A/N: I know, about bloody time! So sorry guys-writer's block is drowning me at the moment! And I've got so much on…

Thank you so much DruidArcher, brandibuckeye, Ghost of the old age, BooBoo33, Griffinesque, Gwilwillith, bored-now0809, Draggonfly Maiden, tselea and alien.94 for the reviews! Much love ^^

And as always, thanks to princesspomegranatefor BETA-ing :)

Enjoy!

. : Chapter 9 : Facing The Darkness : .

"Rogue?"

I looked up from staring, unblinkingly, at my reins, and blinked at my brother.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly, his eyes studying me worriedly.

I nodded slowly, having to think for a moment how to form words.

"…Yes."

The arms already wrapped tightly around my waist tightened a little more. Galahad had insisted- more like demanded- that he ride with me. And not even Gawain could make him change his mind.

I'd never seen anyone climb up a horse's leg to seat themselves in a saddle before, but I have now. He was coming with me apparently. Through rain, snow, hail or shine.

"You look a little pale…" Dag began, but changed his mind and trailed off.

"Never mind. You did well."

"I did?" I asked flatly.

It didn't feel like I had. I felt… sticky. The blood was long gone from my hands and face, but it felt like it was still there. Even though I had scrubbed my skin near to the point of bleeding in the first stream we'd come across.

It turns out that you actually can see the life fade from someone's eyes…

"You did," Brother said firmly, reaching over and gripping my shoulder.

"You did very well, Rogue. Our teachers would be proud."

He smiled at me hopefully and I gave him a half smile in return for his efforts.

"I know… Mama wouldn't be, though."

His hand slid from my shoulder as he heaved a sigh.

"There's nothing we can do about that. You know what is to become of us. What we'll have to do to survive. I know you can do it."

"Yes," I whispered, feeling little Galahad relax against me and rest his head against my spine.

He was falling asleep. It was getting late, the light dimming across the more open plains. The scattered trees casting long shadows and the sky turned a pinky-blue as the sun set behind us. The Romans had wanted to get as far away from the woods as possible, so had extended our travelling time.

"That's what scares me."

oOo

It was well and truly dark by the time we were given the order to stop and set up camp. All of the boys had ended up shared across the horses. Some were carrying as many as three as we had begun to droop and grow more and more exhausted. It got to the point where we had to share, or risk some getting left behind. The Romans didn't care enough to stop early, or even slow the pace, the sadistic bastards.

The younger ones had to be simply taken from the saddles, and carried to where the fires were to be built. We set them down on the saddle cloths and began work on fending off the chill falling upon us. Some of them hadn't even stirred.

I was almost glad when I started feeling angry at our captors. It gave me something to distract me from the doubts and fears beginning to take root in my mind.

"Rogue?"

"Mm?"

I glanced across the growing fire I was steadily stoking up to look at Gawain. The older boy was fiddling with a couple of thin little twigs, somewhat nervously.

"Uh…" he started, but stopped.

I nodded to him, understanding.

"I know."

"You do?" he asked suspiciously.

I nodded again, dropping another larger, broken off branch into the licking flames.

"You don't have to thank me for saving Galahad," I said quietly, to try and avoid being heard by anyone else.

Though I doubted there was much chance of that. Most were already asleep, and some of the others, Dag, Tristan, Erec, had gone hunting for what would be our breakfast. Gawain and I were the only conscious ones at our little spot, and the others left awake were too lost inside themselves to be worried about eavesdropping.

I knew the feeling.

"I do," Gawain insisted, tossing the twigs he'd been playing with into the flames. "I dunno what I'd have done…"

"You don't have to find out, do you?" I whispered, clapping him on the shoulder like I'd seen the other boys do in a sign of support. "You're welcome, Gawain."

He smiled half-heartedly, and then looked back to where his brother and cousin were curled up next to each other, sleeping soundly.

I left him to think about whatever it was that was eating at him, and went to where I had tied Tama on a long lead to one of the sparse trees. They weren't thick enough here to warrant an ambush, hence why the Romans had finally allowed us to stop.

My boy nickered at me in welcome, stretching his nose out to push at my hand. I smiled softly.

"Hello, beautiful."

I let him lip at my fingers, before sliding them over the velvet of his long nose and splaying them across his face.

I pressed a kiss to his muzzle and danced my fingers over his cheek and down his neck, tracing all the strong muscles under the smooth skin. I could feel his strong pulse through my finger tips, and sighed as I felt myself unwind, relax.

