Chapter 13: Without You

'It's easier to be alone...because, what if you learn that you need love, and then you don't have it?'

The small knot in her brow when she's concentrating. The way she doesn't quite bite her bottom lip, but nips at it with her teeth. The way she hurriedly pulls her hair into a lazy bun on top of her head when she's feeling stressed and needs to distract herself. The special smile she reserves for her youngest patients in the Peds war.

They're all things that Santana has begun to notice, and she's baffled that she's missed them in the months before they slept together.

Of course, she'd noticed the more obvious quirks of Brittany, but now it felt almost like she'd been looking at the woman with a completely different perspective, through a completely different set of eyes.

Now she noticed even the tiniest flaws, if you could even call them that.

The way Brittany sat sometimes, slumped down in her chair with her legs crossed lazily. Some would probably find it boyish, maybe even ungraceful. To Santana, however, Brittany made it look like the most adorable position in the world. The way she would automatically look at someone with care and optimism, as if there wasn't such a thing as evil in the world. Some may have seen that as stupidity and recklessness, but to Santana, it was one of the most beautiful characteristics she'd ever come across.

Maybe it was because they'd been together. They'd seen each other at their most vulnerable and exposed, and loved every second of it.

They hadn't really addressed the night together in Brittany's office, but Santana knew that's what she had felt. What she still felt.

And yet, the fact that they hadn't addressed the night was basically her fault. The fact that when it was just the two of them in a room together, the tension was undesirable, not comfortable or appealing in the slightest.

The fact that two months had passed since that night, and Santana had claimed she'd been too busy preparing for her baby that she didn't have time to consider a relationship.

Maybe she was just too scared. That's what Kurt had gently suggested to her, and he was probably right.

She was new to this, she hadn't been in a genuine, loving relationship with anyone, let alone another woman. The fact that she could get it wrong, hurt Brittany in anyway- that's what scared her so much. Of all the things she had done in her life, or the things that she might do in the future, she refused to breaking Brittany's heart be one of them.

So they didn't talk about it. They acted as co-workers until Santana began maternity leave weeks beforehand, and then they'd only really see eachother for check-ups or around the hospital. Part of Santana was relieved, but the other part yearned for Brittany like too far a distance would break her heart. She had fallen for her way too fast to be considered normal.

Which is why she now found herself walking around the hospital until she found the blonde, instead of simply asking the other OB that was currently in the Peds department.

Suddenly she caught sight of the woman she was looking for, about to get in the elevator, and she shouted out before she knew what she was doing.

'Dr Pierce!'

Brittany's head whipped around, and Santana struggled to read her expression as she hurried (well, waddled in her current large-bellied state) towards the elevator doors where she waited. There was something defensive and slightly put off about the expression that made Santana regret everything she'd said and done in the past few months. Including calling her 'Dr Pierce' instead of Brittany.

'Santana, what can I do for you?' Brittany questioned professionally, both of them stepping into the woefully empty elevator as the other woman jabbed the buttons and the doors closed.

'Umm...' Santana worked out about a week ago that she would absent-mindedly count the days between when she saw Brittany, and she realised now that it had been about 5. It hurt her heart, and she was unbelievably tempted to hug the blonde and apologise profusely right in that elevator. 'I wanted to ask you something about the pregnancy that's been bothering me.' She told her, before repeating the symptoms she'd told Quinn, Kurt and Rachel about as Brittany listened intently.

The past few days had been stressful for Santana, as she found herself more uncomfortable than ever, and not just because her bump was huge now, her baby ever-growing. There was something almost painful about it- not enough to be alarming and for her to be proclaimed a neglecting mother, but enough to make her feel as if something wasn't quite right with it all.

Brittany's face had grown from guarded to concerned, and Santana was grateful that things were going almost back to normal as Brittany placed a hand on her swollen belly.

'And how long have you had it for?'

'About 4 days or so. I was gonna come in sooner but Rachel's been decorating, and it's really not best to leave her on her own. Plus Quinn's been absolutely torn up over the whole Puck thing so-' She rambled on, wanting to tell Brittany everything and confide in her before she noticed the blonde's slight smile and stopped abruptly. 'Sorry. I just...'

