Tiikerikissa says hiya again~!

This is a chapter fic with Deathshipping (and side Thiefshipping and maybe some other shippings I don't know about yet). Yeah, inorite, at one point I couldn't even tolerate Deathshipping... But I guess it's awesome now. (I blame my friend for this) ^^;

Plus *nods towards profile* the poll in my profile said so. Go vote if you want to make a difference~

Umm... It's AU, hikari Bakura referred to as Ryou, Yami Bakura refferred to as Bakura, hikari Marik = Malik and Yami Marik = Mariku. Yes, I hope that wasn't tooooo confusing for you...

It's in first person view, with POV-changes every now and then. They're mentioned though. Oh and in present time. Isn't that awesome?

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of the characters and I never will. Got it memorized?

Warnings: ...language? A little bit...

Emphasize on a word~

Starts with Ryou's POV from here.

A new semester begins today. A new beginning at school.

Going to school always feels just as awful.

"Why is that, Ryou?" you might ask.

Because my best friend is there.

I know. Twisted, isn't it?

My former best friend.

Saying that hurts.

But I guess you should hear the whole story.

Another Monday morning.

Monday mornings are always very redundant, so I really hate them. It's the same boring routine every time when it's not a holiday or something of the sort.

Wake up, look at the clock, start crying, cut my wrists-

Yes, I'm a cutter. I don't know if it helps me at all (actually that's a lie, I know it doesn't help me), but I hate myself so much, it feels like a good way to slowly and painfully-

Too much information? Well, anyways. Get ready for school, catch the bus...

And that inevitably leads me here... Stupid school...

Okay, so that happens every day excluding weekends. Except for the crying. Usually, that is.
But Monday always starts a new week, a new merry-go-around of torture...

Mariku once said that I'm such a drama queen. I am not a drama queen, thank you very much. If something, I'm a drama king. That sounds pretty cool, you know...

Oh, Mariku? That best friend I mentioned, the reason for my crying.
I'd love to blame him for the cutting too, but they're not his hands that snake around the shiny kitchen blade and bring it up to my wrists.

That's all my fault. My hands, my kitchen blade, my wrists, my blood that flows in my veins restlessly /until I die.

Then why is my formerbest friend to blame for my crying?

Because he left me alone. It's as simple as that.

Our friendship was never the usual kind; I'm honest, kind, caring. He's funny, cute and a psychopath...

Did I just call him cute? Good, because I mean it. I really do.

He has this blond hair that points in different directions defying gravity. And tan skin, which I envy greatly since I'm always pale as a ghost.

Purple eyes, somehow managing to seem smart and crazy at the same time.

I look around the cafeteria, trying to find something... Okay, so maybe it's someone, maybe it's Mariku, but I want to see him, so whatever.

I haven't seen him since... Since school ended. Two months, is it not? And as mentioned, he's cute. So buzz off, this stupid feeling that I'm doing something wrong.

After looking around like a cornered mouse for around ten seconds, I decide that he is actually not here.

What a pity.

And naturally right after I am done with looking around for him, he decides to show up.

With Bakura-whateverhislastnameis. He's a senior like Mariku (he's one year older than me, and also one class higher), and he has this white hair (a poor copy of mine, just saying) and badass attitude.

I don't get it how Mariku even hangs around with him, he's obviously nothing but trouble and misery. /like me?

"Heeey, Ryooooou?" Malik snaps his fingers twice in front of my face.

I snap out of my musings. "Huh. Hey, Malik."

He chuckles, in the kind of you-just-hurt-my-feelings-way. "I guess you don't realize that I've been calling your name for the last five minutes..."

I gasp mentally. Really?

But aloud I deny it all. "No way!"

Malik smirks, still seeming a bit insulted. "Way."

"No way!" I repeat stubbornly, even though I actually have my doubts.

He shrugs. "Honestly? Way. But today is so shitty I don't feel like making it worse by arguing with you. Fucking school starts again."

I nod. "Yeah, you're telling me."

"A new school, too... But at least I have a friend here, so it's not really thatbad..." he muses.

I nod. Malik is just about my only friend nowadays (except for Mariku, but he's a former friend now, isn't he?).
...aaaaand he's Mariku's brother.

I actually wasn't aware of this when I met him during summer vacation almost two months ago, I swear!

He seemed nice and he had just moved here (and that's why I didn't know about his relation to Mariku; Malik had been living with his sister Ishizu in Egypt while Mariku had been living here in Domino, Japan with his older brother Rishid).

...and he reminded me of Mariku...

