disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. duh.

A/N: My first Spamano fic! Spamano is my new fav pairing btw. XD It's adorable. I hope you enjoy this~ And sorry if there are any errors, or it's not good enough. It's 11:37 pm here in my place. I'm kinda sleepy... I'm in America for 1 month! It's freezing. brr... *ahem* enough chitchat though...

You Know You're in Denial When You're...

Chapter 1: Not Yourself

XXXX

I, Lovino Vargas,have many misfortunes . One of my misfortunes is having an idiot, cry-baby, baby-brother like Feliciano. I mean, what kind of bastard would just waltz into his (sleeping, innocent) older brother and shout a screechy 'Ve~WAKE UP FRATELLO!' Anyways, after I smacked the little fucker on the head, I 'shhhsh'd him.

"Damn you, Feli. What are you; wake the whole neighbourhood up? And there's a thing called alarm clocks, idiota."

At the last statement, I pointed at my now (annoyingly) beeping tomato-shaped alarm clocked, while the coward whimpered a pathetic 'Spiacente' and left my room for me to get the little bugger left, I sighed and checked the time. 5:30 am. Perfetto. I went to the bathroom, brushed and gelled my hair, washed my face, and brushed my teeth until I looked practically immaculate. And no, I didn't spend 20 whole minutes in the bathroom fixing myself, you ass!...Okay, maybe I did... So after fixing myself up, I went downstairs to have breakfast, and there I saw my other misfortune. Our Grandpa Roma was sitting at the dining table, reading a newspaper and drinking some coffee. Now, I don't hate our grandfather. After all, he was the one who took care of Feli and I ever since we were kids. Do you really think I would be as rude as to hate our caretaker? What? You do? Fuck you. (PBJS: Hey, that wasn't really nice~)

But at the same time, I don't really like the guy. I guess I've always felt a bit insecure about everything when it came to our grandfather. He was always so proud of Feli, 'Look, Lovi! Isn't Feli so talented?' 'My grandson is so cute~' Feli this, Feli that. It's not that I'm jealous of Feli. It's just that... I just... well, I wanted to be loved, dammit! Feli always gets praised for everything he's he cooks something, Grandpa Roma always finishes Feli's dish, while mine is just tasted, then left alone to become stale, cold, and disgusting.

Whenever he paints, Grandpa always looks at it with love and joy, praising it like it were his other grandson, and frames it in the house, while mine is scrutinized, glanced upon, then abandoned to be picked up by the maker himself. I never really minded, nor cared when we were little. I didn't notice it either, and I thought it was normal since Feli was still very young, thus he always got the attention and doting. But, I guess there was an incident when we were younger that made me especially sensitive.

-\Flashback/-

" Germain, What a pleasure it is to have you visit me! Come in. Oh, Hi Ludwig!" Grandpa let in the two potato bastards.

Seeing the mini-potato named Ludwig just made me want to shoot those eyes off his face; who the hell does he think he is, ogling mi fratello like that? But before I could punch the bastard's lights out, Grandpa shooed us out of the room. With potato bastard jr.

Lucky me.

We decided to stay in me and Feli's room, just to kill time. As each minute passed, I felt myself get more irritated than I already was. Feli was trying to chat up 'Luddy' (as he affectionately called the bastard) and the bastard kept trying to avoid any contact with him. Feh. Bastard acts so macho when he himself knows he likes the view he's seeing. Pervert.

I soon got bored and too irritated that I decided to step outside of the room and go get something to eat. (What? I'm doing the potato bastard a favour by not hitting him!) I went down the stairs and passed the living room, silently and slowly. Our grandpa had told us to, no matter what, 'don't go to the living room' or some shit like that. Hmm... Wonder what it is. Anyways, with stealth like a true Italian Mafioso, I sneaked past the large vase, (freaky thing, it's as big as I am.) and managed to hide behind one of the pillars. As I was about to zoom(awesomely, dumbass) past them, towards the kitchen, I overheard an interesting topic.