'I know.' Brittany told her lightly, and Santana wanted to frown, because she didn't know...as far as Brittany was concerned, Santana had slept with her and then completely ditched her, and she didn't understand how she felt for her at all.

The doors opened then, and Brittany put a hand on her arm. 'Listen, come by my office at 9:30 and we'll do a quick scan to check and see if anything's wrong. Until then...take it easy.'

Santana nodded gratefully as she stared at her eyes, hoping that Brittany would understand how sorry she was, how much she wished that she wasn't so scared...

But Brittany simply gave a small, sad smile and turned away, walking straight out of the elevator and leaving the doors to close behind her.

...

'Santana wants another sandwich.' Rachel told Kurt as she wandered into the kitchen where the man was sat by the counter texting. He looked up in disbelief, glancing at Quinn who just looked back at him as if it was the most basic demand in the world. In that household lately, it was. They'd become Santana's somewhat servants as her hormones raged and the baby grew.

'Wha- I just made her one barely 10 minutes ago!'

'She's hungry again.' Rachel shrugged, making a cup of coffee as Kurt stood up sharply. 'She said no mayo this time.'

'I said extra mayo!' Santana suddenly called from the other room where she was lounging on the couch watching the Harry Potter films. None of them knew why she had such an obsession with them, especially the sixth one, one she could be found watching at least twice a day.

'Get up and tell me yourself then, you're pregnant, not without legs!' Kurt shouted back as he smothered a piece of bread with mayo, half tempted to just place a jar between two pieces of bread. Last time he'd tried to make a joke about her cravings though, he'd ended up with a 'playful' yet painful punch to the shoulder.

'Screw you Hummel.' Santana snorted back, and Rachel glanced to her right to see Quinn with a small smile on her face. She looked as tired and depressed as she had done for the last two months, and Rachel was finding this behaviour almost normal now, which scared her.

'Quinn?' She asked cautiously as Kurt went to give Santana her sandwich. 'Got any surgeries today?'

Quinn gulped a bit of tea before answering back. 'Observing a Craniotomy at 2 with Dr Schue, then Blaine's letting me and Kurt watch a nose reconstruction at 6.' She answered quietly, looking vaguely pleased.

Rachel nodded encouragingly, smiling as she tried to gauge a bigger reaction out of the girl. Months ago, her best friend would be dancing around the kitchen in excitement. Now though...

'I'll get it!' Kurt yelled as the doorbell went, and Rachel edged closer to Quinn.

'That sounds good, right?'

Quinn was about to reply when Kurt came hurrying into the kitchen, his face cautious.

'Quinn, there's...someone here for you.'

Both Quinn and Rachel paused and stared at Kurt, whose face told Rachel exactly who was at the door, and why Quinn was now looking down at her big jumper and sweats with distaste and raking her fingers hurriedly through her newly cut hair.

As Quinn hurried out of the kitchen, Rachel exchanged a glance with Kurt before following her to hallway, where Santana was stood in front of Puck, hands on hips as she stared the man down.

'...shouldn't even be here.' She finished before Quinn wandered into the room, and Puck's attention immediately went to her. Rachel watched as multiple expressions ran across his face before settling on determination, and Quinn's remained in pure shock.

'Hi.' The blonde began timidly, stepping forward as Santana reluctantly stepped back.

'Hey.' Puck murmured, and an awkward silence filled the room before Kurt jumped into action, grabbing both hers and Santana's arms and pulling them back towards the kitchen before shutting the door, murmuring about giving the pair privacy as he did so.

'You better hope these doors aren't soundproof.' Santana murmured as she pressed her ear against the wood, Kurt rolling her eyes as he did the same.

'Why would they be? I doubt Quinn has had time to practise her opera singing what with all the med-school and being a doctor-' He snapped back in a whisper before Rachel prodded him and all three listened intently.

'What are you doing here?' Quinn asked cautiously, trying to keep the relief out of her voice. He was here, after months of the pair avoiding each other he was genuinely here.

'We need to straighten things out.' He told her after a long pause, breathing deeply as if he'd been running.

