Title: Fading Away

Summary: When deities are forgotten and no one comes to pray… they fade away.

Disclaimer: I do not own DGM or the tag line of this fic. It's from Nurarihyon no Mago. I just used it as an inspiration. Go blame it for this fic's foolishness.

Warning/s: Unbeta'ed. Awkward grammar.

(Kind of) Edited: August 19, 2012

Author's Note (08/19/12): I finally had the time to edit this chapter. Whew! Hope it's much better to read now than before because seriously? I almost cried when I read this chapter again this morning and I found out that you, people, are just putting up with my lame stories and my equally lame writing style. Gah! The grammar is simply atrocious and heck, even the punctuation sucks! I deeply apologize. Well, I couldn't really say that you won't find any mistakes when you read this again but I tried my best and I hope that was enough—for now.

Enjoy.

..

..

..

Of all sad words of tongue and pen,

the saddest are these:

"It might have been."

John Greenleaf Whittier

..

..

..

When deities are forgotten and no one comes to pray… they fade away.

A life was always something deemed important. And every time someone dear to you was dying, you couldn't help but feel that twisting pain inside of you—the throbbing pain of knowing that soon, you would be left on yourself.

Did you know that the saddest people are those who were left behind?

When Alma got sick seven years ago, Kanda did everything he could to help his friend. He didn't believe the doctors when they had said that his friend was going to die sooner or later that year. He didn't believe them—there's no way he could—when he could still see Alma smiling at him.

There was just no way would Alma die and that was what he firmly believed.

He was his only friend, after all.

Someone who didn't judge Kanda when almost everybody forsaken him.

He wouldn't let anyone take him.

Not even Death himself.

So he did everything.

He even did something he doesn't usually do.

Praying.

He found a dilapidated-looking small shrine at the back of Alma's house and although he didn't believe in God, Kanda Yuu prayed at the bottom of his heart—sincerely for the very first time—for his friend's recovery and long life. He prayed although he, himself, didn't pray for anyone before.

Not even for his family.

That's how much he cherished Alma.

He prayed and prayed until his knees gave up on him. Everyday, he would pray until morning and offer fruits and drinks afterwards.

Kanda Yuu didn't believe in God or in any deities but he did continue his every day visits at the small shrine praying for the life of his friend.

It was all he could do after all.

Finally, the winter came.

Cold and harsh wind pounded the trees. Then, after three months, Alma was finally released from the hospital—the doctors were all awed at the miracle that happened before their very eyes.

And why not?

The patient, who was dying from an unknown disease, was cured miraculously.

Then, they thought—

That maybe, God was real, after all.

..

Kanda Yuu didn't believe in any God or deities—but he did when he saw Alma stand from his wheelchair and walked towards him, smiling.

His tears were freely flowing from his eyes.

That day, Kanda dropped on his knees while embracing his friend, thanking whoever heard him from above.

And that very day too, he could swear he heard a voice saying 'thank you for everything, kid' echoed in his ears while he was embracing his friend.

Kanda looked up in the sky and stared at the vastness of it.

He thought it was just the wind.

..

But like all the other humans, Kanda forgot all of it like it never happened.

People, when their burdens were lifted from their shoulders, tended to forget.

..

People always, always forget.

Just like Kanda did.

..

Allen was one of the local deities of the town.

He was wearing a white cloak and a hakama with black patterns on his shoulder, his hair, as white as snow, was lazily gliding in the sweeping wind as he stood on a small Sakura tree.

His eyes were gray and he was staring directly at the derelict field where his old shrine stood.

He smiled as he remembered the times when children would go to his shrine and pray for their parents and friends. Such days were the happiest times of Allen's existence.

He was always happy to help.

However, after some times, people stopped praying at him.

It was a rigid proof that the world around him was already changing.

Another was the sudden disappearance of many Gods around the town for the last centuries.

They were all fading away one at a time.

And Allen was slowly being left behind.

And maybe, he thought, that one day, he would disappear, too.

He smiled as he inhaled the fresh air blowing in his stead.

It was such a bliss coming here and though it would pain him to go, he knew that he had to if it was already his time.

Well, he should have already died years ago if not for an adorable kid who surprised him with his unbreakable resolve to save his dying friend.

