Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment own all things Twilight-related. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: AH/AU.

Many thanks to my wonderful betae, Carol and BookwormBaby2580, for all their help. Any mistakes in the final draft are entirely my own.

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The days of cruising in my old but very cool Chevy pickup with Amy Winehouse blasting through the speakers were just so fucking gone. Not even the awesome memories could drown out the fact that I was sitting in a very boring, obnoxiously colored Honda listening to – wait for it… Chopin… while my husband air-played the piece on the steering wheel. I glanced at him. His hair was combed nicely today; that was because he was having dinner with his mother. There was a cigarette hanging from his lips, though, and the butt-ends of three dead ones in the ashtray — all of them smoked in the last thirty minutes. He was making sure he had his fix before he arrived. God forbid Esme should catch him with a live one.

"So, who's all gonna be there?" Edward asked as we exited the freeway.

"Just me and Alice. Typical girls' night." Well, not quite, but good enough.

He looked decidedly uncomfortable for some reason. "Like, what do you do? Watch chick flicks and paint each other's toenails?"

When the fuck had he ever seen me with painted toenails? "Uhhh, no. We generally play loud hip-hop, test all of Alice's sex toys, make out a little bit, drink 'til we puke, and then pass out in the living room." Serves him right for asking such a stupid question.

Amazingly, his expression relaxed. "Oh, okay."

I am so fucked.

Blinking back my utter disbelief, I turned to stare out the window. Alice lived in Capitol Hill, which was right on the way to Madison Park where Esme and Carlisle lived. Capitol Hill was the trendy neighborhood. Just like Alice. The night life there was huge — lots of nightclubs and theatres. We'd spent plenty of time prowling the area with fake IDs when we'd been younger.

Slowing to a stop outside Alice's condo complex, Edward took a puff and exhaled, leaning over for a kiss. "Have fun."

"Sure you don't want to join us?" I asked wryly. If he really believed Alice and I were going to get it on — and if he were at all interested in said activity — maybe there was hope for him after all.

He laughed nervously, shaking his head. "Thank you, no."

Coward. Then again, he'd already admitted to me that Alice scared him. Anything that didn't fit well into his low-stress world fucking scared the hell out of him. That's why he chain smoked.

Standing on the sidewalk, I waved as he pulled away… very carefully, after checking for traffic and then signaling, of course. There wasn't a single ounce of misbehavior in him, the poor bastard. I couldn't blame him completely, though. There are reasons why someone grows up to be a nervous wreck, and not all of it is biology. In his case, the largest factor was definitely spelled E-S-M-E.

I resolved to put everything aside as I marched through the complex's well manicured grounds. Tonight was about decompression, about letting go of all the shit that was dragging me down and just having a good time with my best friend. I hadn't seen or talked to Alice for a while, so I was really looking forward to this.

Alice buzzed me up within seconds, and a minute later I walked through her front door, the two of us sharing a much-needed squee hug. "You look like shit," she observed.

"Gee, thanks."

"I'm serious, Chica. Edwin is obviously not good for your health."

I glared at her. "Can we please leave Edward home tonight?"

Without missing a beat — or acknowledging my displeasure — she said, "Absolutely. This is our night. How about some wine?"

I couldn't be angry with Alice — not really. It just wasn't possible to remain annoyed with her. "Is this that satanic wine you like so much?"

She grinned back at me before stepping into the kitchen. "Casillero del Diablo. Best fucking Cabernet in the world!"

Tossing my overnight bag on the sofa, I glanced around her living room. It looked kind of like Martha Stewart had gotten a hold of it while under the influence of some bad junk off the street: lots of large stripes, clashing colors, and artwork that probably came straight out of Andy Warhol's nightmares. According to Alice, this was all in vogue. I could think of a few more appropriate terms…

"Here." As I took the proffered glass, she held hers up and continued, "To Girls' Night, and us."

"Hear, hear!"