'O-okay.' She answered, suddenly unsure of what to say. She'd gone over how this moment should go countless times in her head, thought of many scenarios. Him breaking down, her breaking down, her begging him to stay, him repeating that she loved her...all were almost embarrassingly dramatic, but Quinn had so many pent up feelings inside of her that she wanted to get them all out, even if they were painfully dramatic and she ended up in tears.

But here they stood, as if they were strangers that weren't quite sure why they were both there.

Quinn watched as annoyance briefly flickered across Puck's face, and her heart dropped into her stomach.

'I thought...well, I gotta admit, I thought you'd have more to say.' He told her, looking completely bewildered and suddenly a bit fed up.

'Well you were the one that turned up on my door, aren't you the one that's supposed to be saying something?' She almost snapped back, and his jaw clenched.

'Why, because everything's my fault? Am I supposed to do all the work here?' He jabbed himself in the chest, his voice raising ever so slightly.

'No, but-' She could feel herself getting more and more annoyed as he grew more angry, countless emotions welling up inside of her and yet she could find no way to get the proper words out.

'Because you can't do anything wrong, can you? I'm the one with the problems here, it's not like you led me on or anything!'

'Led you- how on Earth did I lead you on Puck?' She demanded, now matching his angry tone with her own. It had been weeks since she'd felt this angry, spoken this loudly, and her cracking voice proved this.

'Let's see shall we- you slept with me, shunned me, you kissed Finn barely hours after almost kissing me-'

'Because I was drunk!' She yelled at him, livid that he would bring that up now.

'Then, when you finally agree to give me a chance and I try to prove to you that I could make you happy, and you basically die in my arms, you completely blow me off!'

There was silence for a moment as Puck stared at her with angry and hurt eyes, and she stared at the floor, suddenly feeling very fragile.

'Almost drowning to death wasn't my fault, you know that.' Her voice had lowered to a hoarse whisper, and Puck's eyes briefly softened before clouding over again.

'I know, but that's not why I'm upset-' He told her loudly, and she retaliated with the same ferocity, hoarse whisper gone.

'Then why are you?'

'Because I said I loved you and you didn't say it back!' He yelled, and Quinn felt her eyes widen as she shook from the impact both his words and his tone left on her.

Puck pressed his hands together and raised them to his lips in agitation before taking a deep breath. 'Actually, you know what- no, you didn't even need to say it back. I would never want you to say you love me if you didn't mean it.'

'But Puck I-' She began tearfully, but he continued anyway.

'No, I shouldn't have said it like that.' His voice had lowered now, possibly because the kitchen door had now opened and Quinn was vaguely aware of her three friends quietly entering the room behind her, but she couldn't pay any attention to them now. 'I just...' He looked helpless for a moment before continuing. 'I just needed something to let me know that you still cared. That I wasn't crazy, that- that you actually had feelings for me, like I did for you.'

'Puck-'

'So I thought that maybe you needed time, to figure out how you felt. But then you ignored me Quinn, for the last two months you've avoided me like the plague and I don't even understand why.' The betrayal and hurt he felt was palpable now, and Quinn could feel herself shaking with unreleased sobs. 'Did you ever care? Did you ever even have feelings for me, or was it all about you giving in to me just so I would stop pressuring you to go out with me?'

Quinn shook her head desperately. 'No- Puck, it was never about that-'

Puck nodded, as if he believed her slightly, before asking- 'Then what was it about?'

I'm scared.

'I-' She felt her throat close, and closed her eyes, shaking her head as her whole body trembled. She couldn't even speak.

'That's what I thought.' Puck said tightly, and Quinn opened her eyes to see his eyes slightly red, and felt her heart break. 'I just wish I'd known this was going to happen before I let myself fall in love with you.'

And with that he turned around, not once looking back as he shut the front door behind him.

As a sob escaped her throat, she felt her heart shatter.

...

At 9:15pm, Santana made her way towards the Peds department, thoroughly shaken by the events of the afternoon and feeling increasingly nervous about her pregnancy. She kept rubbing soothing circles on her belly, as if to reassure the baby that she was doing everything in her power to keep them both safe, and that they shouldn't make any rash decisions or anything.