Allen was already prepared for his long journey ahead when a kid, furiously running towards his shrine, suddenly appeared before him. He was terribly shaking and his hands were clasped so tight you could almost see his protesting veins. He was praying so hard that Allen's almost deteriorating spiritual power suddenly augmented and it made him grasp on his earthly existence again, enabling him to stay on his shrine for a few more years.

He was dumbfounded and shocked.

Because of the kid, he was again allowed to help—

In which Allen gladly did.

He stared at the trembling kid kneeling on his shrine and smiled as patted his head.

Allen, for the first time in years, smiled widely again.

For three months, Allen had seen the kid's strong desire for his friend's recovery. He would stay for hours and hours and hours and he would come back every day to pray in front of his shrine.

Why he chose his shrine, Allen didn't know.

But he was grateful.

And happy.

While watching the kid whispering prayers in front of him, he couldn't help but think that if he ever wanted a human friend, he would wanted him to be just like this kid.

Someone who was pure and kind.

Someone who cherished a friend more than a family would.

But sadly, after months of being happy with the kid's company, Allen knew that everything had to end.

Slowly, the visits were getting fewer and fewer until one day, the visitations stopped altogether.

Allen smiled albeit knowing that he was, again, left behind, just like before.

After a few years, his shrine slowly ebbed away. The trees and grasses surrounding his small temple grew larger and larger until it hidden him from the rest of the world.

The family living in front of his small shrine that used to take care of his small temple went somewhere far, far away and Allen knew, with all the pain he was feeling inside, that they would never come back for him again.

People had long ago forgotten about him.

The world was slowly changing. Prayers were no longer being chanted by people's hearts. People did no longer believe at any God's existence, dwindling the time they spent at the shrines.

That saddened the local deity.

Allen would very much like to hear people's prayers again.

He closed his eyes and breathed the calming wind circling him.

'At least before I finally fade away…'

Cold breeze caressed his skin, making him smile once more.

'For the last time.'

..

Kanda was walking home from the university. He was now a third year college student taking a course he had chosen alongside Alma who was now taking up medicine at T-university. They were still friends and Kanda was happy that the man finally found the right girl for him.

And this gave Kanda a new reason to tease his best friend. The constant blushing of the man never failed to amuse him.

Kanda would just laugh.

Alma had already found someone.

But Kanda remained single.

He never did once he looked at other woman before.

Maybe he was not just interested.

Or maybe he was just too busy with his study that's why he never noticed anyone before.

That didn't alarm him though and despite the constant nagging of his professors and some friends about courting a girl or being present on goukons* in which he just gladly brushed off, laughing, he remained alone for the rest of his college life.

He then concluded that he was just comfortable being alone, and that nothing was wrong with wanting to be on his own.

He was better off by himself anyway.

He gently kicked a small rock on the road and he smiled to himself. Maybe he would adopt a kid someday. He would raise him as a good man and he would give him a good education. His parents might refuse at first, but eventually, he knew that they would heed.

It was what he wanted and that, he believed, was the most important in deciding his future.

He was too busy thinking that he didn't notice a light that was suddenly lit somewhere inside the forest not far away from where he stood.

Before he knew it, his feet was already moving on their own, dragging him to the source of the light, pulling him to walked faster than he usually do.

"What the hell—" he exclaimed, too shocked to say anymore than that.

When he was finally near it, the glowing suddenly stopped.

And instead of bunch of fireflies that Kanda was expecting at first, he saw a young man that probably had the same age as him, sitting on a Sakura tree not far away from the blinding light he saw a while ago.

He was wearing some weird cloak that was clinging on his small waist and an old fashioned hakama dropping on his shoulders.

The man stirred when he heard Kanda's footstep and turned to face him.

Kanda probably didn't allow himself to breathe that time.

His hair was ridiculously white and he had the most beautiful face Kanda had ever seen in his entire life.

The man's face in side view wasn't even on par with his face facing upfront.

He was more gorgeous now. His complexion was rather unusually pale, and he was leaner than any male he had seen.

Skinny.

Almost as skinny as a rat—

But was equally devastating and hauntingly beautiful.

Ash-colored eyes bathing in the gleam glow of the moon stared directly at Kanda.

For the first time on his life, Kanda was rendered speechless.

"You can see me?" The mysterious man spoke and Kanda had to gather himself to answer.

And he couldn't believe what he just did.

He scowled.

"At least you know you're short, kid," Kanda managed to answer rather cockily, hiding the fast beating of his goddamn heart.

Shit. Stop, will you?