The clink of our toast was rudely interrupted by the downstairs buzzer. My brow furrowed when Alice walked over and hit the release without even asking who was there. If she'd fucking invited some of her snobby friends from the design institute, I was gonna go postal. They all hated me down there, though Alice kept telling me I was imagining things. Really? How could they not hate someone who refused to wear anything with a designer label unless a gun was pointed straight at her head?

"Can you get the door, Bella? I need to get the sushi ready."

What the fuck? I watched as she casually strolled back to the kitchen, not the least bit affected by my dark expression. I paused, counting to ten, and then tipped back my wine, downing most of the glass in one swig. If I had to face fucktards tonight, I wanted to be appropriately sloshed right from the start.

Her doorbell chimed a few seconds later. Gritting my teeth, I stalked over and threw the door open… only to have my anger evaporate instantly.

I gaped. He gaped back. My brow rose; his followed suit. I grinned a few moments later, a gesture he also mimicked. The display would have been comical if I hadn't been so ecstatic.

"You are a long fucking way from the reservation, Kimosabe," I scolded playfully, trying to keep my excitement in check.

His grin cracked wide open. "Took a wrong turn somewhere back there," he gestured.

I totally jumped into his arms then, laughing when he spun me around several times. He carried me all the way back in and set me down in the living room. "I am so fucking glad you're here, Jake. This is awesome!"

Alice popped into the room, carrying the open wine bottle and a tray of sushi — from Nishino's, no doubt, since she didn't know a spatula from a sauce pan. She smiled at him. "It wouldn't be a proper girls' night without him, right?"

Grabbing my wine glass, I gulped down the rest just as Jake started staring at all the weird decor around us. This, of course, turned out to be a mistake. What is it with me and bad drink timing?

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck threw up in here?" he asked.

I tried to stop the reaction — really, I did, but the effort was futile. I wound up choke-laughing uncontrollably while Alice acted suitably offended.

"Hey now!" she snapped. "I never once complained about your unheated shed!"

"No, just the splinters," he taunted, bringing up a hilarious moment from our high school days.

I keeled over, grabbing Jake's arm to steady myself while I fought for air. Just the memory of that day was almost enough to make me pee my pants.

"Stop!" Alice yelled. "Not this again!"

"You know, I never said you had to use the old outhouse," Jake continued, grinning… which only pissed her off more.

"I didn't know you had indoor plumbing on the res, damn it! We were always out in the shed watching you rebuild shit!"

"And I did offer to help…" he added.

Alice set the sushi down and leveled a finger at him. "There was no way you or those needle-nose pliers were going anywhere near my ass!"

"It's just as well," I piped in, wiping tears from my eyes. "I'm sure it gets really boring down at the ER. They needed some excitement."

Jake laughed. "Biggest full moon Forks had ever seen."

A grin finally found its way onto Alice's face, though her voice was still laced with exasperation. "Must I relive all this again? It was embarrassing enough the first time."

"Oh, we'll make sure it lives on in infamy," I assured her.

"Great," she muttered, rolling her eyes. "More wine?"

I held up my glass. "Absolutamente."

Having the three of us together again was the best fucking feeling in the world. We were The Three Amigos of Forks — the Three Musketeers and The Three Stooges all rolled into one. Whenever there'd been mischief afoot, we'd been in the middle of it all, much to my father's intense displeasure. He was the Chief of Police there. Unfortunately.

Alice tossed Jake a questioning glance. "Wine?"

"What, no beer?" he asked through a mouthful of futomaki.

She shook her head at him. "You are so uncouth."

"You talk with your mouth full all the time."

"I wasn't referring to that," Alice clarified. She was a fucking wine snob if there ever was one.

Jake threw her an exasperated glare. "You're really gonna make me drink this high-brow crap?"

After a pause, Alice huffed. "In the fridge."

"Yes!" He snaked past her, planting a loud kiss against her cheek.

"Hey, bring me one, too," I called.

Alice looked thoroughly disgusted with me. "Why the hell do I still hang with you people?"

Oh, this one was easy. "Because we know all your dirty secrets and there's this thing called YouTube."