"So, Roma. How are the kids?" Potato bastard sr. Sipped from his glass of wine, (stupid) steely, (German) eyes glancing at Gramps. He chuckled, taking a sip of his own glass of wine.

" They're fine. Feli is very talented and cute~ I feel like my life is complete, just because of him."Grandpa smiled genuinely, eyes sparkling.

I listened closely, waiting for him to add another senctence, specifically, about me or something. I waited some more. Nothing came.

" And? Lovino?" For some reason, Grandpa wasn't smiling anymore. His mouth formed a tight, straight line, and his eyes were serious.

" He's...okay. Not much thought, compared to Feli. He's actually quite hard to take care of." When I heard this, I gasped, quickly covering my mouth to stifle it. I listened some more, hoping he would take it back.

" He's a trouble maker, and quite spoiled. When he's not cranky and ignoring Feli, he's cussing and swearing... He's not cute, compared to Feli. He's not especially talented, unlike Feli."

CRASH!

That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. Grandpa... He, our warm Grandpa, who comforted us at night, thought of me like that? That I was a brat? That I was trouble? He...likes Feli better? I felt the corners of my eyes sting, ignoring the now broken vase on the floor, which I had actually caused. I blinked away the tears, swallowing the lump in my throat, ignoring the fact that the two older men had stopped talking and that their attention was now on me. I wiped my now reddening face with force, ignoring the fact that Grandpa Roma's eyes were now wide with shock at the realization of what he had just done.

" Lovi..." Grandpa came over to me, bent down to my level and placed a hand on my head. I cried, I let the tears flow freely, Ignoring the hurt and guilty face my grandpa was now making, ignoring the fact that Feliciano, Luwig, and Ludwig's grandpa were now looking at me. I pushed away Grandpa Roma's hand, ignoring the pathetic wail Feli emitted somewhere nearby. I ran back to my (our) room, tears still streaming down my face.

Ever since that day, I swore to do my best, to outshine my younger brother, to be better than him in at least one thing. I swore to prove myself to our grandfather, to make him love me, to be his favourite.

And ever since that day , I've been either on the top10, or on the honor rolls. And I've never cried. Once. You may think I'm exaggerating, I mean, for 16 years, you're bound to cry even just drops of tears.

No. I promised myself I wouldn't be weak. To make my grandfather proud of me; for who I really am.

But It just isn't working. That's why I'm always attending cram school even though my grades are top-notch. That's the reason why I come home exhausted, completely drained, falling asleep from the time I get home, only waking up the next day. The reason why I almost faint from fatigue sometimes. But anyways, enough of that shit. I was awoken from my temporary daze by my stupid younger brother, who was in a pink, frilly apron, (So fucking gay, I swear, it could make fucking Francis, the fuckface look straight.) and had just finished making breakfast..

"Ve? Fratello are you alright?" He placed his hand on my forehead, as if checking for a fever. I grimaced and brushed away his hand harshly, earning a whimper from the pathetic wuss. Hmph. Serves him right. After nursing his 'injured' hand, He served breakfast, which was tomato and ham omelette, and some (awesome) Italian coffee. I licked my lips and sat down. One thing I really loved about my brother was his awesome cooking, that's for sure. N-not that I'd ever admit it to the bastard!

" Ooh~ Feli is so adorable and obedient, cooking breakfast for us, right Lovi?" Grandpa squealed like a stupid schoolgirl. Shit. I could cook too; the bastard... Despite my irritation, however, I retained my blank, poker face and began to eat. The rest of the meal was silent, excluding the clinking noises our plates made when our utensils hit them, and Feli's constant 've'-ing. As soon as we finished breakfast, Feli and I grabbed our stuff, (and keys, in my case; I'm the one driving, after all.) and Feli shouted a quick 'Bye Grandpa!' and we drove to school.

