So I've decided, after much consideration to tackle it and write this story. I've had the idea for a while. I'd like to warm that is very dark and it contains Rape. So if you're not comfortable reading it…then don't. I really want to be able to write this the way it should be written considering this topic is a ridiculously serious one. The road to recovery for Meredith will be a long one but hopefully you'll like the story. So please review I'd love your feedback.

The cool wind snips at her as Meredith walks out the back entrance of Seattle Grace. The Seattle weather is melancholy as usual. The grey, wet, surroundings are all too familiar to her, though most would find it depressing she's past it, to her it's just the weather when it's March in Seattle. Miscellaneous noise from the evening rush of Seattle buzzes all about but all she really cares about is getting to her car and driving home. She'd just got off a fifty hour shift and all she really feels the need to do is sleep. The chilly breeze and sharp rain pelt her face and she ducks more into the hood of her jacket for protection from the pinching sensation.

Derek Shepherd takes up her thoughts and she can't help but feel agitation at the thought of him, they'd broken up… again, that's a real shocker. He wanted her to marry him and live in his house or else… maybe she should talk to him. The indecision harps her and she begins to feel enraged at herself for even bothering to think about him, considering they were never going to work, yet she still has the irrational hope that maybe she'll wake up and magically get whole and healed and ready to give him exactly what he wants.

The harsh tug at the back of her head sends her flying backward and wincing from the pain. She screams but she feels a hand covering her mouth, restricting her breath. Adrenaline instantly pumps through her and the rush in her sympathetic nervous system takes over. She thrashes, desperately trying to get out of the strong grip around her. She screams but the sounds are muffled and barely audible. Her foot makes contact with some part of the man but doesn't seem to affect him at all. She bites into his hand and the hot, red blood spills into her mouth as soon as she does so. His hand flies off her mouth now in pain.

"You little bitch!" he exclaims, his voice is icy and cold, it sends a shiver down her spine. Her heart seems to pump over time and she continues to thrash as he grips around her tightly again. He throws her with all his force and she feels instant pain as her head makes contact with the corner of the building. The hot blood rushes down her head and the dizzy sensation takes over, she knows that she's most definitely cracked her head open. Her mind flashes to all the possibilities as her vision blurs and the blood continues to flow out of her like a waterfall. Maybe she's severely concussed, maybe she has a Subdural Hematoma, maybe her brain is swelling at this very moment from the pressure and she'll end up a vegetable. The doctor in her considers all the possibilities, but what she knows at this moment is that it hurts… a lot.

The blood in her mouth tastes like iron and makes her want to gag. His blood is in her mouth, she shutters at the thought. She desperately spits it all out onto the ground but the taste still remains in her mouth like the after math of a fire, just because you put it out doesn't mean it doesn't leave evidence of it being there.

She feels herself being jerked back upward forcibly and pain shoots through her arm all the way up to her shoulder, the light headed sensation continues along with the searing pain and flowing blood. The world's spinning and blurry, confusion sweeps over her, she freezes like her brain stopped sending signals to her body. He continues to push her up against the wall and soon the hard, cold, damp concrete angrily meets her. The force of the fall makes her grunt and hot tears finally prick at her eyes.

Is she going to die?

The thoughts of all the morbid ways this man could kill her flash through her mind as his leg finally makes contact with her ribs. The sudden blow knocks the wind out of her, he keeps kicking repetitively, each one viciously stabbing her ribs and taking her breath away. She weakly cries for him to stop but the words won't come out of her mouth as she desperately struggles to breathe.

He stops and sinks down to her level now, she can see the mixture of blood and hot tears mixing on the ground underneath her and the hope finally begins to fade from her beat up body. He makes a grab at the once white now red from all the blood, hooded jacket and unzips it, angrily ripping it off her. Her system almost seems to stop when realization of what he's about to do sets in.

"Please." She manages to get out at barely even a whisper. He rips off the cotton tee-shirt now, exposing her bra and bare skin to the cold concrete and Seattle wind. She shutters at the temperature change and goose bumps from both fear and cold prick her skin.

He forcibly rips off her jeans now, and she can feel herself sobbing.

"Be quiet bitch." She hears him spit. The pool of red beneath her continues to grow and before he even does what she knows he's about to do, she finds herself wishing desperately that she would just bleed out and die. He rips her panties in half and they fall in a shredded heap next to her pelvis on the ground.