The white-haired man seemed not to understand it at first.

Short?

You are so short I almost didn't see you…

Kanda saw him frowned when he finally understood the sharp remark.

He looked enraged.

Kanda almost winced.

Me and my big, goddamn mouth!

"I am not short!" he shouted, his beautiful face was contorted in an unusual display of anger. "And I am a not a kid, stupid."

Kanda felt his eyebrow at the last words. "You certainly look like a kid to me and do not call someone you just met 'stupid', stupid."

"You're one to talk. You also called me stupid just now, right?"

"You called me stupid first, so it doesn't count."

The pale man glowered at him, making him cuter in Kanda's eyes.

He almost smacked himself for thinking that way.

"Why am I even talking to you?" the beautiful stranger said as he hopped off the tree and walked away from him.

Kanda felt himself panicking. Name, address, mobile number… anything.

Ask! You piece of shit, ask!

"Wait!"

The white-haired man stopped and turned his head to him.

"What?" he said annoyed.

"What's your name?" Kanda swallowed as he tried to sound uncaring as possible.

"Why would you want to know?"

"Because I'll call you Bean sprout if you don't state your true name to me. You wouldn't want that, right?"

Kanda almost smirked when he saw a healthy shade of red crawled on the man's pale neck up to his face.

Perfect.

"SHUT UP!"

Kanda just waved his hand in the air.

"My name's Kanda by the way," he shouted.

"I could care less about your name, rude stranger."

..

Since then, Kanda would always go to up to that mountain and he would always accidentally meet the man with strange clothes.

They would spend their entire time bickering with each other.

The beautiful stranger would always ask him what he was doing in the middle of the mountain every afternoon just so he could spite him by calling him names.

Kanda was, at first, loss on what he should say. From the lack of a better excuse, he just said that the steep forest was his newly discovered short cut to his home.

It was a downright lie, of course, but there was no way he would let the stranger know that.

He would rather die than be shamed like that.

Every afternoon, they would ask each other many trivial things—despite their obvious annoyance (as what they had always declared every chance they got) for each other—favorite foods, favorite books, and even the sudden brightness of the moon.

Every day, Kanda would bring the white-haired man yakitori and dumplings because he seemed to like those more than cakes and candies.

It was fun to see the short man drooled when being offered with food.

He was just like a kid.

Kanda would always tease him rather fondly, a glint of happiness was radiating in his eyes.

Then there were nights that he would find the bean sprout sleeping on that particular branch of tree where he first saw him sitting, his hair was draping on his face—it was a picture of innocence and purity.

Before he knew it, his hands were now unconsciously wandering on that beautiful face and he admitted to himself that those were the times that his hands were just plainly refusing to listen to his brain.

That he didn't really want to do that but he could do nothing because his mind wanted it.

Yeah. What a fucked up reasoning.

Then, there were those times that Kanda would just let his hands do what they want—no matter how wrong it seemed.

The victim was always the strange man's ivory-colored hair.

But whenever the stranger stirred on his sleep, the stubborn hand would automatically retreat and would be back the second if it sensed that the white haired man was again peacefully sleeping.

Kanda would just slump his shoulder, relieved.

..

These last few days, Kanda couldn't help but be bothered.

He noticed that the man was somehow getting more and more translucent each day.

He didn't even know how to explain it.

He couldn't even make himself believe that it was just the moonlight and the fact that the man was just unnaturally pale was making him looked like he was disappearing.

He was there but it was as if he was beginning to be semi-transparent—like that of a ghost. Kanda inquiring about this earned an earful of laughter from the white-haired man whose name was still a mystery to him. He was laughing so hard that Kanda couldn't help but smile at the lively sound he was emitting.

It made him feel so alive.

And at the same time, he felt so stupid in thinking that there was something wrong with him.

But it made him happy, nevertheless.

"Che," Kanda snorted while the man was still busy using his laugh box. "Stop laughing, Bean sprout."

"But you're amusing! You think I'm becoming a ghost?" he said as he sent himself again at another round of laughter.

"I didn't say anything about you being a ghost," he retorted, his lips were tucked.

"Sensitive, aren't we, Kanda?" he exclaimed, his snickers could be heard echoing in the forest.

Kanda smiled. It was a bliss watching him happily laughing like he never seen him laugh before.

He was so relieved.

He had never been this happy before. Not even around Alma.

That was kinda… strange, he reckoned. But he embraced it wholeheartedly.

