Title: Kittens! Inspired by Kittens!
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Characters: JJ/Emily
Rating: PG-13
Summary: JJ and Emily hatch a revenge plan. Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Note: Sequel to Bedrock, I would highly recommend you read that one first, as this picks up directly after it. :) Enjoy and please, R&R! Everyone YouTube "Kittens Inspired by Kittens" and prepare to wet yourself! :p

XXXX

Emily watched JJ dart into her office from the bullpen. As soon as the blonde liaison's door closed behind her, Emily was on her feet.

"JJ, what the hell?" Emily didn't bother knocking as she entered JJ's office.

JJ looked up, her initial surprised look turning indignant, "I should be asking you the same thing."

"What are you talking about?" Emily dropped into the chair across from JJ's desk.

JJ eyed her skeptically, "Birthday sex..."

"Pardon?" Emily squeaked, instantly blushing "I'm not opposed to round two, but I hardly think this is the time or place to.."

"Relax Em," JJ held up her hand, halting Emily's ramble. "I'm talking about the ringtone."

Emily stared at her blankly.

"Call me," JJ sighed.

Emily silently pulled out her cell phone and hit JJ's speed dial. There was a moment of silence before JJ's Blackberry came to life.

Girl you know I-I-I...Girl you know I-I-I...I've been feenin...Wake up in the late night..dreamin' about your lovin'...Girl you know I-I-I...Girl you know I-I-I...Don't need candles or cake...just need your body to make...birthday sex...birthday sex...

Emily ended the call and met JJ's eyes. Her tongue darted out to her lower lip before she gently bit down on it, trying to hide her smile.

"Emily! This is not funny! That went off in the conference room!"

"JJ?" Emily tried to interrupt her.

"In front of Hotch!"

"Jayj?"

"And the whole team!" JJ's pitch was getting increasingly higher.

"JJ!" Emily finally succeeded in getting the younger agents attention.

"What?"

"Call me."

"But-"

"Do it."

JJ sighed and then did as Emily said. Again there was a moment of silence before Emily's phone went off.

Oh baby...I be stuck to you like glue baby...Wanna spend it all on you baby...My room is the g-spot...call me Mr. Flinstone..I can make your bed rock...

"Oh..." JJ trailed off.

"Yeah. In front of Morgan and Reid, although I don't think Reid caught on."

"Oh..." JJ repeated, still in a state of semi-shock.

"I thought you did it," Emily rubbed her temples trying to ward off her approaching headache.

"And I thought you did it," JJ rested her chin in the palm of her hand.

"So, if you didn't do it," Emily began.

"And you didn't do it," JJ picked up.

"Then who did?" Emily dejectedly posed the question.

Suddenly it hit them, their eyes snapping up to meet, "Garcia!" they exclaimed in unison.

XXXX

"Are you sure this is going to work?" JJ asked about twenty minutes later.

"Of course I'm not sure," Emily mumbled as she glared at her computer screen. "But, all her cell calls get forwarded to her office if she doesn't pick up after a certain amount of time."

"Did you try her birthday?"

"Yes."

"Initials?"

"..."

"What?" JJ asked when Emily began to stare at her.

"This is Garcia we are talking about here," Emily reminded her.

JJ sighed, "We're doomed."

"Maybe not..." Emily mumbled as she hit some keys, "We're in!"

"How did you get in?"

Emily grinned as Garcia's AT&T webpage filled the screen, "Password was her screen name for the role playing game she is always talking about."

"I knew your geekiness would come in handy one day," JJ teased.

A few clicks of the mouse later, Emily found what she was looking for, "Okay, who is first?"

"Morgan," JJ offered.

"Ah, I have just the one for him," Emily ran a search until what she was looking for came up. She turned to JJ to see her reaction.

"Perfect!" the blonde exclaimed.

"Hotch next?" Emily suggested as she sealed Morgan's fate with a few clicks.

"Yes, and I have just the one for him," JJ leaned over Emily to find what she was looking for.

"Ohh...harsh!" Emily laughed as she mentally checked Hotch off their list.

"How about Spence?" JJ posed.

Emily smirked as she ran a quick search, "I saw this on YouTube the other day. It's perfect!"

JJ giggled as she saw what Emily had found "Perfect," she agreed. "However, since we are YouTubing now, how about this for Rossi...?"

XXXX

"Hey Peaches, you alright?" Garcia asked as she passed by Emily's desk on the way to her office.

"Yeah! Great!" Emily replied as she swiped at her eyes.

Garcia narrowed her eyes, "You look like you were crying."

"I was," Emily began and then hastily continued before her whole plan blew up, "JJ just showed me this really funny YouTube video, thats all."

"Oh!" Garcia brightened, "I'll have to ask her to show it to me later."

Emily smiled and nodded as Garcia continued on her way. "Oh Garcia!" She called to the retreating blond. When Garcia turned back around she put on her best innocent face. "I am having some problems syncing a file from Morgan's phone to my phone and then my computer. It's not compatible because I don't have a Blackberry and he does and the computer software is for a Blackberry," Emily rambled hoping Garcia wouldn't be able to exactly follow what she was saying.

