A/N: Okay, so that finale made me cry and scream and a whole bunch of other irrational things. I outlined this fic earlier this week, so it's not something I threw together right after watching Drop the World Pt. 2. I did, however, slightly tweak aspects of the plot. This will be ten chapters. I hope you read, review, and enjoy as I try to fix the complete and total mess they made of Clare's character.

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. If I did, I would have made the writers tell you what the sex of Kenna's spawn was.

"Well, I swear that's you and God, we've been down this road before. That the guilt's no good and only shames us more. And the truths that we all try to hide are so much clearer when it's not our live; we don't face the blame."-Framing Hanley, "Hear Me Now"

Clare

The alarm goes off at precisely 6:45 a.m. Clare Edwards rolls over and hits it, but the usual grace attached to her pale limb is absent. Today is the first day back at Degrassi after Spring Break, and three words come to mind as consciousness takes hold.

I'm not ready.

She gets out of bed, stretches both arms above her head in an effort to wake herself up. Sleep hangs over her eyelids like a gloomy cloud; she just wants to crawl back under the covers and sleep, even if it's for just one more day.

Going to school means facing English class with one vacant desk too many.

It means facing daily life without him.

It means coming to terms with what she's done.

She's not ready.

Eli

"Well, Eli, are you ready to talk?" Dr. Ramsay turns toward the dark haired teenager in the corner. Group therapy is the psychiatrist's favorite type; it seems to be get his patients to open up more than any other form of therapy. He doesn't know if it is the comfort in knowing they aren't alone in their troubles or the pressure to reach some sort of breakthrough, but the technique nearly always proves effective.

The boy in question remains silent.

No, he's not FUCKING ready to talk.

Of course he's not. He wasn't yesterday, the day before that, or the day before that. What makes this asshole of a shrink think he's ready NOW? Whatever, Eli thinks. He simply shakes his head as he bends down to scratch around the top of his cast.

Maybe he should have thought things through a little more before he crashed Morty.

No, forget that. He did it for her. He did everything for HER. It was always for someone else. First Julia, now…Clare.

He never does anything for himself. That's what he keeps repeating in his head again and again.

He's not READY to face the truth. He doesn't know there is one any different from the story he convinces himself verifiable.

Clare

"Hi, Clare!" Alli runs to her best friend and embraces her as if they hadn't spent the past nine days together. "Are you glad to be back?"

Clare fakes a smile and nods.

She's always lying lately. If not to Eli, then to her parents. If not to her parents, to Alli. If not to Alli, then herself.

When did she turn into this fibbing shadow of a person she used to be?

"Do you want me to walk you to class?" Alli gives Clare "the look," the look shared between best friends that says "you're not alone."

"I'm okay, Alli," Clare sighs.

"But what if you run into...?" Alli doesn't want to say Eli's name, afraid it might cause some sense of unbalance to come to Clare.

"He won't be here," Clare responds as the two reach her locker. She allows a quick glance to Eli's, thinking of how it's so close, just like they used to be. Briefly, her mind wonders how long it will be until he turns the combination again. If he'll be back at school at all this year. If he hates her.

"What? Why?" Alli snorts. "Couldn't handle your dumping him, so he switched schools?" At that, Clare slams her locker shut.

"No, Alli," she hisses. "Don't go there." Clare's eyes narrow. She knows ending things with her boyfriend was the right thing to do, but that doesn't mean she doesn't still care.

Although she really, REALLY wishes she didn't. Maybe then she wouldn't feel so guilty.

Eli

"So, are you going to talk to me now that it's just us, Eli?" Dr. Ramsay peers over his glasses. This action, for some reason, pisses Eli off.

Everything pisses him off lately.

"Sure, Dr. Ramsay." Eli smirks. "How's the weather? I wouldn't know since the most I've seen of the outdoors for the past week is that shitty courtyard this lovely institution has."

