Chapter Thirteen: Utopia

Disclaimer: I do not own Psych or Doctor Who.

"Cardiff," the Doctor announced.

"What's Cardiff?" Shawn asked blankly.

The Doctor blinked. "Seriously? How can you not know what Cardiff is?"

"I'm not actually British, remember, Doctor?" Shawn said testily.

"Yeah, I know, but still," the Doctor said, shaking his head in bemusement. "Gus, if you would?"

Gus nodded. "Sure. Shawn, Cardiff is the capital of Wales."

"That sounds vaguely familiar. I'm thinking prince," Shawn told them. "The royal kind, not the singing kind."

"The crown prince is the Prince of Wales," the Doctor conceded. "And Wales is one of the countries is the United Kingdom."

"Why are we here, anyway?" Shawn asked. "Surely nothing important has ever happened here."

Gus rolled his eyes. "Ignore him."

"As it happens, something important did go down here well over a century ago," the Doctor revealed. "Cardiff is built on a rift in time and space…just like California and the San Andreas Fault to use a place you'd be more familiar with. The rift bleeds energy. Every now and then I need to open up the engines, soak up the energy and use it as fuel."

"So basically, we're getting gas," Gus summarized. "Or rather, stealing it."

"Hey, I don't see anybody charging," the Doctor said defensively. "And…we're done. Where to, now, I wonder?"

"Hey, who is that?" Shawn asked, pointing towards the viewscreen where a man was running towards them.

The Doctor coughed. "Um…no one. No one at all. Come on, come on…"

"Are you sure?" Shawn asked. "You look a little panicked. And now he's jumping towards us. Clearly he expects you to try to leave without him."

"I wouldn't do that," the Doctor lied as the TARDIS finally took off. "Whoops…"

"No one actually believes that that was an accident, you know," Gus said flatly.

"We're accelerating!" the Doctor cried out. "I was just going to go get some lunch. There's this great place that opens in 2015 and now we're headed far further into the future. The year one billion. Five billion. Five trillion. 50 trillion. What? The year 100 trillion. That's impossible!"

"Doctor, look at your life and then tell me why that word is still a part of your vocabulary," Shawn instructed.

"What's so special about the year 100 trillion?" Gus wanted to know.

"Oh, nothing much," the Doctor replied. "Unless, of course, you think that the end of the universe is at all noteworthy."

"I think that it might rate a mention in history, yeah," Shawn agreed. "So what's out there, anyway?"

"The destruction of everything anyone who has ever existed has ever known and loved?" Gus hypothesized.

"To be honest, I'm not sure," the Doctor admitted. "Gus may be right. Even the Time Lords never ventured out this far…or if they did they never shared their experiences. We really should go."

Shawn grinned. "Why do you even bother saying that? So you can look back and say that you knew that this was a horrible idea when it inevitably blows up in our face?"

The Doctor refused to look at them. "Maybe."

The three headed outdoors and immediately came upon a corpse.

"What an auspicious start," Gus said sarcastically. "Hey, isn't that that guy who jumped on the TARDIS?"

"Must've been clinging to the outside of the TARDIS all the way through the vortex," the Doctor mused, nodding. "Well, that very him."

"You clearly know him yet you don't appear at all upset at his passing," Shawn said shrewdly. "Did you hate him or something? Because you can get quite emotional about stars that are out to kill us."

"No, nothing like that," the Doctor assured him. "He's actually a friend of mine. Used to travel with me. Back in the old days."

"You don't look anywhere near old enough to be talking about 'the old days'," Shawn told him.

"Yes, well, I am," the Doctor replied. He paused. "And we don't know that that sun was out to kill us."

"I thought it was implied," Gus disagreed.

There was a gasp and suddenly the dead man came to life.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" Shawn and Gus screamed.

"You really ruin any credibility you have whenever you do that," the Doctor noted, completely unfazed.

"Give us a break; a man just came back from the dead!" Gus exclaimed.

"Yeah, I do that," the man said, sitting up. "I'm Captain Jack Harkness, by the way. Who are you two?"

"My name is Shawn Spencer and this is my partner, Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth," Shawn introduced.

Jack smiled at them. "Nice to meet you, Shawn Spencer, Zaphod Beeblebrox."

