ACT IV.

PROLOGUE.

For quite some time, Sirius Black found himself enthralled with Remus Lupin;

And for quite some time, Remus Lupin moved about blindly, unaware of this love.

Sirius was determined to keep his feelings locked away and never speak the words;

But Gryffindors are not cowards, and silence made Sirius feel ashamed of himself.

Yet, there was another who did seek the very same love and attention from Remus;

Dorcas Meadowes was no coward, she was not going to let him slip away from her.

SCENE I. Hogwarts. Library.

Remus loved the library. He loved the silence; the one room in all of Hogwarts where he didn't have to endure shouting, gossip and rowdy students. When he needed to concentrate, the library was where Remus found solace. So there he sat, leaned over a History of Magic essay, his quill scratching furiously across the parchment. From the corner of his eye, he caught a quick flash of movement.

"I've been looking for you," whispered Dorcas as she slipped into the empty chair next to Remus'. "You're avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you," Remus whispered back, glancing around to make sure that no one was being disturbed by their talking. "Can we talk later? I'm busy."

"No, we can't." Dorcas plucked the quill from Remus' hand and tossed it onto the table, prompting a heavy frown from the boy. "You are avoiding me. I don't understand what I did wrong. I thought we had a nice time at my house and now..." She shook her head, her light eyes falling in anguish.

The boy looked around once more and sighed. "I did have a nice time with you at th-"

"You did?" The blonde looked up, her shimmering lips pulling into a big smile. She grabbed onto Remus' hand and held it tightly between her own.

Remus closed his eyes and slowly pulled his hand from the girl's grip. "Yes, I did, but I...I don't..." He sighed and pulled his fingers back through his hair, staring up at the ceiling, trying desperately to find a way to phrase himself that wouldn't upset the rather volatile girl.

"You don't what, Remus?" Dorcas' pleaded, not bothering to mind her volume.

The boy shushed her and put up his hand. "Library." He waved his finger around, annoyed that she didn't seem to care where they were. "I just don't...like you."

"Yes you do," she argued. "You do. You danced with me; you kissed me!"

"No, you kissed me and you didn't give me much of a choice about the whole dancing thing." Remus put his hand over his mouth, ashamed at his tone and loudness. "You're a nice girl, but we just -"

"Remus, we're great together."

"Says who?" he asked as he began shoving his book and supplies into his bag. "Lily? She'd say anything you wanted because she loves you and wants you to be happy, but we don't belong together."

"Not just Lily." Dorcas laid her hands over Remus' trying to get him to stop packing up. "Please, just give me a minute will you?" When the boy froze and looked at her with expectant eyes, she smiled softly. "I know that we're different. I know that I'm loud and aggressive, and you...well you're quiet and gentle and sweet and brilliant and loving a-"

"Stop it." Remus jerked his hands back and got to his feet, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "You don't know anything about me."

"Re-"

"No. Just stop it! I don't belong with you. I don't...I don't belong with anyone." He shook his head and took a step back from the girl. "Just leave me alone."

Dorcas jumped up and trailed Remus to the door, catching his arm before he could leave. "No! I won't just leave you alone. Not after saying something like that!" At his shushing, the girl went red. "I won't shush! I don't care where we are. What do you mean by that?"

"Dorcas stop," Remus insisted.

"You can't just say that you don't belong with anyone and think I'm going to drop it."

"You don't have a choice."

"Yes I do! Remus, I'm in love with you!" Dorcas wiped her fingers across the bottom of her lashes, ridding them of the collection of tears now stinging her eyes. "If you'd just give me a chance, I can show you that we can be good together."

The boy pursed his lips and looked at the ground, his hands twisting over his bag. He felt exposed and angry under the stares from their school mates, all focusing on the scene that Dorcas was creating. "You don't love me. You barely even know me."

"That isn't true. I know that you love the colour green and your favourite jam is strawberry and -"

"That's enough, Dorcas." Remus hated the cold tone of his own voice, but the boy couldn't stand what was happening. "You don't know me. Colours and jam; that's trivial. That stuff doesn't make a person. That's not who I am. You don't have a damn clue who I am. And -" he held up his hand and took a deep breath, trying to swallow back his upset "- you don't want to know."

She didn't speak. The blonde merely stared up into his angry blue eyes and frowned. He watched her for a moment, wondering if she was going to lash out or break down. When no sound came, he whispered that he was sorry and turned away from her wet eyes, pushing out into the hallway.

SCENE II. Hogwarts. Gryffindor common room.

