Epilady, er, Epilogue

Much had happened in the two weeks since Sakura had been home. She had convinced Naruto to take Pein's manuscript to Jiraiya, who purportedly howled with laughter while he read the entire thing. He visited Sakura (chaperoned by Naruto) to find out just what had transpired to bring about such a wretched bit of literature.

Sakura had explained, as best she could, about Pein's delusions of writing competency and his desire to have people act out his fantasies. The Toad Sage looked thoughtful, then asked if Sakura would be willing to bring him to the Akatsuki hideout for a face-to-face discussion with Pein. She saw that he was serious and promised to do her best to arrange the meeting.

She also tackled Tsunade about the remote clinic idea that Itachi had suggested. While her mentor was initially skeptical, she slowly warmed to the idea. Outreach visits from the Konoha hospital staff were not a bad idea, particularly if they were also geared at training the local staff in advanced procedures. It could well lead to recruiting new staff for the hospital and one day her dream of a med-nin in every ninja team might be realized. At the very least, there would be more trained medical personnel outside of the village who could aid her soldiers more quickly than if they make the trip back to Konoha.

Contacting the remaining Akatsuki was more problematic, until she discussed it hypothetically with Shikamaru. He suggested using one of the messenger birds to bring her mystery person a note. All that was needed to send it on it's way was the scent of the person who should receive the missive and Sakura did still have Itachi's torn and bloodied shirt.

Having asked them to meet her in a small village halfway to the border of Fire Country in a week gave her a bit of time to catch up on some work and prepare for the trip. Naruto insisted he was tagging along with his pervy sensei and was adamant that Sakura would be glad that he was with her.

Traveling with her old team mate and his teacher was trying. Sakura made certain to wear her Jounin uniform. It would be just like Jiraiya to try to peek up her medic skirt, the old reprobate. And Naruto rarely shut up. If he wasn't talking about ramen, his latest new jutsu, ramen, Sasuke or how he was ready to kick some Akatsuki ass he was mooning over Hinata. Cuz I said so.

When they were within two miles of the meeting place, Naruto bounded off into the woods to relieve himself. Sakura and Jiraiya continued on for a while before realizing that he wasn't catching up.

Alarmed, the sprinted back to where they'd left him, only to find him talking to another young man. A familiar looking young man.

"Sasuke?" Sakura couldn't believe her eyes. Her long-lost team mate was standing as nonchalant as you please, in the middle of the forest, chatting with Naruto. He flicked his eyes in her direction, said something to Naruto, then casually vaulted onto a tree branch and disappeared.

"Naruto, what in blazes is going on?" Sakura cried. "That was Sasuke. Why didn't you try to bring him back to Konoha?"

"Uh, Sakura-chan, it's...complicated. I'll tell you everything later, okay?" Naruto's blue eyes were troubled but he forced his trademark grin on his otherwise nervous looking face and turned to continue the trip.

The other two followed his lead quickly. "Is this because Itachi's still alive? Still the avenger and all that?" Sakura asked. "He's headed the wrong way and you didn't tell him?"

"See, that's part of the complication. He was sneaking up on the Akatsuki lair and heard everything that Madara said, about the massacre and Itachi's illness and stuff. He's not sure what to do. Itachi was his childhood hero and now he knows that Madara was the one who set it all up. It changes things."

He shot her a faintly beseeching look. "Besides, how tough could he feel if he killed a man who was sick enough to die on his own? I mean, that's sort of pathetic, even for the teme. It's bad enough that Orochimaru was weak when Sasuke took him down. What kind of badass can you be if you just go around killing sick and feeble people? You might as well be famous for stomping on kittens."

While she mulled that information over, they reached the village and headed for the tea shop where the meeting would take place. Seeing Itachi and Kisame already seated at a booth, she walked briskly over and sat down.

Stealing Kisame's teacup, she took a drink. "Nice. I wouldn't have pegged you as a mint tea kind of guy," she teased him.

Snatching his cup back from the kunoichi, Kisame beckoned the waitress over so the travelers could order their own refreshments. As they waited, Sakura tried to exam Itachi unobtrusively. He looked much better than he had when she had last seen him and, obviously, he had allowed his partner to live after that parting comment in her apartment.

