Get Us Back To You And Me

Staring deep into your eyes

Searching for answers to questions I can't find

If I took for granted that I held your heart

I'd beg forgiveness, but I don't know where to start

It had been four months since Dean and Haley separated, and still no peace or resolve had been found. Everyday was still a struggle. A struggle to live with what Dean had done. A struggle to live with Haley's choice to leave him for it. She had expected by now to have sort of closure. Even if the door wasn't fully closed, maybe it would at least begin to swing that way, but it wasn't. Every time she saw Dean those piercing emerald eyes of his still brought her to her knees. It wasn't just the beauty within them, the beauty that had made her fall so hard for him in the beginning. It was the love for her she still saw shining in his penetrating iris. Haley couldn't shake the love she felt for Dean either. No matter how hard she tried.

It was that bendable, but unbreakable love that had her parked outside of his motel that day. Haley wasn't entirely sure what she was doing there. What she hoped to accomplish. She wasn't excusing his mistakes. That wasn't a bind she could easily unlock, but something inside her heart wanted to try. Try what? To forgive him? To reunite her family? Staring out her windshield as she loitered in that parking lot, the sun filling her car with saturated heat, Haley wasn't sure what she wanted, but she was there just the same. And maybe, that said all that needed to be said about her intent.

Finally gathering her nerve to face him, Haley stepped from her car. Her eyes glued to her feet, and every step they took as she reached the sidewalk, and stepped upon it. Sucking in a deep breath to clear her mind and heart, Haley lifted her head, and glanced to Dean's room. Ready or not, she was going to will herself to do this. To see him, To see what her heart wanted.

To her complete surprise his door was open. He was standing in the doorway, the sun blazing down on him like he was some sort of Greek god on display, but he wasn't alone. A pretty blonde stood before him deep in conversation. From that distance Haley couldn't make out their words, but she noted the woman's smile as she flirted with her estranged husband. The look on Dean's face, the one he made when he was being a charmer.

Haley's worst fears were realized in that heart pounding moment, Dean wasn't in the same agony she was. He wasn't having trouble moving on. He may have loved her once, but the feelings were fading, and she was easily being replaced on the opposite side of his bed.

Her chest tightened, making it hard to breath as Haley watched unable to move. Flashbacks from the other nightmare day she had caught him with someone else. Finally her heart jumped into gear to protect herself. Insistently it screamed at her… Run!

The pain in her chest so strong, Haley turned on her heels, heading back for her car. Hoping to go unnoticed.

The glint from a dark rust colored leather jacket as the sun beat down on it caught Dean's attention out of the corner of his eye. His orbs irresistibly drifted to it, instantly he spotted her. Haley's hair identified her in a second, the shining shades of burgundy and copper. Dean's heart jumped into motion with the mere sight of her. Giving a quick goodbye to the woman standing before him, Dean took off after Haley. His feet pounding the pavement as he ran to her. "Haley!" His voice hollered dry and deep, but her step never stopped.

Reaching her just as she stepped to her car, Dean grabbed her shoulder, and spun her to face him. "Haley," He repeated breathlessly, shocked and amazed she was actually there, standing before him. He could see Jamie wasn't with her, and that was the only time they saw each other these days. His heart suspended with a quiet hope that she had come there for a reason, something good.

I've never been so at loss

I'm at a canyon I can't get around or cross

So baby come down here, lay by my side

And tell me love's not lost across the great divide

Catching his eyes briefly, Haley shook her head insistently. "This was a bad idea." She spoke rapidly, more for herself then even him.

Her words sent Dean's head shaking in disagreement. "No it wasn't… No it wasn't." He repeated, his tongued tied trying to find better words to convince her. Their eyes caught, and held for a moment. Not a word between them, too much to say, no where to start.

Taking the lead, Dean spoke up. "Lets go inside." He suggested, his head giving a tilt toward his door.

Silently Haley stared at him a moment, contemplating it. Trying to figure out if it was a good idea or if she should just go, but despite her uncertainty she found her head nodding in agreement. The same way she had found herself driving to his motel in the first place.

A weak, but elated smile twitched on the corners of Dean's tempting mouth with her answer. Slowly he reached out for her hand, but just when he got close, Haley swiftly folded her arms to her chest, and started up for his door.