She desperately squirms now and attempts to yell but no matter how hard she yells the sound doesn't go above desperate, pathetic cry. She can feel him staring at her and the sheer terror taking over her accelerates her heart rate. She finds herself pathetically wishing for Derek, wishing he would be there… saying things.

He roughly thrusts into her and she cries out in pain.

"Stop, please, just let me die." She whispers breathlessly. He laughs cynically and just continues, causing her more pain. She desperately fights her fists pound into him but, they don't do her any good. His weight crushes her; he's definitely heavier than Derek. He continues to thrust and she continues to scratch and claw at him.

"I'm just getting started." He says grinning at her, she spits in his face, and the stinging sensation of his hand making contact with her face stuns her for a moment. He just goes in harder and harder and no matter how many times she tells him to stop or that he's going to hurting her, he won't stop. He simply laughs with pleasure at her pain.

She finally stops fighting him; her body gives up in exhaustion. The light headedness becomes more intense as the blood pool continues to grow larger beneath her. He just continues. She can feel herself bleeding there now too as he just keeps on going.

The seconds morph into minutes but the minutes feel like hours to her as she lays there helplessly beneath the man. His cold, cruel, gray eyes burrow into her and his rotten toothed smile makes her nauseous. The misery amplifies with each painful second and she wishes now for death. The universe however, doesn't seem to comply. She begs and pleads in her mind for this all too just be over.

He finally pulls out now and doesn't go back inside her right away. Relief fills through her, even if it is only temporary. He smirks delightfully at his victim and stares for a moment at her; broken, exposed, helpless. He finally adverts his gaze and walks away. No use in killing her when she's already bled out so much. He figures that with his hand, the bitch deserves to suffer.

So he leaves her there, behind the back entrance of the hospital to bleed out and die. He hadn't plan on her at all like he had the others but she was just… his type, he simply couldn't resist himself. This work is… careless but, it was a risk worth taking.

Meredith Grey just lays there, helpless as she continues to bleed. The back entrance, especially when it's rainy and cold out is the one no one ever uses. Of course she'd used to avoid Derek. The irony dawns on her, she used the back entrance to avoid Derek but she just spent the past thirty minutes hoping desperately that he would by some small miracle use save her. She would miss Derek and hopes for his life to turn out well flood her thoughts as she shivers from the cold hitting her exposed body.

All of the hope flows away from her like the blood flowing from her head. She wishes she had just taken the front entrance, this could have been avoiding. She was avoiding the wrong thing after all. She also regrets not being with Derek anymore, how would he react to her death?

The cold wind rips across her and she desperately makes a grab for her jeans. She winces at the motion but feels her hand grip them. She tries desperately to get them on her legs. The pain finally catches up with her even more as the adrenaline slowly wears off. Her sympathetic nervous system is in overdrive. The joy she feels when they finally both slide onto her legs is shortly lived, she knows she's about to die but at least they won't find her naked and she'll escape the cold a little.

She manages to get them past her hips and buckled by some miracle. The exhaustion takes over her and she feels herself drifting, she knows death is finally coming and feels relief now.

Memories of the Ferry accident flash back through her mind. The black ice cold water feels all too familiar as she shakes uncontrollably on the concrete. She feels herself struggle to breath yet again and fear rises within her. Maybe she didn't want to die. It had not been exactly pleasant last time, she shutters as everything continues to come back to her; the little girl missing her mother, the man on the dock, the fire, the chaos. The blood, the ice cold water and her sinking lower and lower, not even caring about her impending death. She feels a jolt of something, not quite sure what it is, but she feels the need now to move… to do something, to live.

She wants to live.

She heaves in a painful breath and makes herself aware of her surroundings yet again. The world is spinning and blurred like she's on one of those carrousels at the park, the ones where you just spin and spin until your either brave enough to jump or someone is kind enough to stop it, only this time there's no jumping or stopping it no matter how hard she tries.

The cold wind rips through her and she makes out the door, though it's only about ten feet away it seems like a mile. She cries a little when she thinks about the impossibility to make it there. Her heart still feels as though it's pumping out of chest, viciously beating against her ribs and causing the throbbing to only intensify.

She reaches out but winces in pain as her left arm extends out in front of her, most likely fractured or dislocated though it's hard to tell which. She grabs out with the other arm and grips onto nothing, her heart sinks, she really wishes there's something to grip.

