A/N: Another chapter. There is not much happening, but I need it to build up the plot a bit. I promise that in the next chapter more will happen. I want to than all the reader and reviewers! You keep me going! Enjoy!

HP

After an uncomfortable breakfast with Snape, Harry was on his way towards his first class of the week. The conversation he had had yesterday with Snape about his... problems, was just a haze. He couldn't remember much of it and Snape had promised, before he left the dungeons, that they would be having another conversation very soon. Harry had no idea what he was going to say to his fellow Gryffindors if they asked him where he was staying or why, since he certainly didn't want to tell the truth. He would just have to come up with a believable lie. When he reached the charms classroom, Ron shot him an angry glare.

Harry sighed and decided to ignore Ron and went to stand with Neville and Seamus. "Hey guys."

"Hey Harry," replied Neville with a weak smile.

"How are you?"

"McGonagall took a hundred points from us," replied Seamus. "And we weren't allowed to leave the common room yesterday, not even to eat. The House Elves brought food up to the tower. She grounded the whole house!"

"Right, the party," mumbled Harry, feeling a bit guilty. If he hadn't drank so much then no teacher would have found out.

"And the whole house has detention for at least a week," added Neville. "McGonagall said that it's the first time in history that a whole house got detention."

"Lines," explained Seamus before Harry could ask. "And you must join us, after dinner in the Great Hall."

"Great," said Harry sarcasticly.

"Yeah," agreed Seamus. "It's not unusual for sixteen year olds to drink."

One of the Hufflepuffs, with whom they had charms, glanced curiously at them.

"But McGonagall is mad because we let the younger ones drink as well," explained Neville.

"That's stupid. Hermione made sure no one under the age of fourteen, could drink."

"That's why she was so mad, Seamus. She thought it was inappropriate for us to decide who was old enough to drink and who was not," said Neville.

Harry was sure that the group of Hufflepuffs was inching closer so they could hear them better. Because the Gryffindors hadn't been allowed out of the tower and the teachers hadn't informed the rest of the school, none of the other houses knew what had transpired. But Harry knew it was only a matter of time before the whole school knew about the party and the alcohol.

"And she was furious when no one came forward when she asked who had smuggled the alcohol inside the castle," said Seamus to Harry.

"Do you know who it was?" asked Harry.

Neville shook his head. "I don't."

The door of the charms classroom opened, and the students started moving inside.

"All your stuff has been moved," pointed Neville out. "Where do you sleep now?"

"Not now," said Harry, jerking his head towards the Hufflepuffs, hoping that Neville would get the hint. It was already bad enough that the Hufflepuffs knew that he wasn't staying in Gryffindor Tower. Now it was only a matter of time before the whole castle knew and it was most likely that the wildest rumours would be spread. Before curfew everyone would think he was living in the Forbidden Forest or something.

Harry sat down at a table at the back of the classroom and Neville sad down beside him. Hermione, who sat a few rows in front of him, shot him a worried glance before taking out her book.

Classes passed rapidly, as if someone had jinxed time to pass ten times faster than normal. Harry assumed it was because he was dreading returning to the dungeons to spend another night with Snape. Before dinner had ended, everyone in the school seemed to know what had happened in the Gryffindor common room and every student wondered where Harry was staying now. Every time someone asked one of the Gryffindors to confirm a rumour, they got snapped at. During dinner everyone seemed to be talking about the notorious party.

"Why aren't you staying in the Gryffindor Tower?" asked a second year Ravenclaw during pudding. The girl had come towards the Gryffindor table and looked curiously at Harry.

"None of your business," said Harry without even looking at the girl.

"Where are you staying now?"

Harry groaned and Neville shot him a sympathetic look from across the table.

"They say Gryffindor kicked you out and that you are staying in the Chamber of Secrets, wherever that might be," informed the girl enthusiasticly.

"Whatever," said Harry irritated. He concentrated on his piece of pie, ignoring the girl.

"So where are you staying?" asked Neville curious, when the Ravenclaw girl had finally left.

"Not now," said Harry, knowing he couldn't keep saying that forever.

