Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Warning: Slash. Inappropriate touching. Mentioned non-con. Major angst. Strong language. Adult content.

Song listened to while writing this: "Take it All Away" by Red.

A tingling sensation ran up his spine. It was cold—biting and unpleasant. He winced at the feel of it. He cringed at the darkness he felt building up within him. Consuming him. He knew this feeling. He knew it well.

He also knew that there wasn't any use fighting it. It was an unstoppable force that lived inside of him. It stirred with every movement—every smile, every laugh—it hated those things. It hated him. It was him. It was a part of him that no one could see. He wouldn't let them see it. Wouldn't let them see behind the wit, behind the frumpy clothing, behind his happy-go-lucky façade.

His jaw clenched and he hit his head back against the brick wall. He knew this was bad and getting worse. There wasn't a way to help him. He wouldn't let them help him. It wouldn't let them help him. He felt like he deserved it. He deserved every horrid thing that came his way. He deserved their condescending looks. Their secret hatred. Who could love someone so worthless?

And that's exactly what he was. Worthless. A piece of shit on the bottom of some asshat's boot. If he could barely stand to look at himself in the morning, he could only imagine how other people felt. He could only imagine the disgust they hid from him. The mockery that obviously went on behind his back.

He groaned, tears stinging his eyes. He deserved this feeling. This black pit of endless self defecation. His hands shook as he buried them deep in his own dark hair, sliding down the alley wall with a broken sob. His body hurt. His head hurt. His heart hurt. His goddamn fucking soul hurt… And he deserved every bit of what he was feeling.

Because he was worthless.