Shot down, at this point Dean wasn't surprised, but what did surprise him was the way it always stung. No matter how many times it happened. No matter the common place it had become.

Following Haley inside his motel room that had become his home the last four months, Dean had taken a hiatus from hunting when his family fell apart. Feeling he had to stay there, and fight for them. The job could wait, because if he hit the road now he might as well never come back, nothing would be waiting for him.

Closing the door, Dean watched Haley's gaze shoot to his bed before she quickly took a seat in the chair beside the plywood table. He didn't even need her to say it, Dean knew Haley well enough to know she worried if she sat on his bed he'd misinterpret her message as inviting. Though Dean had no doubts these days they wouldn't be doing anything that involved a bed.

Going to his dresser, Dean leaned his weight against it as his piercing emerald eyes fell to Haley. A warming sensation filled his veins with her image. "So what brings you here?" Slowly his thick gritty breath questioned. Trying not to hold his breath that she brought good news for them for once. That she had missed him as badly as he had missed her.

Haley's hands wrung nervously on the tabletop for a moment, before her gaze abruptly shot to Dean, pointed and firm. "Are you sleeping with her?" Her tone came out quietly, but edged with bitterness. After last time Haley wouldn't and couldn't be naïve anymore. And she'd be lying if she pretended the idea of him with someone else didn't hurt.

Dean's eyebrows furrowed deeply together with her question as his gaze narrowed on the wife he missed so much, trying to understand what she was talking about.

"With who?" He questioned for better clarification. Since 'she' was a term vague enough to mean just about anyone of the female population.

Haley's eyes zeroed in deep on Dean with an all knowing glare as if this answer should be so easy. As if she should worry there were dozens more where the one at his doorstep came from.

Knowing Haley's look meant he should already know the answer, Dean racked over his brain. Making sure he got his answer right when he gave it. That's when it hit him, of course, the woman he was talking to when she showed up. A smirk briefly perked up on Dean's pout with the easy answer. "No, she's the motel manger. I forgot to pay her for this week, that's all." He explained the simple truth, hoping she'd believe it, believe him.

Haley's eyes hung on Dean's trying to see if she could take this answer from him, or if she could see signs of deception lurking in his gaze.

You're my destiny and destination, Understand my desperation

The only place I wanna be, So get us back to you and me

Seeing her hesitancy, knowing he more then earned it, a sadness filled Dean's emerald orbs as they held steady with her chestnut pair. "Trust me," He begged in a heavy whisper thick off his breath.

Gazing into Dean's pleading eyes Haley wanted to remind him that was the problem, she didn't know how to trust him anymore. Trusting him was a leap of faith, and twice as scary, but looking into his vulnerable emerald eyes she saw something… Honesty. He didn't always show her his emotions, but Haley knew Dean well enough to know when they were genuine, and looking inside his eyes in that moment she knew he wasn't lying. Going against her warning inners, Haley nodded silently. Admitting that she did in fact trust him on this one small thing, in this small step forward.

A smile etched at the corner of Dean's lips as hope crept it's way into his heart. Maybe there was hope for them after all. Taking the moment by the hand Dean went to her. Taking a seat across from Haley at the table. His heart pounding with the closeness as he held her orbs the entire way until they were just two feet apart. She hadn't broken his gaze yet, the look in her eyes sent something bubbling up from within him. His heart needed to reach out to her. To try again. Somehow he felt this was his chance. That she might finally hear him. His hand slipping forward, Dean took her delicate hand that was on the table, and laced it with his own, for once she didn't even flitch. Licking his dry lips, Dean found himself being vulnerable and open in a way that was like pulling teeth for him, but for Haley he'd gladly do it, and so much more. "Give me one more chance… I'll never make that mistake twice… You, me, Jamie, I want us to be a family again." Dean poured his heart out, bare and raw. His deepest desire, his strongest promise, he'd give anything to have her and Jamie back. Every word poured deep and powerful from his eyes locked with hers.