Sirius felt dizzy and confused as he watched Lily bolt up the staircase to her dormitory. He hadn't the slightest clue what had just happened; only knew that Lily had somehow just figured out that James and Davey switched places on her at the Meadowes' masquerade over the summer. She'd thanked him several times and Sirius graciously accepted each one, but he didn't know what he had said or did to help her come to the answer.

Peter let out a small laugh as Lily finally disappeared from view. "What...was that about?" he asked, looking to Sirius with wide eyes.

"I have no idea, mate," Sirius laughed. "Girls are strange. All of them, I swear." He sighed heavily and tipped his head back on the sofa. "Speaking of, did you ask Charlene to Hogsmeade yet?"

"Charity," Peter corrected with a small frown. "And no, I haven't. Not going to either. She'll just say no and I'm not too bothered to go out of my way just for rejection."

Sirius shook his head and looked at his friend from the corner of his eyes. "You don't know that she'll reject you, mate. You just have to -"

"Yes, I do, Sirius," the boy interrupted. "You just don't get it, okay? It isn't the same as it for you. Girls practically trip over themselves just to ask you out."

Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes. "Wish they wouldn't," he muttered. "But it doesn't matter. Have a little courage man! Are you a Gryffindor or not?"

"That's rich, coming from you," Peter chided, narrowing his small brown eyes at Sirius. When the other boy shot him a look of pure shock, he merely folded his arms over his chest and scoffed. "You wanna sit here and tell me to make a fool of myself for Charity, but I don't see you taking a chance and asking out who you want."

"It's different," Sirius snapped, turning his face away from Peter.

"No, it isn't," Peter argued with a scowl. "It's not different at all. Come on, Sirius, are you a Gryffindor or not?" He pursed his lips in defiance and raised his eyebrows, waiting for a reaction.

"Just shut up, Peter." Sirius held out his hand, hoping to silence the other boy.

"I won't shut up. You need to tell -"

"I'm not telling anyone anything!" Sirius jumped to his feet and stormed up the stairs to the dormitories, leaving Peter with a frown on his face.

The boy sighed and glanced around the common room, angry at himself for having pushed Sirius too far on the matter. He knew that the situation was different, but that didn't stop him from getting angry over Sirius' self-ignored advice. Peter was pulled from his inner musings by a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, startled, and grinned at James.

"You alright, mate? You looked kind of out of it."

Peter laughed and gave his friend a small nod. "Just thinking is all."

James didn't answer, he just dropped himself onto the sofa and kicked his feet up on the nearest table. "Where's Pads?"

"Upstairs. I...well I made him mad." When James raised his eyebrows inquisitively, Peter sighed. "He was on about me asking out Charity and not being such a coward and I kinda brought up..."

"Remus?" James asked, though it wasn't really a question, he very well knew as he'd been on Peter's side of the same argument many times. "Love's complicated, huh?" He twisted his fingers in the edge of his robes, staring down at his hands with a look of deep thought.

"Not always," Peter said with a knowing grin. "At least things are gonna work out for some of us." He patted James on the shoulder and left the room before the boy could pressure him for an explanation.

SCENE III. Hogwarts. Seventh year Gryffindor boys' dormitory.

"And then we held hands and finished her route together! Sirius it was amazing. Her hands are so soft and smell; my hand smells still like her!" James bounded forward and shoved his palm into Sirius' face, making the other boy frown and swat at him.

"Stop it," he whined, pushing the other boy away. Sirius scooted further away from the overly excited James and threw himself onto his pillow. "I'm really happy for you," he sighed.

James stuck out his bottom lip and leaned against the post of Sirius' bed. "You don't sound happy for me," he grumbled.

Sirius looked up at his best friend and offered him the saddest smile the other boy had ever seen. "I am happy for you, James, I'm just not happy right now." He pulled the pillow over his head and kicked his feet together until his shoes came off. "I'm a lousy, rotten coward!" he called out through the muffle of fabric. "I'm an awful Gryffindor."

"You're not a coward," James insisted at once. "You aren't. You're just...I don't know." He took a seat on the edge of Sirius' bed and shrugged. "This is about Remus, right? Peter told me you two got into an argument."

"Wasn't an argument." Sirius tossed the pillow away and stared up at the ceiling. "It was him being right and me being a baby."

Before James had a chance to speak, the door to the room swung open and in walked Remus. He jumped at the sight of James and Sirius, his eyes widening slightly. "You scared me," he whispered before walking over to his bed and tossing his school bag to the ground beside it. "What are you two doing up here? Lunch is gonna be over soon."