The first time he saw Bakura, he immediately found a liking for the whitette. Sadly Bakura didn't even realize that he was there. Maybe someday... They would make an awesome badass couple!

Uh-oh, Mariku is still glaring at us. Does he think his brother is too good to hang around with a weakling like myself?

Okay, so Mariku never called me a weakling. The exact opposite, actually. If someone were to hurt me, he would be there to reassure me how wrong they were.

But my self-esteem has taken a nose-dive since those days, so how can I be sure he doesn't in truth mean it? Not everything needs to be said aloud, after all...

"I'm not hungry anymore." I sigh. Malik looks quickly between his food and me, moving as if to stand up.

I smile at him. He really is a good friend. "Nah, you stay. I-I need to be alone for a while."

I leave without waiting for his reply, mentally cursing the way my voice broke at the end of my second sentence.

-Mariku's POV-

I walk in the cafeteria with Bakura, a smug look on my face. The new semester has started well for me, seeing that I've already gotten in trouble three times.

...to be honest, I don't actually care too much about that. But Bakura likes to get in trouble and he's my friend (= partner in crime), so whatever.

I look around, scanning the tables for any familiar faces.

And one table just so happens to catch my interest.

Ryou! Ryou, the fragile angel I count as my best friend in the universe. It takes pretty much of my self-control to not squeal and run there to hug him.

Only until I see who he's sitting with, though. After that, the amount of control used not to run there becomes nearly unbearable.

Malik. Why in the world is Ryou sitting with my brother? That's just so fucking unfair!

I feel jealousy raise its head in my heart. No way no way no way Ryou is mine! Mine not yours mine!

Since when do they even know each other? I know I never even mentioned Malik to him... Or vice versa. Odddddd. Like, really.

Another thing that's odd; Why is Ryou wearing a jacket? (And why do I get the feeling I've thought about this before?)

It's practically still summer and we're inside and he must be burning!

But really, can I go strangle Malik now? He's with my Ryou!

Oh. Right. Not mine. Just Ryou.

...no matter how much I want him to be mine, he wouldn't like that...

Oh. Now he's leaving. I pretend not to notice and turn around on my heels. "You go talk to Malik or something." I mutter to Bakura. They've met at my place a few times, and I know Bakura's interested in him.

And no, I'm not playing some fucking Cupid or a matchmaker.

I just have to talk to Ryou, I haven't gotten the chance to do so in ages.

He's walking faster now, almost like he knows I'm following him. Did you know you're a fucking psychic, Ryou?

"Ry!" I call him by a nickname, and he slowly stops and looks at me, his chocolate-brown eyes showing all the emotions he has towards me.

Guilt.
Happiness.
Sadness-

But before I get to look through them all, they're gone again, replaced with blank numbness.

It doesn't suit Ryou - my Ryou - at all. He's very straightforward with his emotions.

"Leave me alone, you fucking bastard." he hisses, turning around to leave me alone again.

I stare at him, paralyzed by the way he's acting. Did the angel in human form just use those words to swear at me?

"Ry!" I call again, grabbing his wrist to keep him still.

He lets out a sharp gasp of pain and screws his eyes shut, probably to prevent himself from screaming or something of the sort. What did I do wrong this time?

"Let. Me. Go." he growls and stares at his arm, almost like he could force me to release him with that intent gaze of his.

I don't think so, Ryou.

I grab his other wrist, too, and pull his sleeve up to see what made him act like this.

Cuts. Cut after cut after cut. Horizontal cuts and vertical cuts, some old and scarred, some so new I really hope he didn't do those today.

"Ryou...?" I whisper, sounding pathetic in my own ears, almost like I was pleading for those... things to just disappear. Why? the only question I want to ask him.

Why are you hurt?
Why did you run away?
Why did you do this to yourself?

"...why?" I finally manage to voice it aloud after a moment, so quietly that he might not actually hear it.

He looks to his side. "I don't ever want to see you again!"

And with this, he rips his hands away from me, wincing in process, and runs away once again.

This time I don't follow him. It's not like I wouldn't want to, I really do, I want to go there and hug him and never let him go, somehow fix everything, make sure he never hurts himself again.

But I can't. My feet won't obey me.

He never answered my question.

Why?

Why did Ryou swear at me?

Why did he run away from me?

Was he a cutter? Why? Since when? How did all this happen? Why didn't I notice something was wrong?

Cutting yourself is like a plea. "Look at me, notice me, help me before it's all too late"

Use your brain, Mariku. He wears the jacket to hide the wounds and scars.

When did he start wearing his jacket all the time?

