Please note that the timeline and events of Final Fantasy VII have been altered for the purpose of this story, most noteably, Shinra and Midgar was not destroyed.

Cold, damp tile slid beneath trembling fingers, fast– far faster than they should and Reno only noticed his knees had buckled when they collided painfully with the bathroom floor. Suddenly the repeating pattern of white squares became an endless, dizzying spiral and he had no way to know what was up and what was down before his cheekbone struck tile. Then things were still again, his eyes focussed on the beads of moisture his breath formed on the polished floor before the creak of the door drew them over to equally polished and shiny black shoes.

"Reno!" The familiar voice sounded so far away, and not a single muscle in his body seemed willing to move. Only when firm hands gripped his shoulders and rolled his slender body over did he see his partner's face. "Reno, what happened, what's wrong?" Rude called desperately, but Reno never answered, just shut his eyes and was out.

Reno woke next to violent jostling. He was pinned tight in muscled arms and heard Rude's laboured breathing, knew he must be rushing him somewhere but suddenly his limbs were back to life and he could think of only one thing.

"Rude stop!"

Rude did, looking down in shock, then seeing what his partner needed he set him on the ground. Reno spewed his guts, getting Rude's shiny black shoes and much of his pants as he didn't quite turn around in time. He heaved again and again on his hands and knees in the middle of the hallway, his vision blurred by tears and each retch followed by a pain-filled sob before a gasp and another heave.

Rude had called for help but didn't dare leave his partner alone. Just as Reno's arms gave out he caught him under the chest, keeping him upright and from face planting in his own mess while his body continued to convulse. His fingers dug into Rude's arms, conveying through this contact what he couldn't manage to say in his uninterrupted rhythm of gasp, retch, sob– that he was in pain.

"Hold on partner." Rude tried to remain steady but deeply disturbed by Reno's condition. Eventually Reno went completely limp in Rude's arms, no longer retching but gasping for breath and clutching his chest. He could barely breath.

Rude wasted no more time in hiking up his partner again and rushing him to Shinra's emergency facilities.

Reno had lost consciousness when the doctors put the oxygen mask on him. He had failed to follow their instructions and took so many rapid, shallow breaths that he'd made himself pass out.

Rude stood vigilantly at his bedside but the head doctor, Dr. Meyer, told him he had sedated Reno and was monitoring him closely and there was no point.

"But what's wrong with him?"

"I have yet to determine the exact cause but nothing serious."

"Nothing serious? He was barely breathing when I brought him here."

"Trust me, his vitals are good, come back in the morning."

Rude left reluctantly. Tseng and Elena were away and he hated to leave his partner alone but he supposed he wouldn't really be that far since he lived in the mansion. When he was gone, the doctor closed the door and turned to the chart in his hand.

Not long ago he'd patched Reno up from head to toe after he'd fought AVALANCHE one-on-three. His wounds had been serious and the recovery was long. Yet the boy had bounced back. But this was something different, something over which he had much less control. In the morning, he would confirm his suspicions.

Reno pulled slowly out of his sleep. His whole body was exhausted and it felt like a truck had hit him in the chest. He was alone except for the doctor.

"Good morning."

"Yo, Doc." He rubbed his eyes and sat up. A few monitors were attached to him, and he looked to the doctor again. "I gotta pee."

"Go get yourself cleaned up, we can talk after."

"So I'm not sick?"

"You're healthy Reno, just go wash up."

Reno was confused and a little disturbed by this but pulled the cathodes from his skin and went to the washroom and did his best to sink bath away the sweat that still clung to his body. He saw a few stiches down the side of his face and remembered hitting the bathroom floor. But most of what happened was a blur. The pain in his chest and stomach though, was not about to let him forget entirely. When he came out of the bathroom, the doctor handed him his clothes and he changed before sitting on the edge of his bed again.

"So what, food poisoning?" Reno tried to aske lightly, but his voice edged with worry.

"No Reno, I'm afraid not."

"Then what?"

"Tell me, what were you doing yesterday morning?"

"What does this have to do with this?"

"Just answer the question, Reno."

"I was on a mission."

"Where?"

"In the slums. Shinra was looking for some lowlife so I was tracking him down."

"Did you find him?"

Reno seemed to have to scan his memory for this. "N-no."

"Why?"

"I...I was chasing him," he began replaying the events in his mind as if for the first time, "and then..." a dark look crossed his face and he snapped away from the thoughts violently. "He got away." he said bluntly.

"Reno, where were you chasing him?"

"I told you, the lower level."

"Which sector?"

"...six."

"That's what I thought. You haven't been to see the remains of Sector Seven since the day you dropped the plate have you?"

"...no."

"So tell me how the man got away."

"I...was chasing him. He escaped into the rubble..."

"And you didn't follow him?"

Reno's eyes flicked back and forth, struggling to put it together. "I don't remember. I don't think so. I just remember being back here, in the bathroom, then Rude coming in."

"I took the liberty of checking your mission file. You left on a cycle but returned on foot. You were gone for six hours but from the sounds of it you remember maximum two."

"Doc, what are you saying? What's wrong with me?"

"Reno, you suffered a severe panic attack yesterday."