"Was just telling Padfoot about last night," James answered, getting up and starting for the door. "I'm gonna go grab a bite. I'll see you two later."

"Wait for me," Sirius started, but the look on James face stopped him in his tracks. He shriveled under the boy's stare and shook his head.

James' eyes darted from Remus to Sirius and finally he smiled. "Are you a Gryffindor or not?" he asked before leaving an annoyed Sirius and a confused Remus behind in the dormitory.

"What was that about?" Remus asked, taking a seat and reaching into his bag.

"Nothing," Sirius lied. He sat up on his bed and and kicked his feet against the edge, his grey eyes locked on Remus. He sat in silence, watching the boy lay out and organize his notes for class.

Remus seemed unaware of his friend's gaze, or he simply wasn't mentioning it. He went about his business without a single word until he was finished. "Is everything okay, Sirius?" he asked quietly, not looking at the other boy as he put his things away.

"Everything's fine. Why do you ask?" Sirius grinned despite the other boy not looking at him.

"You've been sitting there watching me work for fifteen minutes," Remus answered with a smirk, his eyes finally moving to Sirius. "What's wrong?"

Sirius chewed on his bottom lip and gave a shrug. He waited for Remus to ask again; to insist that he explain himself, but it didn't happen. "Don't you care?" he asked, raising one eyebrow at the boy.

Remus looked wounded at the question. "I asked you what was wrong. I'm not going to keep asking if you don't want to answer." He hastily shoved the last of his things into his bag and pushed it into the floor. "You want me to ask again? Fine. What's wrong?"

"I'm not telling you if you're going to get an attitude about it." Sirius got up and turned his back on Remus, reaching for his discarded shoes. He took his time, assuming that Remus would press on, but the boy did not. Sirius let out a sigh and turned back around. "Alright, I'll tell you."

The other boy grinned and rolled his eyes at Sirius before looking up and waiting. Sirius shifted uneasily; he looked around the room, focusing on anything and everything that wasn't Remus. He twisted his hands around and tugged at his shirt hem and finally, when Remus looked as if he was going to stand up, the boy spoke.

"I need to tell you something." Sirius dragged his fingers through his hair and let out a long, ragged breath. "I've had something on my mind lately. Well actually, it's been on my mind for a really long time; quite some time. Well over a year now but it's been more on my mind recently because some things have been going on and making me think about it more and I -"

"Sirius?"

"Yeah."

"The point, Sirius. Get to the point."

"Right." Sirius nodded and resumed his distant stare. "Well the point is that I need to tell you something. I need to confess something."

"Confess?" Remus widened his eyes and folded his arms over his chest, preparing for the worst.

The other boy sighed and licked his lips. "I..." He closed his eyes, fighting the urge to run away. "Remus, I'm...in love." He opened one eye, wanting desperately to see Remus' reaction. The young werewolf simply stared back at him, still in his prepared position. "You've nothing to say?"

Remus held out his hands and shrugged at Sirius. "What do you want me to say? You're in love. Wonderful for you. Why are you acting so dramatic?"

"Be-because I...because I'm in love...with you."

Remus wasn't sure if Sirius was putting him on or if he'd misunderstood what the boy said. He swallowed back the urge to laugh because the look on Sirius' face was one of complete earnest. He furrowed his brow and looked at the floor, scooting his toe idly over a spot on the stone. "What?"

"Don't what me, Moony, you very well heard what I said." Sirius huffed loudly and dropped himself onto Remus' bed next to the boy. "I'm in love with you," he repeated, his words more confident now that he'd already managed to get them out once. The silence dragged on and make Sirius' stomach turn. He didn't know how Remus could sit there being so still; so quiet after what he'd just revealed. "Please say something," he whispered after far too long.

"We're going to be late for class," Remus replied instantly, his tone light and normal as though the previous conversation had never taken place. He got up and grabbed for his bag, only to be stopped by Sirius' fingers closing around his wrist.

"Late for class? I just told you th-"

"I know what you said, Sirius." Remus pulled his hand free and snapped up his bag, giving the other boy a tight grin. "I don't know if you're joking or this is a dare or if you've just gone completely mental, but whatever the case, I'm not playing along. Now get your bag before we're late to class."

Sirius' mouth fell open in shock. "I'm not joking and I'm not mental and this isn't a bloody dare!" he cried out, jumping to his feet and grabbing Remus' bag strap. "I'm being completely serious right now. Moony, I -"

"Don't say it again," the boy snapped. "What's wrong with you two?"

