In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Long lost & gone

Chapter 1

"We're perfect."

She's looking into the mirror, the one hanging in the hallway of the boardinghouse.

Feeling a hard body pressed against her back, a chin resting on her shoulder, her arms wrapped around herself, her fingers stroking the masculine hand, enjoying the feeling of the arms around her waist pulling her into the chest behind her, their bodies fitting perfectly like they were made to collide, they were made to be one.

"Yes we are." she whispers and turns around. Brown eyes locking with ocean blue.

They were perfect. Indeed, they were.

She was standing in the same house, in front of the same mirror, the same position and yet, everything felt different. The chin didn't fit perfectly into the crook of her neck, she couldn't feel the muscles in his chest pressing against her back and the arms weren't as strongly wrapped around her, but worst of all she didn't dare to open her eyes because she knew the sight would be so different.

"Mmmhh" she takes a deep breath and opens her eyes, locking with the green ones in the mirror. She can't give him the same answer like 5 years ago because she doesn't like lying to him.

There was a horn outside.

"That's my cue, Alaric and Jeremy are picking me up to go try on some suits, it's probably best if Bonnie is coming over with your dress, we don't want any bad luck, do we?" Stefan smiled

She turns around and looks at him " No we don't " she manages to put a faint smile on her face and gives him a quick peck on his cheek "Have fun."

"See you tonight." Stefan walks out of the door and she collapses on the floor, head and back against the wall, she wraps her arms around her knees and pulls them to her chest. This is what happens every time Stefan walks out the door, he's the one holding her together...or that is what she likes to think. The truth is, she is a puzzle, a puzzle that can never be solved because there are too many pieces, a puzzle that can never be solved because the most important piece is missing. And there isn't any chance she will find that piece again, it's impossible cause it isn't just missing, it's dead, he is dead.

"Elena? Elena? Sweetie?" Bonnie walks into the door and carries a black garment bag.

"Just a sec, I'll be right there" she tries to wipe the tears away and fix her mascara before she walks out of the kitchen.

"Hi Bonnie, I see you brought the dress, let's go upstairs and try to put it on" she tries to be enthusiastic about it so Bonnie won't pay too much attention, her maid of honor is more excited about this wedding than the bride herself. But she can't fool her, Bonnie has known her too long.

"What were you doing in the kitchen?" she asks, looking at her with those judgy little eyes.

"Why can't you be nice to Bonnie, she's been my best friend for years" she looks up at him and feels her heartbeat increase when he looks down at her.

"I'm not nice to anyone so why make an exception?" he shrugs and she snuggles deeper into his chest. They had been lying on his bed for ages, they were naked and enjoying the feeling of their skins touching.

"You're not mean to everyone, you can be sweet if you want to, you're nice to me." she contradicts, kissing his neck and looking up at his face.

He stops stroking her hair, something he had been doing the whole time " Wanna rephrase that?" he asks with his infamous smirk.

She kisses his neck again and makes her way down to his collarbone before stopping and lifting her head back up, he's still looking at her "No-pe" she makes the 'p' pop, something he had done a thousand times before her.

Suddenly she's on her back, he's on top of her and straddling her waist, vampire speed, you can never compete with that. He starts tickling her ribs and she starts laughing and squirming beneath him, she can't get lose. "Tell me I'm not nice" he insists.

"But you are!" he starts to tickle her faster, using his vamp speed, she starts screaming but he doesn't let her go so easily. He starts tickling her knees, her back, her feet, he's everywhere, he knows all of her weak spots, he knows her so well it scares her sometimes.

"Am I still nice ?" he stops tickling her but is still straddling her waist while she tries to catch her breath

"N...N...Noo..you're not nice." she barely manages to get it out, her breathing is still heavy.

He locks their gazes before answering her question."I don't like her because she's always looking at me with those judgy little eyes."

" Making tea, would you like a cup?" she hopes Bonnie would let it go, but it's not in her nature to, she's always worrying, always so protective of her.

" I know you're lying and I can see you've been crying, are you going to tell me what's going on?" she folds her arms over her chest and keeps looking at the bride-to-be like she committed a crime. Well, she did and Bonnie knows it but that was a long time ago.

"I'm just nervous about the whole wedding thing, we still have to find a florist, a caterer, find a priest, the wedding is in three months, we're never going to make it !" she looks at Bonnie and sees the accusing look trade for a look of worrying.

" And you still have to send the invitations !" she exclaims.

" I know!" she yells and takes a deep breath, she sighs. To Bonnie it would look like a sigh of irritation but actually it was a sigh of relief.

That's when Caroline walks in. " Hi girls !, I brought the bridesmaids dresses with me. God, the boutique was packed, it's like everyone is marrying at the same time ! I had to wait in line for forty-five minutes behind a woman who smelled like horse shit and rotten eggs at the same time ! Can you believe that ? Even if it is possible to smell like the backside of a horse it is just not possible to smell like rotten eggs too. She was probably picking up someone else's dress because no man is blind, deaf or ugly enough to marry that woman and on top of that he should have lost his sense of smell, there isn't anyone out there who has all these specifics."

She just kept rattling and her friends were patiently waiting for her to finish. They had been friends since kindergarten they knew each other better than anyone else so they would just wait until Caroline was finished to fit their dresses and tell one another how beautiful they looked.

"... But anyhow I got the dresses!" Caroline went silent and looked at her two best friends, they just stood there for a few seconds before they were rolling over the ground with laughter. After a few minutes, Bonnie stood up and pulled them up by taking their hands. "Come on let's go upstairs and fit our dresses."

I love Stefan, this is right, after 6 years of dating it's normal to get married, start a family, build a house together.

But..

She knew she was never going to have a family besides to one she already had. There weren't going to be children, Stefan was changing her into a vampire after the wedding, she would never feel a baby in her belly growing and kicking, she wouldn't get old in the house they'd build together because they would have to move every few years so people wouldn't notice that they weren't ageing.

"Elena, you look beautiful, beautiful isn't even a word to describe it right." Bonnie's voice snapped her out of her trance. She was now standing in a white silk dress and Bonnie liked it better than she did. She went on" You're going to look so beautiful next to Stefan, you two are the perfect couple, made for each other. You're going to have a great and happy life with the man you love, I'm so jealous !"

" Bonnie, all those things are going to happen to you too. You and Jeremy are great together, I always thought you would be married before me." she steps down on the floor and hugs Bonnie tight. And whispers softly in her ear "Don't worry, there is no reason to be jealous."

She couldn't tell her best friend that she was wrong, that she had never been more wrong. She and Stefan weren't made for each other, she lost the one she was made for 5 years ago. She couldn't tell her that she wasn't going to live happy ever after without him. Because she wouldn't understand, she wouldn't understand that she still burned for a vampire that had took so many lives, that she still ached for the feeling of this touch, that she had switched to the other side of the bed because it was his side. She couldn't tell her that she didn't let Stefan clean out his closet because she would still wear his clothes when no one was around just to smell him. She couldn't tell her best friend that she only married Stefan for one reason and one reason only, because he was the closest thing to him.