Hello there everyone! -Hattori Heiji is walking in a cool fashion on the streets, with his hands in his pockets and his trademark cap. -I´m marvelous Hattori Heiji, Detective of the West.- Are you a superhero or something? -You should know about me, I´m the handsome guy that Kudo Shinichi and that annoying squirt Edogawa Conan follow around.- Mmm…no, you are the one that follows them aroun, you moron, besides, aren't they the same person?- Anyway, a while ago me and my superb greatness solved another case.- Always so humble, you are such a sweet darling.- I know, I know, because I´m so cool, I have solved plenty of cases. -Ehem…ehem, Kudo Shinichi, that annoying squirt has solved way more…-but I must tell you, that wasn't a regular murder. Hattori Heiji is standing in a bus stop smirking to himself while a middle aged man stares at him in a weird way "What an odd kid".

"B-but, how did he figure out I killed him with a mop? It was perfect!" a man in his mid-forties was struggling while police officers dragged him into a police car. From the shadows comes out Hattori Heiji, still walking in a cool fashion, with his hands on his pockets and with his eyes closed. -I bet he´s imitating Kudo Shinichi, or does every teenage detective behave that way?-

"Heiji-kun, I never dared to imagine that he killed his lover with a mop" A robust man, Toyama-san to be specific, approached the detective with a shocked expression; Hattori opened his eyes and turned to look at him.

"Toyama-san, you should know that a mop is the perfect weapon to harm your lover, I learned that from experience".

"But, Heiji-kun, how do you…wait! Does Kazuha threatens you with a mop? ", Hattori, the marvelous detective blushed deeply and looked pathetically embarrassed.

"Heck no! Wa-wait a minute! Kazuha is not my lover!", Toyama-san smirked and raised an eyebrow and decided to test Heiji.

"Then, how did you exactly know that?", Hattori Heiji smirked and a female passerby swooned.

"That, is a secret", that sounded so cool, so Kaitou Kid-like, and amazing, but, the real reason to such a phrase was because of shame.

Right now, "The marvelous Detective of the West" is sitting on a bus looking through the window deep in thought.

Yeah, that was such an unique case, I loved seeing Toyama-san's surprised face, but…how dare he imply that me and Kazuha are lovers! As if I would choose her over all the attractive girls that are dying for me on the whole world. -First, you already have moron! Secondly, who's freaking dying for you? -Pfft! Seriously, me and Kazuha!

As a detective I must learn from every experience, even if that experience is traumatic enough to trigger a dark truth. Mops are deadly weapons with lethal characteristics and refined atrocities, and are the worst for an ill-mannered lover. I learned that the hard way.

It was a nice morning, I woke up early and told myself "Mmm…this is going to be a boring day, I´ll go to Tokyo and tease Kudo", so I did and left to Tokyo. Hattori Keiji is now in Tokyo, he takes a deep breath and inhales lots of polluted air, but he doesn't notice because he´s in Tokyo, ready to kick some ass, Kudo's ass.

So, I took a taxi, but, what's with taxi drivers these days? I clearly told him "Take me to Beika", but nooo that ahou left me on…somewhere. I´m not a Tokyo citizen and I didn't pay attention when Kudo gave me that so called tour of his. I just knew that this wasn't Beika. Actually, I got asleep on the taxi, so I couldn´t tell that ahou driver that he was taking me somewhere else.

Enough of me being lost, I decided to just wander around and have fun by myself. I don't need Kudo to find some nice entertainment (besides, I didn't want to spend more money on another useless taxi). I walked around and had one of the most pleasurable moments of my life, it was an exhilarating, the fact that I was completely alone and meeting a whole new world.

First, I had some okonomiyaki, what an awesome experience!

The Osakan detective is mad and shouting "You call this okonomiyaki, ahou?!"

Then I stumbled into a couple and learned about the ways of love.

"Analyzing the facts and his odd behavior, your Ren-chan is cheating on you". A girl is sobbing loudly while our detective just stands there watching. Ren-chan is nowhere to be seen, he ran away.

After that, I helped an old obaa-san to cross the street, aah! I felt enlightened.

"You don´t have to thank me", Heiji is walking away waving his hand and grinning while and old lady screams at him with her fist in the air.

"You punk! I have already crossed the street, thanks for forcing me to return!"

Finally, I consoled a child that was crying in the park.

"Don´t be a wimp, hold your tears. Like a man", the child looked at Hattori expectantly and began to cry louder this time.

"But, I am a girl"

"So?"