She cackled, clinking her wine glass against mine. "Touché!"

We both kicked back our drinks, draining them in record time. This was going to be one hell of a Girls' Night. I was already surrounded by the best friends a girl could have, with two glasses of wine down and a beer on the way. Could this possibly get any more perfect?

"Microbrew!"

Apparently it could.

Jake rounded the corner and tossed a bottle in my direction, much to Alice's dismay. Fortunately, I wasn't yet wasted enough to drop it. "Anchor Steam," I noted, glancing at Alice. "This is decent stuff."

"Just because I don't drink beer doesn't mean I'm not paying attention."

I heard the hiss of Jake's brew being opened. He didn't waste any time, taking a healthy slug before handing me the church key.

"Open that one at the sink, damn it!" Alice ordered, waving her finger at me.

"Yes ma'am," I replied, totally agreeing with her logic. Beer mess on wooden tavern floors was gross enough to clean up; beer mess on carpeting was even worse.

I made my way into Alice's barely used kitchen. All the appliances looked brand-spanking new. I knew for a fact the stove had never been used. The fridge and microwave were the centers of her culinary universe. In contrast, cooking basic meals was one thing I'd learned early on. Renée couldn't even boil water properly; if it weren't for me, we'd have been eating sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

As predicted, the beer foamed over as soon as I opened the bottle, and I quickly chugged down as much as I could. In the background, I could hear Alice putting Jake to work moving furniture around. I smiled at the sound. Just like old times. My smile faded as I stared blankly at the marble countertops, though, and for a few moments all the stress in my life came crashing down on me again. I needed this night so badly, something to numb the ever-growing sense of anxiety in my gut. Too many things in my life were royally screwed up, and I had no one to blame but myself: a ridiculous marriage, a fantasy-like affair with the man of my dreams… and this tiny, unidentifiable twinge tugging at my heartstrings. It was all so strange, so dangerous. And the worst part? I had no fucking clue how I was going to get everything back under control.

A round of Jake's raucous laughter brought me out of the negative spiral I'd started. I took another swig, letting the alcohol set me abuzz, and then headed back to my friends. As soon as I entered the living room, my eyes were drawn to the familiar nest that had been created inside the circle of furniture Jake had made. "Party pillows! I can't believe you still have them."

"Of course I do," Alice countered, tossing the last of them over the couch.

I really was surprised. They were all big and puffy and garishly colored – the very antithesis of Alice's sense of style. The three of us had spent the better part of two years crawling through thrift shops and other discount places looking for the perfect cushions for our Girls' Night get-togethers — and trust me, dragging Alice anyplace besides high-end retail stores was a major accomplishment. Sofas and chairs were too overrated; we wanted to eat, drink, gossip, and pass out in the lap of luxury, and that, quite naturally, required a pit full of pillows.

Watching Jake kick off his shoes, I took the cue. It was time to get comfy. Setting my beer down, I grabbed my overnight bag. Jeans were discarded in short order, replaced with my favorite pair of sleep pants, which I knew would freak Alice out as soon as she noticed. The bra came off next, though I spared Jake any discomfort by undoing it under my t-shirt. Lastly, I switched out my regular socks for a thick, fuzzy pair of scrunchy ones. I could almost hear my toes screaming in ecstasy. Now I was ready to party!

"For fuck's sake, Bella! What the hell is this?"

Thirty seconds. Not bad.

Jake laughed, clapping as I hopped over the sofa and into our little nest. "You're so childish, Bella," he said.

I grinned. "Thank you."

The look on Alice's face was priceless. "Really, Bella? Eeyore? That is so wrong."

"I think they're cute," Jake defended. "Where'd you get 'em?"

"Goodwill."

Alice cringed as she joined us. I made sure I positioned myself so that she had an eyeful of my beautiful Eeyore pants. I loved them.

"I could probably find a pair for you, Ally," I teased. "I bet they would rev Jasper up in all the right ways."