Images of both Puck and Quinn's broken faces kept flashing through her mind as she approached the doors of the department, and she was desperate to see Brittany. She'd arrived early for one main reason: she needed to straighten all of this with Brittany out. She wasn't about to let the pair of them turn into Puck and Quinn- while she knew the pair would work it out, she couldn't bear to let Brittany hurt like that.

So here she was. She was ready to tell Brittany how she felt, how she loved her and how she wanted to make things between them work. She was done being scared. It would get her nowhere.

She smiled slightly, placing a hand on her belly as she moved towards the room she was supposed to meet Brittany in. Rachel was looking after Quinn at home, so she had time to do this...she had to...

She turned the corner to the room, slowing down when she approached the door. She could hear Brittany's laughter, aswell as another voice in the room...edging closer, she saw that it was a woman stood across from Brittany, another nurse, tall and with sleek red hair that cascaded down her back. Her eyes were blue and friendly, her lips moving rapidly as she chatted to Brittany, who watched with amusement and genuine curiosity...

Santana felt something well up inside her as she lingered near the door, unnoticed by both of them.

'Such a nice colour-' The woman told Brittany, reaching up to gently pat the blonde hair as Brittany laughed and Santana fleetingly saw red.

She cleared her throat, and Brittany's eyes darted to the door, her smile fading slightly as her eyes became surprised, but pleasantly so. 'Santana, hi!'

'Sorry if I'm interrupting.' Santana told them a little more harshly than intended, as the red-haired woman looked at her with curiosity.

'No, not at all-' Brittany told her genuinely, smiling but looking a little bewildered at Santana's expressionless face. 'Alice, this is Santana, Santana, this is Alice.' She told them, gesturing between the two, and Santana gave Alice a stiff smile.

Alice looked a bit surprised for a moment before her mouth formed an 'o', and she glanced at Brittany for a moment before staring at Santana's swollen belly. She put her hands over it protectively.

'Oh, the pregnant one.' Alice murmured as if Santana couldn't hear her, before moving forward.

'I'll leave you two for a moment-'

'No it's fine, I was just leaving.' Santana told them, her voice shaking slightly with hurt and anger. The pregnant one. Was that how Brittany referred to her to the other doctors and nurses? She was just the pregnant one?

'But your appointment?' Brittany asked, looking confused as Alice edged out of the room past Santana.

'We'll do it another day.'

She turned and walked away, hurrying as fast as her feet could carry her as she choked back tears. She could vaguely hear Brittany calling after her, but she hurried into an elevator before she could be confronted.

Looks like she was the one getting hurt after all.

...

'How're you feeling?'

Quinn turned over on her bed to see Rachel standing by the door, a cup of tea and a sandwich in her hand.

'A bit better.' She answered, not even telling the truth but not wanting to have Rachel as her shoulder to cry on for the second time that day. She would be strong...she wouldn't break down again...

Rachel scrutinized her best friend's expression for a moment before giving a wry smile and stepping further into the room, closing the door behind her and turning on a lamp at Quinn's bedside. Quinn winced at the bright light, shielding her eyes and frowning at the brunette now perched on the side of her bed.

'Eat.' Rachel told her, handing her the sandwich and raising her eyebrows until Quinn took it, aswell as the cup of tea.

Quinn had to admit, Rachel was great at making sandwiches. As she ate, she watched as Rachel absent-mindedly folded some of the clothes strewn across the bed into neat little piles, and a pang of sadness and anxiety flew across Quinn's chest for the umpteenth time over the past few months.

'What am I gonna do without you, huh?' She murmured quietly, giving a shaky laugh and hoping that Rachel didn't notice how desperate she was for her to stay. She knew it was an amazing opportunity for Rachel- hell, she would've taken it had she been offered it- but she couldn't help but wish there was some way...

Rachel gave a small, sad smile. 'You'll get by.'

Quinn nodded silently, hoping that the words were true. After being with her best friend for so long, she couldn't imagine being without her.

'Plus I'll never be gone gone, I'll always visit. You can't get rid of me that easily.' She gave a shaky laugh, and Quinn chuckled.

'Like I'd ever want to.' She told her genuinely. 'It'll just be so different...lonelier.'