She pulls herself along, like a snake slithering in the grass, only there's not grass beneath her. She uses her arm to sort of drag herself one painful inch at a time. She keeps telling herself she's almost there and that someone will find her soon.

The textured concrete scrapes against her skin and slowly pulls off particles. At this point though she doesn't even care as it rubs her elbow raw. She continues and lets her head fall in relief when she comes to the door.

She's there.

She soon realizes though that she'll have to reach up for the door handle and she groans at the thought. She knows it's really going to hurt and it won't be easy considering the world still moves like that stupid carousel and she can't even stand. She reaches upward with her arm and the over extension in her ribs makes her scream out in pain. Hot tears sting her eyes as the searing and shooting pains go throughout her entire body. Her nerves are screaming at her to stop but she stupidly ignores them. The cold hard mettle door handle meets her hand graciously and she pulls with all her might despite the worsening pain. She feels the blood beginning the drip down the front her face now, and the red liquid stings her eyes.

She blinks rapidly as the door swings open with the entire force of her arm, whatever fight she has left that is. She continues to blink, hoping the blood will flow out of her eyes. It blinds her and she lies back down halfway in between the door and the cold outside.

She wipes her eyes with her hands and though the stinging still continues she can make out shapes. She pulls herself all the way inside and the heavy glass door shuts behind her. She sees the small doorway five feet up to the left and it motivates her to go a little bit farther.

"A little bit farther and I'll be there, I'll be fine"

She tells herself this over and over as she drags herself down the hallway, leaving a trail of red blood behind her. Much to her luck the door is open. She breathes a sigh of relief at not having to open yet another door. Maybe the universe threw her one little favor in all of this.

She recognizes the room as the night janitor's office, its small maybe ten by ten, if that even. The small dark corner looks appealing to her. It feels safe; like the man wouldn't be able to find her if he should come back. It's stupid but she can't help but think it.

The warmer atmosphere makes her great full that she no longer has to be out in the cold stinging elements of Seattle. She finally curls up and the pain catches up with her, crippling her with each second as her heart rate slows.

She knows the adrenaline is wearing off, if it hadn't been for the adrenaline she wouldn't have been able to crawl here in the first place. She continues to feel herself growing less and less conscious and she knows it's a bad sign.

Hopefully someone finds her soon.

/

Derek Shepherd let's out an exasperated sigh as he heads down the stairs of hospital. It had been a long day. After ten hours of surgery, he'd lost the patient anyway; he'd lost Meredith again today too. He's good as losing things apparently. He brushes his hair back in frustration as he spots Mark Sloan flirting with a pretty red headed nurse at the nurse's station.

He slowly approaches. It feels as though the life's just been sucked out of him. Mark smirks at him and he can't help but dread the festivities of tonight.

"Derek, this is Mia, she's nurse." He says hinting to his friend; obviously he's never been in a serious relationship. Derek just politely smiles at her and extends out his hand to her.

"Derek Shepherd." He says cordially, not wanting to sound rude to her. She was… pretty actually. Long dark red hair, big brown eyes, nice face, big boobs; definitely quite appealing. She smiles a pretty smile at him now.

"Mia Thomas, I'm the new nurse here." She says checking him out. He's definitely worth looking at, that's for sure. He looks to Mark for a moment, indicating that they should leave.

"Well, it's very nice to meet you, but we better be going I've been on for over twenty four hours now." he says slightly more deflated. Her shoulders sag a bit; she wishes he had asked her out for drinks.

"Ok, nice meeting you Derek." She turns to Mark now, "See you around Mark." She says slightly flirtatiously, though she doesn't find him all that appealing, of course he's attractive but not exactly her type. She walks away and Mark motions at Derek, mouthing the words,

"What the fuck man."

Derek exhales; the last thing he needs to think about right now is another woman after he's just blown it with Meredith… again. The walk out into the cold rain now, the temperature change shakes him up.

"Come on man, she was like a 20!" Mark exclaims. Derek lets out a noise, he's not quite sure what it is, a small laugh perhaps?

"She was very pretty," Derek says, brushing him off.

"Dude she was smoking hot and she wanted you over me." he exaggerates. Derek snorts and rolls his eyes. "Don't role your eyes at me! I'm serious why the hell did you not take her out for drinks?" he says in shock.

"Meredith and I just broke up." He explains. Mark rolls his eyes now.

"Yeah for like the fifth time now, just face it you guys aren't going to work, you got to move on, take out that sexy nurse." Mark advises, "When a woman that hot finds you more attractive than me, you got to take advantage of it." Mark says.