He met her gaze and nodded at her before turning to the other two men. "Jiraiya-sama, Naruto-kun, it's very nice to see you again," he began. "Pein will be arriving in a few hours. He had some finishing touches to put on a new manuscript and he wanted to have it completed before he got here."

"Hey, hey, where's your fancy cloaks and tingly hats?" Naruto eyed the nukenin suspiciously. "You look like regular people or something. Well, for you guys, anyway."

Kisame and Itachi exchanged a brief look and what passed for the most compressed indication of humor in the world. Sakura supposed that if you lived and worked together long enough, you would develop shorthand signals for anything.

"Naruto-kun, we are just 'regular people' now. The Akatsuki has been disbanded." Itachi tensed marginally when he saw the sharp look from Jiraiya and the stunned look on Naruto's face. Sakura look rather contemplative but smiled faintly at Itachi.

"What the hell's a "tingly hat?" barked Kisame, brows furrowed with effort to puzzle the phrase out.

"You know, with the bells and crap," snapped Naruto. "The bells move and make a "ting" sound."

Kisame reached over the table and swatted Naruto's arm. The jinchuri yowled and pulled his arm out of reach. "What the hell was that for, bastard?"

"Oh, please, did that hurt the little fox?" Kisame was grinning now.

"No, it's just sort of tingles...oh, you're saying I screwed up the word. What would you call your damn hats then, smart guy?"

"We called them 'hats,' kid. The bells were just to inspire fear." Kisame leaned back comfortably as the waitress returned with everyone's orders.

"A little bell inspires fear? You gotta be joking." Naruto had his face scrunched up, incredulous that the same bell that you'd find on a cat toy was used to scare victims.

"Yeah, it's the irony that we liked so much. The bells should be cute but people knew we'd show up if they heard them, so it was quite the dichotomy. They got really annoying otherwise, always tinkling in the breeze." The Mist-nin was incredibly chatty today.

"So, are you guys going to tell me what happened after you got back to the hideout? I didn't expect all this, so it must have been quite something." Sakura had waited patiently for information from them and wasn't going to let her team mate distract them any longer.

"Oh, it was a laugh riot, princess. You should have seen those guys. Hidan was still going on about the whiteboard, Deidara was writing his version of the battle, Pein was crying in the courtyard, Konan was throwing little bitty kunai-shaped confetti, Kakuzu was calculating how to split the money we had in the bank and Zetsu was sniffing around Madara like he'd found a yakiniku restaurant," Kisame told her.

"Itachi got everyone rounded up and we discussed our options. Pein was in favor of chucking the whole 'world domination' plan in favor of a 'world dominatrix' plan. I thought he was obsessed before but all his sub-bodies were in on the act. They all took off for Ame, rattling on about installing track lighting and a proper study for Pein to write in," Kisame continued.

"And all that crap on the whiteboard was stuff Hidan found when he sneaked into Pein's private rooms and read the scripts for your abductions. Pein really had some freaky ideas he wanted to try on you."

"That damn whiteboard!" Sakura exclaimed. "I'd like to shove it where the sun don't shine on that jerk."

"Actually," Itachi broke in, "that will not be possible. Kisame ate the whiteboard to stop Hidan's preoccupation with it."

"Well, 'ate' is kinda strong, don't you think? I just sort of bit it. In half." Kisame looked slightly sheepish admitting his behavior. "But Kakuzu sewed Hidan's hand back on good as new, though."

"All right, but what was with the whole underwear thing?" Sakura was still stumped by that bit of madness.

"Oh, you'll love this!" Kisame crowed. "Hidan had read Pein's manuscript, right? And your page that had 'blank, I'm pregnant,' right? What he did was to, um, leave his, um, seed in the boxers. That way, when you got pregnant, he could claim the child as his without breaking his vow of celibacy and without actually compromising your honor."

"Eeeew!" Sakura ewed. "That's just...there's got to be a stronger word than 'disgusting.' I can't believe he came up with that as a good solution."

"It was not ideal but he meant well, Sakura." Itachi caught her gaze as she tried to quell her stomach. "He couldn't very well confront Pein, lest he give away his snooping but he didn't want you to be disgraced, either."

"He was going to get her pregnant with his underpants?" a new voice interjected. All eye swiveled to the new speaker. Sasuke stepped out of the shadow and stared at his brother. All the occupants of the table froze for various reasons; Sakura out of sheer surprise, Naruto was combating his instinct to wrestle his former friend into submission, Jiraiya and Itachi were assessing Sasuke's chakra levels and intent and Kisame was reminding himself that Itachi wouldn't be pleased to have his brother damaged.