"It's Gus, actually," Gus corrected. "Burton Guster."

"Oh, don't start!" the Doctor said, tolerantly annoyed.

"I was just saying hello," Jack said innocently, pulling himself to his feet.

Jack and the Doctor stared at each other coldly for a moment as though daring the other to make the first move.

"Doctor," Jack finally said, evenly.

"Captain," the Doctor returned, just as calmly.

"Good to see you," Jack said curtly.

"And you. Same as ever…although…have you had work done?" the Doctor asked awkwardly.

Jack laughed incredulously. "You can talk?"

The Doctor stared blankly for a minute before it clicked. "Oh yes, the face. Regeneration. How did you know this was me?"

"The police box kinda gives it away. I've been following you for a long time. You abandoned me!" Jack accused.

"Did I? Busy life. Move on," the Doctor said absently.

They established that Rose was not, in fact, dead (apparently Jack had known her as well) and decided to go off looking around together. Jack explained how he had been fighting Daleks, gotten vaporized, somehow woken up, and the Doctor had left the station without him. The Doctor passed up on a wonderful opportunity to claim he had no idea Jack had been brought back to life and instead chose to focus on his time travel snobbery and the fact that he felt the TARDIS was infinitely superior to a vortex manipulator, particularly since Jack had gotten one trip before the vortex manipulator had fried and he'd landed in 1869 instead of more modern times.

"So why did you leave him behind, anyway?" Gus wondered.

"I was busy," the Doctor said lamely.

Shawn snorted. "Seriously, Doctor? You have a freaking time machine."

"Well I was!" the Doctor insisted. "Rose was dying so to save her I had to die instead and I regenerated and then I was completely useless for hours on end. I almost didn't save the world because I was still sleeping and Rose, bless her, tried her best but she couldn't quite pull off a convincing bluff. It was nerves, I think."

"Maybe," Shawn allowed. "But what about when you ran from his back in Cardiff?"

The Doctor sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Do we really have to talk about this right now? We're at the end of the world?"

"I'm half-convinced that the minute you step out of my sight I'm never going to see you again and I'm not particularly happy with being stranded at the end of the universe," Jack said flatly. "So yeah, I think we should have this conversation right now."

The Doctor sighed again, annoyed. "Fine. You die and you come back. Every time. Rose resurrected you but she couldn't control it. She didn't just restore your normal mortal life; she made you a literal fact. People aren't supposed to be facts and, as a Time Lord, it made me…uneasy."

"Uneasy?" Jack repeated, unable to believe what he was hearing. "You left me alone at the sight of a massacre in a time and place not my own because I made you uneasy?"

" 'Uneasy' is an understatement, really," the Doctor insisted. "More than uneasy. Even the TARDIS was disturbed by you. She dragged us all the way to the end of the universe trying to shake you off. What you are, Jack…it's not your fault, of course, but you're unnatural. So I panicked. I'm sorry."

"Not ever sorry enough to have gone back for him but sorry nonetheless," Shawn muttered.

"So basically what you're saying is…you're prejudiced?" Jack asked slyly.

The Doctor blinked. "That's…not quite how I'd put it."

"But it really sounds like you are," Gus told him. "What have universal facts ever done to you, anyway?"

"Yeah!" Jack agreed.

"Look, I said I was sorry, didn't I?" the Doctor asked, rolling his eyes. "I don't need you lot teaming up on me. I promise I won't do it again, is that alright?"

"It'll do for now," Jack said breezily. "We are at the end of the universe and whatnot."

"So how did you manage to track the Doctor down, anyway?" Gus wanted to know. "I mean, I know you said that you were waiting at Cardiff but how did you know when we would show up? You can't have just been staring at the Rift twenty-four/seven and we could have landed anywhere on the Rift."

"I have a Doctor-detector," Jack explained. "Of sorts."

"That sounds intriguing," the Doctor remarked. "Do go on."

Jack nodded and set down his pack. "As you wish," he said, digging into it for a minute before pulling out a jar with a severed hand in it.

"You don't see that every day," Shawn said dryly.

"I feel ill," Gus said, putting his hand on his stomach.

The Doctor shook his head, bemused. "That's just what I get for leaving things like that lying around."

"Are you trying to say that that's your hand?" Shawn asked, his eyes wide.