"Jasper?" Jake questioned. "Who is this?"

"My boss," I clarified.

"She's fucking your boss?"

I nodded, quickly adding, "He looked exceptionally happy at work the other night."

"Oh, settle!" Alice tried to shush us.

Completely ignoring her, Jake kept his focus on me. "What's he like?"

I grinned evilly. "Tall, with curly, dirty blond hair and a very charming smile. He wears cowboy boots."

Jake's eyebrows hit the ceiling. "You're fucking someone who wears cowboy boots?" he asked Alice, who by now was three shades of red. His expression changed, morphing into the perviest leer I've ever seen. "Do you ride him? Or does he ride you?"

"Stop."

"Does he neigh when you use the riding crop, or just snort all sexy-like?" His imitation of a horse doing the latter nearly had me choking on my drink again.

Even Alice couldn't bite back a bark of laughter. "Stop! We're not doing anything like that. Not yet, anyway."

Completely dumbfounded, Jake and I just stared at each other, blinking.

"Wait a minute," I finally ventured. "You're saying you and Jasper haven't done the nasty yet?"

"No, we haven't. He's a complete gentleman."

Alice looked suitably… I'm not even sure how to describe it. I'd never seen that particular look on her face before. She was the Queen of Sexcapades, and most definitely someone who prided herself on how quickly she could bed her targets. It was all a game to her — or so I thought. Jake and I used to have betting pools, for Christ's sake! And here she was, obviously flustered at being teased, but not looking the least bit embarrassed over not having shagged Mr. Cowboy Boots. She was, in fact, smiling softly to herself, gaze lost in the revolting paisley pattern of the pillow she was hugging.

"Wow," Jake said, leaning back against the front of the loveseat. "You've got it bad, don't you? Since when has sex not been your primary objective?"

She shrugged. "Since I got a taste of what it's like to be treated like a lady?" When both Jake and I tossed her a confused look, she continued, "Jasper opens doors for me; who does that anymore? We talk. He listens because he's genuinely interested in what I have to say; it's not all flirting as a means to an end. He makes me happy in ways I never thought possible, and when I'm with him, I'm not even thinking about sex. It's all very strange… but in a good way."

I vaguely heard Jake ask another question, but I was already lost in my own thoughts, transported back to that fateful day a few weeks before when Carlisle and I had finally connected again. Physically, of course. With him it was all about sex. And whenever we talked, things inevitably turned ugly. Accusations. Finger pointing. Hurtful words that dulled the excitement of this lurid affair. Yet, I'd known full well what I was getting into from that electrifying moment at Juilliard when our gazes had first met. Sex was what I'd wanted. Wasn't it?

Carlisle opened doors for me. Some part of that selfish bastard, as he'd so eloquently put it, was obviously a gentleman, too. I could still feel the warmth of his hand on my lower back as he'd guided me through The Happy Hacienda's halls, caring and protective. I remember marveling at the compassion I'd witnessed as he'd treated those children, as well. And the sex? We may have started out fucking, but I hadn't missed the change in atmosphere when it happened. I'd been stunned at the gentle touches, the depth of emotion in his eyes. I could have sworn I'd seen adoration there.

I could have sworn we'd made love.

I was used to fucking. It was simple. Uncomplicated. But I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I wasn't enchanted with the idea of love, no matter how foreign a concept it was to me. Most girls grow up believing in love, with all its idealistic trappings. Me, I'd always been a realist. That's what happens when one grows up watching parents like mine go their separate ways, forcing me to jet back and forth between two different states to satisfy court-ordered mandates for visitation. Watching Carlisle and Esme together, and hearing horror stories from Edward about Carlisle's first marriage, only reinforced my realistic approach to life. My gut fairly screamed that there was no such thing as love. And yet…

Was it so wrong to wish for the unattainable with Carlisle? Was it so wrong to pretend I was with someone who really loved me when we were together? Jesus, listen to this...

