A/N: Thoughts
Written words
Regular text
"Speech"
Undelivered Letters of a Love that Never Existed.
…
What is my purpose?
…
How many more days?
How many more minutes?
How many more seconds?
It's suffocating me you know.
Being able to see you.
Not being able to touch you.
I feel pathetic.
.
The day you notice me.
That will truly be the happiest day of my life.
I will live for that moment.
Nothing else matters to me.
You are my reason for living.
My purpose.
My everything.
…
We were made for each other.
…
Setsuna Sakurazaki was never one to socialise.
She simply sat at the back of class, never engaging in group discussion nor interacting with peers. When called upon to answer questions by the ever hopeful young prodigy teacher, she would either shrug indifferently or simply make no movement to respond what-so-ever.
Nobody approached her. Nobody dared.
She hated them. They hated her. That was just the natural way of things.
Of course rumours spread, secrets were whispered and malicious taunts where thrown.
But what's high school with out back-stabbing, bitching and the occasional weirdo to bully.
And Setsuna was that weirdo.
She didn't conform to any social norm.
Wasn't apart of any clique.
Wasn't a sickly-sweet, happy-go-lucky, air-head like the rest of them.
Therefore Setsuna was a weirdo. Simple as that. Nobody questioned why this was the case. It just was. And weirdos get what they deserve right?
So on this day like any other, this particular high school weirdo walked down the halls of Mahora Academy knowing exactly what to expect when she passed a group of three shit-for-brains cheerleaders she was all too acquainted with. They had been talking about makeup and boys when they had spied the young outsider walking broodingly in their direction, and with all their genius combined to one, plotted a devious scheme that would leave many of the Great Thinkers of our time in awe and wonder.
Quickly extending her foot, Misa Kakizaki roared with laugher along with her two companions as the pathetic loner fell victim to gravity and came crashing ungracefully to earth. The plights of others are such a hilarious thing to behold.
"How clumsy of you Setsuna-chan" said one clone.
"You should be more careful in future" said another, before they continued snickering at the other girl's expense. Though as said girl refused to move or react in any way, the laughter grew fainter until all joking abruptly stopped. Scorn grew where guiltless Schadenfreude diminished.
They looked down at the introverted, broken human being at their feet with disgust.
There was no longer scope for potentially misinterpreted jovialness as a multitude of derogatory slurs were aimed downwards.
"What the hell is wrong with you freak?" no response came. Setsuna simply continued to stare intently at the ground with the ever blank and stoic expression masking her face. She would never show emotion for these mass-produced simpletons. They didn't deserve even a twitch of muscle let alone an utterance of a word.
Just like they didn't deserve to breathe.
"Jesus…she's giving me the creeps, let's just leave her there"
With a few more condescending words they finally left.
Setsuna never lifted her head to watch them depart.
She never heard the harsh insults.
Neither did she feel the swift kick she received to her rib.
The only thing that filling her consciousness was the sound of the beautifully lilting voice and the soft footsteps of an angel as it approached.
"Hey, are you okay?"
Her heart stopped. Her mouth became dry. Her palms went sweaty.
She experienced all the cliché crap that she read about with distain in manga and books.
Cliché wasn't her. It was normal. And Setsuna Sakurazaki wasn't normal. She was different. She was a weirdo.
Still there was no denying the feeling of being spoken to by the one she loved.
It was nothing short of elation she decided.
The footsteps grew closer as time slowed down and nervousness set in.
Reality suddenly crushed Setsuna's body with such a force she could barely breathe.
The feeling of irrevocable happiness left as soon as it had appeared.
This was the first time she would speak to the girl she was in love with after all.
What would she say? Would the angel be revolted by her? Would she scare the beautiful creature? How would she-
The footsteps passed and time sped up once more.
"Aw man that sucks, but yeah I've had an awesome day. Classes were pretty boring as usual though-"
Snapping her head up Setsuna looked over her shoulder in dismay as the one with angel wings walked deeper into the throng of people heading to their next class. The phone conversation faded to a distant murmur, mingling with the other sounds of high school life until the inimitable girl could no longer be seen or heard amongst the crowd of fakes.
…
The truth is I loved you with every fibre of my being.
…
I know you like taunting me. You know I exist. There is just no way that you can't.
You mean everything to me. So surely I mean everything to you.
That's just the natural way of things right?
I will have you all to myself one day.
I will make you pay for all this teasing.
You know I don't like to be teased.
You know I can't fucking stand it.
Don't you.
…
Nobody will ever see what lies within.
…
For as long as I can remember I've always felt guilty.
Guilty for breathing.
Guilty for living.
Guilty for existing.
But never guilty for loving you.
No matter how forbidden.
No matter how immoral.
You are my surreptitious little indulgence.
And you will be til my day of judgment.
…
…I often think of Hell…
Flashing lights and neon sign will show me the way.
I'm sure of it.
For me Hell will not be hard to find.
I will be welcomed with open arms.
I'm sure of it.
Even then I don't feel guilty.
We were made for each other.
I am a sinner.
You are my sin.
And I will drag you to Hell with me kicking and screaming.
Be sure of it.
A/N: Yeah lot of different things going on this story with the thoughts, written letters and scene breaks and stuff. Hope it wasn't confusing.
Hmm well had this idea for quite a while of making a story including the undelivered letters from a stalker to a stalkee when I was only writing Nanofate, but suddenly had a brainwave and thought I could relate it to Konosetsu…you know with the whole watching Ojou-sama from the shadows during the first arc…it was more sweet than stalker-y in the manga but it's my FF so I made her crazier :P Also I included the idea of bipolar, split personality kind of thoughts drawing on the fact that Setsuna is Hanyou (again my FF so in this, her other side is evil).
I will see what you guys think and whether you want me to continue...or just delete this all together as I was so sure about myself when I was writing this one, but now I dunno :/
But umm yeah. I promised a fluffy fic after my angsty one last time…sorry I lied. But I hope you all still liked it.
If so please Review *teary puppy dog eyes*
P.S: Sorry for making Misa, Sakurako and Madoka seem like total bitches "^-^ I like them really.
xx