"Eli-"

"Oh, and I'm sure the LOVELY décor of this place does wonders for depression patients. Plain, white walls and grey clothing just screams happiness, don't you think, Dr. Ramsay?"

"First of all, if being a smartass helps you deal with your problems, I'm not going to stop you and/or get offended." Dr. Ramsay shoots Eli a kind smile as he sits back in his chair. "And second of all, I've told you several times now: you can call me Mike."

Eli tenses up. Even after all these years, hearing that name makes his blood boil.

"I'd rather not, Sir," Eli grits through his teeth. "No offense to you, not REALLY anyway, but I sort of hate your name."

Dr. Ramsay tilts his head and leans forward. "Why is that?"

"Because-" Eli freezes. Ha, he had nearly been duped into talking about the "issues" everyone he loves claims he has. He doesn't have issues; he just loves too much. "Nice try, Dr. Ramsay."

"Eli," the doctor sighs, "why do you think you're here?"

"Here, as in 'this world'?" Eli snorts. "I'm an atheist, so I dunno. If you're talking philosophically rather than spiritually, that's a little 16th century, don't you think?"

Dr. Ramsay smiles. The kid before him is obviously troubled, but also clearly intelligent. "Here as in Everclear, Eli."

"Great name for a loony bin, by the way." Eli chuckles darkly. "It's a band name, you know. They produced a few decent hits in the nineties."

"I'm more of an 80s' guy myself."

"Yeah, my dad is too." Eli's look darkens at the thought of Bullfrog. "And he's also the reason I'm here. He had me committed."

"Yes, that's true," agrees Dr. Ramsay. "But why? Why do you think your father and mother felt the need to place you in our care?"

"Because they didn't want to deal with me anymore, Doc." Eli looks at him blankly. "I'm not stupid."

"No, Eli, you're not." Eli stares at his counselor. Did the shrink just agree with him? "But you're wrong. That's not why you're here."

"Oh, really?" Eli grabs his crutches and stands to pace (limp) around the office. "Then why don't you tell me? If you're so wise, Dr. Ramsay, TELL ME. Why in the FUCK am I here?" Eli fumes. Too many emotions run through him.

"I don't know, Eli." The older man shrugs. "But it's my job to find out."

Clare

"Clare, hey Clare!" Adam calls from down the hall. Clare stops outside of Ms. Dawes' door and turns to face her friend.

Another thing she's not ready for.

"Hi, Adam," Clare speaks softly. "How was your break?"

"Really, THAT's what you want to talk about?" Adam raises an eyebrow.

"Of course. We haven't talked since last Friday. How are you?"

Adam winces. Clare knows she's coming off like a…well, a bit of a bitch. But she can't deal right now. Being around Adam is too much like being around Eli; isn't that what she wants to let go of? If so, why does she hurt so much without Eli's hand brushing hers? Why does the thought of not seeing him for God knows how long make her heart fall into her stomach?

"The bell's going to ring, Clare," Adam grunts and walks into the classroom. Clare follows suit and takes her usual seat, trying not to feel the emptiness of the one behind her and failing.

"Clare?" She turns to face Adam. "Look, I get that you apparently don't want to talk about…stuff…now, but are you okay?"

Clare smiles and prepares another lie. "Everything is alright Adam."

"Welcome back, class!" Ms. Dawes calls from the front of the room. "Before we get started, Clare, could you come to my desk for a moment?"

Clare tenses up and walks to her teacher's desk. She loves Ms. Dawes, but what will it take to get the general public to see that she just did not want to talk about ANYTHING right now? "Yes, Miss?"

"I've been made aware of Mr. Goldsworthy's situation," Ms. Dawes says in a hushed voice. "I was wondering if you would like me to assign you a new English partner."

Clare's blood turns cold. Despite everything, she honestly can't imagine anyone but Eli as her English partner. She can't imagine anyone but Eli as a LOT of things. Her heart aches at allowing his name to pass her mind too many times.

"No, Ms. Dawes. I don't want a new English partner."

And she doesn't.