Chapter Twenty-Eight

Three hours later, of which he had spent the first two sleeping and the last watching the woman lying next to him, the Doctor disentangled himself from the bed sheets and donned his clothes. He was loath to leave Rose, but he needed to check the instruments.

After he had confirmed that they were still on course and that the tow rope was holding, he went to the galley for a mug of tea. When he opened the door he found Mickey sitting at the table, already nursing a cuppa. He prepared his own mug and took a seat as well.

"Where's Rose?" Mickey asked eventually.

"Sleeping. She's exhausted."

Mickey nodded. "She hasn't been sleeping well. Not since..." He trailed off, apparently not certain what he should tell the Doctor.

"Not since the invasion," the Doctor concluded, recognising Mickey's hesitation for what it was: an attempt to protect Rose. "She told me what happened with Jackie and Tony. She blames herself for it."

"Yeah, she's like you in that regard." Mickey shot the Doctor a hard look. "It was pretty bad. She still hasn't come to terms with it. With any of it. Since the day Tony was born she has always been very protective of him, and when he was abducted... I've tried to tell her that she had no choice, but she doesn't believe me. And Jackie... Before that day in the tunnels Rose refused to acknowledge that Jackie was dead. She kept telling us that the aliens would want something if they transmatted people."

"Well, she has a point there."

"Yeah. But she didn't even want to think about the possibility. Then she had to shoot that guy, and even though she did it to save Tony, she still blames herself. I think the last straw was that the Nameless just disappeared one day. Until then there still was a chance that we would get Jackie and all the others back, but afterwards... I can't be certain, but I think she believes that Jackie being gone is somehow her punishment for wanting not only to kill the guy holding a knife at Tony's throat, but also the other scumbags."

The Doctor stared at Mickey. "She thinks... what?"

"You don't have to tell me that that's rubbish, Doctor, I know that. And if you ask me, the world would be a better place if the other thugs had died, too, but this is Rose we're talking about."

Once again the two men shared another long look, then Mickey got up. "I'll try to catch another couple of hours sleep." At the door he turned around again. "Help her, Doctor. Please."

The Doctor nodded, acknowledging Mickey's words, even though he currently had no idea what to do. He stared at the empty mug in his fingers, lost in thought, and that's how Donna found him.

~o~o~o~

"From what you've told me, Rose either thinks that her mum being abducted by those aliens is her fault or that she deserves losing her for wanting to do something she didn't follow through with, and that she might lose you for exactly the same thing," Donna summarized what the Doctor had just told her.

"Pretty much, yeah. I've tried to tell her that that's not gonna happen, but I'm not sure she believes me."

"You know, Doctor, for someone who claims to be a genius, you can be exceptionally thick at times," she said conversationally.

The Doctor glared at her. "Donna..."

"Shut it, spaceman, and listen to me, because I'm going to explain 21th century human female to you. Telling her that is all good and well, but for us stupid humans sometimes that's not enough. There are times when we have to see to believe. I've no idea what you can do about the first part of her problem, unless you find a way to save her mum, but you need to show her that she's not gonna lose you."

"But-"

She interrupted him, looking at him as if he had just dribbled on his jumper. "Doctor, if you can use your connection to show her to fly the TARDIS, you can surely use it to show her what she means to you."

He stared at her, then broke into a smile. "Donna, you're brilliant!"

She grinned at him. "Call me Donna Noble, Supertemp."

~o~o~o~

Rose stretched under the sheets and yawned. She had had the best sleep in years, the best since... Then she suddenly realised where she was and sat up. "It's real."

"I know the feeling," the Doctor commented, and she turned to look at him. He was leaning against the headboard, clad in jeans and a jumper, a book in his lap.

"I thought… you'd be gone when I wake up," she said, suddenly remembering what had happened between them before she'd fallen asleep.

He shook his head. "I checked a couple of instruments and went to the galley for a mug of tea, but…" He paused and just took her in, then continued, "I needed to know you're really here."

"I don't plan to go anywhere. Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"Unless you send me away." She couldn't keep her voice from shaking.

"I won't."

"But..."

"I won't," he emphasised his earlier words. "Let me show you something," he said, reaching for her hand. She gave it to him without hesitation, and he carefully placed her fingers at his temple.

"You want to look into my mind?"

He shook his head. "No. I want you to look into mine. To see me for what I am, and to see you the way I do." He gave her an encouraging smile. "Just follow your instincts."

For the second time in just a few hours she closed her eyes and concentrated, searching for the place deep within her mind where her connection with both the TARDIS and the Doctor was located. But this time she didn't stop there. Instead she carefully spread her attention, not wanting to lose her concentration, but also instinctively knowing that she needed to follow the feeling of her fingers touching the Doctor's temple. For a millisecond there was resistance, until it was suddenly gone.

She found herself in a cavernous room that reminded her of the console room on the TARDIS, just without the console, and with several archways leading away from it, each of the arches decorated with carvings. Looking around, she noticed something she had not expected, not after watching the Doctor with Madame de Pompadour all those years ago, and especially not after him explaining in length about the necessity of shielding her mind.