The Doctor wiggled the hand still attached to his wrist. "Why? Can't see the resemblance?"

"It's a hand," Shawn said bluntly.

"So if you lose a limb you just regrow it?" Gus asked.

"Not usually. That was within the first few hours of regeneration so I was able to," the Doctor explained. "With all that mess with Harriet Jones and spending dinner with Rose's family – yes, yes, I know, domestics – I sort of forgot about it. It was some sword-fight, though."

"Harriet Jones," Jack said thoughtfully. "Strangest thing. I remember her as being the one to lead Britain into a golden age from the history books and yet she got deposed a while back? Why is that?"

The Doctor pointedly refused to look at any of them.

"Doctor, you didn't," Jack said, aghast. "You ruined a golden age!"

"She shot down a retreating ship!" the Doctor shot back.

"Didn't those people sort of already betray you once and attempted to take billions of people as slaves?" Jack asked pointedly.

"Everybody deserves a second chance," the Doctor said stubbornly.

"Except evidently Harriet Jones," Jack murmured.

"But I did give her a second chance!" the Doctor protested. "I asked her to promise not to do something like that again and to let me handle it and she refused to apologize, saying that Earth had to be able to defend itself because I'm not always going to be around."

"Well…statistically speaking, you probably won't be," Gus pointed out. "How did you even manage to get her thrown out of office?"

"I asked her aide if he thought she looked tired," the Doctor said simply.

"That's it?" Shawn couldn't believe it. "How does that work?"

The Doctor shrugged. "I don't really need to know the details. She did start demanding to know exactly what I had said to the aide because I had been whispering so maybe that helped convinced the aide."

"But wouldn't he have heard what you said to her and realized why she was worried?" Shawn asked logically.

The Doctor shrugged again. "All that matters is that it worked."

"That's kind of a dick move," Shawn told him.

"I agree," Gus concurred.

"We aren't scheduled to have so many golden ages we can just afford to throw them away because you're made someone's trying to be self-sufficient, Doctor," Jack agreed.

The Doctor groaned. "What's done is done, alright? Now come on."

They found a city – a conglomeration, the Doctor insisted – but it was abandoned. Or rather, everything that had once lived there had died. That was what it meant to be at the end of the universe. This place was the only place there still was and even that was fading.

A human ran past them, bringing with him primitive-looking pursuers. The Doctor didn't handle Jack having a weapon well though Jack only ended up using it to scare the pursuers. The human that had inadvertently gotten them into this mess led them to what he called the Silo, a gated area that was supposed to be safe for them.

"Show us your teeth!" one of the guards shouted.

It was an odd request but their pursuers were hot on their tail so they did as they were told without comment and only just got inside before their pursuers turned up, rambling about eating humans.

Once inside, the Doctor had just enough time to describe the TARDIS to the guards and extract a promise that they'd keep their eyes out for it before they went on a water collection run.

They poked around a bit in areas that if they were supposed to be in wouldn't have been locked and discovered a rocket.

"But if the universe is ending all over then where can this 'utopia' possibly be?" Gus asked. "They'd need a time machine, not a rocket."

"The coordinates to Utopia are all we have, I'm afraid," a genial-looking old man sad ruefully. "Maybe it won't work but trying's better than just waiting around for this place to die as well, don't you think?"

"Absolutely," the Doctor said firmly.

"Is one of you the Doctor?" the man asked.

"That's me," the Doctor said with a slight grin. "Name and job description all in one."

The man nodded his head before grabbing the Doctor's hand and pulling him along. "Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good."

"It's always nice to be appreciated," the Doctor remarked. "So who are you, anyway?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the man apologized. "Dreadfully rude of me. My name is Professor Yana."

Shawn froze. "Yana?"

Yana frowned. "Yes, why?"

"Doctor, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Shawn asked nervously.

"Rarely if ever," the Doctor assured him.

"Oh, you're no fun," Shawn complained. "Gus?"

"You Are Not Alone," Gus declared dramatically.

"Huh," the Doctor observed. "Strange that we'd run into a Yana after all. Maybe this means I'm supposed to help save the human race at the end of everything. I do so hope that's what it means."

"I'm not sure I quite follow what you are talking about but I hope so as well," Yana said sincerely.