He wore it when we were still at school. Two months.
He wore it when I saw him hang around with some of his friends three months ago.
He wore it when he texted me that day. A year and a few months.
He wore it shortly after he started high school. Two... Two years.

Has he seriously been hurting himself for almost two years?

Why?

Yeah, that question is still hanging in the air.

I lean back against the wall, sorting my thoughts. Ryou isn't weak and he most definitely isn't a cutter, so something awful must've happened two years ago.

And since he was so mad at me just now, I have a really bad feeling about this...

I punch the wall in frustration, enough to hurt me and make a few cracks on it, but not enough to actually break anything (as in me or the innocent wall).

Innocent. Ryou was innocent too. Innocent people shouldn't be hurt.

And they most definitely shouldn't be hurting themselves.

-Ryou's POV-

Run away, Ryou. Simple enough. Run away and numb the pain.

Hehehe. It rhymes. Maybe I should do poetry. Like... What rhymes with Ryou? Once I found a good rhyme for my name, I can try that.

Anyways, running. It's important to be aware of your surroundings while running. Because if you aren't, you might run into something - or someone.

Step, step, step, step, step, step...

I'm not that dumb, though.

Step, step, step, step, step, step, step, don't think, two steps...

And now I lost the nearly pleasant, painful rhythm.

My wrists hurt. And it's not only resulted from the way Mariku took hold of them, but they also hurt on the inside. I can almost hear a voice in my head say "You did this to yourself, Ryou... There is only yourself to blame..."

And now that I mentioned it, I really can hear it. Bloody hell.

Why, why, why? He asked me why. I'm also asking me why. Why?

Why did I start cutting?

Oh, that's easy. Because he wasn't there.

Why did I run away from him?

Why did I swear at him?

He is my friend. Or was? Why did he follow me today? Why did he leave me alone back then?

I was ashamed. That's why I cursed. That's why I ran. I didn't want him to see me weak like this, see my cuts...

"Fuck you, Mariku..." I mutter to myself and lean against the wall. Well, it's all too late now. He saw me weak. He saw my cuts.

He asked me why.

-Malik's POV-

I'm somewhat happy now. Me and Bakura actually talked for a bit. He was worried because of Mariku (because of Ryou. Complicated much, but apparently those two were best friends for years. I wasn't around so I can't really say I knew this...) while I was worried because of Ryou. I know he is a cutter, but he never told me why he does that to himself, except that he's hurt.

And that doesn't explain much.

So me and Bakura actually have something in common. Worry.

He gave me his number and stuff. I still like him...

But why was Ryou like that when he left? He seemed so sad... Hurt...

Does it have something to do with big brother? I truly hope not, or I might get in a fight with him later.

Ha, there he is! Ryou is leaning against the wall, murmuring quietly to himself.

"Ryou?" I ask him, trying not to startle the fragile whitette.

"Yes?" he replies, moving his head slightly to signal that he heard me, but not quite opening his eyes, which are mostly hidden behind his white bangs anyways. I can only tell that they're not open.

"I just... Mariku?" I try quietly. I know Ryou doesn't believe that I care about him, but I've seriously never had a friend like this before. Ryou is truly important to me.

His knees seem to give in, and he falls on the floor. He wouldn't need to answer me after that, but I guess he disagrees with me on this.

"Yeah." he mutters, his voice breaking, and starts shaking violently. Is he crying? I have seen him cry a few times before, so it wouldn't actually be that surprising... Of course I would never do just thing, and I think Mariku wouldn't either. Because crying is weakness.

The difference with Ryou is that he is pure.

Ryou smiles when he is happy.
Ryou cries when he is sad.
Ryou cuts when he is hurt.

I'd rather not have him do that last one, but it's not like he likes to do it, either. It's just become a sad part of his everyday routine, I think. One person I know might be able to fix this, but I don't think he's actually aware of this...

I move towards Ryou to caress his hair, carefully and in a friendly way (I admit, Ryou is cute, but that's all). I've learned that it comforts him at times like this.

He leans slightly into the touch and isn't shaking that much anymore. That's probably a good sign...

The bell rings, informing all the students and teachers that lunch break is over now. Ryou doesn't need to say a word; I already understand that we aren't going to the class. Fuck you, history, I have more important things to take care of right now.

I know Ryou thinks of Mariku as his best friend (or former best friend? I'm not really sure...), but he's wrong.

They are much more than just friends.

Duun. Ended. Want this to be continued? Then review.

I do have the second chapter all done and written if you review... *smile*

Oh and meanwhile throw me your guesses of what happened in the past and who the drug-dealer is~