Disclaimer: This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made with this piece of writing. All the recognizable characters are property of their lawful owners whom I have nothing to do with.

Rating: M

Pairing: Sam/Jack

Timeline: Any time after "In the Line of Duty" (Season 2, episode 2)

Summary: Sam and Jack, in an alien prison, drugged. And they need a master plan to get it out of their systems before things get out of control. Humor warning!

A/N: I call this one a humorous PWP. I didn't know such a category could exist but this definitely belongs there.
This is the first M-rated fic I publish. I know, I shouldn't say that because it immediately makes you think it's bad.
Basically this is just my take on the "aliens made us do it" -cliche so nothing original there. But give it a try. It might make you laugh.

Aphrodisiacs and Master Plans

Sam woke up with a moan and a feeling that something was off but she didn't care because it felt so damn good.

"Carter," a familiar voice grunted next to her ear. "I need you awake."

"Hmmm?" she answered, a definite questioning tone in the sound she made.

"I'm sorry," the voice whispered, breathing heavily somewhere very close to her.

"For what, sir?" Sam had a feeling she was missing something crucial here and tried to make an inventory of the situation. There was pressure on her. A warm body, actually. She realized she was standing against a wall and couldn't move her hands. She quickly realized that was because they were chained to the wall. Rest of her body was effectively pinned to the wall by the Colonel. And she wasn't wearing many clothes. Actually, she wasn't sure she was wearing any.

"What happened?" she asked, trying to stay calm.

"You're too pretty, Carter," Jack grunted. He was still crushing her to the wall but she kinda liked that. If only she could figure out why he was doing it.

"Sir?"

"Hosts. They needed pretty hosts. Decided to get you pregnant."

"I explained it wouldn't work because we're from a different planet." She remembered that. It wasn't true but it had gotten them out of the situation.

"Yeah..." he sighed against her skin. "Guess what? They realized you and me are from the same planet."

"They drugged me." Her memory was coming back piece by piece.

"Aphrodisiac."

"Did it... work?"

"Nope. The naquadah. You passed out."

"And then?"

"They drugged me." He moved his hips a little and she was suddenly very aware of the effects of the said drug. She could tell there was a layer of cotton between them, her panties probably. Definitely not enough fabric to be BDUs.

"Oh," she sighed.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault, sir."

"I'm gonna... totally embarrass myself... very soon."

"It's getting worse?"

"Yeah. Hurts."

"Can't you just..." She couldn't just order her CO to jerk it off, could she?

"Tried. No help. I can't... be anywhere but here."

By here he meant crushing her body to the wall, she realized.

She knew the drug would most likely wear off after orgasm. That's how most of them worked.

"You're the genius," Jack grunted against her shoulder, still breathing heavily, obviously struggling to control himself.

"I'd blow you off but my hands are tied," she offered apologetically. Jack's hips jerked violently against her and she couldn't stop the moan that escaped her own lips at the contact.

"Not helping, Carter," he grunted in her ear. His hips were still swaying back and forth gently. He probably wasn't even aware of the movement. Sam, however, was. Extremely aware.

"Maybe you should just..." she was panting now, too. "...keep doing that."

"Carter!" His hips jerked again.

"I wouldn't mind," she said in a rush.

"Fuck," Jack grunted.

"Not a good option. The aphrodisiac might have messed with my birth control." Sam took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Wasn't a suggestion, Carter."

"Sounded like one."

"Dry hump. That your master plan?"

"I don't do anal without lubrication."

"Carter..." This time his voice was more like a growl and his hips pushed forward, pinning her even tighter against the wall and stayed there.

"Yes. Dry hump is the master plan."

"Or?"

"Or we wait and take the risk that your blood pressure climbs high enough to blow a vessel."

"Don't. Say. Blow." His voice was low and dangerous and Sam couldn't help thinking how close he was to lose all control.

"If it gets much worse you might actually snap and rape me," she said softly. It was a possibility, a very real possibility.

"We don't want that," he whispered against her neck.

"No, we don't," she said equally softly.

"You sure?" Jack asked and moved his hips

"Yesss." OK, that didn't come out right, Sam realized. But that wasn't her fault. And she meant it none the less.

Sam knew she wasn't supposed to actually enjoy it but she couldn't help it. There was just something so erotic about the smell of Jack's skin and the way he clung to her and whispered nonsense in her ear in between the grunts and moans. And she couldn't deny that he rubbed her clit just right and soon she was climbing higher and higher, too.

She would never admit it, not even if tortured, but it was one of the best orgasms she'd had in her life. And that was just wrong.

When they eventually came down, they were both panting and their naked chests were so sticky from sweat they were practically glued together. When Jack tried to make some space between them, it even sounded and felt like ripping a bandage.

"Don't go," Sam whispered, knowing he was coming back to his senses.

"Carter... I'm sorry."

"You're not gonna leave me hanging naked on the wall," she said firmly and stared at him until he met her gaze. "I don't care how you feel but you won't leave me here alone and crawl into the corner."

"Alright. Not leaving."

"Take off my panties."

"Carter?"

"If we're naked they hopefully believe we actually did it and we don't have to go through that again." Not that she'd mind, really.

Jack removed her panties which were thoroughly soaked but she just didn't care anymore, and his own boxers which were in equally embarrassing condition and tossed them into the corner.

"Now what?" he asked, standing close to her but not touching.

"Now... We wait and hope it's Daniel and Teal'c who find us and not the marines."

And they did. When Daniel sneaked into the cell, he found the naked couple hugging each other – well Sam couldn't really hug but anyway – and playing twenty questions. Daniel cleared his throat but got no reaction.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said and despite the low volume he got an instant reaction.

"T, buddy!" Jack called and glanced over his shoulder. "Timing's bit off but thanks anyway. Did ya bring any clothes?"

"Can't wait for the debriefing," Daniel mumbled as he searched his backpack for a change of clothes.

"I agree, DanielJackson."

A/N: That's it! Leave me a review, let me know what you think.