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Bodahn showed him in.

Hawke was still awake, sitting in front of the fire in his study, his feet on Horse and his nose in the latest instalment of Varric's serial. Judging by the faint smile on his face, Hawke was enjoying it for some reason.

He glanced up when Fenris entered and his smile became a grin. "Fenris! Pull up a chair. Tea? Wine?" Fenris always felt slightly threatened by Hawke's almost aggressive hospitality. He had the impression that given the chance, Hawke would rather he not ever leave-

No, not thinking about that. He left and it was over. That wasn't why he was here.

"No. Thank you. I'm not staying long." Hawke's face fell and Fenris reminded himself that this wasn't a social call. After the last 'social call' he had no intention of ever initiating one again, no matter how solitary and warm and welcoming Hawke looked among all his books. Concentrate.

"I've been talking to Anders."

"Fenris, you know I'm a terrible healer-"

"Sit down, no one's hurt."

Hawke had half raised himself from his chair and he slumped back into it with a puzzled expression. "Well. Good." He closed Hard in Hightown: Patrol with a Vengeance and placed it on the floor next to an empty mug. "Oh Maker, I know what this is about." Hawke pinched the bridge of his nose. "Trust Feathers to open his big mouth, again."

Fenris folded his arms. At least Hawke had the grace to feel guilty about it.

"Look," he spread his hands, "it's one-sided. Completely. He's just confused. I'm sure if you read his Manifesto all the way through he'd stick his tongue down the back of your throat as well." Colour was rising in Hawke's cheeks; either embarrassment or a vivid imagination – Fenris didn't want to know.

"What?" Fenris stared at him.

"What?" Hawke shrugged, a bit guiltily still.

Fenris narrowed his eyes, making an effort not to ignite the lyrium that responded to his rising emotion. "Hawke, what are you talking about?"

Hawk raised his eyebrows, "What are you talking about?"

They stared at each other in baffled silence for a few moments, before Hawke's lips curled into a grin, "You're cute when you're jealous."

"I'm not. Jealous, I mean." He shook his head, "What you do is your own business. I don't need to know."

"It was horribly awkward and we're still friends but nothing more. All right?"

Fenris didn't answer.

"If you're not here about that, why are you here? What did you talk to Anders about?"

"He said you went into the Fade."

"That's what mages do sometimes, Fenris. I wasn't there to sightsee, and I didn't pick up any passengers. Your concern is appreciated, however."

"You let the abomination go. To Tevinter!" Fenris started pacing. "How could you possibly think this was a good idea? I didn't even know you'd turned him over to the Dalish in the first place."

"Look, I did warn him to stay away from Denarius in the unlikely event that they meet. And you weren't there when we rescued him the first time."

"No, I wasn't." Fenris stopped pacing, and he glared at Hawke. "And if I recall I wasn't there when you dealt with those Starkhaven apostates either. In fact, every time my back is turned you traipse off with Anders and free more blood mages or worse. He thinks you're some kind of revolutionary hero; you should know better."

"Huh, he should know better too. And didn't you say what I do is my own business not five minutes ago?"

"Is this really a coincidence, Hawke? That all this happens where I don't see?"

He must have looked hurt, because Hawke's expression softened, "Of course not. Fenris, I wouldn't ask you or anyone else to compromise their ideals for me unless I had absolutely no other choice. When the rules need breaking, it's not like I tell Avaline about it either." She usually found out anyway, but at least she didn't glow when she got angry.

"This is dishonest of you. Can't you see that?"

"Are you saying you want to come and help mages with me? Or do you think I'm going to stop helping others who are like me just because you don't approve?"

Fenris sighed, "No. I don't know. I just want to know, Hawke. Not just the half of it you think you should let me see." His breath caught, "Stop smiling. I didn't mean it that way."

"Uh huh." That stupid, crooked grin faded a bit. "I want to be your friend, Fenris, before all else. I'm not perfect, and being what I am I'm starting with a bit of a handicap. I don't even want to do magic in front of you as long as no one's trying to kill us. Can't blame me for putting my best foot forward." His shoulders dropped and he stared at the fire, "But it was dishonest, you're right. I wouldn't lie directly to you but it seemed easier if you didn't know."

He looked up at Fenris with a rueful expression. "I'm sorry. And from now on you don't have to go to Anders to find out what I'm up to." He shrugged, "You can read my diary if you like. Even the dirty bits. Actually, especially the dirty bits." He tried to make it sound enticing. It didn't work. Knowing Hawke he'd use lots of long and not necessarily correctly spelled words that Fenris would have to ask him about later, and that was the last conversation he wanted to have.

"I…no, thank you. I understand, a bit. It was still stupid of you to help that abomination."

"I do a lot of things people tell me are stupid. Are we still friends?" And now he had to go and look fragile and just a bit desperate, despite the fact that Fenris knew better.

Fenris shrugged, a bit helplessly. "It's a bit late to change that now, isn't it?" He knew it was hopeless trying to tell Hawke not to smile like that. "I don't know how you get away with it."