"Chan—welcome—tho," a blue humanoid creature greeted them enthusiastically.

Yana ignored her as he started showing the Doctor around his workshop.

"Out of curiosity, are you going to do that every time you speak and if so, why?" Shawn asked.

"Chan—but of course—tho," she confirmed. "Chan—my name is Chantho and is would be terribly rude if I did not—tho."

"And it is terribly annoying already," Shawn muttered.

"You really do need a higher annoyance threshold," Gus told him seriously.

Jack smiled at her. "Captain Jack Harnkess."

"Stop it," the Doctor told him.

"Can't I say hello to anybody?" Jack asked innocently.

"You know what you're doing," the Doctor accused.

Chantho giggled. "Chan—I do not mind—tho."

"They never do," Jack told them. "And even if I were having some ulterior motive, why are you so deadest against me getting laid? Between that and your cruelly abandoning me while you went gallivanting off with Rose, I'm starting to think that you just don't like me."

"That or he's jealous," Gus pointed out.

Jack snapped his fingers. "You know, I actually hadn't thought of that but it would explain so much."

"You three aren't allowed to talk to each other," the Doctor said, mildly annoyed.

"So do you have any ideas, Doctor?" Yana asked hopefully.

The Doctor coughed awkwardly. "Well…that is to say…no."

Yana's face fell. "Nothing?"

"I'm not from around these parts. I've never seen a system like it. Sorry," the Doctor said apologetically.

"Have you ever thought about the fact that he apologizes about three times as much as a normal person?" Shawn asked.

"And about ten times as much as you do," Gus replied.

Shawn shrugged. "I've never claimed to be normal."

"I don't either these days," Jack told them. "Of course, that doesn't have to be a bad thing."

"If you don't mind me asking, what are those things from outside?" Gus asked. "And why do they want to eat us?"

"Well, we're not entirely certain why they want to do that," Yana admitted. "No one's gotten close enough to study them and lived to tell the tale, I'm afraid. Perhaps it's some superstition of theirs. We call them the Futurekind but that's a superstition of our own. It's what the people here fear that we will one day become unless we can reach Utopia."

"What is your Utopia?" the Doctor asked.

"Oh, every human knows of Utopia. Where have you been?" Yana asked, surprised.

"Bit of a hermit," the Doctor said in lieu of answering the question.

"A hermit with friends?" Yana asked skeptically.

"Hermits United. We meet up every ten years. Swap stories about caves. It's good fun…for a hermit," the Doctor said flippantly.

"It's always a nice surprise to see which of us survived the decade," Shawn said agreeably. "This is all getting a bit overwhelming, though. I vote we put our next meeting off for fifteen years into the future instead of the usual ten."

"Good idea," Jack agreed. "It should give us plenty of time to recuperate."

"Chan—you do not seem like conventional hermits—tho," Chantho noted.

"We live to defy stereotypes," Gus said with perfect seriousness.

" So, um, Utopia?" the Doctor asked to get them back on track.

"The call came from across the stars over and over again. Come to Utopia. Originated from that point," Yana said, pointing to the map on his screen.

"That sounds suspicious," Shawn noted.

"You think everything is suspicious," Gus noted.

"Well, yeah," Shawn said, rolling his eyes. "Kind of my job."

"Where is that?" the Doctor asked, intrigued.

"Oh, it's far beyond the Condensate Wilderness. Out towards the wildlands and the dark matter reefs. Calling us in. The last of the humans. Scattered across the night," Yana said poetically.

"What do you think's out there?" the Doctor wondered.

"I don't know. A colony, a city, some sort of haven? The Science Foundation created the Utopia Project thousands of years ago to preserve mankind—to find a way of surviving beyond the collapse of reality itself. Now perhaps they found it. Perhaps not," Yana said, not sounding particularly perturbed by the uncertainty.

"Doesn't Utopia mean 'nowhere'?" Shawn asked.

Everyone turned to stare at him.

"What?" he asked defensively. "I was dating this girl once who was totally into classic literature so I read the Cliff Notes for More's Utopia."

Yana coughed. "Well, perhaps that is true as far as the etymology of the word is concerned but we're rather hoping that our Utopia does exist and that it will be our salvation. It doesn't even have to be perfect, really, so long as it is better than here. There's really nothing for us here and there might be something there. Wouldn't you say that it's at least worth a look?"