"Shut up, moyashi."

..

Allen knew that his time was up.

Of course he knew.

He could feel the steadfast deterioration of his powers and instead of staying at his shrine to conserve his energy, he decided to spent his remaining time with a funny, but sometimes obnoxious, fellow he met at the feet of the mountain three months ago.

It was amusing that he couldn't be around any longer just when he finally found someone he could talk to, after years and years of being alone.

Because being alone for such a long time was sad… and painful—even for someone like Allen.

That's why he became happy when that particular kid came to him and prayed for months for his friend's welfare.

Come to think of it, that kid spent three months with Allen before, too—just like the time this strange human spent on him.

Allen would definitely miss him.

This world—and all the other things he had known for a long, long time—would be terribly missed.

Allen smiled.

And those yakitori and dumplings, too, he mused.

..

Kanda was panting.

He was late that day and he was running like a madman, trying to reach that place at a quicker pace. He wanted to see that person again today. Maybe this night, he would finally give him his name and Kanda would playfully call it, and he was sure that the beautiful stranger would be yelling at him again.

He chuckled as he thought of many possible things that could happen that night.

He saw the man sitting again on the Sakura tree and Kanda looked up, ready to tease the white-haired man—ready to see him smiles again.

But instead of happiness, a wide cloak of panic and alarm wrapped Kanda's whole being as he stared at the white haired man before him.

He was there but it was as if he was beginning to be semi-transparent—like of that a ghost.

"But you are amusing! You think I'm becoming a ghost?"

"Your body…" he murmured as he stared at him. He was just like an apparition now. The pale skin was so much insipid that Kanda could almost see the tree behind him. "What happened to you?"

He stared at the figure above him and panic was washing his heart. "Oi, Bean sprout!" He yelled again, terror and so much more was copulating in his voice.

The man just smiled at him and sighed. "I told you it's not bean sprout, idiot," he said.

Kanda desperately shouted for a conversation. Something was wrong here. He was sure that something was wrong to the man.

He could feel it.

That nagging feeling of twisting pain on his chest. Just like when he first learned that Alma was going to die soon.

And yet… this pain… was entirely different from what he felt when it was Alma. This was much, much excruciating.

So much he thought he could die from it.

What was it?

What was this?

"What's your name, then? If you don't want to be called a bean sprout, then tell me your name."

Kanda knew that something was wrong.

The man smiled at him. "Since you're so persistent, I shall present you my name," he exclaimed, faking a cough. "It's Allen, BaKanda."

Kanda swallowed as he watched the pale man looked up to the sky.

"What an ugly name..." He tried to be rough but his voice was betraying him.

Allen didn't retort back, and instead, he looked earnestly on him for the first time.

There was something agonizingly heartrending in Allen's eyes, as if he was trying to say something to him, without really saying it.

"Nee, Kanda…"

"Yeah?" he answered as he slowly walked towards Allen. Kanda could feel his heart beating so fast and he didn't like the cold sensation wrapping his soul.

It was fear and something more ominous.

"Do you know that when deities are forgotten and no one comes to pray… they fade away?"

Kanda stopped.

"N-no… I didn't know," he whispered, his eyes were never leaving the man. He was afraid that when he blinked, Allen was just going to disappear.

Allen smiled again, his lips quivered.

"I'm fading away tonight, Kanda."

That completely froze him.

What?

Another odd smile again.

Kanda hated that peculiar smile.

"W-what the fuck are you s-saying?"

"I'm saying that I will be gone by tomorrow morning. Or maybe tonight..."

Kanda's eyebrows furrowed. "You'll be leaving this town?"

Allen chuckled. "No."

Frustration crawled to Kanda. "Then what?"

Kanda felt that those melancholy eyes were, again, trying to speak to him.

"It means I'll vanish tonight, stupid," Allen said.

A heavy wind blew in their direction, gracefully lifting the fallen Sakura flowers on the ground, making them danced in the sky.

"What?" Kanda shouted, his fists were clenched on his sides. "What do you m-mean?"

Allen breathed and closed his eyes. "Thanks. You're so much fun that I've completely forgotten about my time."

"Don't bullshit me!"

Allen opened his eyes and saw Kanda staring at the ground. His whole body was awfully trembling.

Allen's smile grew fainter.

The truth was Allen didn't want to go.

But unlike that first time Kanda somehow saved his existence—this time, there was nothing that could prevent his fate.