A wave of sadness washed over Rachel's face, and she bit her lip, holding back what she assumed to be tears before giving another small smile. 'Don't say that, you'll have Santana, Kurt, Sam...' She hesitated before- '...Puck.'

Quinn's eyes darted to Rachel's face, momentarily shocked before she shook her head, feeling a headache approaching.

'Rach, it's over, forget it.'

'It's not over unless you let it be!' Rachel told her pleadingly, suddenly sitting up straighter and leaning forward.

'Yeah, well I am letting it. He's made it clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me.'

'Because he thinks you're using him and don't care for him, and you and i both know that that isn't true.' Rachel sighed, tugging on Quinn's sleeve when she refused to look at her. 'You love him, Quinn.'

Quinn looked like she was about to say something, then paused and stared off into the distance. There was silence for a moment before she spoke again. 'I just don't see how we can get past this.'

Rachel contemplated this before answering softly- 'I think only you know the answer to that.'

When Quinn still didn't answer, just stared at Rachel with a pained expression on her face, Rachel sighed yet again. 'Just go with your heart on this one Quinn. If you keep going over these things in your mind, you're gonna go insane. And lose the one guy you don't seem to wanna live without.'

There was silence for a long time after that before Quinn slowly nodded and sat up, her eyes suddenly alight as she got up off the bed.

'Where are you going?'

Quinn yanked on a pair of jeans and ran a brush through her hair before answering and hurrying down the hall.

'I know what the answer is.'

...

Was a long and dark December
From the rooftops I remember
There was snow
White snow

'Come on baby, go to sleep now..' Santana sighed, feeling more awake than ever as she stared up at the dark ceiling of the sitting room. She had been lying there for hours now, and when it was time for bed, she hadn't had the energy to move to her own bed. Instead, she laid there rubbing soothing circles on her large belly, trying to think of happier thoughts, like whether her baby would be a boy or a girl in two months time, and avoiding thinking of a certain blonde...

She glanced at the clock, seeing what time she had awoken to. 4:13am. She'd heard Quinn leave a while ago, lord knows where to- she'd shouted out that she hadn't know she had an early shift, but the blonde had rushed past her and ignored Santana's words. Kurt was at the hospital with Rachel for their early shifts, leaving Santana pregnant and alone in the house.

Alone.

In almost cruel irony, there was a sudden large rapping on the door over the pouring rain outside, and Santana started slightly. Who the hell would be knocking at that time in the morning? It had to be a doctor, no-one else in their right mind would...but the other three all had their keys...

Heaving herself towards the door, she wondered if it was safe, a pregnant woman answering the door at this time in the morning...well, she'd soon find out...

She threw the door open, her shoulders slumping when she saw who was there.

'Brittany.'

...

Clearly I remember
From the windows they were watching
While we froze
Down below

Crack.

The second small stone hit the 2nd floor window better than the last had, and Quinn was glad. Frankly she didn't care whose window she hit, Puck or Finn's, she just needed to get what she was thinking off of her chest before she became too fearful again and ran home.

Moments passed, before the sudden flash of light behind the window's curtains told her that somebody had heard, and was hopefully making their way towards the window as she stood there, soaking wet and freezing to the bone.

Truth be told, if the universe was trying to tell her things, it was either that she should have waited for a better night to do this, or that she deserved the freezing cold rain and thunder after all that she'd done.

Quinn waited with baited breath and a thumping heart as a silhouette appeared behind the window. She knew by just seeing his form that it was Puck, and prepared herself mentally as the curtain flickered slightly, as if he was seeing who was out there. She steeled herself; would he see who it was and then close the curtains again? Would he toss her an umbrella and then go back to bed?

Luckily, moments after the curtain flickered, she could hear the rusty frame creaking as Puck forced the window open, and his bewildered face appeared as she grinned despite herself.

'Quinn?' He yelled down above the rain, confusion etched in his slightly harsh tone.

'Puck!'

'What the hell are you doing here?' They both had to shout to be able to hear each other, but Quinn could tell even over the downpour and his confusion, he was still mad at her. Taking a deep breath and not letting that get to her, she moved forward as if it would help her case.

'I needed to talk to you-'

'You couldn't have done it over the phone?' He shouted, gesturing to the rain. 'You'll freeze to death!'