My chest was actually hurting, a fucking sharp ache centered right in my heart. It couldn't possibly be worth it. It was much better to enjoy those brief moments with him for what they really were: ephemeral happiness. A string of those could sustain someone through life, the rest of which would always be a swirl of disappointment and tolerable monotony. Resetting the shield of indifference that had served me so well over the years, I took a long swig of my beer. I was definitely more than a little buzzed, and this was a very good thing. I needed to forget, even if it was just for one night.

"Unbelievable, Alice. I'm shocked. You're definitely losing your touch," Jake said, pulling me back to the conversation.

Alice tossed him a defiant look. "So what? I'm happy, and that's all that matters."

"Hear, hear!" I chimed in, deciding Alice needed a bit of a break. "So, what's happening with your love life, Kimosabe?"

A smile as wide as the Grand Canyon spread across Jake's face. "I," he emphasized, holding up his beer, "am fucking and being fucked so entirely, I'm surprised I can even walk straight these days."

We all clinked our drinks together in congratulations. "Who's the lucky stud?" I asked.

"Mike Newton."

"WHAT?" Alice and I both screamed.

"Mike Newton is gay?" I swear my jaw was stuck in the fully open position.

Alice quickly set down her wine. "Oh, my God," she said, cringing and flailing her hands like she'd just swallowed something extremely sour. "He had such a crush on you in high school, Bella. What the fuck?"

Jake rolled his eyes. "Relax, will ya? He's a switch hitter."

I arched an eyebrow. "When did he figure this out?"

"After a night with me," Jake answered, his tone dripping with supreme confidence.

Alice snorted, but I was far more willing to give Jake the benefit of the doubt. I'd had conversations with more than a few of his previous lovers, and every single one of them had had nothing but praise for his enthusiasm… and technique. After Jake had started working out in earnest when we were teenagers, I remember wishing I could get me a piece of that unbelievable bod, too. Life can be so unfair…

"So, what's he like in bed?" Alice asked.

Jake's eyes had that misty, faraway look to them. "A total screamer. Daring, too. He sucked me off in the stock room of his parents' store."

"How is that daring?"

"While his dad was taking inventory," Jake finished, the grin on his face letting us know just how fond he was of that particular memory.

I chuckled, trying hard not to entertain that visual… which was rather difficult seeing as I'd worked at Newton's Outfitters during those summers I hadn't been in Arizona with Renée. "I just can't see him as a screamer, though," I muttered.

"No kidding," Alice agreed.

Jake grinned at us. "Ah, you had to be there. He was so fucking pliable under my hands…" he trailed off, grabbing one of the larger body pillows, which he proceeded to mount right there in front of us. Then, much to our growing horror, he slowly flexed his hips into the soft cushion, mimicking exactly how he fucked this blast from our past.

"It took a few thrusts for me to find his sweet spot," Jake continued, noticeably changing the angle of his hips, "but once I did, his soft, breathy gasps escalated to screams of pure rapture."

Alice covered her eyes. "I think I'm gonna puke."

I, on the other hand, was entirely amused. "You should write gay romance novels, Jake. This is awesome."

He perked up. "You think?"

"Absolutely."

"Is it making you hot?"

I took a deep breath. "Not really, but it's still awesome. You've got talent."

He laughed, tossing the pillow aside. "Mike Newton is putty in my hands, and believe me, he gives as good as he gets."

"How long have you two been..." Alice finished by making a few lewd gestures when words escaped her. She looked very uncomfortable, which only added to my amusement.

"Almost five months," Jake answered.

"Exclusively?"

"Nah, he's porking Lauren Mallory on the side."

"WHAT?"

I was beyond shocked. "There is no fucking way Lauren Mallory would be fucking him if she knew he was fucking you!"

"See," Jake calmly pointed out, "when you guys were around, Forks was a nice happy comedy series. Now it's a fucking soap opera. That's what happens when you leave."

"Serves her right," Alice piped in. "She's an über bitch."

"Yeah, but wouldn't you just give your eye teeth to be a fly on the wall when she finds out?" I asked, laughing.

