Pride

Warning: M!Hawke/Fenris. Just an overly destructive relationship that really reconstructs itself.

Feynriel's mind in the Fade was odd. All around him everything felt so real, and yet he knew that it didn't truly exist in the way his mind had been interpreting it. It sent shivers down his spine to realize he wasn't actually in the Kirkwall Circle of Magi; Yes he had agreed to come for Hawke, but he couldn't believe that Hawke would actually take him up on the offer. The elf was out of his element.

Hawke, Anders (or rather Justice) and even Varric didn't seem nearly as unstable. As they navigated the dream they came across a Sloth demon, Fenris didn't bother to catch the name but by the way Hawke was talking to him, asking questions made him unnerved. Few more words were exchanged before the team was forced to cut him down and move on. That was when things went awry.

The first door they entered into was the door to Feynriel's Pride. The scene was quite interesting to watch unfold, but once Feynriel realized the Dalish leader was nothing more than a demon things started to get a little messy. It was like a wave of imprudence and foolishness washed over him. All good sense rushed from his mind as the demon spoke, his voice seeming to sing with reason. He found himself agreeing with the demon, willing to turn on everything he knew to draw the demon's power.

To finally get revenge against the Magister lords of Tevinter, to rival them in their power. The promise was sweet, too sweet the logical part in his mind said, yet he found himself asking the demon about it, questioning it. Hawke turned to him, predatory eyes wide and angry. And hurt. "You would turn against me?" Fenris barely understood, his mind far too clouded by the lure of the demon to truly care for the thought of friends or love. He turned his blade against Hawke and provoked the mage to fight both he and the demon.

Of course Hawke won, he always got his results even if he didn't like the outcome. When he awoke, back in his own world, he felt fuzzy-headed. Keeper Marethari gave him a knowing look but didn't speak to him. They sat in a cold silence for nearly an hour before Hawke and the rest of the team awoke. The mage sadly told the mother that her son was no longer at the Dalish camp, that he was on his way to Tevinter to learn to hone his gifts. The mention of the Maker-awful place churned Fenris's stomach, even more so when Hawke gave him a woeful long side glance.

The mother was grateful for Hawke's help and after a few more exchanges of words the group left the Alienage. Life continued as though nothing had happened, as though Fenris never betrayed the group's trust. No, the group wasn't what was important, not as important as Hawke's judgment. Just as dawn started to break did Hawke start to send everyone home.

What little sleep Fenris managed to grab during the morning hours were daunting, horrible. By early noon he gave up attempting to sleep entirely, instead trying to occupy his mind straightening the room. The thought of having betrayed Hawke kept coming back, like an annoying gnat. It was Hawke's fault that he was lured by the demon. Had Hawke just left him behind like he had suggested, had the stupid mage just listened to him…

"Fenris? Cleaning are you?"

The elf blanched, straightening to see Hawke in his door way. He had a smile on his face, but his eyes were sad. "Hawke." Fenris murmured in acknowledgement.

"Just came to see how you were doing, after last night I figured you could use a friend." Hawke was trying to make conversation, and failing quite miserably. He took a seat at his usual spot, hoping the elf would take the hint and relax a little. "I'm not mad Fenris, you just need to talk to me."

"You'd have no reason to be mad even if you were." Fenris finally snapped. "It's your fault you know."

Hawke gave a stunned look before his brow knitted in confusion. "My fault? I would love for you to share what made you come to that conclusion."

Fenris rubbed his forehead, feeling a headache coming on. "If you hadn't brought me into the Fade, if you hadn't tried to play hero with that mage, I wouldn't have done that."

"Try to play hero? Fenris, he is a mage not a serial killer! I had to save him anyway I could. If it were me I would hope someone would do what I did if I were in his position, not make me Tranquil at the first sign of trouble." Hawke reasoned.

It fell on deaf ears and Fenris grunted. "Mages might as well be serial killers Hawke, they're dangerous and shifty. Far worse than any thief or spy."

Hawke felt his blood boiling as he got to his feet, clenching his fists and forcing himself to remain calm. "So you're saying I'm a serial killer? Thank you for the vote of confidence elf."

"Yes, I'm saying you're a mass murderer waiting to happen. Your kindness and tenderness towards mages will be your undoing and it will be because of you that people die." By this point Fenris was yelling but he made no move to quiet his voice, he couldn't help himself, he couldn't contain his anger. Hawke was too stubborn to see the err of his actions, his misguided trust in mages.

"You're no better than any mage I've ever met you cur!" Hawke cursed and started to pace. It was the only thing keeping him from using his Maker-given powers to set the blasted elf on fire. Finally he stopped, his eyes locking with Fenris's. "You're just as greedy and as power-hungry as any mage, you fell to the demon's promises. Not me, not Anders, but you."

Fenris swallowed the lump forming in his throat, knowing what Hawke said was truth. Still he couldn't let it go, his pride made it impossible to let it go so easily. "So you admit that you want power? That is why you turned to blood magic isn't it? It was powerful?" Hawke winced and Fenris knew he had hit a sore spot. "So?"

