing will stop me. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Dark One." She answered weakly.

"Good girl." The Dark Phoenix replied, walking away.

A second later, she was gone in a flash of gold.

They were back in the white room and Lily was cowering in the corner. She curled into herself, covering her ears to uselessly try to block out the screams in her head.

"I remember." She cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. "So many planets. So many people…what have I done?!"

She curled even further into herself and started to claw at her face.

"Lily!" the Doctor cried, grabbing her arms and holding them still. "Stop it!"

She wrenched herself away from him.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed. "What have I done?! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

She fell to the floor, curling up again and covering her head.

"Lily." The Doctor said gently as he could. "Lily-girl."

"Don't call me that." She cried. "Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't."

"Alright." He agreed immediately. "Phoenix, please. It's going to be okay."

"How?" she demanded helplessly. "How can this be okay? I'm a monster!"

"You're not a monster." He insisted, but she ignored him.

He tried to touch her again, but she skittered away from him, moving back to the corner as he sighed.

"Do you know where you are?" he asked, trying another path. "In the real world, I mean."

"Torchwood." She said softly. "I found Melody in New York. She had regenerated, so I took her to Leadworth, but it wasn't right. I tried again."

"Oh, Li – Phoenix." The Doctor sighed.

"It kept getting worse." She continued, not seeming to hear him. "Eventually, all I could do was take her to her parents when they were children. She could grow up with them if nothing else. I was lost. My purpose was done, but I couldn't come home."

"Why?" he asked, pain leaking into his voice. "Why not come home to me?"

"You could never accept what she – what I did." Lily told him. "But I need to be stopped. So I went to Earth. To Jack."

She looked up at him, naked pain in her eyes.

"He should have killed me when I took Donna." She whispered. "And when that failed, you should have done it. Why didn't you kill me?"

"How could you ever think I would do that?" the Doctor whispered. "I love you."

Her face grew angry.

"I am not the woman you love." She spat. "She died in the fires. You should have killed me! If you let me out, everyone will be in danger."

"I don't believe that." He told her, kneeling next to her. "How much of it was you? How much was the Dark Phoenix?"

"I am the Dark Phoenix." She growled. "She is me and I am her. I did it."

"How much do you even remember?" he pushed.

"Enough!" she shouted. "I remember enough. I'm a murder!"

"So am I!" he shouted back. "I have just as much blood on my hands! The blood of our people! And I was fully in control when I pushed the button to destroy our home and millions of others."

"You did what you had to." Lily protested. "Millions more would have died if you hadn't. It's not the same."

"You're right, it's not the same." The Doctor agreed. "I did it fully aware and you still forgave me. You were under control of the Avatar of the Time Vortex, why wouldn't I forgive you?"

"Because I let her out!" she sobbed. "I'm a monster! Just let me go!"

"No." he replied evenly.

"Why?" she demanded. "Just let me go!"

"Because that's the coward's way out." He told her harshly. "And you may be a lot of things, Phoenix, but you are not a coward. I will not allow you to give in to this." He sighed and reached out to grab her hand and hold it tightly. "I love you, Alyssy. I love you more than I have ever loved anything in this universe. You're strong enough to come back from this and I will not lose you, not if it's in my power to save you, even from yourself. I love you."

"You shouldn't." she cried.

"Too bad, you don't get to make that decision." He told her. "I love you and I will always love you. You are my mate, nothing will ever change that."

Lily sobbed even harder.

"Theta." She gasped. "Don't leave me. Don't leave me."

"I won't." he told her, tears slipping down his face as he pulled her into his arms. "I'm here. I love you. I'm here."

She curled up in his lap and he rocked her gently.

"You held me together once upon a time." He told her softly. "You forgave me for all the things I had done and you made me whole again. Now it's my turn to hold you together."

"Don't leave me." She repeated. "Don't leave me."

"Never." He told her strongly. "Never. You're stuck with me, Alyssy."

He pulled her closer and the world dissolved into white.

The Phoenix opened her eyes again, this time to the ceiling of Torchwood 3's Med Center. There was a brief moment of blissful peace, and then the world came crashing back. She turned to her side and curled herself as tightly into a ball as she could, covering her head to block out the noise in her head.

"Alyssy."

She ignored the Doctor as he came up beside her.

"Alyssy." He tried again. "Please."

He tried to coax her to sit up, but she stubbornly curled tighter.

Neither of them noticed the others gathering at the top of the stairs.

"You should have let me die." They heard her cry. "Why didn't you let me die?"

"Because I am a selfish old man." He replied with tears in his voice. "I need you. Please don't leave me."

This just made her cry harder.

"Don't leave me." He whispered. "Please don't leave me."

"It hurts so much." She sobbed.

"I know." He told her. "I know."

He pulled her curled form into his arms and held her tightly. He opened his mind and poured all his love and relief at having her back down the broken bond, doing his best to heal and sooth as he went.