"Two?"

"Yeah, you and...Dorcas. In love with me? That is mental and the both of you are mental and I'm not going to listen to it again." He spun out of Sirius' grip and charged out of the dormitory, leaving a stunned Sirius behind to stare after him with fallen eyes.

SCENE IV. Hogwarts. Fifth floor hallway.

"Remus are you out of your mind?"

The Prefect ran cold at the sound of James' voice coming up loud behind him. He closed his eyes and ducked his head, rubbing roughly at his eyes with the tips of his fingers. "Is this about Sirius?" he groaned when he sensed James was close enough to hear.

"You bet your backside it is," James snapped. "I ask again, are you out of your mind?"

"James, I don't need you on my case about this. I feel bad enough as it is."

"You should feel bad." James ignored the hurt and angry look upon the other boy's face and crossed his arms in defiance. "I can understand that you don't feel the same way, really I can, but for you to just completely dismiss him like that. You called him mental!"

Remus tightened his jaw and stared at the floor. "I never said that."

"You never said he was mental? Because Sirius told me that -"

"Yes, I said he was mental, I never said that..." The boy shook his head and dragged one hand back through his hair so roughly it hurt. "I never said that I don't...feel the same way."

James started at the boy's words and took a step back, his arms dropping and his entire body growing less defensive. "You...wait so you do feel...the same? Remus now I'm just confused. How can say that you...that you love him but then when he says it you just go off like he's joking."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter, Remus Lupin! What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" Remus looked up and let out a sharp, cynical laugh. "What's wrong with me? Do you want a list? How about just the simple fact that I'm not even human."

James face fell in horror at his friend's words. "Don't say that."

"Why not? It's true, James. I get to be this -" he waved his hand down his body "- for almost a month, but it's not real. It's just this cover. This..." He breathed out heavily, unable to continue.

"That -"

"James please don't." Remus held up his hand and stepped around his friend. "Just don't."

SCENE V. Hogwarts. Seventh year Gryffindor boys' dormitory.

Remus sat on his bed, leaned up against his headboard trying to read. James, Peter and Sirius shuffled about the room, none of them even glancing towards him as they prepared for their latest prank idea. While Remus wanted to point out that James shouldn't be partaking, he kept his mouth closed. He knew James had told Sirius about their conversation; there was nothing that James and Sirius didn't tell each other. He tried to force his attention back onto his book.

"Alright, you two go on, I'll meet you there." Sirius waved James and Peter from the room and pushed the door closed. The boy stood at the door for a moment, collecting his thoughts and steadying himself.

"I don't want to talk about it, Sirius," Remus whispered, closing his book and looking up.

"Good, because I didn't plan on letting you talk." Sirius crossed the room and climbed onto the bed next to Remus. He took the boy's book away and tossed it to the floor, making sure there was no distraction. "You're human," he said, his tone solid and sure. He held his hand up and scowled when Remus' mouth opened. "I said you're not talking. You're going to listen." He scooted himself to sit right against the boy's arm and grabbed Remus' hand.

"You're human," Sirius repeated. "This isn't just some kind of cover; it's you, the real you." His fingertips brushed up Remus' arm, pushing his sleeve back and revealing scars running up him. "Once a month, something takes over and you didn't choose it and you don't want it and most of all, you fight it. I've seen..." He closed his eyes and laid his head on Remus' shoulder. "Remus, it takes your life once a month, don't let it have the rest of you too," he whispered, his fingers slipping between the other boy's.

Remus clenched his teeth together and slowly shook his head. "I don't deserve this."

"No, you don't. You're a good person and no one deserves to go through th-"

"You, Sirius. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve this." He pulled his hand from Sirius' and shifted to turn away from him.

"You don't get to be the judge of that." Sirius forced the boy to turn back towards him and stared hard into his light blue eyes. "It's my love and I get to choose who deserves it. And there is no one I would rather give it to."

Remus' hands twisted around in his shirt until Sirius grabbed onto them and stilled his nerves. "How can you look at me like that? You've seen me as that...that thing. You've seen that disgusting -"

"It isn't you. Remus that creature lives in you, but you don't let it take over. You are a good person and a strong person. I've seen you turn and I love you all the more for it." Sirius squeezed the other boy's hands and wrapped his arms tightly around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. "I'm damaged too, you know," he whispered. "You've seen what kind of monster I can be and you...well do you love me?"

Remus let out a ragged breath and buried his face into the curve of Sirius' neck. His fingers brushed tenderly up and down the boy's spine. "Yes. I love you."