I used my detective powers- Hattori Heiji you are not a superhero-, and figured out I was wandering on some market on Ekoda. Enough of my good deeds- Yeah, whatever, lie to yourself -it was time to… and I saw the inevitable, the impossible, that which is surprising and impacting. I just froze and stared into apparent nothingness and expected oblivion to swallow me.- You are not a poet either.- Standing there was my best friend -Since when? -Kudo…with an unknown girl! How dare he cheat on onee-chan! So, as the dutiful person I am, I walked there to give stupid Kudo a piece of awesome me -That sounded…disturbing.- I clearly remember staring into his eyes, feeling brave and daring and completely ignoring the Unknown girl. She looked so innocent and nice…so unlike Kazuha.

"Kudo, you baka! What do you think you´re doing?" Hattori Heiji exclaimed angrily, which is very common, and expected an answer. "Kudo" just looked at him confused.

"Ex-excuse me?" Heiji began to boil with anger. Unknown girl just kept staring at them.

"Don't´ "excuse me" Kudo", Heiji made emphasis on excuse me and growled , "You two-timer!".

"Oi, oi! What are you implying?", Unknown girl was getting desperate, closed her fists and kept listening to both bakas.

People have described me as reckless before -Does Hakuba Saguru ring a bell?-, sometimes I don´t mind them- Sometimes? Never- . But that day I realized they were right and damn right.

It´s just that I was so mad and pissed that I did the most logical thing that came into my mind- The only thing that came into your mind- . I violently lunged into"Kudo" and pushed him with all my might and anger. The poor guy had the worst of luck and fell, no, dived backwards into a post of fish. His scream was the most horrifying and girlish scream I have heard in my awesome life. There laid a bunch of dead fish, and you could figure out someone was inside it because of the pathetic whimpers it emitted.

Unknown girl was livid. I mean, really livid, she grabbed a mop like from nowhere and looked at me with hate. Let me tell you something, I am a kendo expert, the best from the best…-Here goes the ranting, Hattori Heiji your arrogance amuses me…-I am a champion and I felt fear. She was holding the mop in this lethal manner and with this master pose, I just couldn´t stop feeling afraid of my worthy life. So I did the most sensible thing…I ran away, but she was fast and agile, it was like in those American movies, lots of obstacles, chases and danger.

Heck! There was even a band on the background playing some cool music.

Wow, so while running away for my dear and worthy life I had an epiphany; it was like I was cleared of a fog clouding my senses and my thoughts. Everything made sense. Kudo is a masochist, and a crazy one with a strange fetish for wild girls! He loves being whipped; first karate champion onee-chan, then this expert mop wielder Unknown girl. . .

I was not skillful enough, Unknown girl beat the hell out of me. The pain was excruciating…oh no!...I must not remember. It was horrible and no, I am not sobbing.- Yes, you are.- I was left as a pathetic bundle on the floor, and a very handsome pathetic bundle, but I wonder, why, despite all that…massacre, nobody did anything? It was as if they were accustomed to it. No, the mere thought is sinister.

After a while, I got the strength to stand up and I got the trauma of my life. -Again? -I just know I heard Kudo say something along the lines of "Leave me alone Ahouko, why don´t you go and buy some actual girly panties?" of course unknown girl was wielding her mop again. Really, Kudo, you just angered the beast, are you mental?... Oh yeah, you are a masochist.

Let me tell you this straight, what I saw afterwards was so cruel, horrible, sinister and evil that I must censor this part. You know, because of that my psychiatrist is filthy rich, and I value your mental health.

As the brave and curious guy I am, I approached the devilish couple, you know, Unknown girl is really nice without a mop. Almost makes me forget my previous trauma. Almost. Well, after having a nice chat over coffee -You sound like a pansy -with the lot of them, I realized that everything was a big misunderstanding. In fact, "Kudo" is not Kudo, but some random guy called Kuroba Kaito that is afraid of fish and looks a lot like Kudo; Unknown girl, Nakamori Aoko, is his best friend and, must I deduce, secret lover. I got the fright of my life when both of them told me that it was an everyday thing, you know, the terrifying mop beating. So I got the following conclusion: A mop is the perfect weapon to harm your lover.

What a nice story and horrifying set of memories. -That doesn´t make sense. -Now, I must take my stop and go home…No way! The stupid bus passed my stop; I am so far from home. Not again. - Loser.

I checked my email and I noticed someone recently added me to his/her favorites list and I was like "Really, there is still people in the world who read my stuff?" , so I decided to add a new chapter that has been sitting in my computer for forever.

I hope whoever read this found it enjoyable, as so far this is my favorite chapter.

Aaaaaanddd...

Have an awesome day!