"Oh, you'll probably hear that explosion all the way out here, believe me," Jake said. "I'm just hoping I'll still have a living fuck buddy when it's all over."

My mirth couldn't be contained as I envisioned said explosion. Part of it was the alcohol, I knew, but I just couldn't stop giggling. Small-town politics was probably the only thing I missed about Forks. Everybody knew everybody else, and therefore secrets didn't remain secret for very long. Of course, in my particular case, had I still resided there, I'd be screwed six ways 'til Sunday… and then some.

"Yeah, well Bella had a fuck buddy, too," Alice said, grinning deviously.

Shit. Here we go.

Jake stared stupidly at her. "Well, yeah. She's married. I still can't figure that one out."

"No, no — I mean she had a fuck buddy," Alice explained, drawing out the nasty term.

Blinking, Jake finally realized what she meant, and turned a wholly satisfied smile in my direction. "You're fucking someone?" he asked incredulously. "Besides Eduardo?"

I let go an exasperated breath, but chose to ignore the umpteenth mangling of my unfortunate husband's name. Before I could even respond, Alice continued the conversation.

"She was, anyway. Sounded pretty intense."

Jake gaped at me, every facet of his expression telling me how fucking proud he was. "What's wrong with what's-his-name?" he asked. "Can't he get it up? Or keep it up? I mean, he didn't strike me as being very… well, manly, I guess."

"Oh, Jesus," Alice blurted. "Don't fucking tell me he's your type?"

"Not a chance," Jake shook his head. "I was far more interested in that blond God of a step-father he's got."

Bile quickly rose to the back of my throat at those words, every cell in my body freezing as I realized how close I was to being caught. These were the two most trustworthy friends a person could have, but the idea of them knowing what was going on just made me want to crawl into a dark corner where I could hide for a few days. Or a few years.

I swallowed the nasty taste in my mouth, washing it back down with another swig of beer. Jake kept at me, asking over and over who the hell I'd been screwing. I wanted to answer, but I honestly wasn't sure what would come out. I was too stunned and too fucking scared. Jake was and always would be clueless on how to read people, but Alice would know right away if I was lying.

My mind was awhirl, desperation mixing with ice cold fear. I kept stalling, letting Jake rattle on, but as it turned out, my silence, and probably a million other little details about my body language and expression, clued in the most perceptive person in the room. My gaze met hers for just a fraction of a second, and for that brief moment I was laid bare before my best friend. I felt like crying.

Alice's eyes widened, jaw dropping open. "No fucking way," she whispered.

Jake stopped, looking back and forth between us. He couldn't possibly have missed the heat on my face, but his brows were still furrowed in confusion. "What?"

"Isabella Marie Swan," Alice continued, disbelief written all over her tone. "Did you fuck your father-in-law?"

How could I possibly avoid such a direct question? From her, of all people? Fortunately, my jaw seemed quite stuck, so I just didn't say anything… which, of course, nailed my guilt to the wall where everyone could see it anyway.

"Oh, my fucking God!" Jake's voice rose, his whole body inching forward towards me. "Does he have a big cock?"

A chuckle, which sounded suspiciously like a sob, escaped my lips. But I still couldn't talk.

"Bella, this is really fucking important — is he hung?" Jake prodded.

Good ol' one-track-mind Jake. One could always count on him to infuse levity into a dire situation. I forced a cheeky grin, nodding. At least I could be honest there.

"Shit!" he bellowed, scrambling off the floor. I watched with detached amusement as he leapt over the coffee table and ran for the hallway. He was already undoing the front of his jeans before he'd even disappeared around the corner. That left me completely alone with the one person I couldn't ignore.

I looked at Alice, and hoped to high heaven she could read the mix of emotions in my eyes. Jake was easy to deal with. He'd razz me about it for a while, and then we'd be on to the next topic. Alice, on the other hand, was like a Jack Russell terrier; when she latched on, she didn't let go. And I really, really needed her to do just that this time around.