'Not if you hear me out because I'm not leaving until you do.' She replied, staring at him with pleading eyes as he watched her cautiously. 'I'll stay all night if I have to.' She added, folding her arms across her chest.

Puck seemed to deliberate for a moment before suddenly closing the window, and a chill that had nothing to do with the rain ran down her spine. What if he was taking her up on that offer, and seeing how long she would stay? Was he testing her?

She didn't have long to test that theory however, when the front door suddenly opened and Puck walked out, only wearing a jumper and jeans. His face was hard and set as he walked towards her, stopping when he was face to face from her.

'So?'

...

If you love me
Won't you let me know?

'Brittany, what are you doing here?' Santana questioned, her heart jumping into her throat as she stared at the blonde, who seemed to be deliberating over something in her mind. She was bouncing on the balls of her feet, chewing on her lip as she avoided Santana's eyes. She didn't seem mad, but her body language and eyes made Santana nervous nonetheless.

'Can I come in?'

Santana silently gestured for her to enter the hall, and closed the door after to shut the cold air out. She put her hands over her baby bump, and the house was silent for a few moments with only the pouring rain and thunder being audible.

'Do you want a dri-'

'I need to understand something, Santana.' Brittany suddenly burst out, her eyes fixated on an umbrella stand a few metres behind Santana, who nodded slowly.

'Okay...'

Brittany's eyes suddenly flickered up to hers, and she was caught off guard by the intensity of them. 'What is this to you? What are we?'

Santana swallowed, her heart racing as she realised that the inevitable had happened- she was being confronted, forced to face up to her feelings. She had known that she couldn't run away forever, but- she still didn't have any answers. And here Brittany was, looking at her with such pleading and hurt eyes that she knew she needed to give some.

'I'm...I mean...' She stumbled on words, trying to understand what both her mind and heart was telling her all at once.

'Because, I thought we had something pretty special. Everything seemed to be okay, and I thought that it would be even better after that night in my office, but it just...' Brittany let out a sigh of frustration unlike her usual self, running a hand through her hair impatiently. 'What happened? Why did you give up?'

Santana furrowed her brow, confused by this. 'I never...I never gave up. I've just been trying to figure everything out, but I don't know how.'

'What is there to figure out?' Brittany questioned, and Santana realised with an empty sadness that Brittany honestly had no idea of the turmoil that Santana was going through at the minute, the inner conflict.

'I don't know Brit, everything?' She snapped back, surprising both herself and Brittany with her sharp tone. 'You don't understand what it's like, you've never- you knew that you liked boys and girls, but I've only ever liked boys, and now suddenly I'm-' She stopped herself suddenly, realising what she had been about to say. The realisation caused her to pause, to evaluate everything she was saying as she realised that the truth both terrified and thrilled her.

'You're what, Santana?' From Brittany's tone and the way she stopped forward, Santana knew that she knew it too.

I'm in love with you.

...

I don't want to be a soldier
Who the captain of some sinking ship
Would stow, far below

Puck looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to speak as he dug his hands on his pockets. Quinn suddenly felt lost for words, she was so glad he had come down to talk to her. She stumbled for a second before gesturing to him.

'You should've but something warmer on.'

'You didn't. If you freeze, I freeze.'

She saw a flicker of softness in his eyes before it was gone again, and she took a deep breath.

'So what's this about Quinn? I doubt you're freezing your ass off out here to just wake me up at 4:30am.'

A pause, before- 'I was an idiot this afternoon. I should have never- I'm sorry okay, I was just so upset that you were angry, and saying all those things that I wasn't prepared to hear, and I was angry at myself because I knew that I was the one to blame here. Not you.'

Puck nodded to show he was listening, so she continued quickly.

'I need you to know- me saying I'd go out with you, was never, ever just a ploy to stop you from flirting with me. It's never been a ploy, okay? I've always...I've always wanted to be with you. Trust me, I'm not an idiot, had I not wanted to be with you, I would've said so.'

He was looking at her like he didn't understand why she was saying these things, and she began to panic. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

'This isn't how it's supposed to be.' She repeated her thoughts out loud, wiping her drenched hair out of her face as she furrowed her brow. 'I just- I don't know how to tell you how much you mean to me, I don't know how to put it into words.'