"No," she moaned, but turned into him, burying herself in his arms. "Don't do that."

"What?" he asked, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "Forgive you? I already told you. You forgave me. How could I not forgive you?"

"I don't deserve it." She sobbed.

"Lily?"

The Time Lady raised her head and looked at Donna.

"Don't call me that." She whispered. "Please. I'm not Lily. Not anymore. She burned. All that's left is the Phoenix."

Donna looked at the Doctor, who just shook his head helplessly.

"Alright." She said slowly. "Phoenix…are you okay? What happened?"

"I almost killed you." The Phoenix spat, becoming angry so quickly it made Donna step back. "Aren't you glad we're friends? Hasn't it just been the best?"

"Alyssy." The Doctor tried to sooth her, but she pushed him away.

"No, she should know." She told him with a humorless laugh. "They should all know. They should know the things I did. How I burnt whole cities to the ground to punish a few. How I ripped every Silence I could find apart with my bare hands. How I tried to rip apart reality because I thought I knew better than Time itself." She glared at him. "They should know you let a monster live."

"You're not a monster." Rory said, pulling away from Amy and taking Donna's place. "You're not a monster."

"I am, Rory." The Phoenix cried, tears falling as her companion took her hands in his. "I failed you and Amy. I couldn't bring Melody home. Everything I did, all the blood I shed, all the destruction, it was all for nothing. I failed."

"But you did bring her home." He protested. "Maybe not in the way we intended, but you gave us years with her we might not have gotten otherwise. You brought my daughter home to me. Maybe the things you did were monstrous, but you did them out of love for me, for Amy, and for our daughter."

"I did them out of vengeance." She shot back. "I don't love River Song."

"But you love Melody Pond." He replied calmly. "I saw it in your face when we told you we wanted you to be her godmother. Which means a part of you loves River Song, just as you love Melody, and just as you love us. And we love you. River, Melody, whatever you want to call her, loves you. And I refuse to believe that my friend, a woman who loves and is so loved, could ever be a monster. I refuse."

"You don't know the things I did, Rory." She told him softly through her tears.

"I don't care." He shot back. "You brought Melody home to her mother and me. You got her away from the people who would have used a child as a weapon to kill your mate. I don't care what you say, they were bad people and they deserved what happened to them."

"Not all of them." The Phoenix whispered. "Some of them were innocent. Some of them were children themselves."

"Maybe." He conceded. "But that wasn't you. You wouldn't hurt a child. You cannot be held responsible for the things the Dark Phoenix did while she had control of you."

She just stared at him in shock.

"How can you say that?" she demanded. "I let her loose on the universe. Willingly. She didn't trick me. I let her out."

"But she isn't you." The Doctor jumped in. "Not really."

"She is." She protested angrily, rounding on him. "I remember."

"How much?" he pushed. "500 years. How much do you actually remember?"

"I – I don't – enough!" she said, but sounded unsure. "I remember enough."

"I'm inside your head, despite your best efforts to keep me out." He told her. "I can feel the gaps. The giant chunks of time you're missing. We saw her in Berlin. She said you were sleeping. I think Donna isn't the only one whose mind she tried to protect. I think you remember bits and pieces because sometimes you woke up enough to fight your close enough to the surface to remember. There was a moment in Berlin. Do you remember that?"

"You were dying." She said slowly. "I told Melody how to pilot the TARDIS. She saved you."

"That's right." He agreed. "From what I can tell, most of your clear memories are from after that point. You started to fight, so she couldn't hide as much. Finally, you fought so hard she couldn't sustain it anymore. The division was killing you both, so you came here, in hopes that someone could stop you."

"Theta." The Phoenix wept, shaking her head.

"You are not a monster." He told her, grasping her shoulders. "I know you. You could never be a monster. Not you."

"I've been one before." She whispered. "The Daleks – "

"Would have killed you if you hadn't destroyed them." He finished. "We were at war. We will never finish the war as long as they still exist and we still live. That doesn't make you any more of a monster than me."

She saw a face flash in his mind, a face he never spoke of, not even to her, and then it was gone. She understood what he meant, how he thought she should deal with this by divorcing herself from it, but she shook her head.

"I let her out." She told him. "I knew what she is, the lengths she will go to protect the people we love, and I still let her out. How do I live with that?"

The Doctor gathered her into his arms and held her tightly.

"We'll figure it out." He told her softly. "Together."

She closed her eyes and sagged in his arms. He bent down and scooped her up, carrying her in his arms as he headed to the TARDIS. They disappeared inside and the others waited. Finally, after a few minutes, the Doctor reemerged, alone.

"She's sleeping." He told them, rubbing his face.

"Will she be alright?" Martha asked, concern etched on her face.

"I don't know." The Doctor admitted reluctantly. "I hope so. Her mind reminds me a lot of mine right after…"

He trailed off.

"The Time War." Mickey finally finished. "When you were him, all leather and ears, when we first met."

The Doctor nodded.