The Doctor nodded earnestly. "Oh, yes. It's always better to reach for hope is what I always say. And the signal keeps modulating, so it's not automatic. There's a good sign. Someone's out there. And that's…ooh, that's a navigation matrix, isn't it? So you can fly without stars to guide you." He glanced over at noticed Yana spacing out. "Professor?"

Yana jumped. "I…Right, that's enough talk. There's work to do. Now if you could leave. Thank you."

The Doctor wasn't ready to let it go just yet. "Are you sure that you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Yana snapped. "And very, very busy."

"I should say so," the Doctor drawled. "That rocket's not going anywhere. This footprint mechanism thing, it's not working."

Yana stiffened. "We'll find a way."

Shawn nodded wisely. "Life always finds a way."

Gus rolled his eyes. "Stop ripping off Jurassic Park."

"You're stuck on this planet. And you haven't told them, have you?" the Doctor asked knowingly. "That lot out there, hey still think they're gonna fly."

"And what would you have me do?" Yana demanded. "Let them know that we're not going anywhere? That there might be a place where we could live in peace without the threat of extinction hanging over our heads but we're not going to get there because I'm not smart enough? We're living on borrowed time as it is. Either this planet will become inhabitable as well or the Futurekind will find a way past our defenses and kill us all. It is so wrong to let the people live in hope?"

"It's never wrong," the Doctor said softly. "And if you don't mind letting me try something…"

"By all means," Yana invited. "We've been at an impasse for some time now anyway. Any new idea would be welcomed."

"This new science is well beyond me," the Doctor admitted, "but all the same, a boost reversal circuit, in any time frame, must be a circuit which reverses the boost." He fished his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket. "So, I wonder, what would happen if I did this?"

"Chan—it's working—tho!" Chantho gasped, awed.

"But…how did you do that?" Yana asked incredulously.

The Doctor grinned, delighted at his success and what it would mean for all of these people. "Oh, we've been chatting away. I forgot to tell you, I'm brilliant. Modest, too, but whenever you go and tell someone something like that, it always makes you look a bit conceited."

"You?" Gus asked innocently. "Never."

The Doctor and Professor Yana were happily chatting about how brilliant they both were – a topic that they seemed to be thoroughly enjoying – when they received a message from the last team to have been out.

"Professor, tell the Doctor we've found his blue box."

"Wonderful timing," the Doctor said cheerfully. "If they hadn't then I'd have had to risk going out alone since everyone's leaving."

Yana cocked his head. "Going out alone? That's suicide! Just how importance is that box to you?"

"He cares about it more than us," Shawn offered. "Although what exactly that means is entirely up to your interpretation."

"No I don't," the Doctor said unconvincingly. "But never mind that! Professor, it's a it's a wild stab in the dark, but I may just have found you a way out. Hold on." He ran to the TARDIS and brought back a long power line. "Extra power," he explained before inserting it into an outlet. "Little bit of a cheat, but who's counting? Jack, you're in charge of the retro-feeds."

"Chan—Professor, are you all right—tho?" Chantho asked anxiously.

Yana waved her off. "Yes, I'm fine, I'm fine. It will pass. Just get on with it, please."

"Pardon me but…what will pass?" the Doctor asked curiously. "Are you sick?"

"Nothing like that," Yana assured him. "Well…not physically. You might be able to make an argument for me being sick in the head, though."

"Chan—don't say that—tho!" Chantho exclaimed.

"What do you mean?" the Doctor asked, frowning.

"As far back as I can remember I've always heard this nonstop drumming," Yana explained. "Day in and day out, it's there. I've learned to tune it out, mostly, but sometimes it's more overwhelming than others."

"I had a friend who heard drumming once," the Doctor said conversationally.

"What happened to him?" Yana asked.

"Well…he killed a lot of people and tried to take over the universe. Quite a bit, actually," the Doctor answered. "He's long dead, though."

"Perhaps I'd rather not know…" Yana said slowly.

"That's probably for the best," the Doctor agreed.

"What I don't get," Shawn remarked idly, "is how one of the Futurekind even got in here in the first place. Don't they obsessively check everyone's teeth before letting them in?"