"Good boy," I whispered, leaning my head against his neck and reaching up as far as I could to hug him. "Good boy. Are you keeping out of trouble? Hey? That's my boy. You tired?"

"D'you always talk to your horse?"

I jumped at the voice, making Tama fling his head back as I startled him. Whirling around, I narrowed my eyes on the dark figure standing a few feet from me.

"What?"

It was one of the boys; that much I could tell, but it was too dark out here for me to make out his features.

"Do you, always talk, to your horse," he repeated slower.

The voice was familiar, but…

I growled, "Yes. So?"

He shrugged.

"No reason."

He kicked at something at his feet.

"Lancelot," I realised aloud.

He raised his head to look at me, "Yeah?"

"Oh… nothing. What'd you want?"

I could see it now, the wild curly hair, it was a giveaway. And how he constantly looked tense, even in the shadows.

He shrugged again, unknowingly.

"What you did today…"

I felt myself grow wary and interrupted, "What?"

"The way you fought… it was as good as the Romans. How'd you… How'd you know how?"

I blinked, surprised.

"Know how? My Pa and Uncle have been teachin' me and Dag since we were little. Old knights."

He nodded, but was suddenly quiet and still.

"Didn't yours teach you?" I enquired after the silence started getting to me.

It was still so strange to me. Why wouldn't their fathers have prepared them like ours had with us?

"He showed me some things. How to fashion arrows and shoot targets from my saddle, and a little with swords."

He shrugged again, like he wasn't sure why he was doing this. I didn't know, either.

"I've been learning since I was six summers," I admitted softly, smiling at Tama as he pushed at my shoulder with his big velvety nose. Always seeking to be the centre of attention. I brushed my hand up his face and he closed his eyes with a heavy sigh.

"My Pa told me that my horse has seen what we will have to face…" Lancelot began and then trailed off, stepping forward to cautiously reach out a hand to Tama, offering it to the stallion to sniff.

"He's a good looking horse, this one."

I smiled, feeling pride swell inside me, "He is Tama."

"Darkness?" Lancelot looked up from inspecting my mount, giving me an amused smile, "Is everything about you so…"

"Mysterious?" I offered, watching him carefully from behind my messy dark hair.

Surely this newcomer among us could not have guessed my secret already… Surely not. Please don't let it be so, please. I pleaded silently to whatever god might have happened to be listening.

"I would've said dark, but mysterious works, too," he grinned, for perhaps the first time I'd seen him do so. "The others say you and the other silent one, the scary scout…"

"Tristan," I supplied, feeling sort of glad that I wasn't the only one who thought the boy was unnerving.

"Right, him. They say you're both like death; silent and deadly."

I smiled a little, knowing that I should be pleased with this but not quite being able to bring myself to be.

"I can live with that."

His eyes widened as he asked, "You do this on purpose? Why?"

I shrugged, trying to appear like it didn't matter.

"The way I see it, a bad reputation…"

"The less you will be challenged." he interrupted, finishing for me. "That… makes sense."

"Uh, thank you?"

Stop talking to him. The sensible part of me said. You are saying too much.

"You're not really very talkative, are you?" Lancelot continued, stroking the other side of my horse's neck, not that Tama seemed to mind in the slightest. It was starting to unnerve me how he seemed to pick up on what I was thinking, though. I pinned him with a glare, not even sure he could tell my expression given the lack of light.

"You weren't either, last I checked."

He shrugged. He did that a lot.

"I didn't know anyone. And I saw you fight today… it was… it was good. And you saved that little boy, the dark headed one…"

"Galahad. His name is Galahad. He's seven."

"Right, when you saved him… I've never seen… I was wondering if… you'd, uh…" He stumbled over his words, either he didn't know what to say or he didn't want to say it.

I just waited silently. Lancelot was hot-headed, despite what Dag had jokingly hoped. I knew he would bur up like an angry ox if I tried to help him. I was getting better at reading people, which was some good news at least. I didn't just want to be good at killing them now.

It was harder than I had thought it'd be. Papa and Uncle warned us, foretold that taking another human life would not be easy. Yet, somehow, I had never pictured it as being so very difficult.

The most frightening thing of all was that it was easy. Not mentally, so much, but physically. It had taken a lot of effort for me to drive my sword through that man's chest, but I am much smaller than he had been. He should've been much stronger than I. Did that mean that the older I got, the easier it would be to plunge steel though skin and bone? I feared that it did.