Hawke growled, running his hand through his hair as he tried to find words. "I wanted power, yes. I couldn't protect my sister, I couldn't protect my brother, I can't lose anyone else. I can't lose mother, I can't even lose Gamlen! And I will not let you get taken either."

His words were strangely possessive and suddenly the elf felt a chill run through his body. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be burdening you with this, my thoughts that is." Hawke quickly apologized, turning his back to the elf. "Never mind."

"Hawke? You tell us not to bottle in our feelings. Stop being so damn prideful and talk to me, I'm begging you."

Hawke clenched his jaw, the pleas of the elf gripping his heart and his head. He turned back to face the other, biting the inside of his cheek. "You left me elf, and still I work so hard to keep you safe. I don't follow you around and I didn't become your confidant for my health, you understand what I'm trying to say?"

Fenris shook his head. "No I can't say I do."

Groaning he once more ran his hand through his hair. "Maker elf you don't make this easy. I love -" he paused, the third word unable to come out no matter how hard he tried. "to think of you as family." he stuttered finally, knowing he looked as dumb as he sounded.

Fenris raised an eyebrow, half wondering if this was why Hawke never talked about his feelings - he was bad at it. "Family? You love to think of me as family? How does this go back to your blood magic?"

"I love my family."

"So that means what exactly?" Fenris goaded.

"I - I love you, Fenris. I turned to blood magic so I could protect you even when I can't be there for you. It is no excuse, but everything I do is for you." Hawke whispered, resisting the urge to touch the elf. To hold him

Neither said anything; Fenris was shocked by Hawke's confession, while Hawke was afraid to know what was going on inside Fenris's head. Moments passed before Fenris opened his mouth to speak before he gave a short laugh. Without so much as a hint or warning Fenris closed the gap between them and threw his arms around the confused mage and kissed him.

Hawke relaxed into the kiss, closing his eyes before he rested his hands on the warrior's hips and rolled them together. Fenris gave a breathy moan, tilting his head back and whispering something incoherent. With the free access to the elf's neck, Hawke took the opportunity to lick the hot skin, the sweet taste of magic on his tongue from the lyrium etched tattoos. The taste made his mouth water, wanting to bite down on the precious elvhen skin. "Do it." Fenris urged in a raspy growl. Hawke didn't need telling twice; his teeth sunk into the soft, white flesh, staining it red with blood.

A scream caught in the elf's throat, his body shivering from the shock, the pain nearly blinding him. Almost apologetically Hawke lapped up the blood, humming sweetly as he did. Slowly he moved his lips up the neck and along the jaw, kissing and trailing blood as he went. Their lips captured in another kiss, Hawke forcing his tongue into the elf's mouth and dominating him. The elf felt his knees go weak as he tasted copper and magic on his tongue.

The mage pulled from Fenris and licked his lips, lifting one hand to the elf's jaw and running his thumb over the bloodied skin. "Take those clothes off." His demand was gentle and Fenris was more than willing to comply, taking his clothes off in a unhurried way knowing full-well that Hawke was watching hungrily. Kicking off his boots and shimmying his pants off his hips he heard Hawke give a low, primal growl as his semi-flaccid length became free from its constraints.

Completely exposed, ruby red blood dripping down his neck and chest he felt his skin crawling pleasurably as he felt the golden, predatory eyes analyzing and mentally mapping every inch of the tattooed body. "Our first time," he began in a husky drawl, "I don't think I got the chance to really appreciate this body." He continued to drink in the body, waves of hot pleasure coursing through his veins and straight to his swelling member.

He was snapped from his revelry by Fenris coughing to get the man's attention, shifting on his feet. "Our first time we were far too blinded to stop and smell the roses."

Hawke smirked, dropping to his knees and grabbing the elf's cock in his fingers loosely. "Think of this as a make-up for our first time." He purred, bringing his lips to the wanting member and kissing the head before letting his tongue dart out and lick it torturously slow. Above him Fenris whimpered, running his hand through Hawke's soft hair and fisting it.

"You like that do you? How about this?" With a certain gusto Hawke engulfed the elf as much as he could take, the elf gasping from the wet heat around his sensitive arousal, bucking his hips into the mage's mouth. Hawke moaned over Fenris's enthusiasm, daring himself to take in the elf completely. Tentatively he swallowed the hard length, noting mentally how it was harder than stone by this point. Fenris panted out moans of appreciation as he felt his manhood get swallowed, his hand tugging and pulling Hawke's hair almost painfully so.

He didn't mind in the slightest, a groan vibrating in his throat tempting another sweet whine of gratitude from the elf. After another moment of gentle sucking Hawke pulled his mouth from the elf's quivering cock, blowing lightly on the tortured flesh almost cruelly. "Don't tease me Hawke." Fenris hissed between pants.