As predicted, by the end of dinner the wildest rumours about the party had been spread. A Hufflepuff prefect claimed that fifty different kinds of alcohol had been available at the party. One of the younger Slytherins had tried to start a rumour that a dozen strippers had been booked, but no one believed that.

Harry was surprised and grateful that no one except the Gryffindors seemed to know that he had drank way too much. He hadn't been sure if the Gryffindors would keep that a secret and had feared the whole school finding out.

After dinner Harry and the other Gryffindors waited nervously in the entrance hall for their first night of detention. Passing students, especially Slytherins, made fun of them, laughing loudly and making nasty comments. When McGonagall opened the doors to the Great Hall, she scanned the crowd. Her lips were thin and a furious fire burned in her eyes. "In," she commanded.

The Gryffindors re-entered the Great Hall, in place of the four house tables that had stood there fifteen minutes prior were enough desks and chairs to accomadate the whole house. It reminded Harry a bit of how it had looked during OWLs.

When they were all seated, McGonagall asked for silence. "Every one of you knows why you are here," she explained. "You will write an essay about the dangers of alcohol. When you are finished, you will lay down your quill, roll up your parchment and wait in silence." Her eyes scanned the Great Hall and rested longer on Harry than on anyone else. "If you try to talk to someone or copy, the whole of Gryffindor will get another day of detention. Begin."

Harry picked up the quill that lay on the desk and pulled the parchment closer. He had some experience with what alcohol could do to people and Snape had lectured him as well, but what had he said? He had said something about it being addictive... and could it be poisonous? It could also meddle with your magic or something like that, Harry remembered. And it changes people. Unfortunately Harry knew enough about the last point.

When Uncle Vernon came home drunk, he didn't need any excuse to punish Harry. Thatsummer Uncle Vernon had come home drunk nearly twice a week and had a good go at Harry. He would use anything he could find on Harry: a belt, a knife and one time, he had even stuck Harry's fingers in a pot of cooking water for a few terrible seconds. Over the winter holidays it had been even worse. Uncle Vernon's company had money problems and was losing clients very fast and employees had to be sacked. Harry couldn't remember one single night in that two week period that Uncle Vernon had been sober. New Year's Eve had been horrible...

Harry pushed the thought away into the back of his head, hoping he would forget it. It made him feel sick and dirty. While staring at his blank piece of parchment, he tried to think about something else. He hadn't been thought about New Year's Eve since the winter holidays. Why did the memories have to come back now? Stupid essay. Stupid, horrible party. He bit on his lip and thought about the beautiful knife Sirius had given him. He pictured it in his head, trying to see every single detail. He visualised how the knife would look against his pale skin. Scarlet blood running down his arm. Red against snow white.

Harry swallowed. The thought was making him impatient. He wanted to cut, now. He longed to see his blood leave his veins and feel how warm it was. Perhaps even taste it. He grabbed the quill that was lying on the desk and started to write while trying to think of a way he would be able to cut himself without the git knowing.

When Harry was finished, he had to wait just five minutes until McGonagall summoned their essays with a simple "Accio" and released them. Harry picked up his bag, wondering what the others would say when he didn't follow them up to the marble staircase but instead disappeared through the door to the dungeons. He decided that he would wait until last, to diminish the chance of being spotted. Unfortunately Neville also waited behind to talk to Harry.

"Hey Harry!" said Neville, too cheerful for someone who just escaped detention. "Can you tell me now where you are staying?"

"I don't know," said Harry puzzled while he tried to think of an excuse. "I have to ask McGonagall."

"Professor," said Harry while he walked towards his Head of House.

"Yes Potter?" She responded bluntly.

"Why do I have to stay with Snape?" Harry whined. "He hates me."

"It's Professor Snape," corrected McGonagall.

"Yes but-"

"Professor Lupin thought you needed someone to monitor you and he decided that Professor Snape was the person best suited to do that," McGonagall explained. She clearly didn't agree with Professor Lupin.

"I'm fine," tried Harry to convince her.

"Is that why you drank yourself into oblivion?"

Harry ignored her question, not wanting to recieve another lecture about drinking. "Why Professor Snape?"

"Potter, honestly, why don't you ask him yourself? He decided to take you in; why, I don't know. Now go to the dungeons before I give you another detention!"

