Betrayal

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.

Note: Since my Hawkes aren't THAT horrible, I've never betrayed Fenris personally but I saw it on Youtube and damn.

The first lesson I learned was that mages could not be trusted. The very first person I remember is Danarius, the man who said that I was his. I quickly met his poisonous apprentice Hadriana who was a mage as well. The pair of them delighted in making sure that I never forgot exactly where my place in things was and just how little I was worth.

The markings on my skin, however, were worth a great deal. I don't know why Danarius chose me of all people to give them to and given that the procedure was probably what prevented me from remembering what came before, I'll likely never know.

Danarius liked seeing me standing strong and killing his enemies one moment and then completely at his mercy the next. Hadriana just liked to see me hurt and every positive reinforcement she got only made her zap me a little harder the next time. She'd never do anything that could permanently disable me but the thing about being surrounded by mages and their healing energies is that it really redefines what's permanent and what isn't.

Lowly slave though I was, I couldn't help but notice that Danarius and Hadriana were not the only despicable mages in Tevinter. Every last one of Danarius' associates were as foul as he was and it only continued to drive home the lesson that mages were not to be trusted. They were wicked, they were cruel. They may have had good intentions once but they either perished young, falling to those with more will and more power or became twisted creatures themselves. Certainly some lost themselves in foolish deals with demons but many more were wise enough to avoid that and greedy enough to turn to blood magic instead. If it weren't for the value the lyrium in my skin held, I might very well have been sacrificed to provide Danarius for that extra bit of power to impress his fellow magisters. I might have died for a party trick.

I suppose I should be thankful.

Though I had always known to be wary of mages, Salomé made me forget it for a time. It's true that when I met her, I questioned her at length about her intentions and kept my eye on her and her abomination lover and blood mage companion friend for years. Eventually, though, something changed.

She taught me how to read. She brought me a gift of a book and upon learning of my weakness she never looked down on me for it or attempted to exploit it. Instead, she begged me to let her help and when I finally agreed she spent countless hours patiently helping me learn, never once losing her temper. She drank with me and listened to my concerns about mages even if she never did agree with me. She listened to the few stories of my past that I possessed and had never shared with anyone. No matter how much we might have disagreed, she always managed to keep it civil – even when I did not – and I never got the feeling that she was judging me.

Mages couldn't be trusted but we'd known each other for six years and she never once gave me a reason to doubt her. I relaxed my guard. I figured that if she had been planning something she would have done it long ago. She helped me track Hadriana and comforted me when I found I couldn't let her live. She encouraged me to write to my supposed sister and agreed to come with me when Varania agreed to meet me. Whenever we came upon a slaver, she slit his throat without hesitation. She even cautioned me that my meeting with Varania might be a trap and so I should be on my guard. Mages couldn't be trusted but it was really starting to look like Salomé could.

The meeting was a trap. I hadn't really expected that. Why would Danarius need to use a girl I barely remembered to lure me out when I was making no apologies about openly living in the mansion he had left behind? It might have been that he didn't want to deal with any defenses I might have been able to put up but I think it's far more likely that he just wanted to get my hopes up before ruthlessly crushing them.

It was even worse than I had thought. Varania – my own sister – was a mage. Apparently I had asked for the markings (competed for them, even!) in exchange for freeing her and our mother. Danarius kept his promise which would mean a lot more to me if I could remember more about them and weren't so disgusted at Varania. I gave up everything to save them from the horror that was our life and how did they repay me? How did she repay me?

She said that the freedom that I've been chasing for over half a decade is worth nothing. She's a mage but also a former slave and so she was barely getting by. She must have a short memory – shorter than mine, even – if she's truly looking back nostalgically on her days as a piece of property. She turned on me like all mages do. I was surprised, at first, until Varania mentioned that he was planning on making her his apprentice. She was a mage and thus she could not be trusted.

Still, sending the brother who gave everything to free her back to a life of horrific torture and slavery after he's finally learned what it is to be free is particularly vile. It's hard to believe I ever thought she was worth saving. Did she think that because I gave everything for her once I'd have no problem doing it again when I don't even know her? Would she torture me like Hadriana used to or would have the slightest bit of compassion knowing it was all her fault that I was back in Tevinter?

I wish I'd never heard of Varania.

But my sister, I barely remember. Her betrayal is upsetting but nothing I can't handle. What was more difficult was the betrayal I hadn't expected but really shouldn't.

Mages cannot be trusted.

Danarius announced his intention to take me back to Tevinter and I told him I would never go. Salomé spoke up to invite Danarius to do as he would. I begged her – actually begged her, a mage! – to reconsider, told her I needed her but her eyes were cold as she told me that I was on my own. Her abomination lover seemed quite pleased about this turn of events, making some quip about how he thought he was the only one thinking about that. I guess they really do deserve each other.

Anders is such a hypocrite. I remember those long hours spent over the course of the past six years where he attempted to convince me of his cause. He was quite adamant that the plight of the mages was comparable to my slavery. I never believed him but he seemed quite convinced. So tell me, how can he see mages in their Circles as slavery and an injustice that must be fought no matter the cost and yet cheerfully send me back to actual slavery in Tevinter? I won't just be 'oppressed' as his precious mages are, I won't even be a person. Is it because it's a mage holding the – soon to be literal – leash? At least I always knew he wasn't to be trusted.

Merrill, though, surprised me. Yes, she remains an unrepentant blood mage who drove her Keeper to sacrifice herself to save her and will probably become an abomination herself any day now but she was also vehemently against the deal that Salomé struck with Danarius. My not-so-former master. Mages can't be trusted but in the end I suppose that she's one of those people who I wish magic had never cursed. She seems almost like she could be a good person without that temptation.

Salomé refused to help me even before Danarius offered her anything for standing aside. I don't understand. I can't understand. I would do anything for her. I've continuously helped mages for her. I would have died for her and she just stands back and lets this happen now? If she had given any indication that she didn't like me or was just indifferent to me then maybe I could understand but…

I've seen her face down demons and dragons and hordes of blood mages for people that she doesn't even know. She dealt with Varric's haunted house twice and even let him keep a piece of that damned idol in the hopes it might help his brother. She let Isabela walk away with the only thing that could stop the qunari invasion of the city and then took on the Arishok in single combat in order to protect her. She killed all manner of creatures to fix Merrill's mirror. She's done so much for people she knows and people she doesn't and yet she won't even do this for me? She moved heaven and earth to save Feynriel from being sold to templars and taken to the Circle and yet she actually invited Danarius to take me?

I don't understand. It's not even that she's afraid of Danarius or thinks he could win a confrontation between the two. I myself am perfectly confident that if it came down to a fight then Salomé could take him easily. This doesn't make sense and when I tried to ask her, she just impassively stared me down.

Danarius asked me if I was going to fight anyway. In the past, I might have. Today, though…I just don't have it in me. Everything I thought I could count on turned out to be worth nothing. I thought that I had finally found some goodness in the world, had finally found a mage who didn't let her power taint her. I was wrong. Disillusionment is never fun and I can't find it within myself to die for an ideal.

I will return to Minrathous. In the back of my mind, I always knew this day would come. In some ways, I never left.

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