I have mixed feelings about this new episode. I'm on the fence with EJ and Ray because I like them both as people, not as romantic interests for my TIVA. Oh, and Gibbs and I need to have a little chat. Umm...I understand the protective streak buuut...Tony is a big boy, and can decide who he wants to date. Just because Jenny left your heart looking like swiss cheese doesn't mean you can make decisions for everyone else.

Please tell me what your thoughts are, even if this is justa drabble! :)

-Livvy

Disclaimer? Sorry, too tired to make up some snazzy punch-line. Twelve year olds need their beauty sleep!

"She says she thinks of you as an older brother."

In the time it took him to process the words C I Ray had already began speaking a new line; a new punch to the gut. In the split second, he froze.

It was an automatic reaction. An expected one.

Then there's the big finish he was waiting for; the knock-out.

"I love her. I'm going to tell her."

"When?"

The words came unconsciously and fluttered off the tip of his dry tongue. His ears felt hot; there was a slight sting in his right eye.

It was a reaction bound by nature; to fight back, to try for one last chance.

"Tomorrow. Tonight. Soon."

The instinctual release of breath makes him want to strike himself on the back of the head. He attempts to remain calm, cool, collected, because that's all he can do.

Ray's eyes are hard to read, but the passive aggressive streak Tony is sure he didn't misconstrue. There's a certain edge to this man's tone that reminds this field agent of something marking its territory.

And; there's also that slight glimmer of vulnerability; of love that passes through this trained killer when he says the L-word himself. He could never have mistook that.

This man cares for Ziva. He can't deny it.

When he leaves the room; all but a wad of paper left of his presence, Tony faces the decision he's always tried so hard to avoid.

He can't deny that Ziva looks happier than she has since Michael. He can't deny she seems healthier, or that there is a hint of a sparkle in her chocolate eyes when she talks about this man. Tony's always loved her eyes.

They tell so much.

In the same; he can't deny her anything. They've been through things unimaginable; he can't deny her peace.

He can't deny the fact he never made her this happy.

He can't deny the fact that he lied to her time and time again under false perceptions of jealousy, jealousy that lead to further altercations (fuck ups) that he caused.

There's always the old saying; if you love something, let it go.

Watching as she sips her club soda with a denied glimmer of agony in her eyes; he knows she doesn't belong to him. That not saying anything can be for the best. Hell, she only thinks of him as a big brother anyway.

He's always thought of her as more. Always.

It's that sad glimmer in her eyes that makes him realize that even though he wishes for more, it will likely never happen.

EJ warms his bed like any other.

In the case of butterflies coming back, the saying is correct.

Ziva is such a dangerous orange monarch, lithe, graceful, untouchable. You wouldn't want to touch one; it's wings are fragile.

His hands are rough. He can't deny it.