A/N: Lichtenstein in this fic hasn't become quite so close to Switzerland yet. I consider her to be living in his house and they've become friends, but not so much that she considers him her brother yet. So she hasn't cut her hair.
Come What May
I've been told many times that I am a monster that I could never truly love anyone and nobody would ever love me back.
I've mainly been told this on the battle field, right before my sword went through the person's heart…it was always the heart, as if I was trying to prove to myself that at least I knew where the most important organ was.
The heart…it's a funny organ. It's the only organ in the entire body that represents so much more than its intended use, and years before her I never thought of it as something more than a place to strike to kill somebody. The heart was always the best place to strike to kill someone, it never failed and you could never truly miss if you aimed right. There could be no miracles if someone was stabbed fully through the heart. The person was dead almost immediately…
Dead like I was about to be, I suppose.
The entire world kept moving even though I could feel that my part in the world had stopped. I didn't expect anyone to come and find me, after all the sins I have committed; I expected that everyone would be happy that I had been dissolved. My brother might shed a few tears for me, but he would carry on like the soldier I had trained him to be.
I wasn't exactly sure what happened to countries that had been dissolved. They just…vanished. I remember Egypt telling me once that his mother had walked out into the desert in the middle of a sandstorm on the day she had been conquered and vanished. Greece never talked about his mother, neither did the Italy's talk about their grandfather. I guess that was fair for them to keep their secrets, I would hold the last day I saw my grandfather in my heart forever. It was sort of like Egypt's mother's disappearance. One day grandfather just walked out into the wild woods near our home, and he never came back. It makes sense though, whenever a country dies, they just want to be in the area that gave them the most peace.
Which brings me back to her, always her.
The place that brought me the most peace was the one place that me and Lili, or Lichtenstein to anyone who didn't know her well. It was a stupid sentimental place, but during my last moments she was the only one who I wanted to remember. I wanted her to be my last thought as I went to wherever I was going, even if she might never want to think of me again after what I did.
I'm freezing. That's the only thing I can really feel. I remember being laughed at by some of my leaders and generals for liking to watch the sunrise. They would laugh even harder and call me a fool for liking to watch it when there's snow outside. But that never stopped me from clambering up on the roof and watching the world begin anew in the morning. The snow especially made it more beautiful, fresh and white, the cold air stinging my lungs and making me feel more alive than I did at any moment.
If I remember correctly, that's how Lili and I first really met and connected. We both loved getting up early to see the sunrise, and we both really loved watching it rise on a snow filled world. I should count myself incredibly lucky for being able to die during the perfect moment in time for me.
But if I really had a choice, I wouldn't leave her behind like this.
There's suddenly a noise to my left, and I jerk around (as fast as I can in my condition) and to my shock I see a blonde haired girl carefully clambering out of the window up onto the roof. I just stare at her as she pulls herself upright and glares at me with all the possible force her innocent mind can.
"Did you really…" she chokes up for a minute, "Prussia. Did you really think you could run away from me?"
She's staring at me, tears silently running down her determined face. I don't want to answer her, because I know I can't keep up an uncaring façade for long.
"If you're going to kill me, you might as well hold off. I'll be gone soon anyways." I'm not looking at her. I just can't look at the face I loved for such a long, yet to short amount of time.
"You really think that's why I'm here?" She's weak. I can tell by the way she stomps over to me, her footsteps slightly off and the sound of them hitting the roof is too soft. She's obviously lost a lot of weight, an unhealthy amount.
"Why else would you be? Everyone hates me and West, but I'm the one who's going to die for it all." I admit there's a slight bitter tone in my voice. I did volunteer. They said one of us had to go; the two of us together was too dangerous now. I couldn't let them kill West, he was still so young…
"I-I don't hate you. I did for awhile but now those feelings aren't as important as others." She whispers.
She should hate me. It would be easier for her now if she did.
I want to lie. To say I no longer feel for her what I once did. I want to push her away and be alone for the moment I join my grandfather and the others.
But I can't. Because no matter what kind of face I put on for others, I can't put it on for her. And I really don't want her to leave, because if she did, and if I pushed her away like I wanted to, I would die far sooner than the moment my time was to be up.
"What do you want me to say?" I managed to croak out. My hands started to shake slightly. I did not want to hear the final words of 'goodbye' from her. I was so scared of hearing those words from her and I didn't know why.
"I don't want you to say anything for once, you idiot. You're always talking about how 'awesome' you are and you chatter on about everything. For once you're going to listen to me." She was shaking as well. Whether from the cold or from anger, I couldn't tell.
"First off you made me fall in love with you, and you loved me back. Do you know how painful and wonderful that is?" She fisted her hands as she looked down on me. "You were always there to help me laugh at myself; you cared about a small girl like me. You never forgot about me and you shared so many moments with me that they all seem to run together in my head. And do you know how much that stinks? I can't pick out individual moments that I loved; I can just remember the feelings throughout the years that we shared." She was trying to rub away her tears as I just looked down at my weathered shoes.
"And now that all this crap has happened and is over with, you're just going to leave me and everyone else to pick up the pieces and carry on with the pain?" She stopped. Her version of a tirade was over and now she was obviously waiting for me to say something, even though she had just told me to be quiet.
"I have to leave Lili." The sunrise was starting. Slowly the dark edges of the world were being erased by the light.
"No you don't!" She carefully got down on her knees and wrapped her arms around me.
"You can't leave! You don't have the right to leave!" Her arms were squeezing me, as if she could hold my essence together by sheer willpower.
"Lili, remember I promised that I would love you until my dying day?" She buried her face in my shoulder, not answering me.
"I'm breaking that promise. I'm going to love you longer that my dying day." She was looking at me now, her eyes shimmering with un-spilled tears.
"We said that once, come what may, we would continue loving each other until the day we died. But I'm always going to love you forever and ever. Even if the world ends, I'm still going to love you." Funny, in books those words sounded so sappy. But with Lili crying and looking at me like that, the words seemed almost perfect.
I kept talking, "I could tell you this everyday for eternity, and it still wouldn't feel like I could express myself enough. I love you Lili. I love everything about you, from your childlike pigtails," she reddened a bit, "to the way I can only compare your eyes to the greenest mountain grass because comparing your beautiful and lively eyes to cold emeralds would do no justice. I love your body and your loving mind, and I love your absolute essence."
Lili's eyes and mine finally met, pulling us both away from the sunrise beginning its final pull from the ground, showering the world in a golden haze.
"I love you Gilbert. I love you Prussia." She didn't bother scrubbing away the tears. She was even trying not to blink, so as not to miss seeing me.
"I love you Lili. I love you Lichtenstein." For what was hopefully not the very last time, I gently reached my hand around her head and met her lips once more with mine.
As we kissed, I could feel myself breaking down. I felt the buzzing feeling of the millions of people living in Prussia slowly fade away as I became human. I could now only feel the warmth of the one person beside me, and somehow, that moment became the best in time for me. I could now only feel Lili, and it was the most personal experience I had ever lived. It was breathtaking.
We broke apart, and our eyes met one last time. We were both smiling, joy spilling throughout our beings.
And then I saw it, rather than felt it. My body began to shimmer into golden sparks, spilling into sunrise as if to help it on that last tiny part into the world. I liked that, becoming part of the sunrise that Lili would always see. I could watch over the new world that she and the others would build. I would always watch over Lili, and she would always watch me come back into the world.
Lili's face never disappeared from my vision as I melted back into the sunrise.