"Sas-Sasuke," Sakura stammered. "Won't you join us for tea?" After all this time, it seemed a bit unreal to be playing hostess to a tea party with her long-lost team mate. It was definitely not in line with any of the scenarios she'd anticipated their reunion to be like.

"No." He didn't spare her a look, having eyes only for his brother. "I think my aniki has a story to tell me."

Itachi held Sasuke's intent gaze for several moments before nodding once. "Hello, Sasuke. You look well. Would you care to take a walk?" was all he said.

The estranged Uchiha brothers left the tea shop. The remaining ninja looked at one another, concern and consternation clearly visible on their faces.

"Do you think it's safe to let them be alone together?" Sakura asked. She knew they'd been close as youngsters but things had taken a violently different tack after the massacre. While Itachi had done what he thought was best under the circumstances, Sasuke had only recently found out the reasoning behind Itachi's actions. A lifetime of hatred and single-minded determination couldn't be overcome so quickly.

Kisame just shrugged. The boys would have to work this out and it was never healthy to jump to conclusions where Itachi was concerned. He refilled his teacup and gave Naruto an assessing look.

"So, you're the kyuubi jinchuriki, eh?" he inquired. "You must be around the age of the Shukaku's host."

Sharp blue eyes landed on the Mist-nin. "Yeah, Gaara's a year older than me. Does it matter? You were all set to kill me the same way you killed him."

"Take it easy, kid. We won't do it now. Pein's given up that plan and Madara isn't around to revive it. Besides, there was sort of an accident with the sealing statue, so there wouldn't be a place to store your bijuu chakra, anyway."

Jiraiya narrowed his eyes and asked what, exactly, had happened to the statue. If there was an instability with the structure, it could be devastating to the entire world. That much demon chakra could literally wipe out all life as they knew it.

Kisame shrugged. "That was another Deidara thing. He didn't think the statue was artistic enough, so he added some 'embellishments' to it. But he also forgot about them when Tobi pissed him off and in the process of blowing up a clay spider, he sort of weakened the statue where the clay frills were added. It started leaking chakra like a balloon with a pinhole. Before Nagato took the other five spare bodies back to Rain, he did a quick reseal of each bijuu into cast iron teapots. I don't know what's going to become of them but I'm not gonna volunteer to open any of them up. There's got to be some angry chakra stashed in there."

Jiraiya nodded sagely, then took another sip of tea. Sealing a tailed beast in a common container was an age-old method of keeping the demon chakra confined until a new host could be obtained. It would be safe enough for now. It would be imperative to alert Tsunade, so the village could retrieve the containers and prevent the rest of the ninja world from having access to the stuff that made men into monsters.

Hearing the definite sounds of a tussle in the distance, the group hurriedly left the tea house and located the area it emanated from. It was the Uchiha brothers, both of them on the ground, in a tangle of arms and legs. Itachi's ponytail in Sasuke's hand had the man's head wrenched into an uncomfortable twist, while Sasuke's head was pinned to the ground by two of Itachi's fingers on the younger man's forehead. They froze when they heard the group approach and looked rather shame-faced at being caught using playground tactics in their struggle. They hastily released each other.

"I believe we have come to an understanding," murmured Itachi. He rose, dusting debris off his pants and offered a hand to Sasuke. The young man ignored the offer and leaped to his feet on his own.

"Fine. I will consider your apology. I'm going to get a room now. I need a shower and a meal." Sasuke stomped off toward the lone inn without looking back. There was something in the way that he moved that told the rest that he wouldn't mind company.

Since it was getting late and Pein would be arriving soon, they followed Sasuke's lead and were soon situated in rooms at the inn. Sakura managed to convince Jiraiya that she didn't need to share a room with him for protection, companionship or to save money. Naruto grumpily intervened and declared himself as Jiraiya's room mate for the night, with just enough of a warning glare to let the sannin know there would be no 'accidents' involving which room he was staying in.

Sasuke and Itachi didn't even talk about it; they just headed to the same room simultaneously. Kisame waggled his eyebrows at Sakura, which earned him a low-power punch to the shoulder before she slung her pack over her own shoulder and followed the Mist-nin down the hall.