Harry sighed and made his way to the dungeons. He was confused and that made him frustrated. Why would Snape want to take him in? To care for him? He was sure that, even if he were the very last person on earth, Snape wouldn't look after him unless forced, but McGonagall had clearly said that he had volunteered to take him. For a moment he considered asking Snape why he had volunteered, but he decided that McGonagall must be mistaken. Snape would never take him in. Especially not after what happened with his pensieve last year. As soon Snape had the chance, he would kick Harry out again, like everyone always did. On the other hand, it almost seemed like he had cared for him when he had come back after the Christmas holidays. Snape had done a lot more for him than he absolutely had to do. What was going on?

When Harry looked up, he discovered that he had taken a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in an unfamiliar corridor. Until now, Harry hadn't realised that there was a maze underneath the castle. The dungeon classrooms where in the first two corridors and the Slytherin common room wasn't too deep either, if he wasn't mistaken. The last time he had visited it, was four years ago, disguised as Crabb and Goyle.

Fifteen minutes later he finally found his way back to Snape's private quarters, but he still had no clue how to get inside. The massive oak door had no handle or any kind of button to open it with. It was probably opened by a special spell or a password. He took his wand out of the pocket of his robe and pointed it at the door. "alohamora!" Nothing happened. This time he tapped on the door while demanding: "Open now!"

After trying several incantations and movements with his wand, he gave up. Frustrated he kicked the door hard, hurting his foot in the process. He was just considering going back to Gryffindor tower or the Room of Requirement when the door opened.

"You're late," greeted Snape coldly. "Detention ended half an hour ago."

"I got lost and then the door wouldn't open," said Harry, knowing Snape wouldn't buy the excuse anyway.

"Perhaps you should make a map," suggested Snape while he stepped aside so that Harry could enter.

"Perhaps you could tell me the password," shot Harry back, a little bit surprised that Snape hadn't taken points.

"There is no need. You will not be allowed access when I am not here," sneered Snape. "Sit."

Harry threw his bag on the leather lounge in front of the fire and sat down beside it.

The Potions Master made himself comfortable in the armchair. "We have a lot to discuss."

Harry snorted and focused on the dancing flames in the fireplace.

"We will need, like I said yesterday," continued Snape. "to address the source of what leads to your self harm."

Harry shrugged. He knew well enough what the problem was, but he refused to face it. The way he was dealing with it now, was good enough. And he didn't need help of an elder, especially not Snape. No one had ever been there to help him before; he had been solving his own troubles for as long as he could remember.

"It will be a lot easier if you co-operate Mr Potter. You said that you used self harm as a way to deal with your... godfather's death?"

Another shrug. Harry didn't remember telling him that, but it didn't matter. He wasn't going to talk, even if he had to sit here for the rest of his life. He wasn't too concerned about that risk. Snape wouldn't be so patient.

"Mr Potter, look at me," commanded the Potions Master sternly.

Harry turned his head away from the fire, looking at Snape, trying to keep his face free off all emotion.

Snape continued, "Why do you think you need to harm yourself in order to deal with his death? Is it because you think you are guilty?"

"Why would I think that?" said Harry hastily, wondering how Snape got that idea. The git was coming too close to the truth for Harry's liking. He would have to do a fair bit of lying to lead the Potions Master in a different dirrect.

"Aah, but it seems that I am correct."

"No!" cried Harry, trying not to give in to his anger and frustration.

"Have you grieved?" asked Snape while he leaned slightly forward, trying to get a better look of Harry.

"Of course I have," replied Harry. He had cried after he had ravaged Dumbledore's office. He had dwelled on Sirius whenever the Dursley's weren't keeping him busy with chores or threats to starve him if he wasn't fast enough.

"I do not think so," concluded Snape after an awkward pause. He rose and opened a small, dull jar that was standing on the mantelpiece, taking out some floo powder. He threw it into the flames, which coloured green immediately and said: "Hogwarts kitchen."

Harry heard a voice that without a doubt belonged to a House Elf, but since Snape was blocking his view, he couldn't see it.

"How can I help you, Professor Snape?"

