A/N Note that this is not an actual chapter. Sophia and I haven't been able to get together to write the real next chapter, so I'm giving you this crackficy one to tide you over. It's dedicated to: house, Swampje, both of whom provided inspiration for this crackfic chapter, and ilive4jeanz, who helped in the decision of whether or not to post it.

Thirteen rolled off of Cameron and sat up, pulling the thin hospital sheet with her, as the door to the on-call room opened. House limped through the door, trailing a rope in his hand, but stopped when he saw Thirteen staring at him. He tilted his head to the side, momentarily confused as to why Thirteen was lying naked in an on-call room bed, until he noticed Cameron beside her, in a similar state of undress. "Please, don't stop your lesbian action on my account. I just need somewhere to put Mr. Princess-Scrublet-Boy."

Cameron flushed red, and Thirteen cocked her head to the side. "Mr. Princess-Scrublet-Boy?" she asked.

House nodded enthusiastically, walking fully into the room. Following a foot or two behind him was a Labrador-Retriever-sized pink elephant. "House, why do you have a pink elephant?" Cameron snapped, sitting up next to Thirteen, making sure to clutch the sheet to her chest.

"Because," he replied, "the store was all out of blue elephants. Duh."

"House, can't you find somewhere else to put your elephant? Cameron and I were just about to have sex."

"No, I can't. Plus, as I pointed out earlier, there's no reason for you to stop on my account."

Cameron glared at him, but Thirteen merely shrugged, turning back to the blond and pulling her down onto the bed. "You're not actually gonna—" Cameron's protests were cut off by Thirteen's lips moving quickly against her own. Cameron reciprocated with a moan, letting Thirteen move back on top of her, and completely forgetting about House. House, on the other hand, stood there in shock, mouth agape. That is, until he was nudged from behind by Mr. Princess-Scrublet-Boy. He stumbled forward a bit, then righted himself, and turned to scold the elephant. However, when he turned, he noticed that Mr. Princess-Scrublet-Boy was doing, and couldn't help but put a hand over his heart in pride. The elephant was slinking towards the bed, trunk extended. He was just about to grip the sheet, and hopefully pull it off, when Foreman burst into the room screaming. "CUDDY TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE AND IS EATING PEOPLE'S BRAINS!" Thirteen and Cameron shot into a sitting position, mouths open in shock. House turned to him, and remarked, "You better run then." At Foreman's confused look, he elaborated. "Zombie's eat people's brains in order of dumbest to smartest, since dumb people's brains taste worse. You're the dumbest one of all of us, and Cuddy is coming this way."

Foreman whirled around, saw Cuddy, and started to run. House turned back to Thirteen and Cameron, about to make a smart remark, saw the two of them sitting there, and became immediately distracted. All he could do was stand and stare. In their haste to become more aware of the situation, they had forgotten to pull the sheet up with them, and it had pooled at their waists. When they realized this, they grabbed the sheet, and pulled it back up. House was snapped out of his daze. "Cameron, I whole heartedly apologize for every remark I've ever made denouncing your breast size." Cameron flushed once again at House's comment, and Thirteen smirked. "Thirteen, if you're ever up for sharing…" he trailed off at the offended and disgusted glare he received.

"Out." Thirteen commanded. House obeyed, leading Mr. Princess-Scrublet-Boy behind him.

"Shall we continue our passionate lovemaking?" Thirteen asked, turning to Cameron. Cameron's only response was to pounce on the brunette, pushing her onto the bed, and attaching her lips to the younger woman's neck."

A/N The elephant was named after one of my guy friend's nicknames…we have a very love-hate relationship. :)

I blame Sophia for Thirteen's last line, as today, when we were talking about fluff vs. romance; she remarked, "romance is more for passionate lovemaking." It was very funny, I must say.