"Slow down there Precious," Garcia held up her hand halting the ramble, "What do you need?"

"Your phone?" Emily asked hopefully.

"Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place!" Garcia joked as she pulled her Blackberry out of her bag and handed it to the tall profiler.

"Thanks Garcia! You're the best!" Emily smiled at Garcia as she waved off the thanks and continued to her office.

She locked eyes with JJ who was hovering over the water cooler and flashed the blond agent a thumbs up sign. JJ waited a few more minutes to ensure that Garcia would have reached her office and begun to immerse herself in her work so she wouldn't get to pick her phone up right away. When enough time had passed she walked over to Morgan's desk which was luckily right next to Emily's.

"Hey Morgan, I think Garcia said something about giving her a call," JJ said as she nonchalantly perched on the corner of Emily's desk.

"Alright, I'm just finishing up here, I'll go and see her," Morgan said as he pulled the final piece of his report off his printer.

Emily and JJ exchanged slightly panicked looks, "Pretty sure she said to call her. Something about the Emerson case?" JJ quickly made up as she saw the name on the file Morgan had just completed.

Morgan sighed as he began to punch Garcia's number into his phone, on speaker phone exactly as Emily and JJ knew he would do.

JJ glanced a look at her partner in crime as Morgan finished dialing. If Emily chewed any harder on the pen in her mouth to keep her from smiling, JJ feared it might explode. Stealthily she slid down from the desk as Emily pushed her chair back, both preparing for a quick getaway. They didn't have long to wait as the call connected and music filled the quiet bullpen.

I know you want me ...I can see it in your eyes...you might as well be honest cause the...body never lies...tell me your secrets and I'll ...I'll tell you mine...

Eyes were beginning to travel in Morgan's direction, but he was too shocked to realize that everyone else could hear the music being played as well. The woman began to giggle, while a few men let out some cat calls.

I'm feelin quite sexy...and I want you for tonight...if I move too fast just let me know...cause it means you move to slow...I like some excitement and I like a man that goes...

"Hello, my gorgeous chocolate God, what can I do for you this fine morning?" Garcia's voice chirped through the line, effectively cutting off the music.

"Umm...uh, Emerson?" Morgan uncharacteristically tripped over his words as he tried to figure out what was going on. Suddenly he remembered the incident in the conference room earlier and he put two and two together. He glanced around and just as he thought, both Emily and JJ were long gone, no doubt in JJ's office having a good laugh at Garcia's expense, although the quirky computer tech had no idea what had just transpired, and he was pretty sure he suffered the brunt of the embarrassment.

"Nothing Baby Girl, sorry to bother you," Morgan decided not to tell Garcia what he thought Emily and JJ were up to just yet, he wanted to see what else they had up their sleeve.

XXXX

"One down, three to go!" JJ whispered conspiratorially to Emily as they both peered out from behind the closed blinds in JJ's office watching Morgan glance around the bullpen, no doubt looking for the two of them.

"How are we going to finish up this plan?" Emily asked, realizing that maybe they hadn't quite worked out all the kinks in their plan.

JJ chewed on her lip for a minute while she mulled over some ideas. "Got it," she smirked, "I know there is some paperwork laying around here somewhere that is in need of signatures."

"I love the way your mind works," Emily gave JJ a soft smile.

"Ugh," JJ groaned dismally, "I knew it was only my mind your geektastic self was after!"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Emily protested, flicking a stray rubber band at her girlfriend, "Was it, or was it not this geektastic self that hacked the Evil Genius' account this morning?" she stuck her tongue out playfully.

JJ narrowed her eyes as she picked up some files, "Better watch what you do with that tongue missy."

"Or what?" Emily challenged teasingly.

"Incorrigible, my girlfriend is incorrigible," JJ muttered, rolling her eyes. "Lets get everyone to the conference room, shall we?" she said in a louder tone, offering Emily her elbow.

"We shall," Emily played along with a playful bow before hooking her arm through JJ's.

XXXX

"I need everyone in the conference room please," JJ announced as she passed by everyones desk in the bullpen, having already notified both Hotch and Rossi as she passed their offices.

Once they were all settled around the large table JJ started to hand out reports that were in need of signatures.

"Hey Reid?" she caught the boy-genuises attention, "Can you call Garcia and ask her to fax the Robinson report up here?"

Reid nodded as he looked up from what he was signing.

"Any reason you can't call her, JJ?" Morgan asked with a smirk, knowing full well what she was up to.

"Because," JJ fixed him with a cool stare, "I forgot to get it earlier and she will give me a hard time about forgetting it. If you want to you can give her a call."

Morgan held up his hands defensively, "Nope, Reid can call."

Reid looked back and forth between the two agents suspiciously before pulling out his phone and dialing on speakerphone as was habit.

Soon music was loudly blaring through the small room.

The new dork...social networks - what dreams are made of...there's nothing you can't do...now you're the new dork...

Reid was oblivious to the stares he was getting as he started to nod his head to the beat.

This V.C. money is brand new...the geek is now damn cool...let's hear it for new dorks, new dorks, new dorks...

"How can I help you my boy wonder?" Garcia chirped through the line.