The plea in his emerald orbs shot through Haley, straight to her heart. This was her husband. A man she promised she'd love forever, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. Right or wrong, she did still love him. His heart out on the line, begging for one more try. Part of Haley wanted to give him that. Part of her wanted him back in the worst way. In a way that made no logical sense after what he had done, but the truth was what he had done didn't take away all the years they spent together, all the great memories they made. In the beginning she had thought it did, but it hadn't. The love was still there, the moments still cherished. It was the lack of trust, fear of being burned again, and the pain that still lingered that made this a mountain to climb.

Slipping her hand from his, Haley rose from her seat. Shaking her head lightly to get clarity on the moment, Haley lost site of his eyes as she gave him the truth. "It's not that simple, Dean. You broke my heart. I can't just forgive and forget." Dean had been brutally honest with her, and now Haley was with him, because anymore lies between them now, and they'd truly be done forever.

Rising from his seat, Dean followed her, because he'd follow her to ends of the earth if she'd let him. Standing before his estranged wife, finding her eyes. Taking them as his own once again, he lay himself before her willing to do anything to get her back.

"Tell me what you need. I'll do whatever it takes. Hell, I'd go to counseling if you think it will patch us up, but I'm asking you for one more chance… just one more chance, Hales." For such a strong closed off man the emotion was suffocating it was so thick in his eyes as Dean meant every word he said with the deepest sincerity.

Haley saw it in Dean's eyes, it was undeniable that he wanted to fix them more then anything, and part of her wanted that too. She still loved him. He was Jamie's father, her family. If she was honest with herself she'd see that's why she came to his place today. What he was asking of her was terrifying. He could screw it all up again, and break her heart worse, but looking in his eyes something in her heart quietly whispered He wouldn't.

The moment held in it's thickness and weight. In it's life altering possibility. So much hinged on her answer. Taking a deep breath of reassurance, Haley gave him her verdict. "Ok… Lets try counseling. We'll start there. See where it goes, but no more secrets, Dean. You can't hide yourself from me anymore, or this will never work." Haley conceded, this time it was her heart hanging out on the line. She had promised her son everything would be ok, and deep inside that's what she wanted too.

Haley's insides rattled with fear. She was leaving herself vulnerable, and out in the open, this could all blow up in her face. He had hurt her once, but she knew he also loved her too. In his own twisted way.

An explosive smile filled Dean's face. Not one of his sexy smirks, but one of his beautiful smiles that reminded her of a kid in a candy shop, and filled her insides with tingles as if she were still a school girl. Dean felt like he was on cloud nine, higher then the skies. He understood this wasn't forgiveness. She wasn't his again, but he had gotten what he prayed for so desperately… A chance to get his family back.

Haley hadn't forgiven him, but she was willing to try. For her beloved son Jamie, for her love of Dean that never died, and for herself, Haley would try.

Softly Dean's rough textured palm cupped Haley's cheek with love. Their eyes met and held in a moment they'd never forget. This was the start of something…

Draw me a map that leads me back to you

I don't know where to go, please tell me what to do

Help me find the road you're on, I just need directions home… D

raw me a map that leads me back to you

All I Need Is Your Hand

Won't you let me give you a hand, I have an extra I'm not using

Won't you let me lighten your load, I mean after all your legs are shaking

A week later Dean and Haley sat in an office with neutral colored walls, on a couch so soft one could almost wonder if it was meant to induce the sense of relaxation and comfort. Dean and Haley sat side by side, but still apart, each on their own cushion.

Haley hadn't let him move back into the house. Not yet, she said they still had a few vital issues they had to overcome before she could live with him again. Waiting was hard, but worth it. Victory and hope hung on the horizon. All they had to do was make the journey to it, to the end of the earth. They had purposefully kept Jamie scant on the details. Always trying to keep their little boy out of their marriage issues and not wanting to get his hopes up before anything was cast in stone, but the brilliant little boy knew. Even without a word being spoken he picked up the difference between his parents, and it filled that precious little boy with the greatest sense of joy. His mommy and daddy would be together again, he felt so sure of it in his heart.

So here they were, trying to climb a mountain, because they had finally realized their family was worth fighting for. It had taken losing everything, and enduring some painful contemplative time apart, but finally they got here.

