A/N: UM yes, this is a VERRRRRY late gift fic for Sushi*Bomb for her birthday which was like a month ago but we can pretend it's today? HAPPY VERY BELATED BIRTHDAY~

I know, this is like shit compared to yours. SOB.

Note: I have used British spellings so it's 'ARSE' okay. lol u americanz11!one!

Disclaimer: I don't own KHR because I'm SICK LIKE A DOG BRO.

Dear Bel-sempai,

Stop calling me. It's annoying.

-Fran.

PS: Well actually, I'm not surprised you're calling me. It's because you have no friends, right?

PPS: Ha, you just got dissed out by a frog.

PPPS: Wait, I'm not a frog.

Dear Uncute kohai,

Fuck you.

Wait, no. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. FUCK. HA. I don't think anyone would, you choad.

Oh, so it annoys you? HA thanks for that, froggy. Ushishishishishi.

ALSO NO FUCK YOU AGAIN (not in that way, you filthy frog) I DO HAVE FRIENDS (eh, friends, victims, same thing)!

-PRINCE Bel.

PS: Ushishishi, you just admitted you were a frog. Finally, you've gotten some sense. Was it from the dog shit cookies I gave you?

! FAKE PRINCE !

No Levi, this note isn't for you. I didn't stick it on the fridge for you so don't get excited.

Bel-sempai, you're such a genius. Do you go around fucking everyone you see? I bet you're going to die of AIDS or something in five years. It's a shame, isn't it?

You've just proved my point of having no friends-

Wait a minute.

…

…

Okay, back. I just spilt some orange juice this- no sempai, you can't lick it, okay?

-Fran.

PS: You weren't exactly subtle; I saw you picking up dog crap from the dog crap bin outside the mansion. Anyway, I gave them to Levi.

PPS: I think he ate them.

PPPS: Oh yeah, he's eating them now. His tears of joy are soaking this note- STOP IT EVERYTHING IS GETTING GFKLDJDKJGFLF

PPPPS: MY BEAUTFIUL HANDWRITING. GO TO HELL LEVI.

! FRANFAG THIS IS IMPORTANT DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE THIS !

Motherfucker, come and bail me out of jail. QUICK.

-Bel.

PS: HURRY UP I'M ABOUT TO BE TURNED INTO PRINCE MUSH BY SOME FAT BODY BUILDER HEL-

Dear Ugly Step-Prince,

No.

What is it with you and getting arrested? Is it your hobby or something? SERIOUSLY.

So even Boss's warnings about not killing innocent bystanders can't get through your thick skull? You're probably not even listening; you're probably admiring your own gruesome reflection in your mirror right now. Vain bastard.

Also, why is it always me who has to pick you up? I have better things to do than saving you from insane criminals. Why can't long haired commander pick you up? Aren't you supposed to be looking after me, not the other way around? I THOUGHT I WAS THE BABY OF THE SQUAD AND I WOULD LIKE IT TO STAY LIKE THAT PLEASE. (I am glaring at you with a look of intense hatred in my eyes and I am cursing you to the deep dark depths of hell. Or Lussuria's bed would be fine as well.)

…and speak of the devil, look who just skipped in naked with an apron to cover up their non-existent dick and oh god what the fuck is he doing with that feather duster NO PLEASE NO-

-(Mentally scarred) Fran.

PS: Boss told me to say that he said not to kill bystanders because he didn't want to fill out paperwork, not because he was actually secretly a nice guy and he wanted to win a certain someone's affections I MEAN WHAT ew go away Levi-

PPS: NO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TELL BOSS WHAT I JUST PUT.

PPPS: Looks like I'm picking you up then.

PPPPS: This has nothing to do with the fact that Xanxus is trying to hunt me down. Yeah.

UGLY-ARSE FROG. (Even that storm brat is better looking than you. God, that arse.)

I didn't ask for a fucking essay, idiot.

No, I just like annoying you. I have nothing better to do-

NO IGNORE THEM I DON'T LIKE YOU AND I NEVER WILL ARGH-

Ahem. WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG. I'm getting bored of stabbing muscle men (it's protection!), thank you very much. It's boring as hell- oh, there you are. You're late.

Ushishishishi.

-Bel-sama.

PS: Shame, you deserved it!

PPS: WHAT THE FUCK MAN ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? LUSSURIA'S BED? ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY? I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK. FUCK MAN, DON'T DO THAT!

PPPS: SHAMEEEE. Again.