"Bring us some tea, please." Snape settled himself again in his arm chair and a moment later a house elf appeared carrying a platter with a teapot, two cups, a jar of sugar, some biscuits and a box of teabags. He carefully set it down on the coffee table and disappeared. Snape filled the two cups with steaming water. "Help yourself."

Harry was surprised. Not even in his wildest dreams had he imagined ever having a conversation with Snape over tea and cookies. Well, yesterday's conversation had been over tea as well, but that had been at the lunch table. Harry carefully leaned forward so he could reach the coffee table and prepared his tea. Normally he preferred hot chocolate over tea, but he wasn't going to complain.

"I do not think you have grieved over the death of your beloved godfather," resumed Snape when they both had made their tea. "If you had grieved, if you had accepted his death, you would not need another way to get rid of your pain." Snape paused so his words could sink in.

Harry stared off into the fire again, listening carefully to Snape while stirring his tea to keep his hands busy. For some reason he felt more comfortable while he was doing something, as though it was easier to keep his emotions in control that way. For a moment he considered Snape's words, concluding that the man was wrong. He had accepted that Sirius was gone even though it had been very hard. Whatever Snape thought, Harry knew that Sirius wasn't going to come back. He just felt so lonely and he felt that he had to punish himself for causing Sirius' death. He longed to press his knife, a piece of glass, or anything sharp against his arm slowly tear away his flesh. He wanted to feel and see the blood leaving his veins. He wanted to trade the emotional pain for the physical. He wanted to bare the scars.

"You may have accepted that he is gone, but you haven't allowed yourself to deal with it in a healthy manner," explained Snape,as if he read Harry's thoughts.

Harry knew that Snape hadn't used legimency on him because he would have recognized the feeling from last year. But what was Snape trying to say? That he could deal with the pain in another way? What way? Harry hated it that people held back information. But he couldn't speak to ask, afraid that his voice would break or that he would become angry and start shouting things that he would regret. Like yesterday when he had revealed that Sirius' death was the cause of his self harm. While it was only the part of the truth, he still felt that he had told Snape too much. Soon enough the entire school would know and then Slytherins would be even more hurtful. Whatever Snape said, whatever he ordered, he couldn't stop cutting now. He was too weak and the knife, scars and blood made him so much stronger.

"Whatever you may think, Potter, you didn't kill Black." said Snape sternly.

"If I had opened the package that contained the mirror, he wouldn't be death."

"What mirror?" asked Snape.

"It doesn't matter now," mumbled Harry.

Snape sighed. "Tell me anyway."

"No," said Harry, still not looking into the fire with a full tea cup in his hand.

"Mr Potter, what did I say about co-operating?"

Harry considered his chances. Maybe he could bribe Snape. He knew that the git would probably not take it, but he had nothing to lose and he held information Snape wanted. "I will tell you if you let me go to the guest room afterwards." Harry could feel Snape's eyes burning on him, but he still didn't look up.

"Very well but I do not approve black mail, Mr Potter," sneered Snape. "Next time it won't be this easy."

"All right," said Harry. "He gave me a present before I returned to Hogwarts after the Christmas holidays last year. It contained a two way mirror. He had the other one and I forgot all about the package until it was too late." A moment of silence. "I'm going to do my homework now." Harry felt the need to be alone. He felt so bad and he wanted to have his knife to cut it all away, but he couldn't risk being discovered. Snape was watching him and he had no clue what the man would do to him if he was busted. He had to find another way to feel numb again, but everything had been taken away from him. The potion, the knife and the alcohol. Even his parents and Sirius had been taken away from him and it was very likely that his friends would abandon him as well. Everyone whom cared just a little about him either died or turned their backs on him. Even Lupin had left him down here in the dungeons. Why did he keep expecting people to care about him? The only thing he was good for was winning the war so that their world would not suffer anymore at the hands of Voldemort.

A/N: I'm starting to get a little busy (looking active for work, looking for a horse) and will have less free time in the future, but I'll do my very best to update this story on a regular basis. Feel free to spam me if it takes too long! Ooh and if there is something you would like to see in this story, or if you have suggestion, feel free to share them, I might use them. One last think I want to add, feel free to follow me on Twitter (at)Aprella_ . I tweet updates about the story!