"Meredith finds me more attractive than you." Derek replies arrogantly.

"Mia puts Meredith to shame." Mark says as if it's obvious. Derek shoots him a glare now and speeds up his pace. "Come on man! I didn't mean to hurt you ego." Mark says making fun of him

"I don't care if you hurt my ego Mark." He emphasizes angrily.

"Come on, Derek you're really mad because I told you that the nurse puts Meredith to shame?" he says, unbelievable. "Did you see her Derek? She could model for Victoria's secret."

"Like I said Mark put me down all you want but leave Meredith out of it and that nurse does not put Meredith to shame, I happen to think Meredith is much prettier." He says irrationally defensive of a woman he's no longer with.

"She's much hotter Derek, but you have to get over her! I mean you just got mad at me for saying another chick is hotter than she is… she's got you absolutely whipped." Mark says mockingly though he's completely serious at the same time. Derek laughs cynically at what he already knows.

Will another girl ever be able to compare to Meredith?

He spots her blue jeep sitting in the corner of the parking lot, illuminated by the streetlight above it. He stops abruptly and freezes where he's at.

Why the hell is she still here? Something's not right.

All the blood drains from his face as he thinks about it. Irrational fear clouds him. Mark stares at him confused, then flashes his gaze to the jeep and rolls his eyes.

"Yes Derek that is Meredith's jeep." Mark says, "Can we please just go." Mark says exasperated.

"She was supposed to be off hours ago." He says numbly to no one in particular.

"So she got pulled into surgery…" Mark says trailing off, "Or maybe she passed out in an on-call room." Mark says, "Oh or maybe she's at Joe's looking for a one night stand and drowning her sorrows in tequila, she'd be too drunk to drive." Mark states, the blood boils in Derek for a second and his hand makes contact with the side of Mark's face in a forceful backhand.

"Bitter, bitter, bitter; can't handle the truth can you?" Mark taunts.

"Mark just go look for her at Joe's I'm going to check in the hospital just to make sure she's alright." Derek barks at him. Mark makes a meowing noise and Derek scowls at him.

"Fine Oscar, I'll go look for her, but we're at the hospital you paranoid weirdo, what do you think could have possibly happened to her?" Mark questions, Derek loses his patients and Mark can tell by the way he tenses up, he knows not to tease him anymore and he goes off towards Joe's.

Derek tears back into the hospital and searches around desperately for the petite blonde woman everywhere.

"Chief! Do you know where Meredith is?" Derek questions anxiously, the chief thinks for a moment.

"She should be gone, she was off hours ago but hey! You want to watch Saving Private Ryan when we get back to the trailers" he questions, Derek nods quickly, just taking off now to find Meredith. He runs back up the steps and peaks into the on call room.

"What the hell man!" Alex Karev bites viciously at him. His heart sinks when she's nowhere to be found, "Shut the fucking door so I can sleep!" his anger rises now.

"Sorry, have you seen Meredith?" Derek questions. Alex groans in agitation.

"No man, I haven't she was off hours ago, so she's probably at home sleeping, something that I'd like to do very much right now!" he exclaims at him. Derek closes the door mutters "asshole" under his breath as he continues to make his way around.

He makes a quick run to the OR board now but her name is not up there. The angst in the pit of his stomach continues to grow with worry.

"Meredith where the hell are you?"

He continues to search and spots Miranda Bailey now.

"Miranda!" she turns to face him now, "Have you seen Meredith anywhere?" Derek questions hopefully.

"Nope but she should be at home where I sent her." She says almost threateningly.

"Her car's still out in the parking lot." He says trying not to sound like a basket case.

Bailey sighs now in disappointment.

"Did you check Joe's?" she questions dully, hoping the answer is "yes." And "she wasn't there." Thought that would mean she was MIA.

"Mark is right now." he says, hoping that even if she's flirting with other guy's that she's at least safe.

"Derek!" his voice booms from behind both Derek and Baily turn their heads towards it. Mark jogs up quickly.

"She wasn't there." Mark says, almost worried himself now, Derek's stomach turns in discomfort. Not at Joe's, not a sleep, not in the OR…

The beeping noise of a pager interrupts all their thoughts and they all instinctively grab them from their pockets. Bailey looks at the two of them now.

"It's me, but page me when you find her please." She says staring them both down.

"Will do." He says wearily.