"There are... no barriers, no closed doors," she said in astonishment.

"I don't need them. Not with you. All that I am, it's yours - forever," he told her earnestly, and she could feel the sincerity of his words reverberating in his mind.

"And what happens now?"

The room around her sparkled with his amusement. "Well, I could show you something, or you could take a tour first."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't mean it, Rose."

There was no hesitation, no doubt in his words. The offer was genuine, and that was all she needed to know.

"What did you want to show me?"

One of the archways suddenly began to glow, and she moved towards it. When she had reached it, she hesitated for a moment, absently noting that the carvings resembled those of the door to her old room on the TARDIS. Then she stepped through the arch, suddenly overwhelmed by memories and emotions.

His joy when she had agreed to come with him.

The insecurity when he'd brought her back to Earth after she had seen her planet burn, the underlying guilt because he had put her through this, the relief when she hadn't demanded to go home, and finally something else he hadn't been able to put a label on yet.

Being unable to do what he had to do, because he might lose her, and her unwavering faith in him.

Having his feelings for her shoved into his face by a Dalek, of all things, fear that she would die, and relief when she was still alive.

Her in a hot pink sleep shirt, grumpy before her first cup of tea, but lovely nonetheless.

Her acceptance and compassion when he told her what he had done to end the Time War.

His jealousy when seeing her with Jack, and wondering if she had really meant what he thought she had meant during their conversation about dancing.

A golden goddess, risking her own life for his, and his horror when her heart stopped for a few brief seconds that had felt like an eternity.

"You never even told me," she managed, slowly gaining on the emotional onslaught.

"I was afraid," he admitted.

"Of what?"

"That you'd decide this life wasn't for you after all. That I'd lose you."

The moment he decided to move forward instead of stepping back, unable to fight his feelings anymore, and no longer wanting to.

Watching her sleep afterwards, and almost every night after that, until...

Canary Wharf, and the desperation that came with it.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"What for?"

"If I had held onto that lever..."

"Not your fault."

"Not yours, either."

The hope when he realised that the bond was forming.

Her holding him when he told her about Skaro.

His hearts breaking for her when she told him how much she had wanted to kill the people who had abducted her beloved little brother, and his guilt because she had become so much like him.

And always, underlying every memory, interwoven with every emotion, his all-encompassing love for her.

She broke the connection and opened her eyes again, meeting his. Finally she understood what he had been trying to tell her, but what she had been unable to hear over the thoughts churning in her mind.

"I love you, too," she whispered, tears in her eyes.

"Shhh, don't cry," he said, cupping her cheek, then kissed her gently, barely touching her lips.

She sighed against him, parting her lips, and that was all the invitation he needed. He deepened the kiss, his tongue gliding against hers, making love to her mouth as if he wanted to devour her, and she responded fervently. It was probably too early, after all that had happened between them, but right now she didn't care. She had missed him so much. The times they had seen each other in their dreams had helped, but it hadn't been nearly enough.

Finally the Doctor broke the kiss and tugged at her t-shirt. The small gesture was enough to break the moment and reminded her of all the other things she had yet to tell him. Before he could remove the garment she crossed her arms over her chest in an instinctive gesture and shook her head, suddenly afraid what he might think.

He seemed to sense that something was wrong and let go of her, even retreated a bit. She winced. That felt like he was rejecting her. Intellectually she knew he wouldn't do that, that he was just trying to give her space, but that didn't help her sudden emotional confusion.

"Rose?" he asked tentatively.

She met his eyes and took a deep breath. Before she could think about it any longer, she removed her shirt, because if she did she'd probably chicken out.

The Doctor stared at her, for the moment unable to process what he was seeing. Then the analytical part of his brain kicked into gear, informing him with clinical precision about the nature of her injuries. Sometime during the last six years she had been attacked by something with rather impressive claws, received at least three graze wounds and what looked like a stab wound next to her navel, but it couldn't have been deep, because otherwise she most likely would have died. She would have died, and he'd never have known. His blood ran cold, and he closed his eyes for a moment. He didn't even have to ask why she hadn't told him. She would have assumed that he would only blame himself, for not securing her to that lever or for not getting to her sooner.

When he opened his eyes again Rose had the t-shirt in hand, about to don it again. He plucked the garment out of her fingers, a smile playing around his lips.

"What do you think you're doing, Rose?"

She looked at him questioningly.

He raised his eyebrows. "Last time I looked, making love to you worked better when we both were naked. Not that I mind shagging you senseless against any convenient surface when you're still more or less clothed, but right now I prefer you in our bed wearing as little as possible."

A tiny smile appeared on her face.

The Doctor smiled back and touched her shoulder to indicate that she should lie down. She complied and he knelt on the bed. Then he bent down to kiss the claw scars on her left shoulder and the remnants of the graze wound on her right, one of his thumbs drawing small circles on her waist, his other hand stroking the soft skin on her thigh. Studiously ignoring her chest, he moved to a mark two inches below her breast and pressed a kiss on the small scar. He kissed every single mark on her body until he reached the scar next to her navel. By then she was squirming beneath him, and he could smell her arousal.