Having gotten settled, they adjourned back to the tea house for supper and to await the former Akatsuki leader. Conversation was limited, as all parties had rather a lot to contemplate.

Pein arrived just as they finished eating but he barely acknowledged anyone in favor of burbling all over Jiraiya.

Leaving the pair to discuss plots and writing styles, everyone else headed back to the inn. There was a small patio in the rear of the building and they congregated in it.

Surprisingly, it was Sasuke who spoke first and he looked directly at Sakura and Naruto while he did so. "I'm only going to say this once. I did and said a lot of things after I left Konoha. I'm not sorry about most of them but I do regret some of the things I put you two through." He stopped without elaborating, clearly having said all he intended to say.

"Teme, we know. At least I really hoped that was the case. I will consider your apology," Naruto couldn't help but add that last bit, after what Sasuke had said to Itachi.

"Same here, Sasuke." Sakura didn't know what else to say. She'd been through a lot because of him and wasn't exactly sure what any of it meant now.

The former avenger looked slightly annoyed. "You've changed, Sakura. Not a fangirl anymore?" He tried to sound condescending but his heart really wasn't in it.

"I have changed, thanks for noticing. Tell me, are you the same as you were at age twelve? Have you gotten stronger, smarter, more accomplished and mature since then?" Sakura asked mildly.

"That should be plain to see," he snapped. Was she doubting that he'd expanded his skills? He'd killed Orochimaru, for the gods sakes!

Smiling gently, she only said, "Please don't be surprised that I've done the same. I'm not twelve anymore and I haven't been in stasis since the day you left. I'm a different person than I was then."

This was almost too much for the younger Uchiha to handle. He'd had shock after shock in the last few weeks and was having difficulty processing it all. Finding out that the clan had been planning war with the village, that his brother took on the burden alone of quelling it so that that same clan was given the dignity of being slain by one of their own instead of the faceless ANBU, that same brother's lingering illness and now his former team mates having progressed beyond his expectations. Absorbing this information and reconciling it with his very rigid worldview was more tasking than he could have imagined.

And what did that mean for his future? His life's goal was meaningless now. He couldn't kill his brother and he hadn't made plans beyond that event. He wasn't sure that he'd planned to live past it, when he got down to it. Sure, he'd said he'd revive the clan but maybe he'd just meant figuratively, as in restoring the honor of the clan's name.

As he struggled to sort through what it all meant to him, the others talked quietly. Naruto asked what the former Akatsuki had planned next.

Kisame grinned and said he was planning a vacation of sorts, maybe traveling and visiting some hot springs. Itachi sat passively, not indicating whether he was of the same mind as his partner or not.

Sakura found herself increasingly curious about the man. Would he just bum around with Kisame? He might be grateful to drop the entire ninja routine, since he'd never wanted to be a killer in the first place. She found herself coming to realize that she'd grown attached to the unlikely duo and would no doubt miss them if they disappeared from her life.

Looking at Itachi, she was shocked to see him regarding her silently. Quirking her brow in inquiry, she gazed back at him. She was rewarded with a small smile and a nod.

"I may take some time to enjoy the better things in life for a while. We have each been granted a share of the treasury, so money isn't a problem. However, I believe that idleness would not suit me in the long run. I may hire myself out for peaceful missions. Or I may open a dango stand. The future is a blank slate and I find myself at a bit of a loss to not have a purpose," he spoke quietly, with a decidedly bemused tone of voice.

"You will return to Konoha with me," Sasuke declared firmly. "We'll put our cases before the Hokage and she will reinstate us both. Then we will rebuild our clan together, without the taint of overweening pride in our doujutsu. Uchiha will become a respected and proud name once again."

"Teme! There is no jutsu in the world that will make you and your brother have babies together! Not even oiroke-no-jutsu would work! Even if you look like a woman, you really still have man-junk!" Naruto was livid and, interestingly enough, blushing at the same time.

"You freaking crack-head! I didn't mean him and me as in a couple! Gods! And here I was just about to think you'd grown up." Sasuke looked as disgusted as Sakura had earlier. It was hard to know if the red in his face was a blush or from anger.

Kisame couldn't control his laughter, which exploded from him like a suiton. Itachi went from outright shocked to amused in seconds. Sakura joined Kisame in laughter, which had Sasuke on his feet in moments, declaring himself tired and heading to bed. He stopped himself from asking Itachi if he was going to join him, knowing that would just start the lot of them off again.