I feared when the time comes that it takes less effort on my part to kill someone. I don't want it to be easy to stab anyone, to draw blood, to end life. Those people who I will have to kill; they are all someone's child, maybe someone's husband, brother or father. Would there be any women?

How would I feel if someone were to kill my parents, or Dag?

How would I be in a world without them?

I shivered.

This is what Papa meant when he said I could not think about the person on the end of my blade. They could not be people, other living, breathing people. Who felt and thought, just like I did.

I knew I would drive myself to insanity if I thought like this for long.

Who had I murdered? Who would be missing them now that they are gone? Who will shed tears for them?

No. It'd be impossible to last a month if I continued like this, let alone last the fifteen years. I'd probably end up falling on my own sword out of guilt.

Whoever chooses to come at me with a weapon will be deciding their own fate.

"No man enters a battle without expecting to die. They all hope that they won't, and will do anything not to, but death is to be expected in war."

Papa had said that to me once; it made a whole lot more sense now than it had back then.

I had to believe that my opponent was ready to die, as I myself had to be prepared to do so. Hope that we won't, but there must always be a loser. I just had to be good enough so that that loser was never me.

"Rogue?"

A hand waved in front of my face.

"Hello?"

I blinked rapidly to rouse myself from my thoughts. I stared at Lancelot, who was eyeing me warily.

"What?"

"Are you alright? You went quieter than usual and did not answer me," he said cautiously.

I shook my head, banishing all the contradicting thoughts to the depths of my mind where I could no longer hear them. "Fine. Just thinking. What'd you say?"

He dropped his eyes to his feet and scuffed them in the dirt.

"I asked if you'd teach me. How to fight like that, I mean."

I gaped at him. Was he serious? I couldn't teach him!

"Dag would be a much better choice of teacher," I heard myself say, still stunned by the request.

Why in the name of the Gods' would he ask me…? Lancelot's eyes rose back up to meet mine, what he could see of mine anyway.

"There was something about the way you moved though… It was different to Dagonet, smoother."

"Lancelot, I don't know how to teach anything, let alone something as important at this. I don't know how I did what I did back there, I just… knew. Dagonet knows just as much as I do," I said honestly. "I can only tell you to ask him. He'd be happy to, I know he would."

I think that's probably what we will have to do though. Those of us who do know how to fight, will have to help train those who don't. The Romans were obviously pitiful- none of us would survive if we were to depend on their way of doing things. Not that they really cared how many of us would survive, of course.

But it could not be me, I couldn't… I wouldn't have the first clue on how to teach someone how to fight.

"I'll suggest it to Dag and Kay, alright?" I asked the older boy before me.

He nodded silently, returning to his brooding muteness. He was as good at this as Tristan was, though admittedly less nerve-wracking than the scout. Tristan could fight, no doubts about that, but I seemed to be only able to picture him eating his 'students' instead of instructing them.

"Okay, then," Lancelot surprised me by suddenly answering.

"Good… Well, I think I should get some sleep… goodnight." I murmured, feeling awkward all of a sudden.

He lifted his eyes but not his head, and peered at me from underneath those unruly black curls of his.

"Goodnight."

With one last stroke to Tama's neck, I started back to our fire, only to stop and turn back without warning. Lancelot was still standing next to my stallion.

"Our fire is just over there," I blurted, unexpectedly.

I coughed uncomfortably, really not understanding how Dag managed to be such a people person. It was terrible.

"If you get cold, you are welcome with us, you know."

He nodded to me, "I know. Thanks."

I nodded back and returned to the fire, hoping for, but not expecting, a good, sound sleep.

A/N: Wow, finally. This chapter was so unbelievably hard to write! My writer's block seems to have centred around my King Arthur fics *sniff*. Make it go 'way :(

I haven't a clue when the next chapter will be. I'm due back at work on Sunday afternoon, and I'm not entirely sure at this stage how long I will be away for. Might have weekend work yet. Dunno.

I'm also going to be moving again -_- Which will really throw a spanner in the works. I don't know if we'll have internet straight away or if we'll have to wait for an un-known period of time. Keep an eye on my profile though, when I know more I'll put up a note. At the moment, it's like poking around a dark room with a inch long candle. I barely know which way is up!

Thank you very much for reading, I hope you liked this one. Please review and let me know your thoughts :)

Have a lovely day,

Love,

~Meg xx