"Rose saved me." He told them. "If I hadn't had her, I wouldn't have survived the guilt and pain after Gallifrey was destroyed. But I can't be that for the Phoenix." He turned to Rory and Amy. "I'm too broken and scared. She needs her own Rose, Rory."

"Me?" the man repeated, surprised. "Surely Jack or Donna…"

"She's chosen you as her companion over and over again." The Doctor told him. "It's you she sees it through. I see it through Amy's wonder and fearlessness. But you…she needs your humanity, your compassion. You remind her of the humanity she used to have, when she was human, that part of her that she is desperately trying to hang on to. She's going to need you more than ever."

"Donna and I aren't particularly human anymore." Jack added. "We can't be that for her anymore. We're too…"

"Damaged." Donna finished for him, noticing the Doctor's flinch as she said it. "It's not your fault, Space Man. We chose our paths and I, for one, don't regret a second of it. But it changed us, and you're right, we're not what she needs right now."

They were all quiet for a moment as they absorbed this.

"We'll be away for a little awhile." The Doctor told them finally. "She needs to recover a little before she has company again. I think there's someone she should see, though, that might help." He glanced at Amy and Rory. "I'll tell her that her parents say hello when we get there."

Amy nodded.

"Tell her to come visit us when she can." She ordered.

"We will." He agreed, hugging her tightly.

He nodded to the others before stepping back into the TARDIS. A moment later, it was gone, and the humans were alone.

River sighed as she sat back down in her cell. Demons Run had been harrowing for her, but she knew it had been worse for the Time Lords. At least it was all out in the open now. She knew the next version of the Doctor she saw might not remember, but for this moment, they were in the right time and place.

She had just picked up her diary when they wind picked up and she looked up to see a blue box fade into view. She stood as the Doctor stepped out.

"I'm not sure where we are." He told her. "I've found a couple of versions of you, but they were later in the time stream, and I need a specific time. So…where are you?"

"Demons Run." She told him breathlessly. "I've just come back."

"Finally." He sighed. "One of the future you's assured me I'd find you, but it's taken a long time."

He stepped fully out and opened her cell.

"Do you know why I'm here?" he asked. "It's been a few months for me. I've just found Lily again."

"How is she?" River asked.

"Terrible."

They both turned to find The Phoenix standing in the doors to the TARDIS.

"Why did we come here?" she demanded. "To see more of my failure? Not only couldn't I get her home, but now she's in Stormcage. My failure is complete."

"You didn't fail." River protested, surprised. "Why would you ever think that?"

"You're in prison, Melody!" The Phoenix told her, making her wince at the use of her real name. "I call that a pretty big fucking failure."

"You saved me, Phoenix." River said, stepping past the Doctor to his mate.

"How can you say that?" the Time Lady sighed.

"Because it's true." River told her. "Maybe it didn't go perfectly, but not even you can control everything, Phoenix."

She took the Phoenix's hand and held it tightly.

"I may be in prison, but I am happy." She told her sincerely. "I got to grow up with my parents because of you. I got to grow up loved, and not just by them. You fought across the stars to bring me home. The Doctor took Demons Run for me. I grew up knowing I was loved by the best godparents a girl could want. And that is because of you. You saved me."

She pulled her into a hug and the Phoenix went without a fight. She wrapped her arms around River and buried her face in her neck.

"I love you, Melody Pond." She whispered. "Sorry for all the things I'm going to do in your future."

River laughed.

"I'm sure I deserve some of them." She told her. "I'm not the best behaved goddaughter."

"No, you're not." The Phoenix agreed, laughing slightly as she pulled away.

She wiped away her own tears before wiping away River's.

"We should go." The Doctor said gently. "Stormcage might prefer their prisoners be in their cells instead of outside."

"Oh, they're used to it." River replied, but stepping back inside.

The Doctor smiled as he soniced the lock shut.

"Thank you, Melody." He said softly.

"You are very welcome, Doctor." She replied just as softly.

He smiled and nodded, heading back to his mate. He reached the doors and turned back.

"Your parents say hello." He told her, making her smile brightly. "Amy would like you to visit more."

"Tell her I'll try." River replied.

He nodded and led The Phoenix back inside. A second later, they were gone and a guard stepped out of the shadows.

"Will she be alright?" Jenny asked, stepping up the cell bars.

River nodded and reached through the bars to grasp the blonde's hand.

"I thought I sent a memo about Roman outfits." She said, quirking her eyebrow.

"Like anyone reads your memos." Jenny said, snorting.

She quickly sobered though.

"They're still heading to Lake Silencio, aren't they?" she asked.

River nodded and Jenny sighed.

"There's nothing we can do, love." She told the blonde.

She pressed a kiss to Jenny's hand before gently pushing her away. The daughter of the Doctor and the Phoenix nodded to the Child of the TARDIS and continued on her way as River picked her diary again.

She had an entry to make.

A/N:

So a little longer wait.

What do you think?

Abbey