"I'll walk back with you, Sasuke," Sakura said with a chuckle. She really was tired. The strain of the past few weeks was making itself known and she planned to sleep like it was the only thing she ever had to do again.

As they walked down the hallway, Sasuke's posture lost it's indignant stiffness. Looking at his companion, he asked her quietly, "Have you really lost your feelings for me?"

She glance up at him, then down at the floor. "You know how you can train and work and meditate to increase balance and chakra? Then you use everything you've learned and gained in a battle but eventually the chakra is used up and the skills slow down until you're drained and can't go on. And the only hope you have, if you survive that battle, is to rest and take proper care of yourself, then train some more and let the chakra rebuild and the skills to develop."

"It's sort of the same thing I went through with my feelings. They were so strong, I couldn't imagine they'd ever become less. But they did. I survived that battle but I haven't recovered from it yet." She slanted a glance at him, hoping to see that he understood.

Sasuke walked without speaking for a while, then spoke as quietly as she had. "Do you think that you might?" was all he said.

"It will take time and proper care, Sasuke, before I will know. Doesn't a good ninja become better by learning from their experiences and making sure not to make the same mistake again?" She was trying to be honest without being cruel. The truth of the matter was that she had no idea how she felt about him anymore and that it would take time to know if she could even be friends with him. She was sure that she could be friendly but that's not the same as being close.

He didn't press the matter. He had a lot to think through and he was tired. All of the conflicting and confusing mess could wait until morning. He noticed Sakura opening the door to her room and had a sudden, frightening thought.

"You and Kisame, you aren't...," he started. He couldn't bring himself to complete the sentence and wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"Kisame? What about...oh!" Sakura chuckled when she realized what he couldn't say. "I do love the big lug but no, we aren't an item. Never were. He's kind and fierce and slightly silly but no, not a romantic interest. But I could do worse, I suppose."

"Sakura, just go to sleep. You're rambling incoherently," Sasuke ordered her. He did feel better when he thought he was in the right and this was a good enough occasion to assert himself.

She just smiled at him before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Bossy. I'm the medic and I'm ordering you to do the same," she countered with some sass. Ducking into her room and shutting the door kept him from any reply, although she thought she heard a muted 'hn' before he strode to his own room.

It seemed she had barely closed her eyes when she was awakened quite suddenly with a hand over her mouth and arms restrained. Looking up, she saw Kisame's distinctive features, which were pantomiming 'sshh' at her. She relaxed minutely and he released her, only to beckon her to the window. From that vantage point it was fairly easy to eavesdrop on the occupants of the next room. She arched a brow at Kisame and made to go back to bed but he forestalled her motions.

A sulk audible in his voice, Sasuke could be heard muttering, "I still think there had to have been a better way to accomplish this."

"Sasuke, I will say this again: I was thirteen. I may have been praised by others but I was still a child. I did the best that I knew how to do at the time," Itachi returned. "You have my apologies and my promise to set things as right as I may but I am only human."

Sasuke looked a bit discomfited with this declaration. For years he'd thought of his brother as super-human and that was still true. It was the realization that even super-humans weren't necessarily perfect, at least not all the time, that was giving him difficulty. And it was his aniki, the one person that he'd been in awe of from his earliest memory.

"Why all the bullshit about hating you?" Sasuke was unconscious of the fact that he sounded almost petulant.

Itachi resisted the urge to sigh. This was his beloved little brother, after all, and he had not had an easy life. He deserved better answers than he'd been given all his life, now that the master plan was well and truly ruined.

"Do you remember Hidan's plan to impregnate Sakura?" he asked quietly.

"I heard. That was a seriously messed up idea he had," Sasuke sounded quite definite on this matter. And not too pleased about it, also.

"Can you understand that Hidan meant well? He knew what Pein planned and he did the best thing he could think of in the limited time he had to work with. There was no time to dawdle, since Pein was planning to arrange for Sakura to become pregnant. He made the decision to take on the responsibility of taking action and to honor the obligation to Sakura for the rest of their lives. It went against his own personal beliefs entirely but he felt that he couldn't allow her to suffer what might well be a worse consequence by his inaction."