He already stayed here for so long... and he knew that someday, he would have to let everything go.

Allen knew that sooner or later he would have to let go of this world.

People no longer believed in the likes of him.

And being alone was as painful as being forgotten.

Allen didn't want that.

Besides, Kanda was a human.

Humans were capable to forget.

Unlike him.

And that what makes it more painful.

That was what hindering Allen to move on.

To let go.

Allen hopped down from the Sakura tree and walked towards Kanda, the crying kid who saved him years ago.

He was so tall now.

So unlike the small, but feisty, kid he was before.

That crying, innocent kid.

"Thank you for everything, kid," he whispered, almost to himself.

But Kanda heard everything.

His eyes widened.

Those words…

He looked up and something dreadful washed over him. Allen was there in front of him but his body was painfully translucent now.

"Allen!"

He dropped his bag and ran to him.

"It was not wind! I knew it! It was you!" He shouted as he gripped the fading hands. "You're the one who cured Alma! You're that God at the shrine back then!"

Allen pulled his lips into an another odd smile and Kanda felt crushing those lips to his. "Uhm… yeah?" He gently laughed as he tugged Kanda's hands away from him. "You know, you saved me back then. I was also at the verge of fading away that time… then you came…" Allen tilted his head to his side. "…crying and clasping your hand, praying for the life of your friend. It somehow brought me back."

Kanda trembled.

It was Allen.

That's why he felt different around him.

That was why… why… he felt so comfortable to be with…

It was… Allen.

Kanda only tightened his grip. "I just have to pray, right? Then everything is going to be alright? You won't have to leave!"

Kanda watched as Allen's eyes widened only to smile sadly again—his beautiful face was twisting in pain.

Trepidation wrapped up Kanda.

Somehow, he understood.

"M-maybe, there is still something we can do! Anything, please," he cried, his heart was aching so horribly by the sudden realization that Allen had answered his prayers and saved Alma but he could not save him.

He watched Allen forced a smile on his face again.

"Stop smiling you, idiot Bean sprout! This is not funny!"

But the smile didn't disappear. Allen wanted to see him smiling until the very end, that Kanda knew, and it was making it more painful to him.

He didn't want Allen to go…

Please, anything… He would do anything.

"I'm so happy I met you, BaKanda. You're amusing," he said.

Right then, Kanda allowed himself to do something he was always dying to do ever since that day he first met Allen on the Sakura tree that afternoon.

He kissed him.

He felt those cold lips meeting his, and for a moment, Kanda thought he was kissing the wind.

Then, just like that, Allen was gone—

He left him behind.

..

Everybody was important.

Even that single twig lying on the ground—

Or that particular bird singing at the top of its lungs—

Or the annoying voice of your favorite merchant.

Everything was important.

Especially someone's life.

When someone dear to you was dying, you couldn't help but feel that twisting pain inside your chest banging your soul, ripping your heart apart. And you couldn't help but swallow the rotten truth that even if you're willing to do anything to help that person, all you could do was to watch him/her slowly slip by and feel the throbbing pain of being uncertain about tomorrow.

Did you know that the saddest people are those who were left behind?

Because they have to be with their usual surrounding, their usual routines, and the only change was the absence of the one who had left them.

"Nee, Kanda… Did you know that when deities are forgotten and no one comes to pray… they fade away?"

.

.

.

Note: *Group dating.

Author's Note (04/03/11): I wrote this in one sitting, as unbelievably as it sounds since I am naturally too lazy to write this long. One hour, people. Tsk. I was just watching an episode of Nurarihyon no Mago where a deity was trying to help the protagonist's classmate… and next thing I knew, I was bawling like an idiot, pausing the episode, and opening my MSWord. I just felt that if I would wait until tomorrow to write this fic, the outcome would be entirely different. That's how I write—I always let my emotions get the better of me. Maybe I'll re-write this tomorrow—or add something at the ending. Or maybe not. I dunno. For today, I think this was enough.

I would also like to explain the timeline of this story. I want to emphasize that Allen was a God here and therefore his definition of time was very different by Kanda. Allen perceived human years just like hours and therefore, ten years could be very short for him. This was why he didn't instantly disappear when kid Kanda stopped going to his shrine and this is also the reason why he didn't recognize Kanda right away the first time he met him at the Sakura tree that fateful afternoon.

Thanks for reading...