"Maybe they found a way to fool the guards," Gus suggested.

"They didn't appear all that bright," Shawn said doubtfully. "I don't know what that says about the guards…"

One of the Futurekind had managed to sabotage the systems and caused radiation to flood the chamber that they needed to get into to fix the problem. It really was fortunate that they just happened to have a universal fact with them and so Jack and the Doctor were off dealing with that problem.

"If you don't mind me asking, just what is so important about that blue box of yours?" Yana asked them.

"It's our transportation," Gus explained. "It's called a TARDIS. We're not actually from around here but the TARDIS can travel through time."

Yana appeared to be having difficulty focusing. "Time travel. They say there was time travel back in the old days. I never believed. But what would I know? I'm just a stupid old man. Never could keep time. Always late, always lost. Even this thing never worked."

"A 'stupid old man' who managed to pull off a miracle," Shawn pointed out, turning to face the Professor. His eyes widened as they landed on the watch Yana was holding. "What's that?"

"It's an old relic, just like me," Yana said bouncing the watch from one hand to the other. "I don't know why I have it but it was the only thing I was found with so even if it's useless, it felt…wrong to be parted from it."

"Shawn, is that…" Gus breathed.

"Professor, this is a strange coincidence but our friend actually has a watch just like that!" Shawn exclaimed. "He had some problems with it, too, but it worked just fine in the end. How about you let me borrow that and I'll see about getting it fixed?" Without waiting for an answer, he snatched the watch from Yana.

"Well…I suppose there's no harm in trying," Yana said reluctantly. "And it's not as if it isn't already broken."

"I find your lack of faith disturbing," Shawn said sadly, shaking his head. "I'll be right back."

"WE'LL be right back," Gus corrected.

With that, the pair all but ran from the room.

"Why did you take the watch?" Gus asked him. "I mean, I know it probably means that Yana is like John Smith but shouldn't we have encouraged him to open it?"

Shawn shook his head. "Not without the Doctor there. What if he's evil? He could steal the TARDIS or kill us or something."

"If he was evil then why would he be trying to save the human race?" Gus asked reasonably.

Shawn shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe the human him isn't. He probably isn't evil. But do you really want to take that chance?"

"At least now we know what the Face of Boe was talking about," Gus remarked as they reached the Doctor.

"Did someone say the Face of Boe?" Jack asked curiously.

"Yes, why?" Gus asked. "Do you know him?"

Jack gave them a strange look. "Know him? I am him. I grew up on the Boeshane Peninsula. It's a tiny little place; I wouldn't be surprised if you'd never heard of it. I was the first one ever to be signed up for the Time Agency and everyone was just so proud of me they started calling me the Face of Boe."

"And I guess that explains how he knew about this," Shawn said, shaking his head. "We should have made him give us more information."

"He was dying, Shawn," Gus said reprovingly.

"Dying, huh? Permanently?" Jack asked hopefully.

"We think so, yeah," Gus confirmed. "Or if you did come back – if it was you, that is – then it took longer than we've seen it take you."

"Let's not get into that," the Doctor said quickly. "Was there something you needed?"

In response, Shawn held up the watch.

The Doctor's forehead crinkled. "What are you doing with that?"

"We borrowed it from Professor You Are Not Alone," Shawn replied. "We thought you'd probably know what to do with it."

"I'm failing to see the significance of you two having the same watch," Jack announced.

"It's not just a watch," the Doctor said distractedly, taking the watch from Shawn. "This thing, this device, it rewrites biology, changes a Time Lord into a human."

"So does this mean that he's a Time Lord?" Jack asked. "Looks like you're not the only one after all."

"This could be good," the Doctor said hesitantly. "Depending on which one, this could be very good. It could also be very bad. What did he say?"

"Something something…he was found with it a long time ago and it never worked. He probably never opened it. He was looking at it like he couldn't quite see it," Shawn replied. "I didn't really stick around long enough to grill him but you can do that once we get back."

"Do you have any idea who this could be?" Gus asked curiously.

The Doctor nodded grimly. "Of course. Who else?"

"…Who?" Shawn asked blankly.

"The Master," the Doctor revealed.

"That sounds a bit pretentious," Gus noted.