Puck paused, before a flicker of amusement ran across his face. 'Try.' He told her, and the fact that he wasn't just listening for the sake of it, the fact that he was actually wanting to know what she had to say and making her work for his attention spurred her on.

'Okay. I was scared. You were so persistent, and I kept telling myself that I shouldn't make too big a deal out of it, I shouldn't let myself get wrapped up in it, because no one had ever shown me as much attention as you had. I mean, ever since- ever since high school, I've never let my guard down after what happened with my pregnancy. I'm not using it as a sob story to try and justify all of this, but it's true.'

Her words came out in a rush now, and her voice was going raw from shouting over the rain. But he was still there, still listening, which meant she'd keep going.

'But even though that guard had kept so many other people away, you managed to get past it. I was scared. Scared that you had managed to, and scared that I actually didn't mind. Because I was willing to take a chance on you, and I was willing to let myself fall for you. Above all of the other people that have come and gone into my life, I was willing to let myself love you. Even though I had met you only months ago, and I had shot you down so many times.'

She felt ten times lighter as she told him all of this, watching as a flicker of hope darted across his face and his stature softened, though he kept his hands in his pockets.

'So I know you have a thousand reasons to hate me, a thousand reasons why you should turn around, go to bed and ignore me for the rest of your lives, but if there's any way that you're willing to make this work...' She gave a small smile despite herself- 'Then I'm here, and I love you, and I'm willing to tell you that a thousand times over...one for each reason.'

...

Tell her.

Tell her that you love her.

'I can't.' Santana whimpered slightly, suddenly feeling so small and vulnerable as Brittany's hopeful expression was taken over by a crestfallen one, and her shoulders slumped in defeat.

There was silence for a few moments, and Santana felt as if her whole body was throbbing in anguish. A flash of lightning lit the hall for a few seconds, illuminating Brittany as she stepped towards Santana. The tear in her eye almost broke Santana's heart.

'I love you, Santana. I love you and I'm not afraid to say it.' She shrugged, and Santana felt numb at the thought that the blonde had said the one thing she couldn't, the one thing she was afraid to do. 'Okay, I get that you're struggling right now, and I'm trying really hard to understand what you want, but...I don't know how long I can wait.'

She knew she shouldn't have said anything, but it came out of her mouth regardless of what her brain was telling her. 'Until you run into the arms of that redhead?'

Brittany frowned in confusion, before looking slightly angry again. 'What, Alice? Is that why you ran away earlier?'

'I just didn't fancy watching you flirt with-'

'Alice is straight, Santana!' Brittany rose her voice until it was almost a shout, losing her temper completely. 'She has a husband and two kids, as well as another one on the way! We were just arranging a scan for her, what, did you think that I was sleeping with her?'

As Brittany watched her accusingly, Santana stumbled on speech, actually feeling rather ashamed and embarrassed now.

'She called me the pregnant one.' She murmured, and wasn't exactly surprised when Brittany rolled her eyes.

'It's code. She's one of my closest friends and I tell her a lot, including about you. She just wanted to make sure that you were the Santana that I always talk to her about. So I'm sorry if you were offended that she called you the pregnant one, but she and I both know that it would be an awkward situation if she said 'Oh is that the one that you've loved for months and the reason you haven't been able to look at another woman or man the same way since.'

Another pause filled the room before Santana found her voice again. 'Months?' She asked, feeling both shocked and elated at this information.

'Yes, months.' Brittany told her quietly. 'You know what, that doesn't even seem to be important anymore. Because apparently, I'm gonna be waiting for many more.'

She found herself motionless and numb as Brittany suddenly hurried past her, throwing the door open and heading out into the rain before Santana could say another word.

...

'You...love me?'

The uncertainty in his voice made Quinn smile slightly, with both the knowledge that she'd finally told him and the fact that he was still there with her making her want to laugh.

'Do I need to say it again?'

Puck shrugged, and she could see the corners of his lips lifting. 'It could help.'