"Doctor, please..."

"Please what?"

"Touch me. Please." There was a touch of impatience in her voice, a sentiment he understood all too well. It had been much too long for both of them. And even though he wanted nothing more than to bury himself in her heat, to reassure himself that she was really here, with him, he decided to savour the moment. The universe owed them that much.

"Oh, I intend to. Eventually." He gave her a positively filthy smile, hooked his fingers under the waistband of her knickers and removed the garment. Then he sat back, and for a few moments he did nothing but look at her, still fearing that it was just a dream and he would wake up. Rose Tyler naked and aroused on their bed was the most beautiful image he had ever seen in all his lives.

"Are you gonna stare at me all day or are you gonna make love to me, Doctor?" Rose asked, shaking him out of his thoughts. She gave him one of her tongue-in-cheek grins he had missed so much. "Even though that might work better if you were naked as well."

"Then do something about it," he challenged.

Needing no further encouragement, she moved to kneel in front of him and pulled his jumper over his head in one swift move. For a moment she stared at the planes of his torso, then ran her hands over his chest, as if mapping the territory. Next she attacked the buttons of his jeans with nimble fingers, revealing him to her, teasing him until he was ready to throw every intention of taking his time overboard.

He groaned. "Rose..."

She stopped immediately and sat back on her heels, while he took a deep breath in order to get himself back under control; then he got up and removed his jeans.

Rose moved to lie back onto the bed, her eyes never leaving his, and he wouldn't have been able to look away if he had tried.

"Doctor... I need you. I need to feel you. Please..."

Even though he had wanted to take his time, to savour the moment, his resolve crumbled at the sight of her on their bed. She disarmed him, every time. He entered her with one powerful thrust, and she groaned, the sound of pleasure laced with a trace of discomfort.

"Rose? Are you..."

She kissed him, silencing him effectively, then gave him a small smile. "Sorry. It's been awhile. I just need a moment to adjust."

She wrapped her legs around him, wriggling a bit. After a few seconds she began to move, and he picked up the slow rhythm she was setting. He bent down to kiss her, while she ran her hands over the muscles on his back. She moaned against him, and he took that as his cue to increase the pace. His strokes got longer, more powerful, and she met him thrust for thrust.

He had almost forgotten how it felt, how she felt, how she tasted. Even though the dreams had seemed real to him, they had still lacked that specific spark of life that only could be found in the physical world, that one thing that all those life forms that had ascended could never experience again. And nothing could ever compare to really holding Rose in his arms, making love to her.

He increased his speed even more, until his motions became almost frantic. His control was slipping, but he didn't care anymore. He needed this, needed her.

She moaned. "Doctor!"

"Come for me, Rose," he nearly begged. He touched her intimately, and that was enough to send her over the edge. She shattered around him, drawing him along.

He collapsed on top of her, completely spent. She held him, softly caressing his head with one hand, the other gliding over the smooth muscles of his back. Eventually he turned them, still buried in her. He didn't want to let her go, not yet. Not ever, if he could help it. Right now he needed to be connected to her, to reassure himself that this was really happening, that she had found her way back to him. He caressed her back and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear that had fallen into her face. She sighed against him, her body draped over his almost bonelessly.

Eventually he slipped out of her, still loath to stop touching her, and they moved until she was spooned against him.

"There's something that just occurred to me," he said eventually.

She turned slightly to look at him. "And that is?"

"I love you."

"It just occurred to you that you love me?" she asked, confused.

"No." He smiled at her. "It just occurred to me that I never told you in person."

She smiled back. "I love you, too."

Then she snuggled back into him, and he gently ran his hand over her arm until she finally drifted off to sleep.

He lightly kissed the crown of her head, wondering what else had happened to her in the last six years. This wasn't the Rose he had last kissed in the TARDIS, before they had left his ship to visit her mum. This also wasn't the Rose he had made love to in a pavilion that only existed in their minds. He probably wasn't the same person either. He knew they couldn't simply continue where they had left off, that they needed to get to know each other again. It wouldn't be easy, but it would be worth it.

If only he could help her to find out what had happened to Jackie. As he had already told Mickey, Rose had a point when she thought that the Nameless would never have abducted all those humans without a reason. And even though she had given up on the belief that Jackie was still alive, that didn't mean it was true. The walls between universes were still open, so maybe there still was a chance to get her back.

If it were anybody else, the odds would be somewhere below zero, but with Rose back at his side, maybe it was time to eliminate 'impossible' from his vocabulary.

And just before he followed Rose into sleep, the first outline of a plan began to form in his mind.

The End

A/N: Due to lack of time I have decided to stop posting to multiple sites. The sequel to this fic is called Into The Light and can be found on AO3 under the same username. I try to update once a month. Visit me there, if you like.