- /Later, At School/-

I sighed as I reached my locker and checked my schedule. It seemed like Physics II was my next subject. Hm. No big deal; after all, my grades are perfect. As I was about to go to class, I heard a couple of teasing wolf whistles. I turned my head and saw fucking Francis, winking at me, and shitface Gilber, fucking snickering at me. I swear, I felt the vein on my temple protrude a bit. Just a bit. I rolled my eyes a bit, successfully ignoring them, much to their dismay. That was another one of my misfortunes. Teasing and slight bullying. Thanks to the 'Douchebag Duo' (That's what they were commonly known as.)Gilbert and Francis, my Sophomore year just became harder than it already was.

They started to pick on me only this year. The reason? I fuckin don't have a damn clue. They would always pick on me, one way or the other. (Francis would tease me, saying I should 'loosen up and get laid' while Gilbert would always comment behind my back that I was 'a bitchy jerk with a stick stuck up my ass'. I didn't care of course, and these were all returned with a snort, and an eye roll.)

I went inside my designated classroom, and sat down at the back, my usual spot. I read my notes a bit until the classroom began to fill up with students, and the teacher went inside the classroom. Class was about to start, so I returned my notes inside my bag. The usual routine, The class greets, The teacher nods back, and we all sit down, doing our own stuff.

I guess I was the only attentive one, because when I heard the sound of 'PURA LÓPEZ' shoes, (shut up, okay? I know the brand from just the sound; so what?) I was the only one who looked outside the window in curiosity. Who the hell would wear Pura Lopez shoes from Spain, in an American school? Probably some rich snot or something

. When the door opened, however, I was proved wrong. At that moment, I probably saw the most gorgeous person in the world (besides myself, of course!). He had tanned skin, but wasn't completely dark. His emerald green eyes shined gleefully. He had shiny, brown, wavy locks that bounced along with him when he moved. He had shiny white teeth that showed when he would smile. Cazzo! Was this guy a sex god of some sorts?... Not that I wanted to know, of course. I wasn't interested in that stupid (gorgeous, amazing) bastard!

" Class, this is our new student. He's from Spain. Would you kindly introduce yourself please?" The teacher adjusted her glasses, her sentence grabbing the attention of each student in the classroom. I heard some girls whisper a few 'gosh, he's hot' s. For some reason, I thought I fely my pride deflate a little. I used to be every girl's crush. Smart, deliciously handsome... Not that I'd admit it though, I wasn't disappointed, dammit!

The Spanish bastard smiled, waving at the class, and introduced himself.

"Hola! My name is Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo, and I'm pleased to meet you, everyone!" He flashed us his (oh, so gorgeous and *coughattractivecough*) smile. I felt my face heat up , which was uncharacteristic of me. I make girls blush. I don't blush like a girl.

"Take care of Antonio, okay?" The class muttered a 'yes' before returning to their stuff. The teacher looked around for a place for him to sit in, only to see that the only vacant seats were the 4 ones beside me, at the back.

" You can sit beside Lovino over there, at the back." And... Oh, God. The bastard was going near me. It was only a matter of seconds before he was seated beside me, smiling broadly at me. Shit, doesn't his face ever hurt from smiling? He placed a hand on mine(because two guys holding hands is perfectly normal.) , causing me to flush violently. Stupid blush. It seems like it was genetic.

"Hi, Lovino! Mind introducing yourself to me?" The bastard. Doesn't he already know my name?

" I thought you know my name, bastard." The Spaniard slightly pouted, causing me to flush slightly again. Stupid face, stupid Lovino. Why did I have to show that side of myself to him?

" yeah, but I want to know you more, Lovi~" Argh. Damn Jerk called me Lovi!

" L-Lovino V-v-vargas. I-I'm a... so,sophomore." Luckily, he didn't notice my blushing and stuttering. Stupid Spanish jerk. Why am I slipping up? I never, ever, in years of training and introductions stuttered when introducing myself. I was used to it. So why? And why did I feel so funny, like my stomach is flipping on the inside and I want to puke out stuff... Why is my heart beating so rapidly? Is this another misfortune, or is it something good for me?'

Kyaa~ So much fluff~~ Sorry if I made Rome so hateable. I really like grandpa rome... I'm not hating or something, m'kay?

Thanks for reading. please review! ^^ Sorry if it's crappy... I'll try to update soon.