Quinn took a breath before cautiously taking a step forward, looking him in the eyes as he looked down at her, slightly afraid. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, he raised a hand to stop her, stepping closer until they were barely 2 feet apart.

'Wait- Quinn, don't- I mean, don't say it because you feel like you have to. I don't think I can go through all that pain of losing you again. I can't handle it.'

The vulnerability he felt was evident, and Quinn moved forward even more, reaching forward to put her numb hands on his sopping wet sweater. She looked up at him, their faces so close and yet too far.

'I love you, and you never have to lose me again.'

It was Puck that closed the gap this time, pressing his lips against hers and spreading warmth throughout her whole body as he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace.

...

So if you love me
Why'd you let me go?

Santana barely registered that she was moving upstairs until she found herself at the top of them, standing, feeling numb and empty with her shoulders slumped. A dull ache was spreading through her entire body, but that could barely distract her from the turmoil in her mind.

She dragged herself towards the bathroom, her limbs feeling ten times heavier than they should've been as she tried to go over what had just happened in her mind.

She was an idiot, that much she knew. She couldn't believe she'd let herself become this afraid, this nervous to be true to herself and to others she loved. All she had to do was love Brittany- well, she already did, but she needed to show her and everyone else that. She needed to shout it at the top of her lungs and declare it to the world.

Because she loved Brittany, and she never wanted to let her go.

Santana stared at herself in the mirror, searching her face for that passion and determination that she hadn't seen in such a long time. What had happened to her? She didn't think love would feel like this. Sure, the love she felt for Brittany was a joy she hadn't found anywhere else (apart from her baby, but these were two very different kinds of love), but it was also all-consuming, and mind-robbing.

She noticed how pale she was, and pressed a hand against her cheek as the other gripped the sink. The stress from seeing Brittany had left her feverish, the dull feeling stronger now.

But no. The dull was growing painful, almost as if all the pain throughout her body was flowing to one part, a part that she had sworn to protect-

Santana let out a yelp as a sudden rush of pain darted across her lower belly, and one hand gripped the sink, turning her knuckles white as the other arm wrapped around her swollen stomach protectively. She squeezed her eyes shut until the pain passed. It left almost as quickly as it had come, and she stepped away from the sink, relaxing slightly but keeping an arm wrapped around herself.

A moment's relief, before-

'Ahh-' She couldn't hold back a whimper as an even stronger pain emerged, causing her to almost double over in pain. She could feel her heart beating rapidly as her mind began to panic.

No. This isn't happening. Not now, it's too early.

Something about it wasn't right. This wasn't contractions, this-

Santana gasped as she felt something warm run down her leg, followed by increasing pain in her belly as she cried out repeatedly, unable to stop herself. Slowly, she reached down to her leg, pressing her hand gently against her pyjama bottoms. She lifted it back up just as slowly as she had reached down.

It came back coated in blood.

I took my love down to Violet Hill
There we sat in snow
All that time she was silent still

'No-' Santana looked down to where the blood was soaking the pale blue cotton, and finally succumbed to the pain as she doubled over, her legs giving way.

Or was it the fact that she could no longer support herself that made her collapse? She felt as if her legs were turning to jelly, and even the pain was dulling now. All she felt was panic, and the painful realisation that she couldn't even move to help herself.

'Brittany!' She yelled out as loud as she could, her voice raw and shrill as she cried out desperately.

Please come back. Please come back.

'Help-' She murmured, her mind growing fuzzier until all she could see was a blur of red, and all she could feel was the cool white tiles against her skin.

This time she screamed as loud as she could possibly manage, knowing that this would be her last attempt to do so.

'BRITTANY!'

So if you love me
Won't you let me know?

Okay, I'm not gonna list here the reasons why it's been so long I've updated, because I'm sure you're not that interested :P What I will say, is that I'm so, so sorry for the huge delay. I know how frustrating it is for a story i'm subscribed to to take months to update, and I always told myself I wouldn't do that. However, life does get in the way of writing sometimes, so I'm sorry.

Really hope that this chapter makes up for it, and hopefully the final chapter too! I'm not sure when that will be updated, but I'd like to think within the next 3 weeks or so...please review and let me know what you think, I'm kinda nervous about this one. Thanks for reading guys, love you all.