The Doctor laughed. "Oh, but it is. Thank God you took that watch, Shawn. If you hadn't…well, this might have ended very badly. He knows how to fly a TARDIS, after all, and would have no problem just stranding us here with the Futurekind."

"So what are you going to do with him if he's so evil?" Jack asked. "I can't imagine you killing him when Yana is so helpful. Are you just going to leave him?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Maybe if things were different but as it is…he's the only other Time Lord in existence. I'm going to have to take him with me."

Gus pulled Shawn over to the side and they had an intense silent conversation which Gus won.

"Doctor, we're very happy for you," Gus said sincerely. "I'm not sure that I understand exactly why you want to go travelling around with someone that, if I interpreted your earlier conversation with Yana about the drums correctly, is a genocidal maniac who wants to take over the universe but it's your life."

"We just think that maybe it would be…" Shawn trailed off, wincing. "Safer if when this was over you took us back home. We'd probably just get in the way of however you intend to deal with the Master anyway."

The Doctor looked surprised and a little hurt but he quickly covered it. "Sure, yeah, you're absolutely right. I'm not sure how the Master ended up here and human when I knew him to be dead but it will probably be awhile before he's safe around anyone…if he ever gets there."

"On that cheery note, we might as well go tell Yana and Chantho about this," Jack suggested.

The quartet somberly made their way back to the TARDIS.

"Doctor!" Yana exclaimed. "We did it! I never thought…but we did!"

The Doctor forced a smile. "Yeah, we did. It's because we're brilliant, really. Listen, I have news for you. You see this watch?" He helped up Yana's watch.

Yana frowned. "Yes, that's mine. Did you manage to fix it?"

The Doctor shook his head. "It's not broken."

"But…it doesn't tell time," Yana protested.

"It will," the Doctor promised. "But you kind of have to open it first."

"Chan—you have never opened it—tho?" Chantho couldn't believe it.

Yana's frown deepened. "Now that I think of it, I never have. Why is that, I wonder?"

"It's a perception filter," the Doctor explained. "You weren't supposed to open it."

"And why ever not?" Yana asked him.

"Because this isn't an ordinary watch and you are not an ordinary human," the Doctor said gravely. "I'm not actually human, you know, and neither are you. I mean, sure you are now but this watch contains the essence of a Time Lord. I should know, I did the same thing once, bit of a long story. If we open this watch in the right circumstances, it will turn you back into a Time Lord."

Yana looked befuddled. "Are you…are you sure?"

The Doctor nodded. "Positive. When I was human, I didn't really want to believe it either but it was true. Don't worry, you'll keep all your memories. Think of it as you having lived with amnesia for years and when you open this all of your memories will come flooding back."

"Chan—but this is wonderful—tho!" Chantho exclaimed. "I can't wait to see this."

The Doctor smiled sheepishly at her. "I'm afraid that the ritual is far too dangerous for witnesses, Chantho. I would be happy to take you wherever and, more to the point, whenever you want to go but you can't stay with me and Yana is going to have to for awhile in order to regain his memories. It's not easy to change one's species, after all."

Chantho looked upset. "Chan—but I—tho…"

"It's alright, Chantho," Yana promised. "Once I regain my memories, I'll make sure to seek you out at some point to let you know that I'm okay, if nothing else. And if it turns out that the Doctor is mistaken and I just have a watch that happens to look like a Time Lord essence-holder than I'll seek you out when this ritual fails. I promise."

Chantho smiled at him. "Chan—I thank you, Professor Yana—tho."

"He won't seek her out," the Doctor said quietly to them. "And it's probably for the best, too. Let her not see who he really is."

In the end, Chantho had asked to be taken to that very planet during her people's golden age several millennia prior to the end of the universe. She clearly wasn't happy to part with Professor Yana but she wasn't given much choice and she was glad for the opportunity for a new life.

Jack had been offered the chance to continue travelling with the Doctor. Since he couldn't die permanently he had less to fear from the Master and so he agreed to do so on the provision that the Doctor swear he wouldn't abandon him again and to take him back to Cardiff 2007 when they were done.

Jack was currently keeping an eye on Yana while Shawn and Gus got ready to leave.

"Hey Dad," Shawn said cheerfully.

"What do you want?" Henry asked suspiciously.