"You want to cum?" Hawke laughed, his hands moving to gently massage the silky thighs of his lover. "Very well." He took Fenris's cock in one hand once more and wrapped his lips around the head, he stroked the member and bobbed his head along with each stroke, pushing Fenris to his breaking point.

"Maker Hawke - fuck!" The elf gave a final throaty moan as his load shot from him, his body sending tired wave after wave of satisfaction. Hawke grabbed the spent elf by the hips, drinking the elf's seed and licking the remnants of his want greedily.

Finished cleaning the mage got to his feet, looking over the bloodied, sleepy elf with a devious smirk. "You aren't finished yet elf." He said as he pressed his sex against Fenris's, making the elf gasp in surprise. Even though the cloth of the mage's robes he could feel the hardness the man held. All for him.

"Are you…?" He trailed off, almost fearfully. It had been weeks since they made love; the pain was not what scared him, but the memories. The memories that flooded his mind but left as soon as Hawke was finished.

Hawke shushed him, kissing his forehead in quiet understanding. "If you aren't ready I understand Fenris. Just say the word."

"I want it. I can handle it." Fenris finally assured.

"Very well, but don't feel afraid to make me stop should you become uncomfortable. Lay on the bed, on your knees. Keep that ass of your's high."

Fenris blushed from the abrupt change in emotion but quickly did as he was told, crawling on the bed and getting on his knees, steadying himself on his elbows. Behind him Hawke started to undress, his eyes never once moving from the sight of the beautiful elf as he tore the clothes from his body. Naked and wanting he advanced on his lover, positioning himself behind the elf and grabbing both his ass cheeks, spreading them slightly and gliding his tongue over the crack.

Taking a sharp intake of breath the elf felt his cock once more twitch to life from the careful caresses of the mage's expert tongue. Hawke continued to lick and tease the pucker, his hands gently working to massage the elf's butt and lower back. Fenris mewled and praised his lover's actions, begging him to do more and to do it quickly. Hawke was more than happy to comply, giving Fenris's ass a tiny nip before pulling away and placing his forefinger by the elf's entrance. The elf attempted to push his hips back into the digit but Hawke gave the elf's bum a sharp pop and chiding him in a low, husky voice. "I'm in control here."

Hawke saw the elf nod and he caressed the reddening skin where he spanked. "Don't worry, I will make up for it." He promised before burying his finger in the hole. Fenris hissed and whined in pleasure, feeling Hawke's finger pound into him, adding another finger into the mix and another, his hole burning in both pleasure and pain as it stretched to accommodate the long, elegant fingers. "I'm going to fuck you so hard. You ready?"

Fenris nodded, between gasps and pants he begged his lover to hurry, unsure how much longer his spent body could last. Hawke pulled out his fingers, getting on his knees and adjusting his crotch to position perfectly against Fenris's pucker before he slid in. Fenris hissed, clenching his hands as he bit through the pain of his lover's cock invaded him. The mage paused a moment, suddenly feeling delirious from his lover's tightness and warmth, his desire threatening to spill from the sudden albeit wanted attention. Shaking it off and calming his body he began to rock, grabbing Fenris's thin waist and using it to help bore his ministrations as he penetrated deeper and deeper into the elf earning cries of pleasure the harder and deeper and quicker he went.

Both could feel their climaxes rising like a wildfire; both moaned and whispered their affections as their bodies continued to move together, both needing to reach orgasm. Hawke bit back a cry, his body finally reaching its limit and his seed dispelled deep into his lover's body. Still inside the elf he reached his arm around and grabbed the hard cock and stroked his hard and fast.

"G-Garrett." Fenris breathed before a growl escaped his lips, his second orgasm coating Hawke's hand. Hawke moved away, pulling himself out of Fenris and sitting on the bed, catching his breath. Slowly Fenris moved on his side to lay on the bed, his head feeling hazy and heavy. Maker he was sure tired now.

"You said my name." Hawke murmured, almost in shock. "No one ever says my name."

Fenris smirked, shifting on his back to better view his mage. "That's because you act like a hawk. Predatory, silent, but always incredibly stunning."

"You flatter me." The mage replied with a grin, moving to lay down beside the elf kissing his forehead. "Though I think that's why you and I constantly butt heads, you're a natural leader yourself."

Fenris hummed in reply, his hand reaching up to gently touch his bite wound. It had stopped bleeding but it was still sore. Hawke moved his hand away and kissed the wound. "I should heal that shouldn't I?" He asked, not bothering to await an answer as he hovered his glowing hand above the wound, it magically stitched close.

"I apologize for letting my hubris get the better of me in the Fade. A good leader wouldn't have fallen victim to empty promises." The elf suddenly sighed. "Probably why you lead and we follow."

"I'm no better, hubris gets the better of us all. Need I remind you of the blood magic?"

They both stayed in silence, their pride sufficiently beaten down.

Took me three days to write this. D;
Sorry the ending is pretty weak.