"But I was sick, ask Rude, I got his shoes."

"Yes Reno, but you're completely healthy. Its your mind that's sick."

"My mind is fine."

"Then tell me Reno, how did it feel to see it? To see the remains of Sector Seven?"

The young man on the bed tensed. His head bowed and his knuckles turned white. "I had my orders..."

"But you never had to face what you did until yesterday."

Reno remained frozen as he was but even with his face hidden his sharp gasp signalled the damn breaking. His thin shoulders rose and fell with his sobs until the doctor approached him.

"I'll prescribe you some medication for the short term but you need to see the psychologist. I'll call her right away and set up the first appointment poss–"

"No!" The doctor's arm was caught in a vice grip and he met the fierce, watery eyes of the young Turk. "They'll kick me out. I can't be a Turk if I can't handle what comes with the job."

The doctor looked down on him sadly. "Reno, when has any other Turk had to deal with something of this magnitude? Shinra should never have asked this of you. They'll understand, I'm sure, you just need some time–"

"No, please." Reno begged. "Don't do this to me, Doc."

"I'm sorry Reno, as your doctor I have to."

Reno's head dropped for a second and he slowly released the doctor's wrist. "Then do me a favour. Just wait one day. Give me a chance to talk to Tseng when he get's back before he has to hear it second-hand."

The doctor sighed. "Fine."

"Hey Partner." Reno heard Rude's relieved sigh on the other end of the phone.

"Reno, you okay?"

"Yup."

"Need me to come down there and get you?"

"Nope man, I'm already back in my room but don't come visit, I'm contagious. Got the flu really bad but the Doc's got me on some good antibiotics so tell Tseng I'll be back to work soon."

"Alright, but if you need anything–"

"Yeah, I'll be sure to give Elena a call." He laughed and heard Rude's monosyllabic chuckle and hung up. As soon as his cell was back in his pocket he scooped up the papers on his desk and marched down to the clinic. He was at the end of his day of grace. Tseng would be back that evening but he'd taken measures to ensure the director would not be hearing about his supposed condition.

"Reno, how are you?" The doctor asked, but all he got for an answer was a folder shoved into his hand. He opened and then gasped, spilling the photos all over the floor.

"Those are your copies. If you don't want anyone else to see those pictures, then you won't say a word about my diagnosis, got it?"

"Where did you get these?"

"I'm a Turk, Doc, and we both work here, it wasn't that hard. So if you don't want your wife knowing how friendly you've gotten with the very sexy Dr. Niles down in research, then you'll give me what I need to keep this under control without Tseng knowing.

Several emotions went through the doctor's face. First was anger, obviously, but Reno was surprised when it softened into sadness and what almost looked like sympathy even as he bent to pick up the embarrassing and potentially life-wrecking photos.

"Reno, you are sick and you need help. This will only get worse if it goes untreated. This right here just proves how bad it is." He shook the folder at Reno.

"No, it proves you were unfaithful."

"I know. And I struggle with that guilt everyday. Sometimes, it nearly tears me up, but what must it feel like to be responsible for the deaths of some many people– children, innocents, people from the slums where you grew up? How do you think you can manage to cope with that on your own?"

Reno tried not to react but slammed his fist into the exam table, letting the pain and vibrations course through his arm for a long time before turning back to the doctor.

"I'm sorry doc, I don't want to hurt you, but I can't lose the Turks, its all I've got."

"If I spoke to Tseng I'd make him understand you just need time."

"But they won't. They'll think I'm weak and that I have no business being a Turk."

He was on the verge of tears again but kept them back this time.

"You're wrong Reno."

"So what's you're decision?" Reno asked ignoring the doctor's last statement.

After a pain filled sigh, the doctor turned to his desk and pulled out Reno's chart. He emphatically tore up his report from today and handed Reno a bottle of pills.

"These are just a short term solution. Take one every six hours for now, and come see me in two days to let me know how they're working, sometimes the dose needs to be altered."

"Thank you." Reno said heading for the door.

"Reno..."

"Night, Doc."

Reno sat alone in his room, eyeing the bottle of pills. He had yet to pop one. His mind raced and he didn't notice the way his knees shook. Tseng had called and said the doctor had just informed him of his condition and to take however many days he needed. He had wanted to say he'd be back tomorrow but he had to maintain his cover of having the flu. The pill bottle had become moist with the sweat of his palms. He had sat there for at least two hours going over things in his head, trying to convince himself that what had happened was just a one time thing. But every time he pictured the Plate he felt that pain in his chest and the air seemed dry and thin so finally he snapped open the lid and took a pill. It took less than an hour for his heart to slow down and his breaths come much easier.

"Just for tonight." he said, falling back into his bed fully clothed. "Just this once."

Reno failed however, in his declaration. The pills had brought such relief and he felt back to normal so quickly that he didn't want to risk slipping back into that other place. The doctor was still unhappy, but he could do nothing to stop the determined young Turk. Rude never suspected a thing when he showed up for work saying he was all healthy again and apologizing for ruining his partner's shoes.

He was back to normal, he was happy, but it only lasted a short time.