"Hey Garcia, can you fax the Robinson file up to the conference room?"

"You got it Dr. Reid. Garcia over and out!"

Reid hung up the phone with a smile, "A song about geeks. I like it! Did you know that statistically-"

"Uh, Reid, why don't you grab that fax?" Rossi cut him off with an amused shake of his head.

"Right, of course," Reid stood up and went to collect the fax.

"I have another file on my desk in need of signatures," Hotch excused himself.

"So," Rossi nudged Emily and then looked pointedly at JJ, "should I be giving Garcia a call at some point today?"

"Um, you might want to," Emily admitted.

"And might I want to make sure the call is on speaker?"

"That might be a good idea," JJ hedged.

"And might I assume that it would be beneficial for Hotch to be in earshot?" he questioned with a straight face.

"That would be a good assumption," nodded Emily.

"Mmmhmm," Rossi shook his head with a sigh. Then, trying to hide his smile he said aloud, "You know, Garcia has a file of mine that I need faxed over to the Boston office ASAP. I better give her a call."

"Real subtle, Rossi," Morgan muttered, then winced when he received a sharp kick under the table.

"Do you need Garcia for anything Morgan?" Emily glared at him.

"Nope," he quickly replied, seeing Hotch heading back down the hall and knowing that he was not in the bullpen the first time he called Garcia and he didn't want to relive the embarrassment. "I'm good."

Rossi pulled his phone out, punched in Garcia's number and the clicked it over to speakerphone.

Three of the agents tried very hard to look like they were concentrating on the files in front of them and not listening to the phone.

A young child's voice broke through the silence, Kittens! Inspired by Kittens! We are wine bottles! I'm at work! Brainnnnstorm! Magic! I want pie! I want beef jerky! Ah! Ahhh! Ahhhhhhh!

"Jesus," Rossi chuckled as the child shrieked.

I am a secret agent! We are in Hawaii! Doublehead! I'm a magician! I'm a rabbit! I'm her mom! No she's not! We are eating pepper and chips!

Morgan dropped his pen and leaned back in his chair, openly laughing.

La! Lalalalala! Lalalalala! Lalalalalala! Wrestling! Hungry! Bow-wow-chicka-bow-wow-chicka-bow-wow! Yuck! I am weird! Coocoo coocoo! I have to go potty! Pssssssssssss….

"What is that?" Hotch asked as he re-entered the room.

"Hello Agent Rossi! How may I serve you this fine day?" Garcia's voice chirped over the line.

"Garcia, can you please fax the Petersen file to the Boston field office for me?"

"It would be my pleasure."

"And uh, Garcia?"

"Yes Sir?"

"I am more of a dog person."

"Um, ok? Dogs are great."

"Just wanted you to know."

JJ giggled.

"Garcia?" Hotch spoke up.

"Yes my fearless leader?"

Hotch tried to hide his smile, "Would you please join us in the conference room?"

"Absolutely Sir, I will be right up. Garcia over and out!"

The phone call ended and the room suddenly went silent, Emily and JJ looking anywhere but at each other or Hotch.

"Hello team!" Garcia's bubbly voice soon joined them.

Hotch motioned her over and pulled out his cell phone. He punched in a number and JJ swore both Rossi and Morgan held their breath as they waited to see what would happen. A quick glance at Emily showed that she was nervously chewing on a fingernail. They didn't have to wait long.

You're not the boss of me now…You're not the boss of me now…You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big…You're not the boss of me now…You're not the boss of me now…You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big… "You have reached the office of Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia, I am away from the office right now, please leave a detailed message and I will get back to you."

At the beep Hotch ended the call. "Care to explain?" His expression didn't give away his thoughts.

Garcia quickly looked at both JJ and Emily who were keeping their composure, but their eyes showed their glee.

"Umm, Sir, I think...I think there might have been a thing…"

"Another thing?" He said dryly.

"A thing that we don't have to talk about?" Garcia asked hopefully.

Emily and JJ exchanged looks.

"We'll talk about the thing later," Hotch said sternly, leading her on.

"Yes, Sir! Of course. I'm so sorry Sir! It will not happen again!" Garcia rushed through her apology.

"Garcia?"

"Yes Sir?"

"Just make sure Strauss doesn't have a ringtone."

"Of course."

Hotch finally cracked a smile, "Good. Once you are all done with the files, go home and get some rest while you can."

The team all nodded their thanks as they slowly filed out. Watching through the windows he saw Garcia corner JJ and Emily and begin to give them hell. Morgan was laughing, as were both Emily and JJ. Rossi was shaking his head with a smile, and Reid was staring at them. He was glad that his agents still managed to have fun with each other with the darkness that they say everyday. As he shut the light off in the conference room and headed back to his office, he couldn't help but wonder had his female agents picked a ringtone for Strauss what it would have been.

~Fini!~

End note: Here is what everyones answer tones are!

Morgan: Red Light Special by TLC

Reid: The New Dork - Entrepreneur State of Mind. A great YouTube video

Rossi: Kittens! Inspired by Kittens! A hilarious YouTube video

Hotch: Boss of Me - The Might Be Giants