She seemed to sense the fragile atmosphere correctly, shifting on all fours until she was seated right beside me. "You're still seeing him, aren't you?"

Apparently I was pretty fucking easy to read. "Yeah," I whispered.

"How long has this been going on?"

I snorted. "Since my wedding reception."

"My God, Bella," Alice began. "Do you have any idea how dangerous this is?"

Tears stung my eyes. I couldn't talk around the lump in my throat, so I just nodded, dropping my gaze. I felt lots and lots of fear right then, all mixed together with a healthy dose of shame. I expected Alice to rip me another asshole, to tell me what a fucking idiot I was. She'd done it in the past, setting me straight with a few choice words after a round of stupidity on my part. Instead, she gently tugged the beer from my hand, set it on the coffee table, and pulled me into a hug.

It was exactly what I'd needed. I clung to her like a lifeline, a steady rock in the rapids I'd been trying desperately to navigate on my own.

"You love him, don't you?" she whispered against my ear.

I couldn't reply; I was too terrified of the truth. Admitting it made it real. What a fucking coward I am.

Alice didn't repeat the question. She no doubt already knew the answer. "Whatever happens, Chica, I'll still love you," she told me.

Closing my eyes, I finally let the tears fall. God, I was never this emotional. Ever. Carlisle Cullen really had a hold on my heart, the fucking bastard. And this wouldn't have a happy ending, either. There was just no fucking way. I was headed straight for a brick wall at high speed, and I couldn't think of a single way to avoid it. It didn't matter which way I turned from here on out — I was going to get hurt. Badly.

Indecent sounds suddenly floated down the hallway behind us as Jake got himself off in the bathroom. We both started laughing, my pain and insecurity disintegrating. "I can't believe he's doing this again," I said, finally finding my voice. "We need to stop discussing hot guys when we get together."

Alice pulled back and grinned at me. "This is nothing. He did this five times during your wedding reception – all because he was drooling over the guy who turned out to be your lover."

"He'd shit his pants if he knew we'd hooked up for the first time that same night."

"Yes, he would," Alice agreed, "which is why we won't say anything, right?"

I nodded, wiping my eyes. "I don't need any more fuel added to this particular fire."

Leaning over, Alice grabbed a box of tissues off one of the end tables and handed it to me. "Just be careful, okay?" she asked.

"I'll try," I promised her.

Jake walked out then, looking extremely proud of himself. "Ah, that felt good."

Alice glared at him. "My bathroom better be spotless."

Ignoring her, Jake frowned as he watched me blow my nose. "What's wrong?"

"Too much alcohol too quickly," Alice covered.

That seemed to do the trick. His expression smoothed out. "Ah. Well, I'm ready for another beer. What about you, Bella?"

I laughed. It was amazing how obtuse Jake could be, not that I was complaining. "Bring it on," I told him.

The rest of the evening was mostly a blur of outrageous hilarity and booze. Nobody vomited that I could remember. We did have quite the argument over which of us would get to sleep with Melvin — the big pillow shaped like a rainbow trout. I won.

Somewhere around two or three in the morning, I was awakened by the feel of my phone vibrating under my right cheek. How it got there, I had no idea. Bleary-eyed, I picked it up and tried to read the text. It was from Carlisle.

Missu? What the hell is that? Wait… I blinked again, trying to focus.

Miss U

Miss who? Miss universe?

Miss You

When comprehension finally dawned, I felt tears welling in my eyes all over again. Damn it. Swallowing, I tapped in a response, hoping Carlisle would figure out I was pretty well sloshed and incapable of any kind of complexity.

Ms U 2

His response — a smiley face — came back to me seconds later.

I stared blankly at the image until the screen went dark, forcing myself not to think. I needed sleep — a nice, dark, dreamless, inebriated-out-of-my-fucking-mind kind of sleep where the demons that haunted my waking hours couldn't reach me. Fortunately, my current state was extremely conducive to passing out, which I did only a few seconds later, entirely unaware of Alice's worried gray eyes keeping watch over me…

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