"I'm wounded that you would think that I'm only calling you because I want something," Shawn told him with mock-hurt in his voice.

"Does that mean that you don't want something?" Henry demanded.

"Well…no, actually," Shawn admitted.

"I knew it," Henry said triumphantly. "If you need help with a case, come talk to me in person. I'm not going to do this with you over the phone."

"It's not about a case," Shawn promised. "I just need you to be at the police station at noon, okay?"

"What?" Henry asked, surprised. "Why?"

"Just be there, okay? I promise you that you'll be glad that you did," Shawn told him before hanging up.

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" the Doctor asked wistfully.

Shawn nodded. "Gus and I are a packaged deal and he draws the line at genocidal maniacs hell-bent on universal domination."

"You really should, too," Gus told him.

Shawn shrugged. "I don't need to if you're here to do it for me."

Gus nodded. "True."

"I suppose that's fair," the Doctor admitted. "I guess I'll just miss having someone around who likes me and isn't one of the most unnatural things I've ever seen."

"Well, you did invite them," Shawn pointed out.

"Of course I did," the Doctor agreed. "Sometimes I think I'll never learn."

"Listen, Doctor, if you ever want to look us up someday after you and the Master have gone your separate ways or he's a bit…saner," Gus offered delicately, "then we'd love to travel with you again."

"We really really would," Shawn seconded. "It's just that right now we need to get back to our lives and you really have your work cut out for you. I'm glad you have Jack. He seems awesome."

"Jack should be a help," the Doctor agreed. "But I will miss you. We had some good times, didn't we?"

Shawn grinned. "The best."

"I don't think I've ever eaten so much pineapple before," the Doctor marveled. "It's really a good thing this regeneration likes it."

"I have no idea how I'm going to be able to face some of our cases knowing that any one of them could be an actual deadly alien instead of a fraud," Gus confessed.

"I'm sure you'll manage," the Doctor assured him. "You managed with the actual aliens well enough, didn't you?"

"So…Doctor…since this is the last time we'll be seeing you – at least for awhile – and we probably did save the universe from whatever the Master would have done if he had opened the watch on his own, do you think-" Shawn started to say.

The Doctor rolled his eyes and tossed the psychic paper his way. "What the hell. You've earned it."

"Sweet!" Shawn cheered as he caught it. "You are seriously my favorite alien ever. And definitely the one with the best hair."

The Doctor grinned. "Thanks."

"You will keep in touch, won't you?" Gus asked him. "I mean, I have to admit that I'm morbidly curious about how this whole Master rehabilitation thing is going to work and we might need you if we come across any more aliens in our work."

"Well, I don't really have a phone and-" the Doctor began.

Gus held out his own phone. "No excuses."

The Doctor sighed as he accepted it. "No excuses."

"We'll try to keep the drunk dialing to a minimum," Shawn promised.

The Doctor laughed. "I appreciate it."

A comfortable silence fell over them.

"Well…this is it," the Doctor said finally. "For now, at least."

Gus nodded and headed for the door.

"No, let me go first!" Shawn insisted, grabbing one last pineapple off the console. "I'm the psychic, after all. Doctor, don't forget to say the line."

"I won't, I won't," the Doctor assured him, amused.

Shawn pushed open the TARDIS door and stepped out into the middle of the Santa Barbara police station. His father, the chief, Lassiter, Jules, and what appeared to be most of the officers on duty were staring in amazement at it and, once he emerged, him.

"Hey guys," Shawn said, pretending to be surprised. "What are you all doing here?"

"Spencer, what the hell is going on?" Lassiter demanded.

"We can't talk about that, I'm afraid," Gus apologized, stepping out behind Shawn.

"Quite right," the Doctor agreed, standing in the doorway of the TARDIS. "It's classified, I'm afraid. Shawn Spencer, Burton Guster," he shook both of their hand's, "Scotland Yard thanks you for your service and, more than that, the world thanks you. Your psychic gifts are truly magnificent." With that, he stepped back into the TARDIS and, in a moment, the blue box faded from view.

Everything was silent for a moment.

"Shawn, what exactly have you been up to these past few days?" Henry demanded finally.

"I'd love to talk about it, Dad," Shawn lied. "Tragically, I can't. Pineapple, anyone?"

It's the end so Review Please!