Bel-sempai,

Why are you writing to me when you're next to me? Why are you pinning this note on my forehead with a knife?

That hurt.

Oh sorry, sempai. Should I go then? You obviously miss your new best friends already.

OUCH.

Fine. Say bye to your friends, sempai.

-Fran.

Frog,

BYE GAYS.

Happy now?

Good.

Filthy peasants.

-Prince Bel.

Bel-sempai,

Yeah, whatever.

Can we go now? The smell is raping my nose.

-Fran.

Frog,

I'm bored.

-Prince Bel.

Sempai,

I don't care.

-Fran.

Frog,

I'm thirsty.

-Prince Bel.

Sempai,

I don't care.

-Fran.

Frog,

I need to piss. Like, right now.

Oh, I FORBID YOU FROM DOING THAT.

STOP IT.

-Prince Bel.

Sempai,

Ssssssssssssssssss.

Ssssssssssssssssssssss.

Sssssssssss- shit, no, don't piss in my Ferrari!

-Fran.

Stupid Frog,

WELL THEN, you shouldn't have done that. Ushishishi.

I'm hungry now. There's a bakery there, LET'S GO IN.

-Prince Bel.

PS: Your treat.

Sempai,

Oka- no.

No.

I have no money. Go buy it yourself, arsehole.

-Fran.

Fran (AKA. COCKFAG),

You're so fucking difficult- OH MAN, why did you drive past?

I HATE YOU.

-Pissed Off Prince Bel.

PS: I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU.

PPS: Did I tell you that I hate you?

Prince Arsewipe,

I'm hungry. I'm going to get a muffin.

(For MYSELF.)

-Fran.

Choad,

You're fucking crazy! That was the worse turn EVER. I almost flew through the window! Are you trying to scar my beautiful body?

-Prince Bel.

Sempai,

It's a shame you didn't.

I want a blueberry muffin.

Buy me one.

-Fran.

Frogface,

Irritating bastard.

Like hell I will. You buy me one. How does that sound?

-Prince Bel.

PS: Just do it. Ushishishi.

Sempai,

Ugh, alright then, but just because I'm hungry too.

…

Here's your fucking muffin. Hope you choke on it.

-Fran.

Frogarse,

This isn't blueberry. This is fucking chocolate.

Give me my blueberry.

-Prince Bel.

Sempai,

No, it's mine!

Stop stabbing me! ARGH no, don't snatch my muffin!

GIVE IT BACK.

-Fran.

Slimy Toad,

Okay.

"MMMNF."

…

EW.

EW.

EW.

YOUR HAIR IS FUCKING SLIMY.

EWWWWW.

GET AWAY FROM ME.

EW.

-FKJDKJFJKDJDJ BEL NO SERIOUSLY GET AWAY FROM ME

Sempai,

Like, what the fuck?

Did you just…

Kiss me? I feel violated.

And I feel offended. My hair isn't slimy.

SOB.

-Fran.

SLIMEBALL,

YOU'RE DISGUSTING. I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD FEEL VIOLATED. THAT WAS DISGUSTING.

I ORDER YOU TO WASH YOUR HAIR.

NOW.

THAT WAS DISGUSTING.

YOUR HAIR IS DISGUSTING.

YOU ARE DISGUSTING.

EW.

I WANT MY BLUEBERRY BACK TOO (EVEN IF IT HAS BEEN IN YOUR MOUTH).

-VIOLATED PRINCE.

PS: What's that siren-y noise…?

PPS: SHIT IT'S THE POLICE.

PPPS: DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!

Sempai,

I'm driving.

Jeez.

…

Oops, I accidentally opened your door and took your seatbelt off and pushed you out the car.

My bad.

Have fun in prison.

-Fran who isn't slimy at all, you fake prince.

SLIMEARSE,

…God, I hate you.

-Prince Bel who is hating you at the moment.

Squalo-kun,

You're just a jealous bastard, aren't you?

Love, Lussuria~ xxx

FAG,

VOIIIIII THAT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS AHAHAHAHA

ME, JEALOUS?

ARE YOU MAD?

I JUST NEEDED TO USE UP THE SLIME MAMMON LEFT ME!

OKAY.

-SQUALO (VOI WHAT IS UP WITH THAT GAYASS 'X' AT THE END?)

Trash,

Shut the fuck up, even your notes are loud.

-Xanxus.

PS: Has anyone seen the frog trash? Fucking whiny bitch said gfdjkfkfjfdkjfd-