Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or any of the Bleach characters used in this fic. They all belong to Tite Kubo: the genius behind the captivating manga that started it all. I only own any of my original characters that I choose to include, as well as any of my own original plot ideas.

Bad Habits

Prompt: Babysitting...

A/N: Written for LJ. (For St. Harridan.)

Once again, he had been made the fool, being forced to follow his lieutenant around the Seireitei as she got into all kinds of trouble. At first, his day of playing lookout for the girl had been pleasant, but when she'd vanished from the division and returned with a box of black and white face paint, Ikkaku's heart had dropped right out of his ass. After that, everything else had gone to hell as well. He had followed her to the Kuchiki Mansion and chased her around its hallways, begging her to stop playing with the scooter before Captain Kuchiki noticed the scuff marks on his freshly waxed floors. But she had paid him no heed, and Ikkaku had been forced to explain to the quiet captain exactly why he'd nearly been knocked out by a pink roller scooter.

Upon collecting his lieutenant, Ikkaku had made a beeline for the streets, fearing that Captain Kuchiki might have his head. Of course, he hadn't dared to stick around to find out, as the man may have asked him to clean up the mess Yachiru had made. Ikkaku was a warrior, not a fucking maid or nanny. And yet, Captain Zaraki was treating him as such, having gone off on some hunt deep in the Rukongai with both Yumichika and Iba. And he, being a better fighter than both his friends, had been left behind to babysit.

The sudden sensation of liquid atop his head caused him to shout and look up, spotting Yachiru in a tree as she allowed little ropes of spit to fall on him. His eyes widened as he swore at her, demanding that she "get your tiny ass down this instant before I knock it out of that damned tree!" In response, the pink-haired lieutenant giggled, throwing a rock that hit Ikkaku in the mouth, further souring his mood.

It was hard work to be keeping up with someone so small, let alone with so much energy. Ikkaku's eyes visibly widened as Yachiru jumped a wall, darting through the gardens of the Fifth Division. He grimaced, turning the corner to spot the girl in the flower patches, pulling up roses and lilacs by the root in front of Lieutenant Hinamori. The sensitive lieutenant took one look at the destroyed flower bed before hanging her head, small tears falling into the dirt. Once again, Ikkaku's heart sank as he muttered a hasty apology before following the pink bob over yet another wall. Upon lowering his tired body to the ground, the Third Seat's eyes widened, shocked that he'd lost track of her.

He darted through the Seireitei, stopping all manner of seated officers as he asked if they'd seen his hyperactive lieutenant. Much to his chagrin, no one had seen so much as a pink hair, let alone heard her obnoxious laughter. The bald man grimaced, fighting off the desire to slam his head into a wall until he passed out. That way, he wouldn't have to endure the torture Zaraki would deal out when he came back. Just as he positioned himself against the wall, prepared to knock himself out, the sound of laughter and angry shouts reached his ears, sending him running down the street.

Clenching his fists, Ikkaku prayed that the noise would continue to be his guide, leading him to the chaos that his lieutenant had undoubtedly created. As he turned yet another corner, his eyes widened in shock, shouts and curses escaping his mouth as a plume of smoke and flames erupted from a section of the Twelfth Division, Yachiru jumping out of the carnage with glee. She landed in Ikkaku's outstretched arms, giggling as she pinched his face, rubbing smears of paint across it. The Third Seat felt his eye twitch, turning on his heel to get the hell away before Captain Kurotsuchi found out who was responsible for the destruction of his labs.

"Please, Lieutenant," Ikkaku begged, collapsing on the ground with Yachiru on his shoulders. "Can't we do something a little less destructive? Like a tea party or something?"

As the words left his lips, the Third Seat grimaced, praying that the lieutenant would ask to do something less humiliating, like scribbling on the walls of her room. Anything, so long as it didn't involve explosions, stolen personal items, and destruction of personal property, was fine. His eyes moved, meeting hers as she lay on the ground beside him.

"Okay, Baldy!" she chirped, patting him on the head. "We can go home and get started right away!"

Three hours later, Ikkaku was lying on the grass as Yachiru drenched him with the garden hose. She had managed to create a swamp of sorts by completely drowning the grass in cool water, splashing about in her "Yachiru-made pool" as she went. The sound of wet footsteps reached Ikkaku, but he couldn't so much as sit up. He sighed heavily as his captain hovered over him, staring with surprise.

"How'd it go?" he muttered, eyes leaving Ikkaku's face to watch Yachiru. "She looks damn happy, Madarame. The hell'd you do?"

Ikkaku shrugged, ignoring the water that flooded his ears, reaching into his drenched shihakusho to withdraw a bottle of floor cleaner and a box of paint. "You might want to have that bottle delivered to Captain Kuchiki. The lieutenant caused a bit of damage over at the mansion."

Kenpachi's eye widened as he nodded, staring at the sopping wet box in his hand. "And this piece of shit?"

"Get rid of it, and pretend it never existed," Ikkaku replied, eyes wide. "If Captain Kurotsuchi finds out that the lieutenant is the one responsible for theft and the destruction of his labs, he'll have her head in a jar."

To the Third Seat's surprise, Kenpachi grinned, staring fondly at the child romping through the wet grass. "Destruction of personal property and invasion of that bastard's privacy, eh? That's my girl."

I laughed the whole time I wrote this.