"She's not on the board but I'm going to check in all the OR's." Mark says¸ Derek nods though he's consumed in his own thoughts. He thinks for a moment,

"Where the hell would she be…"

The light bulb goes off in his head and he darts off for the tunnels, hoping she's passed out on a gurney in there somewhere. He passes up several familiar faces and he nods at them politely though he's not even remotely calm at the moment. He picks up his pace as the anxiety only heightens. The feeling… like the one she'd had when the bomb came that day. He remembers telling her he gets them sometimes too and that they pass. This is by far the worst one he's gotten and he knows it's not about to just pass. He searches around the tunnel. The dimly lit room only slightly illuminated quite honestly gives him the creeps; he spots the back exit and just for some unknown reason goes out. He continues to walk on towards the back exit where the janitor's office is and the dread increases with each step.

His blood feels like its stopped dead within him when he spots the small blue duffle like bag sitting against the wall in a pile heap, like someone had thrown it. He recognizes it as her bag right on the sight of it. He continues to walk forward and his stomach gargles and flips when he's sees it…

The bright red liquid covering the floor in a huge pile makes him want to vomit when he jumps to the conclusion that it's her's.

Was she attacked?

Did she simply give up again?

Is she alive?

All these thoughts swarm in his mind as he follows the blood trail… the trail… it's like someone dragged themselves along. He spots something and kneels down to exam it. He that he's holding a familiar lock of golden blond hair in his hand. The blood covered white jacket lays over in one corner and a pair of lacy blue panties lay torn into shreds on the ground.

He knows these panties

His heart feels like it's stopped in his chest now.

Why are her panties on the ripped?

The thought crosses his mind but disgust smacks into him, it's too horrible to be true, but why else would they be lying there on the ground? He searches desperately for an alternative solution to the dreaded one he prays isn't true. He unfortunately comes up empty no matter how hard he thinks.

The back of his throats burns at the realization and his Adam's apple bobs as he chokes back the tears. He knows know that it's indeed Meredith. He makes his way into the small alien area of the hospital as the blood trial continues. He stifles a sob; this is his Meredith's blood.

He mentally prepares himself for what could be in the room. The thought of finding her dead makes him want to vomit. Nausea sweeps him and bile rises up his esophagus, he manages to push it back down as the burning sensation continues. He walks into the room slowly; the blood trail leads across it.

He walks up to the corner behind the desk and the anxiety, dread and fear are at an all-time high.

The sight of her makes him cringe instantly. It was most defiantly her. There's blood rushing from her head, she looks… broken there on the floor, his stomach does a 180 when he sees the cuts and bruises on her considering her shirt is missing and she has on only a bra.

"Why is her shirt missing?

Panic overtakes him when he sees her coloring she's pale with a blue-ish tone to her. She's hypothermic all right. Like the day he found her in water… not as extreme but she shouldn't be hypothermic. He swallows with much difficultly and lightly strokes the side of her face with his index finger the way she likes.

"Mer." He says in a broken whisper, "Wake up, you have to wake up for me." he says shaking her in desperation, she has a pulse… barely.

Meredith jolts awake and winces at the sight. Terror and confusion entangle her as the spinning continues.

"Mer, it's ok, it's me, it's Derek." He says crying now too. She realizes this and allows him to come closer without her wincing away. "You're okay just come here so I can take you to the ER." He says extending out his arms to grab her, he pulls her into his arms and she instinctively wraps her arms around his neck. He steadies himself on his feet and carries her. She barriers her bloody head into his neck and smears it on him, despite the blood against his face and two hundred dollar trench, he snuggles closer to her. He pulls his phone of his pocket now and hits the second third speed dial.

"Get a trauma room ready!" he says urgently into the phone.

"You found her." Mark says shakily now too, the tone of Derek's voice makes him cringe internally.

"Yeah." He says breathlessly.

"How bad?" he questions.

"She's hypothermic, cracked her had open and lost a lot of blood, Mark she's-she's covered in blood." He sobs into the phone.

"Derek, I'm paging Bailey, Nelson, Haun, Torres, everyone. I'll have AB on standby." He says trying to comfort his friend.

"Anything else I should know?" Mark questions.

"Mark… I-I think s-someone raped her." He finally let's out painfully with a sob. The realization taunts him…. This has to be a dream.

He holds her closer now, praying that she'll hold on.

"Come on Meredith, hold on for Me." he whispers softly in her ear.