A tall slender brunette sat directly across from Dean and Haley in an oversized lounge chair. A manila folder opened on her lap as her eyes danced over the page that lay hidden inside. Closing the folder slowly, her gaze shot up to the couple across from her as a gentle welcoming smile lightened her face and softened her features.

"Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Winchester. Why don't we start off by having you tell me in your own words why you're here, and what you'd like to accomplish from our time together." Dr. Parker's voice came out soothing and calm as her gaze drifted slowly from Haley to Dean, and back again. A look of understanding in her eyes as she waited to hear what would bring this couple to her practice.

Haley and Dean looked to each other with Dr. Parker's words. A question passed between their eyes, who was going to speak first, what were they going to say.

Seeing a nervousness in Dean's orbs, the hesitance he always got when it came to sharing his emotions with those he trusted, let alone strangers, Haley stepped up to the plate.

Her eyes turned back to the doctor as she gazed at a woman she had just met, Haley found her throat tightening with nerves. Sharing your deepest struggles with a complete stranger wasn't as easy as it looked. Swallowing hard in hopes to dislodge the lump forming in her throat, Haley spoke up, her voice meek and quiet at first. "We've… We've been going through a rough patch in our marriage lately… Dean…" Her lips stalled, the next words she was about to say were heavy on her tongue, and willed to stay hidden inside her mouth, but Haley needed to set them free. "…Dean was unfaithful a few months back…"

The words burned on her lips, but somewhere inside a weight lifted off her heart for finally admitting those words to an outsider. Looking inward Haley didn't want it to seem like she was solely blaming him as if she held no responsibility in this mess, because she knew we all play a role in the tragedies of our life. "I've made my fair share of mistakes too… I tried to change who he was… I let myself believe things were perfect when inside I knew we were in trouble…" Her breath grew heavy as Haley admitted things she'd only ever acknowledged were true in her quietest, loneliest moments, but if they were going to do this it was time to be honest. It was time to face the truth, including it's ugly shades as well.

Hearing those words off his wife's breath, finally realizing she knew more about what was tearing them apart then he ever conceived, Dean finally saw they both had been hiding things. Her brutal honesty sunk in deep into his heart and in that moment he admired Haley, even more then usual. For the strength it took to say those words, for the self reflection it took to even admit that to herself. Her fearlessly and courage amazed him.

Swept up in the moment her honesty had brought forth, Dean reached out, and softly with the most loving touch took his wife's hand into his own.

And I can understand, All I need is your hand

Oh won't you take the fall

It is me after all

Haley's breathe stilled with Dean's supportive hold, her chestnut eyes turned to him with the embrace that not only held her hand, but her heart too.

A gentle heartfelt smile curled Dean's lips as affectionate empathy shone from his eyes.

Giving her hand a good little squeeze, Dean was finally ready to speak. Turning back to the doctor he found his lips opening ready to give the truth on why he was there.

"We're here to save our marriage." Dean's words came off thick and gritty with his trademark tone, but there was something deep and meaningful in it too.

A smile slipped over Haley's mouth with Dean's words, and the way they rang true in her heart. Hearing his hope that showed his commitment to this, to them, Haley knew that was exactly what they were trying to do, Save their marriage, because it was worth the battle to preserve. Because they really did love each other. They had finally done it, this was the break through they needed.

No one said this would be easy. They had a long road ahead of them. With no guarantees at the end, but that's life. There will always be a struggle. Up's and down's, joyous life altering moments, and ones that leave you crawling in the dirt. Life's not about that though. It's about discovering what's worth trying to keep in the battle of life. What makes the beautiful moments worth living. What will make the bad times worth pulling through. Dean and Haley had lost their way, lost sight of that, but finally they had found what mattered most to them, and was ready to never let it go again.

I'd be lying if I ran away

I'd be lying if I ran another way…

And so I'll stay

Greg Laswell "I'd Be Lying"

"Map To You" Dierks Bentley

Note: I can understand not all of you are going to like the way this story ended. I hope this story ends the way you want! It is a story of struggle but it is also a story of love. Of the love of a family... Haley, Dean, Jamie, Sam, and Brooke. Of the love between two people who in the face of their greatest struggle find that their love is in fact unbreakable.