Silence reigned in the room for long moments. Sakura was stunned to hear what Itachi had to say as well. The fact that Hidan had been willing to change her fate to be as favorable for her as he knew how was quite the revelation. She's only considered him to have been acting out of some sort of perversion and hadn't put the rest together. Quite frankly, she didn't think she ever would have if Itachi hadn't broken it down so plainly.

Finally Sasuke spoke. It was as if the words were heavy weights that he had to push out with force. "I understand that you were doing the best that you could. If the ANBU had killed the clan, I wouldn't be alive today. And you wanted me to hate you so that I'd never look past your supposed selfishness to find out that the village was defending itself from the clan. I get it. I just don't know how to accept it."

Itachi took a moment before he answered. In his gentle voice he said, "We all need to accept things that we can't control. It takes great strength to know when something is greater than ourselves. It's all right to forgive ourselves for actions and situations that are not ours to influence. There will be disappointment and frustration but those things can eat away at you unless you can learn to live with the knowledge that everyone has limits."

Silence descended on the room again. After a long while, the light was extinguished and the rustle of blankets could be hear.

Sakura shot Kisame a sharp look, then slunk back to her bed. He closed the window part way before finding his own bed. All that was heard for a very long time was the occasional whisper of the wind and an infrequent snore from Naruto.

Turning toward her roommate's bed, Sakura asked, "Hidan really was doing that to protect me? All that nonsense?"

Kisame's bulk shifted toward her. "Yeah, go figure. I wouldn't have believed he was capable of thinking of anyone besides himself. I'm not sure if I'm inclined to tease him unmercifully or clap him on the back."

Sakura was thoughtful for a moment, then murmured, "I don't know if I should thank him or punch him. Or maybe pretend I don't know a thing about it. But right now, I'm going back to sleep."

"Whatever, kitten." Kisame settled into his bed more comfortably and was soon dozing.

"Thank you, Kisame," Sakura whispered drowsily and then all sound ceased.

The next morning saw the group far more refreshed than any of them had been in a long time, with the exception of Jiraiya and Pein. They had been up half the night, drinking and talking and it showed.

"I'll be going on to Rain with Pein for a while. I think his real talent may be in producing and directing and I have several books that need to be made into movies," a groggy Jiraiya announced over tea.

"I am so excited! I had never thought to channel my creativity into such fields, until sensei pointed out that I'd been doing it all along with the abductions." Pein sounded far more chipper than he looked.

"Before there's even a hint of a thought on the subject, I want everyone to understand that I have no intention of becoming an actress and will decimate the first person who even looks like they might bring it up." Sakura took another bite of her breakfast while holding a steady glare on the two nightowls.

Wiping the guilty looks off their faces and assuming the most innocent expressions they could manage, Pein and Jiraiya fled to the buffet to collect their own breakfasts. Naruto chuckled in amusement while Itachi and Kisame smirked quietly. Sasuke looked pained but didn't respond.

"Are we heading back to Konoha today?" Naruto asked. He was torn by the fact that the teme was willing to return and the knowledge that there would be consequences for all of the actions since his friend had left.

"Naruto, be at peace. Sasuke did kill Orochimaru and that will work in his favor with the Hokage," Itachi assured him. "You may worry if and when there is reason but now is not the time. Sasuke will no doubt have some penance to do but it shouldn't be severe."

The blonde flashed his friend's brother a grateful look and finished his breakfast. He couldn't wait to get back home and get through the all the formalities. He had an ass-kicking all saved up for his team mate and was looking forward to the day he could deliver it.

Sakura looked at Itachi and Kisame. "Are you two coming with us or will you be going on your vacation right away?" She was undecided about what she hoped they would say.

"I think I'm curious to see what happens in the next chapter of the Uchiha saga," grinned Kisame. "We have never personally killed anybody from the Fire country and were just hired hands to Akatsuki, so maybe your Hokage will have mercenary work for us."

Itachi looked at his long-time partner with an assessing stare before nodding in agreement. He wasn't sure if it was the wisest thing to do but he hadn't had any plans anyway.

After seeing the porn masters on their way to Ame, the odd assortment of ninja set out for Konoha.

And so a new journey began. How it will end lies with the future.

OK, that was ambiguous. Maybe I'll be forced to continue this as a real story, since I can't seem to be as snarky as I started out. Let me know if it's worth bothering with, OK?