As Reno had failed the first time to bring in his target, he was sent out just a few days after his return to search for him again. And again, his search brought him back to Sector Six.

This time he was able to stare up at the wreckage of the seventh plate without the shock and pain of last time. In fact, he wasn't even sure what had happened last time. But this time, when he found his target just on the edge of sector six and seven, he ran at him without hesitation into the devastation.

The chase wasn't so much long as it was simply exhausting in the climbing, ducking, dodging and crawling it took to get around all the obstacles and debris. By the time he came stumbling out into a small open space, he was filthy, his clothes drenched in sweat, mud, grime and oil. He stood, chest heaving and lungs burning in the putrid air but feeling the adrenaline and exhilaration of the chase coursing through him. His keen eyes searched for traces of his mark.

There. A footprint left in soft, black mud at the opening to another network of twisted metal. He took a deep breath, coughing at the stench and acid taste of the air before beginning to run again. But just as he was about to embark on the next maze of debris, a small voice caught his well trained ear.

"Mister."

His foot was already braced on a twisted I-beam, ready to launch his body after his prey but he froze seeing the dirty child, hair matted by blood or mud he couldn't tell, but the left arm definitely wounded by a long jagged cut that was long since infected. He would lose the limb for sure if he survived.

"H-hello." he said gently, removing his foot and taking one last glace at the darkness where his target had disappeared. He could come back for the child later, or call someone else to. But he had already lost his lead hadn't he? The target could be anywhere but this child was right here in front of him, eyes brimming with tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Reno asked stupidly, seeing the frail state of the child.

"I couldn't find them." The boy whispered.

"Who?"

"My mom and dad and sister. I couldn't find them."

Something cold grew in the pit of Reno's stomach but he asked the question anyway.

"What do you mean? Where are they?"

The child turned and pointed with his one working arm at pile of metal and brick and shattered glass. "We lived there. But I couldn't find them. And now I'm lost. I can't get back out."

Reno inhaled sharply and the child looked to him.

"Mister, what's wrong? Did you lose your family too?"

Even the doctor's anti-anxiety meds couldn't counter this. The overwhelming panic may have remained at bay, but these tears could not. They streaked through the dried sweat and dirt on his face and he fell to his knees before the child.

"Mister?" the child repeated and instinctively reached out with his one arm to embrace Reno.

Nothing could have been more painful for Reno than that. He held onto the boy for dear life while his pain spilled out into his filthy shoulder. What would the boy say if he knew Reno had killed his family? How would he react when he knew he would lose his arm because of Reno? He probably cut it on the wreckage getting in here and then it got infected. How many days had he been trapped in this small cavity breathing in toxins, bleeding and starving and searching for his loved ones?

At some point Reno picked up the boy and began the difficult process of carrying him back through the wreckage. It took an hour being as careful as he was. The child cried in pain as his arm was jostled. By this time Reno had collected himself again but when he stepped back into breathable air he marched like a robot back to Shinra. He never noticed Tifa among the bustling crowds spot him, see the clear streaks in the grime on his face, see the bleeding child in his arms and the way his eyes were distant. He didn't see her face contort in anger before turning to confusion as she stood, not knowing what to do, and let the man who had murdered hundreds just walk away.

"Doc, please help him." Reno lay the now unconscious child on the medical table in the clinic and stepped back. The doctor had been startled by his sudden intrusion but upon seeing the child got to work immediately. He was talking to Reno, asking questions, but the Turk leaned back against the wall and slid to the ground. He needed to take the next dose of his pills but when he reached into his pocket all he saw was a coward's escape. He had done this, how could he just turn around and forget what he was feeling? It was a dishonour to all he had killed. He couldn't take it back but he could at least show them this respect.

"Reno." the doctor was kneeling before him, his clothes stained in blood from the child.

"Reno you have to take your next pill." He pried the bottle from Reno's finger and cracked it open. "Here," he held out one pill, "take it."

Reno shook his head.

"Reno come on, I don't have time, this boy needs surgery. What am I supposed to tell the bosses when they realize I'm operating on a street urchin? Where am I supposed to say he came from?"

Reno just shrugged, eyes glassy.

"Dammit, take your pill. I can't deal with you right now if you want me to save him."

"Please..." Reno breathed though his eyes never met the doctor's, "don't let him die."

"I'll try but he's losing that arm for sure." The doctor withdrew at that statement and rushed to get the boy to the better equipped facilities. He shut and locked the door behind him so no one would stumble in on Reno but the Turk never moved. The doctor's last words echoed through his head and he pictured the little boy, the blood, the arm so infected. He pictured the surgery, the bone cutter, the limb being torn from his body. His stomach lurched, yellow bile spewed out his mouth and his head hit the tile floor.

So if you read "the descent of Reno, you'll probably recognize a similar theme in that I am dealing with Reno's psyche, but in a very different way in this story. Like I briefly stated above, I play pretty fast and lose with the original plot of FFVII in order to create the circumstances needed for this story. Character backgrounds are also slightly changed in some instances too. If you liked this chapter than you're in luck becuase I've written about 60 000 words on this and I'm not quite done yet so there is lots to look forward to! Thanks for reading!

Riza.